Well today is day 11 and the sweats and chills last night were terrible but I guess I should be happy as that is about all I had. I am able to sleep I just wake up constantly soaking wet. I am glad that my system is flushing this junk out but geez to be honest I am losing a bit too much weight and I am concerned about that. I have always been small but I don't like to go below 115 because I know I don't look good. I have been eating in fact I am craving sweets like crazy I know that Tim said you should stay away from sweets because of those "gates" but I am not willing to give up my chocolate NO WAY.
The other thing I still have problems with is the fact that I don't look froward to things like I did when I had my pills. Like if I had them I was happy and couldn't wait to take them but now it just seems so empty. I know I have to give it time I just hate this empty feeling, and the friggin moodiness, and I know my hubby hates the lack of sex drive. Funny thing is when I was high we had a great sex life does that come back? Geez I hope so. This morning I was thinking about when I quit smoking a long time ago. It wasn't really the cigarettes I missed it was the times when I smoked. After eating on the ride to work etc. So maybe I just have to get past those times. I try to eat as soon as I get up because before I never ate during the day just something very light sometimes just a slimfast bar because if I ate the pills would not work as well. Then at dinner I would pig out because I wasn't taking pills after then. Geez come to think of it I should be a cow!!! Anyway I figure I eat early I won't be thinking about taking pills since the high would not be that good. Don't worry I don't have any now anyways, just saying. Ok I guess that is enough babbling for now. Hope everyone is doing well
Roxy
Hey Roxy!!! 11 days!!! Good on you girl!!!
As far as not enjoying things as you use to it may be that the addiction is trying to keep a hold on you,it may be a period of mourning as far as letting that type of life style go.It may be the reactions within your body.
It does pass.Somedays will be awesome others will suck.
For me its always been easier for me to compare my addiction to an abusive lover,you leave,& start over but the memories are there & time DOES heal that.And just like an abusive lover after you finally make that break it will keep trying to pull you back.Why?Because the addiction NEEDS you,not you need it.
I know it seems as if Im actually talking about a person but for me THAT has been the easiest way to look at it
Just keep pushing forward Roxy.I myself may not know you well but I can say...Im proud of you for NOT GIVING UP!!!!
molly
As far as not enjoying things as you use to it may be that the addiction is trying to keep a hold on you,it may be a period of mourning as far as letting that type of life style go.It may be the reactions within your body.
It does pass.Somedays will be awesome others will suck.
For me its always been easier for me to compare my addiction to an abusive lover,you leave,& start over but the memories are there & time DOES heal that.And just like an abusive lover after you finally make that break it will keep trying to pull you back.Why?Because the addiction NEEDS you,not you need it.
I know it seems as if Im actually talking about a person but for me THAT has been the easiest way to look at it
Just keep pushing forward Roxy.I myself may not know you well but I can say...Im proud of you for NOT GIVING UP!!!!
molly
Mj Thanks and I totally know what you are talking about awile ago I posted this when I was trying to quit for the first time.
I remember the day I fell in love with you. I had just said goodbye to my ex-boyfriend who had betrayed me for the last time, I was thru with being treated so badly. Of course one has to ask themselves how did I get into that situation in the first place, I mean he was both verbally and physically abusive to me. He used me for every red cent he could get his hands on, he treated me with no respect nor dignity. Then I met you. You came to me when I was feeling down and hurt. You made me feel great. I could do anything with you, I was filled with this amazing amount of joy and rapture. We started seeing each other only on the weekends, but before long I had to see you more,every other day and than everyday. Before long we were inseparable. I wanted you with me, in me, several times a day. God I couldn't live without you!!!! But you changed, no matter how many times we were together I didn't feel that joy anymore. I tried to see you more often ,but nothing. Then you started making me feel depressed and I would cry all the time. You didn't care, you just kept coming around teasing me, telling me if I just got closer to you I would feel better. I never did, and now I realize You weren't the answer for me. If things were wrong with my life, I had to fix them and I couldn't count on anybody else to do it for me. So you know what I did? I walked right up to you with a look of sadness because I knew you had tried, but it wasn't your fault. I put my hands around you and put your cap back on for the last time.
Goodbye
I know its kindof corny but I did see it that way for a while
I remember the day I fell in love with you. I had just said goodbye to my ex-boyfriend who had betrayed me for the last time, I was thru with being treated so badly. Of course one has to ask themselves how did I get into that situation in the first place, I mean he was both verbally and physically abusive to me. He used me for every red cent he could get his hands on, he treated me with no respect nor dignity. Then I met you. You came to me when I was feeling down and hurt. You made me feel great. I could do anything with you, I was filled with this amazing amount of joy and rapture. We started seeing each other only on the weekends, but before long I had to see you more,every other day and than everyday. Before long we were inseparable. I wanted you with me, in me, several times a day. God I couldn't live without you!!!! But you changed, no matter how many times we were together I didn't feel that joy anymore. I tried to see you more often ,but nothing. Then you started making me feel depressed and I would cry all the time. You didn't care, you just kept coming around teasing me, telling me if I just got closer to you I would feel better. I never did, and now I realize You weren't the answer for me. If things were wrong with my life, I had to fix them and I couldn't count on anybody else to do it for me. So you know what I did? I walked right up to you with a look of sadness because I knew you had tried, but it wasn't your fault. I put my hands around you and put your cap back on for the last time.
Goodbye
I know its kindof corny but I did see it that way for a while
Roxy no it wasnt corny at all.(Though at first I was thinking you were talking to me)LOL
no sweety the way you look at it is perfect.Maybe thats why I feel the way I do about "the abusive lover"I too was there with a man who finally cut my throat! So its easy for me to compare drugs to that relationship.
Because in "the relationship"it wasnt always abusive & bad,maybe if it was I would of left sooner.But like drug the bad times outweighed the good.
Roxy I think what you just wrote was actually kinda cool.Have you ever thought of getting a notebook & writing in it like you just did?Something private,just for you,where you can get mad,hurt,& heal?Just some food for thought???
molly
no sweety the way you look at it is perfect.Maybe thats why I feel the way I do about "the abusive lover"I too was there with a man who finally cut my throat! So its easy for me to compare drugs to that relationship.
Because in "the relationship"it wasnt always abusive & bad,maybe if it was I would of left sooner.But like drug the bad times outweighed the good.
Roxy I think what you just wrote was actually kinda cool.Have you ever thought of getting a notebook & writing in it like you just did?Something private,just for you,where you can get mad,hurt,& heal?Just some food for thought???
molly
Mj thanks I do actually have journals for my boys I am on journal number two and I write in them every few months just telling them what their life was like so I don't forget the small stuff. I actually thought about a journal on the computer just for me maybe I will someday right now I already feel like I don't spend enough time with my little guy gotta go here he coes
Roxy
Roxy
