Makes more sense than you know!
Bless you Jack,
I'm trying to get my head around it
he hasn't worked for ages - well he's done bit of jobs for people here and there - but he hasn't worked as in filled his days - always hanging on the phone waiting for his dealer, lying on the couch, having to pick up his methadone.
Always maybe the hope of coming off of life being different now he's not ringing the dealer and has no need to hang about he doesn't seem to know who he is now. I don't thik he can remember a time before the gear.
And while he's been an addict he hasn't done things because of the Heroin now he's scared of doing something and failing - and I don't have any answers.
karen
I'm trying to get my head around it
he hasn't worked for ages - well he's done bit of jobs for people here and there - but he hasn't worked as in filled his days - always hanging on the phone waiting for his dealer, lying on the couch, having to pick up his methadone.
Always maybe the hope of coming off of life being different now he's not ringing the dealer and has no need to hang about he doesn't seem to know who he is now. I don't thik he can remember a time before the gear.
And while he's been an addict he hasn't done things because of the Heroin now he's scared of doing something and failing - and I don't have any answers.
karen
Hi Karen, you've hit the nail on the head there. Boredom - it's a killer. Heroin is a time consuming activity. If you're not scoring you're waiting. And waiting takes on a whole new meaning when you're waiting for smack. The clockwatching, the constant phonecalls. It's one of the worst feelings, waiting for gear whilst the withdrawals get worse and worse. And often by the time the gear comes in, you're so sick that you don't know how you're going to get the drug into your body, coz you can't stop being sick for long enough, and your hands are shaking too bad, and just the smell of the stuff brings on an instant vomit. And then of course when you do finally get the gear, you don't want to move an inch.
So it leaves a great big whole in your life when its gone. It's then when you have to be really proactive, and have a complete open mind. I remember being newly clean, and just finding stuff to do with my time, stuff that I had no idea if I'd like doing or not, stuff that felt alien and strange, mixing with people who were strangers and feeling like I couldn't fit in. Sometimes it feels so dismal! I'll give you a few examples of stuff I did, just to give you a few ideas. He may have to try a load of things and come away feeling disappointed before something sticks, and he needs to be prepared for that and not let it put him off trying other things. Try becoming a volunteer. Loads of charities want people to do stuff for them. We had the wildfowl and wetlands trust, and I tried that. It was outdoors, peaceful and enjoyable, but they do a crb check, so be sure to divulge any convictions to avoid disappointment later. Lots of charities out there, so take your pick. Join an adult ed class. Most colleges do them. Just choose something that sounds interesting and try and make a go of it. I also visited a MIND (mental health charity) "house" to see if there was anybody there who I could form bonds with. It can be really lonely when you come off heroin, so you have to make an effort to get to know people who are not involved with drugs. Another thing I did (but I don't recommend this to him!!! Coz you'd probably castrate him after all the crap he's put you through!) is to go out clubbing. And yeah, I did pick up a couple of one-nighters. But I was on my own, and didn't have anybody, so nobody got hurt. And there's always the obvious one. Get a job. That's quite daunting at first, but if he tried volunteering first, then went out to work, then it would be an easier transition.
Sitting around the house eating biscuits and smoking isn't going to do him any good at all, so try and motivate him with a few ideas. Sometimes, just getting in the car and going for a drive, or "mystery tour" is an undemanding emergency measure in times of need!
There are no miracle measures to build a new life, but everyone has to start somewhere, so try and encourage him to do something positive with all the time he has on his hands, coz you no what the devil does with idle hands!
love
Diff xxx
So it leaves a great big whole in your life when its gone. It's then when you have to be really proactive, and have a complete open mind. I remember being newly clean, and just finding stuff to do with my time, stuff that I had no idea if I'd like doing or not, stuff that felt alien and strange, mixing with people who were strangers and feeling like I couldn't fit in. Sometimes it feels so dismal! I'll give you a few examples of stuff I did, just to give you a few ideas. He may have to try a load of things and come away feeling disappointed before something sticks, and he needs to be prepared for that and not let it put him off trying other things. Try becoming a volunteer. Loads of charities want people to do stuff for them. We had the wildfowl and wetlands trust, and I tried that. It was outdoors, peaceful and enjoyable, but they do a crb check, so be sure to divulge any convictions to avoid disappointment later. Lots of charities out there, so take your pick. Join an adult ed class. Most colleges do them. Just choose something that sounds interesting and try and make a go of it. I also visited a MIND (mental health charity) "house" to see if there was anybody there who I could form bonds with. It can be really lonely when you come off heroin, so you have to make an effort to get to know people who are not involved with drugs. Another thing I did (but I don't recommend this to him!!! Coz you'd probably castrate him after all the crap he's put you through!) is to go out clubbing. And yeah, I did pick up a couple of one-nighters. But I was on my own, and didn't have anybody, so nobody got hurt. And there's always the obvious one. Get a job. That's quite daunting at first, but if he tried volunteering first, then went out to work, then it would be an easier transition.
Sitting around the house eating biscuits and smoking isn't going to do him any good at all, so try and motivate him with a few ideas. Sometimes, just getting in the car and going for a drive, or "mystery tour" is an undemanding emergency measure in times of need!
There are no miracle measures to build a new life, but everyone has to start somewhere, so try and encourage him to do something positive with all the time he has on his hands, coz you no what the devil does with idle hands!
love
Diff xxx
Oh and another biggie I forgot is sport. A friend of mine who was on a DTTO joined a football team that he found about from probation, and they played in a Homeless Football League (he wasn't homeless but they let him join because of his unsettled lifestyle). He ended up travelling around Europe playing football, got his name in the paper and everything. Said it was the best thing that ever happened to him. Taking up some sort of sport is great coz it helps the body and mind, gets you out of the house and introduces you to new people. Fantastic way to make a start and kill the boredom. The YMCA have gyms that are more or less free to use, and so do many colleges if he starts some sort of education programme.
love
diff xxx
love
diff xxx
Cheers Diff,
We'll see what works. Sport he's 46 this year and we've thought of that but I think he's too old to begin team games again - swimming is fine but no pool near he only has the money to go once a week. He's got all his computer qualifications but all adult educ here costs waged or not.
He used to volunteer for victim support but that was hard because it was people he knew often not victims at all looking for a money hand out.
We'll think of something plus I'm busy mad mad 12 hour day busy and I can't put my life on hold and that's making it worse.
k
x
We'll see what works. Sport he's 46 this year and we've thought of that but I think he's too old to begin team games again - swimming is fine but no pool near he only has the money to go once a week. He's got all his computer qualifications but all adult educ here costs waged or not.
He used to volunteer for victim support but that was hard because it was people he knew often not victims at all looking for a money hand out.
We'll think of something plus I'm busy mad mad 12 hour day busy and I can't put my life on hold and that's making it worse.
k
x
