Thanks Tim, I am not sure you know ( or maybe you do ) that reading your post helped a lot.
I told my husband this morning ( his name is Tim too ). I hate having to worry him again. He has seen me through alcohol addiction, cigarette addiction and now
painkillers. he was very supportive, but there is only so much that he can do. Right now I am in a lot pain, not just physically, but emtionally and.......
I brought in the bottle of cough syrup with hydrocodone that I had just had filled Just talking about it makes me crave it. I would normally take about 3-4 Tablespoons several times during the day. It was going to get me through until Friday when the next shipment of hydrocone was to be delivered.
I am not sure I have the strength to stay clean. Part of me wants this whole W/D thing to be hard, so that the next time, I'll remember.
I guess I just try to make it through this day..........
About 5 years ago, I went for a general physical. I had a cough. We were all coughing at home.
The doctor gave me a prescription. I took some and what a high - it had hydro in it. I would go through the large bottle in a weekend and would wait and refill it in a couple of months. But then I ouldn't make it that long, so, I started ordering hydro online - I would be using 90 pills in about two weeks, I have tried to stop or even taper
But, I am so tired of all lies, ( some of these online p[harmacies would call me at home asking if I wanted a refill ) , I told my husband it must have been because I ordered Trim spa or something online. Sometimes I was spending 1,000 a month to keep a supply. I have no money left. I hate this feeling of not having the hydro, but, sometimes even 9 pills of was not enough. I would have to start drinking shots.
The guilt.....somehow I have to make it....
| QUOTE |
| I brought in the bottle of cough syrup with hydrocodone that I had just had filled Just talking about it makes me crave it. I would normally take about 3-4 Tablespoons several times during the day. It was going to get me through until Friday when the next shipment of hydrocone was to be delivered. |
Pour it down the sink.NOW.
If you are on day 2 you only have about 48 more hours and then it should start getting better.If you take something you will have to start all over again.
Everything seems overwhelming right now because your body is in a panic mode.It's a biolgical happening which you have no control over.The substance abuse has created it.
It will get better.hang on.
Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself today besides taking a drug....alcohol included.It doesn't help.
Many have gone through this here.It can be done.
Again, Tim, thanks...I read and reread everything you write.
I am sorry for your dental woes too, I just,, I don't know, all I can think of is just get through this day. And I keep saying to myself "There is no easier softer way. Nothing changes if nothing changes
I am sorry for your dental woes too, I just,, I don't know, all I can think of is just get through this day. And I keep saying to myself "There is no easier softer way. Nothing changes if nothing changes
Gracie:
Hi! I just have a minute before I have to go, but I wanted to pop in and second what Tim just wrote you. POUR THE COUGH SYRUP DOWN THE SINK NOW.
You cannot get clean from hydrocodone with hydrocodone in your face. I just don't know anyone who can. I managed to detox and go cold turkey from a Lortab addiction at home...and have been clean 10 months. I am very fortunate, and grateful...but I did not have access to my DOC. You have got to cut off your supply to get clean. That is just a fact.
If you pour that stuff out....you will empower yourself in ways you cannot even imagine. Please, do this for yourself.
God Bless. Peace.
Sarah
Hi! I just have a minute before I have to go, but I wanted to pop in and second what Tim just wrote you. POUR THE COUGH SYRUP DOWN THE SINK NOW.
You cannot get clean from hydrocodone with hydrocodone in your face. I just don't know anyone who can. I managed to detox and go cold turkey from a Lortab addiction at home...and have been clean 10 months. I am very fortunate, and grateful...but I did not have access to my DOC. You have got to cut off your supply to get clean. That is just a fact.
If you pour that stuff out....you will empower yourself in ways you cannot even imagine. Please, do this for yourself.
God Bless. Peace.
Sarah
Again thank you Sarah and Tim - I don't know why you are helping me, you don't even know me. I just write sometimes to get it out-I am an English teacher. But, everything, everything hurts, even my teeth. Will this pain ever go away? I haven't slept, my heart keeps racing, my legs hurt, my hair hurts --I did go to church today. I tried to pray, but.....
Hi Gracie,
Welcome to the board and congratulations on your two clean days.
If you want to be off these drugs forever, then why do you have the hydrocodone cough syrup and another shipment coming on Friday? What are your intentions? Please don't let your addict brain trick you into thinking you can keep these drugs around so early in your recovery. Addiction is a disease; it's not a question of having enough "strength" not to take the pills. If you must keep that cough syrup around, give it to your husband and have him lock it away where you can't get to it. But the best thing would be to pour it down the drain. You have no idea how empowering that simple act will be.
What forms of face-to-face support do you have? Do you see a therapist? Do you attend AA/NA meetings? Is your disease something you would feel comfortable discussing with your minister?
If everything hurts, I can't recommend hot baths highly enough. Take a good book in with you and plan on soaking for a couple of hours. Throw in 4 cups of Epsom salts if you have them. And remember to drink plenty of water. Both will help flush out the toxins.
Good luck,
Gina
Welcome to the board and congratulations on your two clean days.
If you want to be off these drugs forever, then why do you have the hydrocodone cough syrup and another shipment coming on Friday? What are your intentions? Please don't let your addict brain trick you into thinking you can keep these drugs around so early in your recovery. Addiction is a disease; it's not a question of having enough "strength" not to take the pills. If you must keep that cough syrup around, give it to your husband and have him lock it away where you can't get to it. But the best thing would be to pour it down the drain. You have no idea how empowering that simple act will be.
What forms of face-to-face support do you have? Do you see a therapist? Do you attend AA/NA meetings? Is your disease something you would feel comfortable discussing with your minister?
If everything hurts, I can't recommend hot baths highly enough. Take a good book in with you and plan on soaking for a couple of hours. Throw in 4 cups of Epsom salts if you have them. And remember to drink plenty of water. Both will help flush out the toxins.
Good luck,
Gina
Gracie,
Congratulations on your decision to save your life.
I was addicted to pills to. Quitting isn't easy, I want you to know that. You are not going to be able to sleep, you are going to feel like you have been drug behind a bus and the crummy feeling can last for weeks.
I am telling you this so you won't be tempted to take a pill to relieve your pain. I always relapsed because I didn't know that feeling like death warmed over was part of quitting.
You will begin to feel better then the next thing you know you are feeling like a human being again.
I truly believe none of us can do this alone. Tim gave you the phone number for AA/NA, call them and get some support. It may not be your cup of tea but give it a chance especially now.
Keep postine talking about it really helps.
Catherine
Congratulations on your decision to save your life.
I was addicted to pills to. Quitting isn't easy, I want you to know that. You are not going to be able to sleep, you are going to feel like you have been drug behind a bus and the crummy feeling can last for weeks.
I am telling you this so you won't be tempted to take a pill to relieve your pain. I always relapsed because I didn't know that feeling like death warmed over was part of quitting.
You will begin to feel better then the next thing you know you are feeling like a human being again.
I truly believe none of us can do this alone. Tim gave you the phone number for AA/NA, call them and get some support. It may not be your cup of tea but give it a chance especially now.
Keep postine talking about it really helps.
Catherine
I poured the cough syrup down the drain. I emailed the online drudstore to cancel my refill. I am trying to get through the day....the brunch is over, next dinner with my mom and sisters....
I truly had no idea of how addicted I was or of how awful these feelings would be. It comes in waves, nausea, dizziness, pain and I don't think I am going to make it. Then it subsides a little bit --but something is always coming -self destructive thoughts, guilt, shame, and then the pain again. I keep reading and rereading your posts. I hang on every word trying to squeeze as much encouragement from you guys as I can.....and
I truly had no idea of how addicted I was or of how awful these feelings would be. It comes in waves, nausea, dizziness, pain and I don't think I am going to make it. Then it subsides a little bit --but something is always coming -self destructive thoughts, guilt, shame, and then the pain again. I keep reading and rereading your posts. I hang on every word trying to squeeze as much encouragement from you guys as I can.....and
Excellent.
That's a major step.I know it wasn't easy but I want you know that by pouring it down the drain you have just "admitted that you are dealing with something you have no control over".You are powerless.
Those feelings are going to come and go over the next few days.They hit in waves.You are going to have to fight them in any way you know possible.
Sundays are slow around here but keep posting.There are lots of people who have been sober a long time.Kat and Lisa both have a great deal of time and can help you.It's sometimes easier for women to talk to women so may they will show up today also.
Hang in there.This is not going to kill you.
That's a major step.I know it wasn't easy but I want you know that by pouring it down the drain you have just "admitted that you are dealing with something you have no control over".You are powerless.
Those feelings are going to come and go over the next few days.They hit in waves.You are going to have to fight them in any way you know possible.
Sundays are slow around here but keep posting.There are lots of people who have been sober a long time.Kat and Lisa both have a great deal of time and can help you.It's sometimes easier for women to talk to women so may they will show up today also.
Hang in there.This is not going to kill you.
Gracie,
You wrote, ..."self destructive thoughts, guilt, shame, and then the pain again..."
Those feelings are normal, it isn't just you that has those thoughts. Knowing that should help you, your not a freak if you know what I mean. lol
Drink a lot of water, water will hydrate you and pee the bad stuff out. Eating is important, your body needs fuel now. Vitamins help a lot. Slim fast or Enchure is good. The last thing you want to do is eat and both of those things are a meal in a can and drinking a meal is easier than chewing now.
I will look for the list of OTC (over the counter) stuff. Read it. You may want to ask your hubby to make a store run for you.
Keep posting and talking about it. I am going to be in and out all day today. More people should show up. Don't think you are being deserted.
Catherine
You wrote, ..."self destructive thoughts, guilt, shame, and then the pain again..."
Those feelings are normal, it isn't just you that has those thoughts. Knowing that should help you, your not a freak if you know what I mean. lol
Drink a lot of water, water will hydrate you and pee the bad stuff out. Eating is important, your body needs fuel now. Vitamins help a lot. Slim fast or Enchure is good. The last thing you want to do is eat and both of those things are a meal in a can and drinking a meal is easier than chewing now.
I will look for the list of OTC (over the counter) stuff. Read it. You may want to ask your hubby to make a store run for you.
Keep posting and talking about it. I am going to be in and out all day today. More people should show up. Don't think you are being deserted.
Catherine
You poured it down the drain!!! Wow fantastic, that is a very big thing to do. That is a huge step in the right direction. You won't be obsessing about something you can't have now because its not gnawing at your brain, calling your name....because it is gone!
Addiction to opiates is scary...especially when you first realize that you no longer enjoy the life you have because it simply really isn't living at all. It is putting one foot in front of the next and doing bare minimum what you need to do in order to get your next dose so your body doesn't go crazy!
That is no life at all! Congrats and welcome....please hunker down...tell everyone your sick and take the next few days to take care of yourself. You will need some time, maybe a week or 10 days to get the physical part behind you...then you start the journey to recovery! Its so amazing and getting to those reason why you got hooked is both empowering and wonderful and hard.
Keep posting....hot baths....defiantly cancel all your connections, tell your husband and doctors that you are an addict! We are all pulling for you and many of us have been right where you are! It can and will be done....how badly do you want it?
Addiction to opiates is scary...especially when you first realize that you no longer enjoy the life you have because it simply really isn't living at all. It is putting one foot in front of the next and doing bare minimum what you need to do in order to get your next dose so your body doesn't go crazy!
That is no life at all! Congrats and welcome....please hunker down...tell everyone your sick and take the next few days to take care of yourself. You will need some time, maybe a week or 10 days to get the physical part behind you...then you start the journey to recovery! Its so amazing and getting to those reason why you got hooked is both empowering and wonderful and hard.
Keep posting....hot baths....defiantly cancel all your connections, tell your husband and doctors that you are an addict! We are all pulling for you and many of us have been right where you are! It can and will be done....how badly do you want it?
I know Tim gave me those numbers, to NA and AA but I can't find them, I keep looking over all the threads....
I found them.
