I am involved with a man who has 3 years clean and who is very active and committed to working the program. I have lots of questions as I am eager to learn how I can be supportive and understanding of his continued recovery journey. So here it goes and I appreciate any and all responses, guidance, etc.
1. Are there certain triggers for relapse I should be aware of?
2. Is there additional stress for the addict in being in a relationship with a non-addict?
3. Are statements like " I feel the demons" and "I'm on unstable ground" indicative of impending relapse or just awareness that the need to work the steps is very pressing?
4. Should I consider joining Al-anon if he is currently not drinking/using?
Hi there
My view on your questions is:
1. his triggers are his problem, not yours and don't worry about them :)
2. there should be no stress for him being in a relationship with you, especially since you werent around when he was using. If he was, he might be holding onto some resentment.
3. Are statements like " I feel the demons" and "I'm on unstable ground"? Well there is always a chance he will relapse.. do you want to be with him if he might relapse? If the answer is no then get out now. You can't spend the rest of your life worrying about whether or not he will relapse.
4. Should I consider joining Al-anon if he is currently not drinking/using? Absolutely! Al Anon, Nar Anon and Co Anon are all good options :)
good luck!
My view on your questions is:
1. his triggers are his problem, not yours and don't worry about them :)
2. there should be no stress for him being in a relationship with you, especially since you werent around when he was using. If he was, he might be holding onto some resentment.
3. Are statements like " I feel the demons" and "I'm on unstable ground"? Well there is always a chance he will relapse.. do you want to be with him if he might relapse? If the answer is no then get out now. You can't spend the rest of your life worrying about whether or not he will relapse.
4. Should I consider joining Al-anon if he is currently not drinking/using? Absolutely! Al Anon, Nar Anon and Co Anon are all good options :)
good luck!
Stephie,
You are so sweet. This gentleman is fortunate to have you in his life. It sounds like you feel the same way about him.
Now I don't know anything, but personally I would say you shouldn't have to worry at all. The fact that you are concerned seems to me you're not listening to your gut. Perhaps you are a bit worried about this.
If that guy is saying things about demons, and stuff I would head for the hills. At this place, and time I truly would. Run, and run quick. That's me though. You shouldn't have to be listening for subtle hints or anything. That is NOT your job. Your not his mom or his caretaker. You worry about YOU. I know that sounds callous, but being an addict I know when I would lay that trip on someone I was not taking care of my stuff.
Plus I never did a drug until I was 35. I got into a relationship with a recovering crack addict. The guy had seven years in. Now I am a big girl, and I chose to take what he held out for me, but the fact he didn't do the dope he was giving to me speaks volumes. Again, it was my fault, but being with someone who knew where to go, and how to do it didn't help. PLUS that gave him the excuse to pick up his crack habit again, and as they say "It's All Good Till It Goes Bad".
He's back in prison, and I left a trail of disaster by hurting the people who sincerely love me, and worst of all destroying my self. Best of all to you. Always worry about YOU first.
You are so sweet. This gentleman is fortunate to have you in his life. It sounds like you feel the same way about him.
Now I don't know anything, but personally I would say you shouldn't have to worry at all. The fact that you are concerned seems to me you're not listening to your gut. Perhaps you are a bit worried about this.
If that guy is saying things about demons, and stuff I would head for the hills. At this place, and time I truly would. Run, and run quick. That's me though. You shouldn't have to be listening for subtle hints or anything. That is NOT your job. Your not his mom or his caretaker. You worry about YOU. I know that sounds callous, but being an addict I know when I would lay that trip on someone I was not taking care of my stuff.
Plus I never did a drug until I was 35. I got into a relationship with a recovering crack addict. The guy had seven years in. Now I am a big girl, and I chose to take what he held out for me, but the fact he didn't do the dope he was giving to me speaks volumes. Again, it was my fault, but being with someone who knew where to go, and how to do it didn't help. PLUS that gave him the excuse to pick up his crack habit again, and as they say "It's All Good Till It Goes Bad".
He's back in prison, and I left a trail of disaster by hurting the people who sincerely love me, and worst of all destroying my self. Best of all to you. Always worry about YOU first.
