106 days gone by since my last drink/drug use. I feel great about being able to live my life sober now. But I still don't feel right. I am very lonely, but I guess no more lonely than I was when I was drinking. I still managed to keep a few of my old friends, who actually enjoy hanging around me when we are not using. They like it. But I still feel like something isn't right. I think it sucks. I miss having a girlfriend, but I am not going to try to start a relationship with anyone because I know I am not ready for that.
But 106 days is awesome.
LL
Way to go LL! You are doing great...when I felt lonely (actually I found I really didn't like being alone when I was newly sober, now I love it ~ lol!) I tried to get to a meeting and then go do whatever everyone else was doing after the meeting: coffee, lunch/dinner, sober dance, go on a Panel, whatever...it really helped. Keep on keeping on!
Honestly VW, I don't really want to do all of that with AA people. I mean I love the meetings and I care about each one of them, but I am not going to devote all of my life to AA. I am firm in my sobriety and me being lonely will not make me turn to the bottle like it once did. The people that attend the meeting that is my home group are much older than me and I can't see myself hanging out with them. I know I need to find more meetings, but even still. It is not going to become my life. The program helps me stay clean, but it is not the "only" thing. Don't think I am knocking AA at all, I appericiate all that it has done for me. Besides not having many friends I am doing very well. I have 109 days clean now.
LL
LL
Hi LL, Glad your not as lonely today! That is good...when I was newly sober I really threw myself into the social activities along with attending meetings, but for me that's what I had to do, I just couldn't stand being alone or by myself...I drank for a long time and I had to totally immerse myself into the Program...now with over two years of sobriety my life is starting to balance out...my Sponsor had me create a pie chart in the beginning of my recovery journey and about 95 % of my time was dedicated to the Program and my Recovery. Now, through a lot of work with my Sponsor I've found a pretty good balance between, being a Mother, a Worker, a Girlfriend, my immediate Family, Fun, AA/Program, an alone time for myself...it took a little while but again things seem to have balanced out....everybody has to do what works for them...have a great rest of the day!
VWGirl-
I was pretty lonely today, but it all worked out for the best. I had to go to work on fathers day (I work in a restaurant/bar) and it ended up pretty good. I got to see some people I know and a couple old friends. For me friends at work are good to have. I know that they are not the kind of people that I should be hanging around with, but it is cool for me. Just about everyone drinks or does some kind of drugs. But I feel like the "Jesus" of the group because just as he walked among sinners, I am walking with alcoholics. Even the 12 disciples were sinners and I feel like if I can work a few mirciles of my own along the way I'm doing pretty good. The program teaches us to live our lives the best that we can in the ways of Jesus right? At least my 24 hour book has a few of the same type things in it. I feel like I have worked a miracle already. My boss, the female owner of the restaurant, as long as I have known her (9 years) has drank way too much, since she knew that I have been sober she was trying to curb her drinking and has 21 days sober right now! She hasn't been to meetings or anything, yet, but she has been doing great and now she talks to me about other peoples drunk episodes and I get to "witness" AA principals to her. It is great and I think what she is doing is wonderful. I know her kids love it as well.
LL
I was pretty lonely today, but it all worked out for the best. I had to go to work on fathers day (I work in a restaurant/bar) and it ended up pretty good. I got to see some people I know and a couple old friends. For me friends at work are good to have. I know that they are not the kind of people that I should be hanging around with, but it is cool for me. Just about everyone drinks or does some kind of drugs. But I feel like the "Jesus" of the group because just as he walked among sinners, I am walking with alcoholics. Even the 12 disciples were sinners and I feel like if I can work a few mirciles of my own along the way I'm doing pretty good. The program teaches us to live our lives the best that we can in the ways of Jesus right? At least my 24 hour book has a few of the same type things in it. I feel like I have worked a miracle already. My boss, the female owner of the restaurant, as long as I have known her (9 years) has drank way too much, since she knew that I have been sober she was trying to curb her drinking and has 21 days sober right now! She hasn't been to meetings or anything, yet, but she has been doing great and now she talks to me about other peoples drunk episodes and I get to "witness" AA principals to her. It is great and I think what she is doing is wonderful. I know her kids love it as well.
LL
What I've learned of the 12 Step Program (AA) is that it is not a religious program but a spiritual one....one is asked to get a Higher Power of their own understanding whether it be God, Jesus, Buddha, the Ocean, a door knob or a group of drunks at an AA meeting. It was based on traditions and principles of the Oxford group (religious organization) but broke away from that group early on and AA was formed (I could be wrong, so whoever can correct me please do so...). Whatever works for you keep doing it...and it's great that you're carrying the message!
VWGirl- I know all that history stuff about AA. You can say whatever you want to about it not being religious, but if you read the big book, the 12 and 12 and the 24 hour book, all they talk about is God, God, God. Back when AA was formed the only God that they were talking about was the Christian God that the Holy Bible is about. All the stuff that is said about it being spritiual is so that those who have not yet discovered God as I know him can not be excluded from the program. When I talk to people who came to AA not believing in God, a great majority of them will admit that they believe in God today. Bill W and Dr. Bob were modern day prophets. They brought religion to those who have felt that God wasn't there for them. I love the way it spreads the message. AA helps teach so much, and hidden inside all of it is a lot of religion. Good night.
LL
LL
LL ~ Yep, the Program as I hear it does have plenty of religious overtones and references. However, not everyone at the meetings I attend believe in a traditional God, I see most who have been around the Program for awhile have a God of their own understanding. For example, my Sponsor, she is Jewish and doesn't believe in Jesus...I have a friend with a couple of decades of sobriety and her Higher Power is the ocean...but yes I understand where you are coming from...I appreciate your insight.
VW- I totally see your point of view. I didn't even think about Jewish folk. But I have never came across anyone who believed in the doorknob. I know there are some athiests who are in the program, but I wouldn't be superised to hear that most of them turn into christians before too long. So for now I am going to keep being the "AA jesus," walking with the alcoholic sinners. An update on my boss-lady, she is going to Cali this weekend for a wedding and I had a heart to heart talk with her today and she says that she has no intention of drinking. I am so happy for her. If she makes it home with no drink I am going to give her my 1 month coin. You can't keep it unless you give it away right?
LL
LL
Lovinlife hows things
I like the last sentence in your signature as i've found over the years sometimes people don't wan't to change at my thinking but instead they watch from the sidelines and as i change and they notice the changes the questions start to come. My higher power can be a smile from a stranger or the wind in the trees. I knew someone who in early recovery had a light bulb as a higher power, whatever works and is good, is good:)
Light and love Zac
I like the last sentence in your signature as i've found over the years sometimes people don't wan't to change at my thinking but instead they watch from the sidelines and as i change and they notice the changes the questions start to come. My higher power can be a smile from a stranger or the wind in the trees. I knew someone who in early recovery had a light bulb as a higher power, whatever works and is good, is good:)
Light and love Zac
LL, at the book study meeting I go to (went there tonight) we read chapter 4 from the Big Book titled "We Agnostics"....a coincidence, I think not. For me it shed some more info on the topic we are chatting about here. Ya know, each time I read the Big Book I get some new revelation...new awareness.
