thanks for all the posts, all of you. I appreciate the advice on the ativan. I only took 1 mg last night and didn't sleep much at all. i looked at the clock every hour durning the night. Does anyone take ambien.....that isn't a narcotic right? Also I have taken a low dose of prozac(anti depressent) every other day for years for pms symptoms. I wonder if upping the dose a little would help with this. I find it interesting that there could be a difference between vicodan and oxy. Several years ago I had to taper off vicodan and It was bad but nothing like this. I'd say 2-4 days. I guess that wasn't enough of a deterent, so god let me have it this time insuring I will learn my lesson. I just hope I live through it. I'm still having gastro-intestinal symptoms. It makes sense to me that If I had been messing with my brain chemistry for a while... then It is going to take a while to straighten back out. Will I know when I am ready to get back to work, etc? Or do I just have to do it. I feel so vunerable and sad, the depression is the worst right now, and not sleeping didn't help. L
Have you tried any supplements. I take gaba at night to help with sleep and mood and adrenal support to get my glands functioning again after all the abuse b-complex zinc and coQ10 I forgotten what they were all for but I do remember the last time I quit It did get me thru the worst of the wds however of course when I relapsed I stopped taking them I figured it would be a moot point anyway. Funny today I had them all in my hand thinking Oh how am I going to take all these pills everyday Ha Ha I was taking double that for my addiction go figure. Maybe someone has those remedies for the after blues they could post. Oh also heard about St. Johns Wart natures valium or so they say never took that one. Great job on day 13. You may just have to pick yourself up and go to work and getting out will probably help. Good luck.
Roxy
Roxy
I can't stand this any more, I am so depressed. I didn't feel good for a long time before I quit taking oxy and I expected that If I worked hard at this amd made it through I would feel better and I don't. I feel hollow. It seems like I see people come out of rehab healthier and happier and I can't figure out why I still feel so bad. Maybe my brain just hasn't kicked back in yet. I am still not digesting food right. I am trying to do everything that everyone is suggesting but its not working. I need some hope that I will be myself again.Is it just to soon? I tried to think of the depression as just another symptom... but it is so strong. Is it normal not to have any cravings yet, I am not craving anything not food, not water, not ciggarettes, not oxy. I feel nothing.
Wow honey that sucks. I wish I could dig up my old post. I remember writing all that. Will I ever fill those "Oh Wow" moments of life without the drugs I couldn't see the forest thru the trees but day by day it did get better. I loved the sound of my childs laughter or when we sat together as a family just "kicking it" I could never do that while using since I had to be up and moving all the time. It does suck right now but I really want this to be the time I get better so I am rooting for us hang in there and get those supplements. I know for me everytime I relapsed I just got worse needed more and different drugs to get that high.
Roxy
Roxy
Have you tried a brisk walk?
Yes, I tried walking, I got some of the adrenal stuff and I looked at the label and it grossed me out. It is from animals, right? I was scared to take it so my husband took it back. Should I send him back for it. does it make your stomach hurt?
llh,
The adrenal support does help for a lot of people, some obviously say no it didnt help them, but you have to take it as directed and several that told me it didnt work took told me they took it intermittently...your adrenals are probably exhausted..and the adrenal support coul help..it made a big difference for me...you need to have the live adrenals in there for it to work well...but if you sent it back..maybe you shouldn't bother....
I was willing to try just about anything when i was withdrawing..if someone had told me that the root of the birch tree made even 50% of people feel better, i would have been outside digging up our tree in the back..lol
In time you'll feel better, so you dont NEED anything really, the suggestions Roxy and myself have spoken of just make some feel better a lot faster...
I'll look for the adrenal post...
Your doing great
Hugs
Ali
The adrenal support does help for a lot of people, some obviously say no it didnt help them, but you have to take it as directed and several that told me it didnt work took told me they took it intermittently...your adrenals are probably exhausted..and the adrenal support coul help..it made a big difference for me...you need to have the live adrenals in there for it to work well...but if you sent it back..maybe you shouldn't bother....
I was willing to try just about anything when i was withdrawing..if someone had told me that the root of the birch tree made even 50% of people feel better, i would have been outside digging up our tree in the back..lol
In time you'll feel better, so you dont NEED anything really, the suggestions Roxy and myself have spoken of just make some feel better a lot faster...
I'll look for the adrenal post...
Your doing great
Hugs
Ali
I AM WILLING TO TRY ANYTHING AT THIS POINT. DOES IT MAKE YOUR STOMACH HURT?
IF YOUR STOMACH HAS SOMETHING ( sorry was yelling back...lol) in it then it shouldn't make your stomach hurt honey,..never heard of that....
Most nutrients need to be taken with something in your stomach not only to avoid being sick but also to absorb the nutrients for dispersal through to the appropriate organs tissue etc...
hugs
Ali
Most nutrients need to be taken with something in your stomach not only to avoid being sick but also to absorb the nutrients for dispersal through to the appropriate organs tissue etc...
hugs
Ali
Ali,
How long have you been off of pain pills? You seem really strong and happy. Did it take you a long time and did you ever relapse?
How long have you been off of pain pills? You seem really strong and happy. Did it take you a long time and did you ever relapse?
Hi there,
Where do i start?? Have i had a relapse since I quit? NO....I stopped taking the hydro-morphine sometime last year, in the late fall i believe...I dont count the days or months, cus as ive said many times, i feel that the damn pills have had so much power over my life that I cant justify giving them an anniversary date and thinking of them every week, month year whatever....but thats just me..
Just so you know...I tried to quit at least a thousand times in my mind...and seriously didnt think i could do it...i had a friend that i used to catch a 'buzz' wth...shed come over..Tea, pills and Oprah...favourite time of the day...we both started for legit pain..me a non cancerous bone tumor, and her Crohn's disease ( she finally had yards of intestines removed and had a miraculous recovery..but kept using, faining pain that was no longer there...)
her name was Jody...anyway one day she tells me shes gonna quit...she had recently met a great looking and really nice guy and wanted to go over seas with him on some kind of ESL trip or something...
i tell her thats great, but secretly think she'll change her mind, or wont do it...im ashamed to admit i thought that, but for selfish reasons i didnt want to lose my buzz buddy....
Since her pain was gone, she at least didnt have that to contend with anymore, so away she goes and she starts to taper...and she sticks to it...days pass, weeks pass....I make a point of not trying to ambush her, but really...the Oprah dates just didnt seem as fun if she wasnt (in my mind) on the same mind set as i was....
She gets herself down to breaking them in pieces, and all i kept asking her was HOW??????? How are you doing this....She keeps explaining to me that you simply cut out half a pill every 5 -6 days (or whatever it was...) and secretly all i kept thinking was HOLY SHEET....Im in big trouble...i cant do it, theres no way i can do that...... SHE just didnt understand that my how wasn't the same "HOW"
FYI, She tapered down to no pills...NO WITHDRAWAL whatsoever...and goes off with this guy...years later i come to find out she got married, had a baby, and said she never in a million years touch that crap again and cant believe how she ever once did....
Years pass and panic sets in...tortured myself for years...i have to quit, this is out of control, but every time id stop even for 72 hours...my bone pain would come back....i didnt even know if its part of withdrawal or the real original pain..it felt just as bad and intense and it confused me a lot...( which came first the chicken or the egg type confusion..lol)
My husbands brother developed cancer so we had to move to a desert type location in the interior, and so whether it was a climate change, an environmental change, or what..my pain lessened....it was what i had prayed for so thought this is the time...i have to finally do it...
I started to taper..cut my dosage in a bit more than half right off the bat...to my amazement i felt okay.... and once i knew that i could get by and actually feel okay with only 8 pills a day...in fact once i made just the first full day....it gave me something i had lost..confidence...
I tapered down more and more, and once i cut it down to around 4 a day...bang i started feeling like absolute crap....i mean bad. I remember telling hubby that i was locking myself up in the house, and no matter what happens to me, im NOT not not going back,...if i die i die, but i had it in my head i had finally had enough....like finally leaving an abusive lover, i had turned a corner and couldnt, wouldnt return...
Told him that if he came home and i was alive...then it was a great day..dont expect a clean house, dont expect my hair to be coiffed ( lol) or the house work to be done....just making the day would have to be the goal...
I had the worst leg cramps at night...potassium at high doses solved that..and for the last week or 10 days of the taper i got some sleeping pills...i really dont think i would have toughed it out without sleep and i had read here too many times of the horrors of night upon night of not sleeping....knowing i would at least sleep at night was my saving grace...
After years of telling myself i have to stop, worrying about stopping, setting new quit dates, letting myself down...after saying one more month, one more refill again again and again....i had totally lost trust in anything i felt or thought, or wanted to believe...
making it as far as i had without caving was giving me back confidence i thought was gone forever, and that with pure stubbornness...i survived the taper...
I had no energy, looked like hell, and didnt think id ever feel happiness again..but i was off of them...
I had a pill burning ceremony with hubby and burnt the remaining pills...THAT IS something i will always remember or look back on with some amount of joy...asked hubby to throw them in but he said NO Ali..YOU need to do it yourself ( smart man) and so i did....it was better then flushing...for me, it was like burning out all the years of torturing myself...
Still with me? Hope im not boring you to death...i think it was then that i went to a naturalpath...had a battery of tests, found out my adrenal glands were almost non existent, had almost no serotonin, endorphins, it was no wonder to him that i felt and looked like a zombie....
I will find the post that i did when i learned of what i had done to my body, and of adrenal support and why it was needed etc....
So here i am today....i find joy in simple moments again, and in fact other then journal..i make sure i take mental notes every-time that i am laughing, or having a good time, or feel especially happy and tell myself... SEE? You dope...you CAN feel good..you didnt need those pills...
never again will i let something smaller then my little pinky control my entire life...
I do still have the bone issue, but as Drs have told me over the years, there may be a time that your body treats it as part of your body and not as an invasion...so maybe that time finally came...
.i can still feel it when the moon is full, when we are about to have a lot of rain.or if i get cocky and lift reallyheavy things....but so far, i can stay on top of that pain with celebrex, and recently tried an anesthetic block....not because the pain is over the top again, just because its my worst fear to have it return.... i want to be ready...i dont ever want to take those horrible pills again and would never put myself in charge of taking them if God forbid ( knock on wood) i ever did need them again.....No way no how..
Oh...and one more thing that helped me with anxiety was GABA which is all natural...and Valerian root; which is the plant that Valium is made from but its not addictive...good for short term anxieties...
Phew....
okay well thats me, thats my story....and i truly believe that if i can do it...anyone can, I was as hooked and as sad and as scared as Ive ever been, and it was the biggest battle of my life....but one that was so worth finally winning....
Hugs
Ali
P.S. SUMMARIZED TO READ: When your really really ready and sick and tired..you will quit.....and you dont have to look back...just learn from your mistakes....
Where do i start?? Have i had a relapse since I quit? NO....I stopped taking the hydro-morphine sometime last year, in the late fall i believe...I dont count the days or months, cus as ive said many times, i feel that the damn pills have had so much power over my life that I cant justify giving them an anniversary date and thinking of them every week, month year whatever....but thats just me..
Just so you know...I tried to quit at least a thousand times in my mind...and seriously didnt think i could do it...i had a friend that i used to catch a 'buzz' wth...shed come over..Tea, pills and Oprah...favourite time of the day...we both started for legit pain..me a non cancerous bone tumor, and her Crohn's disease ( she finally had yards of intestines removed and had a miraculous recovery..but kept using, faining pain that was no longer there...)
her name was Jody...anyway one day she tells me shes gonna quit...she had recently met a great looking and really nice guy and wanted to go over seas with him on some kind of ESL trip or something...
i tell her thats great, but secretly think she'll change her mind, or wont do it...im ashamed to admit i thought that, but for selfish reasons i didnt want to lose my buzz buddy....
Since her pain was gone, she at least didnt have that to contend with anymore, so away she goes and she starts to taper...and she sticks to it...days pass, weeks pass....I make a point of not trying to ambush her, but really...the Oprah dates just didnt seem as fun if she wasnt (in my mind) on the same mind set as i was....
She gets herself down to breaking them in pieces, and all i kept asking her was HOW??????? How are you doing this....She keeps explaining to me that you simply cut out half a pill every 5 -6 days (or whatever it was...) and secretly all i kept thinking was HOLY SHEET....Im in big trouble...i cant do it, theres no way i can do that...... SHE just didnt understand that my how wasn't the same "HOW"
FYI, She tapered down to no pills...NO WITHDRAWAL whatsoever...and goes off with this guy...years later i come to find out she got married, had a baby, and said she never in a million years touch that crap again and cant believe how she ever once did....
Years pass and panic sets in...tortured myself for years...i have to quit, this is out of control, but every time id stop even for 72 hours...my bone pain would come back....i didnt even know if its part of withdrawal or the real original pain..it felt just as bad and intense and it confused me a lot...( which came first the chicken or the egg type confusion..lol)
My husbands brother developed cancer so we had to move to a desert type location in the interior, and so whether it was a climate change, an environmental change, or what..my pain lessened....it was what i had prayed for so thought this is the time...i have to finally do it...
I started to taper..cut my dosage in a bit more than half right off the bat...to my amazement i felt okay.... and once i knew that i could get by and actually feel okay with only 8 pills a day...in fact once i made just the first full day....it gave me something i had lost..confidence...
I tapered down more and more, and once i cut it down to around 4 a day...bang i started feeling like absolute crap....i mean bad. I remember telling hubby that i was locking myself up in the house, and no matter what happens to me, im NOT not not going back,...if i die i die, but i had it in my head i had finally had enough....like finally leaving an abusive lover, i had turned a corner and couldnt, wouldnt return...
Told him that if he came home and i was alive...then it was a great day..dont expect a clean house, dont expect my hair to be coiffed ( lol) or the house work to be done....just making the day would have to be the goal...
I had the worst leg cramps at night...potassium at high doses solved that..and for the last week or 10 days of the taper i got some sleeping pills...i really dont think i would have toughed it out without sleep and i had read here too many times of the horrors of night upon night of not sleeping....knowing i would at least sleep at night was my saving grace...
After years of telling myself i have to stop, worrying about stopping, setting new quit dates, letting myself down...after saying one more month, one more refill again again and again....i had totally lost trust in anything i felt or thought, or wanted to believe...
making it as far as i had without caving was giving me back confidence i thought was gone forever, and that with pure stubbornness...i survived the taper...
I had no energy, looked like hell, and didnt think id ever feel happiness again..but i was off of them...
I had a pill burning ceremony with hubby and burnt the remaining pills...THAT IS something i will always remember or look back on with some amount of joy...asked hubby to throw them in but he said NO Ali..YOU need to do it yourself ( smart man) and so i did....it was better then flushing...for me, it was like burning out all the years of torturing myself...
Still with me? Hope im not boring you to death...i think it was then that i went to a naturalpath...had a battery of tests, found out my adrenal glands were almost non existent, had almost no serotonin, endorphins, it was no wonder to him that i felt and looked like a zombie....
I will find the post that i did when i learned of what i had done to my body, and of adrenal support and why it was needed etc....
So here i am today....i find joy in simple moments again, and in fact other then journal..i make sure i take mental notes every-time that i am laughing, or having a good time, or feel especially happy and tell myself... SEE? You dope...you CAN feel good..you didnt need those pills...
never again will i let something smaller then my little pinky control my entire life...
I do still have the bone issue, but as Drs have told me over the years, there may be a time that your body treats it as part of your body and not as an invasion...so maybe that time finally came...
.i can still feel it when the moon is full, when we are about to have a lot of rain.or if i get cocky and lift reallyheavy things....but so far, i can stay on top of that pain with celebrex, and recently tried an anesthetic block....not because the pain is over the top again, just because its my worst fear to have it return.... i want to be ready...i dont ever want to take those horrible pills again and would never put myself in charge of taking them if God forbid ( knock on wood) i ever did need them again.....No way no how..
Oh...and one more thing that helped me with anxiety was GABA which is all natural...and Valerian root; which is the plant that Valium is made from but its not addictive...good for short term anxieties...
Phew....
okay well thats me, thats my story....and i truly believe that if i can do it...anyone can, I was as hooked and as sad and as scared as Ive ever been, and it was the biggest battle of my life....but one that was so worth finally winning....
Hugs
Ali
P.S. SUMMARIZED TO READ: When your really really ready and sick and tired..you will quit.....and you dont have to look back...just learn from your mistakes....
Wow Ali,
I cannot tell you how much that just helped me. I sent hubby back for the adrenal supplement. I really need some hope right now and you just gave me some. If anyone else would share their story with me, I would appreciate it so much right now. L
I cannot tell you how much that just helped me. I sent hubby back for the adrenal supplement. I really need some hope right now and you just gave me some. If anyone else would share their story with me, I would appreciate it so much right now. L
L
Honey i just started a thread for you..i cut out just the parts that has the main information that i posted personallu, but if you want to look up the entire thread please feel free...many other people added their good experiences with supplements as well..
Glad your hubby is getting them for you again..lol..it cant hurt honey and might just really help..go read the thread...k?
Hugs
Ali
Honey i just started a thread for you..i cut out just the parts that has the main information that i posted personallu, but if you want to look up the entire thread please feel free...many other people added their good experiences with supplements as well..
Glad your hubby is getting them for you again..lol..it cant hurt honey and might just really help..go read the thread...k?
Hugs
Ali
