llh:
I think I told you that I started Wellbutrin...I think I had been clean around 40 days or so...and just wasn't making the turn the way I thought I should.
I am not unique...by any means, but I got clean right after I lost my father...which was very difficult for me...only to be met with losing my best friend this fall. I can't really judge the appetite thing with respect to being on or off the pills.
I think once I got clean, I was just so freaking sad about real loss...and that is what affected my appetite more than anything.
Brendidi is a poster here...I haven't seen her in a while, but she had a real loss of appetite following getting clean and began to regain it around Day 30 or so. You really must make yourself eat what you know your body needs. Fresh fruit, a little cheese, something green. You don't want to let yourself get ill from lack of nutrition.
I think we have been living under a manufactured sense of well-being for so long that real emotions are just foreign and we tend to take them very seriously because we haven't known them in so long.
All of this was a learning process and a wake up call for me. I watched my father slip away with Alzheimer's, and he was so sad and frustrated because he could not command his mind any longer. It was just a healthy dose of "this is not a practice run" for me...I knew I needed to slow down and get myself clear. I really began to miss my clarity. I was willing to go through anything once it was all said and done.
You are doing a great job! Don't ever forget that!
S.
I have been on a/d for years for pms. i always took them every other day I am on prozac. I have been taking it every day since stopping the pills hoping it would give me a little support. I know what you are talking about with the brain shocks but to my knowledge prozac doesn't have that effect like some of the other ones do. Geez I hope not. I guess I am just worried about everything at this point. Thanks for the encouragement about going out. It got my mind off of myself for a while. I just feel like I am trying so hard and working so hard at this and I just need to see some positive result. Painfully slow is so hard. I want to know that I will feel happy again. I don't think I fully understood what the oxy was doing for me. I know for a long time i just kept going on them and then all of the sudden it turned on me. I was getting sick at weird times and felt like I was starting into withdrawl every 3 hours. I have a lot of responsibilities and I could never convince myself that I had time to deal with this because I had so many things to do..How do mom's and daughters and sisters and wives and employees, take this much time just for themselves. I have so many things to do and I am so mad at myself for this situation. I just want this really hard work to pay off. You all give me hope that it will. But I want to hear more how great it will be soon.
I can really relate to feeling everything magnified. I do feel like I am feeling every emotion so intensly. I feel raw. Is that part of the process? Does it last long? Ha I am still trying for a timeline. Can't help it.
llh
It will be great soon! Better than before. Your no longer chained to the pills, and have accomplished so much in such a short period of time. Before long you will be back to your old self, and this awful part will be behind you. Just keep moving forward, and never look back. Your doing great.
Michelle
It will be great soon! Better than before. Your no longer chained to the pills, and have accomplished so much in such a short period of time. Before long you will be back to your old self, and this awful part will be behind you. Just keep moving forward, and never look back. Your doing great.
Michelle
My worst day detoxing is MUCH BETTER than any day using.
I chased pills, counted pills, checked coat pockets for pills, recounted pills, called to get more pills, lied to get more pills, got agitated with family and friends when I knew I was low on pills, tried to ration pills, went through medicine cabinets for pills, rechecked coat pockets for pills, dug through all manner of places to see where I had stashed pills, went into some dicey places to get pills, lied about having pills...and this basically describes one week of my life.
That s*** went on for a long time in my life...and nothing I did made it any better and slowly but surely it just got worse.
I had no idea if I could stop this insanity at home, alone basically, without rehabilitation in some type of institution...but I knew I had to try. My promise to my husband and myself was that if I didn't make it through this on my own, then I had to check in somewhere because I just couldn't keep on going the way I had been.
I don't care how sick I was during withdrawal and the initial stages of being clean...I really don't remember that like I remember the anxiety of trying to keep myself from running out, or when I got low, scoring more pills. It was gross and boring and common. I am so thankful that is behind me.
Of course, we aren't even talking about the financial aspect this habit represented.
Hang on chickles...there is light at the end of that tunnel!
I chased pills, counted pills, checked coat pockets for pills, recounted pills, called to get more pills, lied to get more pills, got agitated with family and friends when I knew I was low on pills, tried to ration pills, went through medicine cabinets for pills, rechecked coat pockets for pills, dug through all manner of places to see where I had stashed pills, went into some dicey places to get pills, lied about having pills...and this basically describes one week of my life.
That s*** went on for a long time in my life...and nothing I did made it any better and slowly but surely it just got worse.
I had no idea if I could stop this insanity at home, alone basically, without rehabilitation in some type of institution...but I knew I had to try. My promise to my husband and myself was that if I didn't make it through this on my own, then I had to check in somewhere because I just couldn't keep on going the way I had been.
I don't care how sick I was during withdrawal and the initial stages of being clean...I really don't remember that like I remember the anxiety of trying to keep myself from running out, or when I got low, scoring more pills. It was gross and boring and common. I am so thankful that is behind me.
Of course, we aren't even talking about the financial aspect this habit represented.
Hang on chickles...there is light at the end of that tunnel!
Well said, I was so sick of that life style. I am so happy to be moving farther away from that every day, I am never going back. I had the same conversation with my husband and I am determined to do this on my own. How long has it been for you.
I began on June 10th...so, I guess that is about 8 months....
Wow....8 months! That is awesome, huh?
I used daily for about 4 years...maybe longer, I really don't remember.
Wow....8 months! That is awesome, huh?
I used daily for about 4 years...maybe longer, I really don't remember.
8 months is amazing.
llh...you asked me how I felt coming out of treatment at 28 days...I felt really good. I think alot of it was mind over matter. They had drilled recovery into my head 24/7 so I was ready to take on the world. Unfortunately, even though I did everything I was told, I didn't take it seriously at that point. Thought I was cured and didn't need to do meetings as much or find a sponsor. At 6 months I had to have a hysterectomy (sp?), so I was off and running again with the pills. Also had a dr, who, even though he knew I was an addict and had arranged treatment for me, starting prescribing again. Not his fault, I totally manipulated him into it.
My point is, had I done what I was taught to do, use the skills and tools I was given, I would have stayed clean. At least I think I would have.
My point is, had I done what I was taught to do, use the skills and tools I was given, I would have stayed clean. At least I think I would have.
IIh,
You feel raw because you are raw. You have been wrapped in a bubble of pills and for the first time in a long time you are feeling anything real, anything uncomfortable, anything that's not through a haze (even though it might not have felt like a haze at the time), and the rawness is physical and emotional because this is what's real. Now, everything is like, magnified 1000x because you are detoxing and your body and mind are healing, but just remember that this is normal and that this is real. And you are going to feel raw and vulnerable and open and naked because the safety net that you have used for so long has been ripped out from underneath you and as much as it feels like crap, it's a good thing. And eventually, it's going to be an amazing thing. And what you are, right now, is real.
So hang in there.
And hang on to your support system so tight that your fingers bleed.
xo
SP
You feel raw because you are raw. You have been wrapped in a bubble of pills and for the first time in a long time you are feeling anything real, anything uncomfortable, anything that's not through a haze (even though it might not have felt like a haze at the time), and the rawness is physical and emotional because this is what's real. Now, everything is like, magnified 1000x because you are detoxing and your body and mind are healing, but just remember that this is normal and that this is real. And you are going to feel raw and vulnerable and open and naked because the safety net that you have used for so long has been ripped out from underneath you and as much as it feels like crap, it's a good thing. And eventually, it's going to be an amazing thing. And what you are, right now, is real.
So hang in there.
And hang on to your support system so tight that your fingers bleed.
xo
SP
I just had my first huge stress test. I feel so weird right now. Like my body can't calm down. This is so scary. I realize I have been pretty safe up until now and the real world is back. I think I am having a panic attact. What do I do? How do I calm myself down. This feels horrible, I am going to throw up. I amnot going to take anything, but this burning in my stomach can't be good for my body. Aaaaah!
