LL ~ You have a lot of stuff going on right now. Sounds like you may have switched addictions, in a way, just my opinion...do you feel like your obsessing about this gal? Perhaps turn it over to your Higher Power and ask for the obsession for her to be removed. What helps me too, when I'm in a bad spot is to get into service...take commitments at meetings, I have a few...maybe go on a panel to a Hospital...share your experience, strength and hope with others who are still struggling...it always seems to help me, honestly. Good luck to you! And you to H.I.H!
Havinithard,
There is so much that you have had nothing to say about. Oh yeah, the worst part about my gf is that I am willing to give the space and be friends, but she never gives me the slightest inclination that we could ever try again. Like I was just a big mistake. And she put me in her life, her kids life, and her whole family made me feel so welcome. I even got through to her father, that was a task in itself. I love them all and miss that part of my life. And you tell me to just "throw it away?" I don't know how COLD you are, but that's aweful.
There is so much that you have had nothing to say about. Oh yeah, the worst part about my gf is that I am willing to give the space and be friends, but she never gives me the slightest inclination that we could ever try again. Like I was just a big mistake. And she put me in her life, her kids life, and her whole family made me feel so welcome. I even got through to her father, that was a task in itself. I love them all and miss that part of my life. And you tell me to just "throw it away?" I don't know how COLD you are, but that's aweful.
VWGIRL...thats realy good advise for him, i wish i had thought of that first.
And LL, what the heck are you talking about with phone calls....?? I thought you said that she dosnt call you anymore???
Maybe what VWGirl said was right. Maybe you just found a way to switch addictions from one to another.
Was she always cheating on you?? Is that why you think that she is with another guy??
And i found this out the hard way, but a dream is just that...a dream, or in your case seeing your GF with another man would be a nightmare....but none-the-less it was just a dream. You cant base all your thoughts on that dream. Do you always jump to conclusions about things like that.
Sorry if that comes out sounding bad, just trying to help.
HaveinItHard
And LL, what the heck are you talking about with phone calls....?? I thought you said that she dosnt call you anymore???
Maybe what VWGirl said was right. Maybe you just found a way to switch addictions from one to another.
Was she always cheating on you?? Is that why you think that she is with another guy??
And i found this out the hard way, but a dream is just that...a dream, or in your case seeing your GF with another man would be a nightmare....but none-the-less it was just a dream. You cant base all your thoughts on that dream. Do you always jump to conclusions about things like that.
Sorry if that comes out sounding bad, just trying to help.
HaveinItHard
BTW.......Im not a COLD person, Just very TO THE POINT.
You said it sucked to have to look at her picts all the time....simple solution...get rid of them.
Are you the type of guy that always keeps old girlfriends pictures.?? Its nothing but heart troubles. Trust me i have been through that before.
You said it sucked to have to look at her picts all the time....simple solution...get rid of them.
Are you the type of guy that always keeps old girlfriends pictures.?? Its nothing but heart troubles. Trust me i have been through that before.
VWGirl- I wouldn't say obsessing, it just hurts. When someone tells you that you are the "man of your dreams" and everything is so great, then she gets defensive about "space" and brings up a lot of past stuff, and up and quits seeing you all-together, it hurts. She was not "my life," but she was a big part of it. I know that she needs that recovery time, but what about after? There will be a point when she is solid in her recovery, I would think that she would want to try again, but I have never heard a breath of that. Or anything like it.
I don't know. Was she always cheating on me? Or was it just in the last couple weeks? Or was it never. And what are you talking about "seeing your gf with another man?" "Dreams are just that, dreams" Does that mean that the future and life ahead was nothing but a "dream?"
Do you think she was BSing me for a long time? The whole time? I know she did that stuff in her past, but I thought she was through with it.
Do you think she was BSing me for a long time? The whole time? I know she did that stuff in her past, but I thought she was through with it.
Hi there, Let me think about this and get back to you...I'm going out for awhile visiting with my Mom and Sister. But, let me think on this...I'll find some literature from the Program that might help you.
But it is my alcoholic mind that makes me not trust someone. I know that trust is something that you should give to someone until they give you a reason not to, but I think it is like respect, you have to earn it.
If you want my advise on the subject, i think that you should jsut leave her alone and move on with your life. Women arnt all that and a bag of chips.
You sound like one minute your doing good and then the next you pissed off about her and you wnat her back.
Why on earth would you think that she was cheating on you??? Did she give you reasons to beleave that, of are you basing that on her past and things that the two of you have shared togeather. My problem....i tell to much to the person that im in love with and i end up eating it up the a$$ in the end. I need to keep my mouth shut in this area, cause men always use it against me when i or he or we break up.
My best advise to ya buddy.....dont use what she told you about the past for the future. Just live in today and be happy.
Women can be cruel sometimes. Its in our nature to be that way. lol!!!
Whats goin on with the lawyer thing??/ We got lost in all the talk about your girl, or not your girl.....whatever...whats the bigger picture.??
You sound like one minute your doing good and then the next you pissed off about her and you wnat her back.
Why on earth would you think that she was cheating on you??? Did she give you reasons to beleave that, of are you basing that on her past and things that the two of you have shared togeather. My problem....i tell to much to the person that im in love with and i end up eating it up the a$$ in the end. I need to keep my mouth shut in this area, cause men always use it against me when i or he or we break up.
My best advise to ya buddy.....dont use what she told you about the past for the future. Just live in today and be happy.
Women can be cruel sometimes. Its in our nature to be that way. lol!!!
Whats goin on with the lawyer thing??/ We got lost in all the talk about your girl, or not your girl.....whatever...whats the bigger picture.??
I am going outside for 5 minutes, don't go away, there is more to come.
WHAT IS THIS A PAUSE IN THE GAME????? I want to know more....
I finaly post something to ya all and you leave for a few min. O.K...im going for a break two....be back in a few myself.
I finaly post something to ya all and you leave for a few min. O.K...im going for a break two....be back in a few myself.
TIMES UP...I HAVE TO GO...MAYBE I WILL READ UP NEXT TIME ON THE "COURT"ISSUES!!!
GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING LL!!
GOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING LL!!
The pause was about a cigerette. The bigger picture is that I was involved in a hit&run accident. I left the scene becaue I, do this day, don't think I hit the other car. There is absoultelyzero damage on my truck. I was drunk so I took off. They got my plate number, called the state cops and they came to my house. I went to jail and spent the night. I bonded out for 22 bucks and got zero paper work. I kept waiting and waiting to get something in the mail or anything. Then I got a phone call saying that I had a warrant out for my arrest. I never missed court since there was never a court date. I went about 7-8 months still drinking and drugging when I finally hit my rock bottom. I went to treatment where met the woman of my dreams. The woman that I would have married before my addiction, during it, and after it. And things were going great, we were in love, we both said that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. I got jealous because she was hanging out with a guy that she had slept with before and I told her that I didn't want her hanging out with him. She became friends with a guy from NA who would call her all the time and told her that he "liked" her and then he starts talking s**t about me. I say that I would like it if she never spoke to him again and that if she didn't tell him to keep his nose out of our business I would. A few other "same type" things happened and then she gets to the point where she will never tell me who she's talking to or where she's going.
She had been spending a lot of time with or talking to a guy, also from treatment. I know that she has a weakness for "the shoulder to cry on" types. Then we break up after a week of her giving me hints that she was waiting for me to break up with her. I am pretty sure that she was holding out on me becasue she was afraid I would relaspe. We were fighting a lot and she didn't kiss me the same, hold hands the same, hug the same, or ever sleep with me. I know that things weren't the greatest for those two weeks, but the 6 before were incredible. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. She knew about all my past problems and currant ones. She was willing to stick with me no matter what happened to me with the state cops and court. She cared so much. And for her to just cut everything off so fast, what else can I think except feeling for someone else. She has told me over and over again that it is her and not me. That she needs time to focus on her recovery and her family and 2 sons. I know that, I accept that, the only thing that I can't stand is that she won' t be my friend anymore and really never talks to me. She claims that she still loves me. How many people do you know that refuse to see anyone that they love? I know that we jumped into a relationship to fast after treatment, but it felt so right. I know that we can be that way again. Once she has her s**t together and so do I. Since she never has anything to say like that, I can't do anything but dwell on the fact that there is someone else in the picture, and it ain't just friends.
There are plenty more details, good ones and bad. I am alright with the relationship being over, but she was my best friend. She knew everything about me. I thought I knew her well too, but aparently not. I was an open book, she would only open at certain times of the day. I love her with all my heart and soul, she knows that. I don't want to let it all go that easy, we were so great together. And we looked so good together. So yes, no matter what is said, I will always think that there is more to this than what I am being told.
Maybe you shouldnt have told her that she couldnt have the friends that she had. That would have made me think about breaking up too. Control issues isnt it.?? Not saying that to be mean, but did you alwys ask where she was, where she was going and who with???
My ex used to do that all the time and then i finaly had enough and i broke it off with him too...but not because of another guy. Just because i couldnt handle it anymore.
He is better now and he realized that he couldnt control me that way anymore and he and i started to date again for a bit and now we are back togeather. Things are going great. Maybe you need to admit that you have had a problem with the whole contol thing.
My ex used to do that all the time and then i finaly had enough and i broke it off with him too...but not because of another guy. Just because i couldnt handle it anymore.
He is better now and he realized that he couldnt control me that way anymore and he and i started to date again for a bit and now we are back togeather. Things are going great. Maybe you need to admit that you have had a problem with the whole contol thing.
I have learned from my meetings that alcoholics have control issues. All of us do. Seriously I only would ask who she was talking to to make conversation, then her defensiveness would turn it into something else. It would turn me from a loving boyfriend to a controlling one. I have also been told that these control issues will pass, that through working the steps and going to meetings I will be alright. I know I will and they already are. I just wish that I knew what was going on. I need to just let go and let god, huh? I hope that things will work out and I am glad that you wrote about you and yours. Maybe she will read that and see that it could work out. I would do everything I could to make it work, but only if it is God's will. I already know that I can't have mine. I just hope that it is in his plan for us. I honestly do love her and want to settle down with her and give her all of things that we want out of life, right down to the white picked fence.
LL
LL
Oh, I forgot, I do admit I have a problem with controlling things. That is the same with my alcohol. I have to trust her and in my higher power that everything that happens is for a reason. I am just hoping that this time apart will lead to a stronger relationship. I am only afraid that I won't get that second chance. She means a lot to me. But I am not going to use over it. I was almost there last week, but God kept me dry. I probably could have got a buzz on the tears I cried though.
