Thanks to any one who has posted notes to me. Its nice to finally have people to talk to. No lie's, just the horrid truth. I have been trying to stop using for years now and learnt a few things along the way, and this time I really believe I/we can stop this crap. In the last year I have only got upto 5 days on meth alone, and shot down to the clinic to finally give a clean sample, but it was still dirty. So went and scored to make me feel better. This time it's for me foremost as well as my kids, life, to list just a few. Me and my partner have been getting on well. We either get on well or have total hate/blame for each other, just hope she is feeling as strong as me this time. Seems daft cos it's usually me who ends up wanting b4 her. She says she is strong so I
Must have thaith. Jan 1st is nearly done, and so day 2 is about to begin. Think I might stay up tonight cos I know tomorow I will find it hard to sleep. When thoughts do enter my head I am going to come on here to try find people to talk to from now on. There must be a few users trying to stop as of new year like me so drop me a line. Maybe we can help each other out? Or any1 who has any questions about H, methadone, or anything, let me know..
FEELING STONG. DAY 1 DONE!!
Dave,
I wrote you on the methadone board,but keep going dude!!!!...One day at a time if necessary.As the days go into weeks and weeks into months it gets a bit easier ,I promise. You will start appreciating the little things. As you can see on my posts,I found listening to the little birds outside in the early AM is something I didnt "hear" when I was using. It is a normal sound of nature, I know, but I seem to realize it more & enjoy it because I a clean today...silly,but true.
I wrote you on the methadone board,but keep going dude!!!!...One day at a time if necessary.As the days go into weeks and weeks into months it gets a bit easier ,I promise. You will start appreciating the little things. As you can see on my posts,I found listening to the little birds outside in the early AM is something I didnt "hear" when I was using. It is a normal sound of nature, I know, but I seem to realize it more & enjoy it because I a clean today...silly,but true.
I know what you mean. I love waking up on a morning knowing I have done another day. It's just time seems to go by so sloooow when I stop using, but fly's by when using. For some reason I really feel like this is the time. If I don't stop using now than a am going to loose everything.i need to get off my meths ASAP too becouse I drive as a job, and have signed many a form at work saying I am on no drugs/ medication. But my heart jumps into my mouth each time someone turns up at work as it could be drug testing as once b4. And there is no way out. Just hope I can get clean off everything before that dreaded day comes. I have used this as an excuse not to stop coz even when I get onto just my meds, I am still looking at months before I am worry free.
Dave,
Please try to stop worrying out about your drug tests. Do you think methadone shows up on your drug screen as heroin or something? If you have had this job for some time and they find out you are on methadone there are laws that prevent them from firing you . If you are doing your job,showing up on time, etc, they cannot fire you just because you are on methadone.It is against the law!!
As a favor to those of us who are not only advocates but patients as well,please dont call methadone ,meth. It has a bad enough rap as it is for all the good it has done and people seem to confuse it with methamphetamines.Thanks.
Stay where you are, & go up if you need to ,get to a dose that "holds you",meaning if you fix you wont feel it and get on the road to being clean before you lose every thing like you have said. I am going to put out a call to another much more knowledgable advocate and have him give you more info on your drug tests and workplace concerns. I am surprised he hasnt been on the board to comment already.You are not alone in this nor in the fear of giving dirty UA's on the job because of methadone.
Hang tough.
Granny
Please try to stop worrying out about your drug tests. Do you think methadone shows up on your drug screen as heroin or something? If you have had this job for some time and they find out you are on methadone there are laws that prevent them from firing you . If you are doing your job,showing up on time, etc, they cannot fire you just because you are on methadone.It is against the law!!
As a favor to those of us who are not only advocates but patients as well,please dont call methadone ,meth. It has a bad enough rap as it is for all the good it has done and people seem to confuse it with methamphetamines.Thanks.
Stay where you are, & go up if you need to ,get to a dose that "holds you",meaning if you fix you wont feel it and get on the road to being clean before you lose every thing like you have said. I am going to put out a call to another much more knowledgable advocate and have him give you more info on your drug tests and workplace concerns. I am surprised he hasnt been on the board to comment already.You are not alone in this nor in the fear of giving dirty UA's on the job because of methadone.
Hang tough.
Granny
Thanks for your concerns, but I would get fired if they found ANY drugs in my system, and I would be fired for been on methadone becouse I have a company vehicle, and operate a large machine (whitch I enjoy) every day. And 1 mistake from me could cost someone there life. That's why they have random tests and if you have any sort of accident, you have to go straight to head office for a drug and alcohol test. So many times at work I have been asked " if you are on any meds for any reason, you must say now!" and I have always denied it. Coz I love
My job and wouldnt do it if i didnt know i was safe. I never go to work after using, before all this health and safty overload lately, life was much easier. I feel like a house of cards with the wind blowing at my base, just trying to keep it together. Thanks
My job and wouldnt do it if i didnt know i was safe. I never go to work after using, before all this health and safty overload lately, life was much easier. I feel like a house of cards with the wind blowing at my base, just trying to keep it together. Thanks
Dave, what else are you doing to stay clean besides the methadone? Methadone is great for keeping you out of withdrawals and giving you a chance to catch your breath, but what do you do to keep yourself from using again? To help with the insanity?
Congrats on day 2..it's huge. There's a lot of people here who have been clean from heroin for years so it can be done...stick around for the miracle, ok?
Is your wife using right now too? Or is she on methadone as well?
Hang in there buddy.
Congrats on day 2..it's huge. There's a lot of people here who have been clean from heroin for years so it can be done...stick around for the miracle, ok?
Is your wife using right now too? Or is she on methadone as well?
Hang in there buddy.
Cheers. I am just trying to a avoid any triggers, even going out unless I have to. I find it best that was. My partner is in the same boat as me as we allways use together, and stop together. Just hope she is feeling strong as me. We try not to mention anything about it. It's nice to talk to a third party for a bit of encouragement. So thanks. It's 5.30 pm here and day 2 nearly over , think tomorow is going to be harder. But here goes.
Hang in there Dave!! Best of luck to you. I hear you on your concerns about your job. Thank god I am in a union as if I were to lose my good job, I'd be pretty devastated. I worked very hard to get it and want to keep it. The union protects us pretty well and my company has a confidential substance abuse program which I have used for help. They found me a place to go for outpatient therapy and it turned out to be the best around. Apparently my company wants us to have great mental health and substance abuse help when needed. Our health plan is very good with that. My company is huge - worldwide - and they drug test also. I only have to deal with probable cause (if you are acting high) testing, as I passed my drug screen upon hire. I stayed clean a whole week - 7 days (and was very, very ill) to be sure all the H and opiates were out of my urine. It was worth that hell, getting this job was super important to me and it is super important for me to keep it.
I have you in my prayers Dave. I am praying that you get clean prior to any testing being done so that you don't lose your job. Remember that when you need motivation. I am way over here praying for you!! You CAN do this, we all can. Think about how dangerous it is and how you could very well hurt someone in an accident and end up going to jail for it! Even if you didn't cause the accident, it's in YOUR blood so of course you'd get blamed. So, instead of having to live with only the guilt of hurting someone (or god forbid, maybe killing someone) in an accident, you'd have to live with that PLUS do it whilst in jail! That would be soo awful!! So think of that too, it might help you. It would be a good deterent for me!
I've been part of a couple where both of us are users. My last boyfriend and I would be great together while getting high, but going through withdraws together was terrible. We'd be pretty miserable and cranky and end up in huge, emotional fights. It was terrible and I do blame the demise of our relationship on the drugs. We had tons in common and truly enjoyed each other in every aspect. I felt lucky. Then we let drugs into our lives together and at first it was super fun, I won't lie - it was. But that ended pretty fast. Our lives became all about getting drugs. And it sucked all the fun out of our lives. We became couch potatoes that just laid around watching t.v. on our days off. No more doing the fun activities like hiking and going to the dog park that we had done in the past, we were either too busy find drugs or too busy being too eff'd up to go anywhere. We'd even have to get high just to go to the grocery store together! Ridiculous. I see that now but at the time, getting high so we could go shopping seemed normal. Our lives changed dramatically and we ended up losing each other somehow. We are still friends now, he is trying not to use but I am actually doing it. He is just trying to quit all on his own. I think he'd have a much better shot if he'd get help like I have.
Anyway Dave - you are in my prayers and I hope you manage to finally kick this bi*ch heroin out of your life too.
(((hugs)))
Melissa
I have you in my prayers Dave. I am praying that you get clean prior to any testing being done so that you don't lose your job. Remember that when you need motivation. I am way over here praying for you!! You CAN do this, we all can. Think about how dangerous it is and how you could very well hurt someone in an accident and end up going to jail for it! Even if you didn't cause the accident, it's in YOUR blood so of course you'd get blamed. So, instead of having to live with only the guilt of hurting someone (or god forbid, maybe killing someone) in an accident, you'd have to live with that PLUS do it whilst in jail! That would be soo awful!! So think of that too, it might help you. It would be a good deterent for me!
I've been part of a couple where both of us are users. My last boyfriend and I would be great together while getting high, but going through withdraws together was terrible. We'd be pretty miserable and cranky and end up in huge, emotional fights. It was terrible and I do blame the demise of our relationship on the drugs. We had tons in common and truly enjoyed each other in every aspect. I felt lucky. Then we let drugs into our lives together and at first it was super fun, I won't lie - it was. But that ended pretty fast. Our lives became all about getting drugs. And it sucked all the fun out of our lives. We became couch potatoes that just laid around watching t.v. on our days off. No more doing the fun activities like hiking and going to the dog park that we had done in the past, we were either too busy find drugs or too busy being too eff'd up to go anywhere. We'd even have to get high just to go to the grocery store together! Ridiculous. I see that now but at the time, getting high so we could go shopping seemed normal. Our lives changed dramatically and we ended up losing each other somehow. We are still friends now, he is trying not to use but I am actually doing it. He is just trying to quit all on his own. I think he'd have a much better shot if he'd get help like I have.
Anyway Dave - you are in my prayers and I hope you manage to finally kick this bi*ch heroin out of your life too.
(((hugs)))
Melissa
Thanks M. Had a bad day today! Said I would allways be honest on here, so here goes . Today we needed to sort some money out coz we needed some backy, food for us and beloved dog, to last us till Thursday when my partner get some money. I knew there weren't anyway of borrowing a few quid of anyone ands so did my other half! Then, we were gettin ready to go pick my son up from a sleepover, and my partner said, ( nearly in tears) "I am going to have to pawn my phone in for a couple of days, coz there is stuff we need!" I wanted to disagree, but we had no choice. So when we get to town she says" how much should I borrow on it? As much as poss" meaning about 120 coz it's been there many times b4! And when I say "no, just gett what we need, 30 tops" , she starts argument saying if she has to go without her iPhone which she is never off, then we will be scoring a couple of bags at least! So I say just borrow what you want and she storms off! And to cut to the chase, here I am after doing 3bags between us feeling very depressed, and placing all the blame on her. I am just as bad, I could of said no to using myself but I didn't!
So back to day 1 tomorow, the way I see it is 2 steps forward, 1 step back.
So wish I hadn't of used! The gear is crap anyway so hardly even felt it.
Think I might stay away from here for now! Nobody wants to hear my crap, when I fail at the first hurdle, so will be back when I have a few days under my belt. Which won't be long. This year I am not going to give up, giving up.
SORRY:(
So back to day 1 tomorow, the way I see it is 2 steps forward, 1 step back.
So wish I hadn't of used! The gear is crap anyway so hardly even felt it.
Think I might stay away from here for now! Nobody wants to hear my crap, when I fail at the first hurdle, so will be back when I have a few days under my belt. Which won't be long. This year I am not going to give up, giving up.
SORRY:(
Dave,
The worst thing you can do is stop tellin us whats going on...Of course you feel guilty, you are maybe finally getting sick of the lifestyle you are living. I hate to tell you and you probably already know this but if you have had enough if addiction and your wife hasnt you need to take care of YOU first. I had had enough,thats why the suicide attempt. The husband was still using and trying to stop on his own. I went to methadone and never looked back. He fought it every step of the way because he didnt want to have to go on methadone at all.
In the end he did and hasnt used once since and like I told you a couple days ago we have both hit the 18 year mark this month. You have to want to be clean and have to want to stop the risky behavior and be willing to do what it takes to do so. You have to be willing to follow someone elses directions,like your clinic counselor or manager and stay away from old connections,friends,AND family members.
Sure it may take a few times to get it right,we have all failed a time or two,hence the requirements to even be accepted for MMT...LOL.
Quit feeling like you have failed. To me failure is being on 150mg and still slamming every day......holy crap.
We are here to listen and help if we can.
hang in there. Sounds like your wife should come here and dump some stuff as well.........
The worst thing you can do is stop tellin us whats going on...Of course you feel guilty, you are maybe finally getting sick of the lifestyle you are living. I hate to tell you and you probably already know this but if you have had enough if addiction and your wife hasnt you need to take care of YOU first. I had had enough,thats why the suicide attempt. The husband was still using and trying to stop on his own. I went to methadone and never looked back. He fought it every step of the way because he didnt want to have to go on methadone at all.
In the end he did and hasnt used once since and like I told you a couple days ago we have both hit the 18 year mark this month. You have to want to be clean and have to want to stop the risky behavior and be willing to do what it takes to do so. You have to be willing to follow someone elses directions,like your clinic counselor or manager and stay away from old connections,friends,AND family members.
Sure it may take a few times to get it right,we have all failed a time or two,hence the requirements to even be accepted for MMT...LOL.
Quit feeling like you have failed. To me failure is being on 150mg and still slamming every day......holy crap.
We are here to listen and help if we can.
hang in there. Sounds like your wife should come here and dump some stuff as well.........
