Being new to all this forum and rehab stuff I will do the best I can to soak in everyones thoughts.I am a 41 yr old farther of an addict of heroin.found out about four months ago that hes been doing this for about four years.Now we are at the stage of him being clean for 95+ days which im very proud of him if that's the correct term?But going to these family meetings in his out patient clinic listening to many familys saying that they been going through this for 8,9,10 years is so baffling.I was very young when my son was born hes 22 we have been close forever then came college (away) and we slowly drifted or should I say he started becoming an adult (so I figured??)This situation (which is very new)has taken such a toll on my life which many of you can understand. The meetings that I attend tell me to live day by day but that is extremely hard for me to do listening to all the other parents about relapse and jail ETC.My son is doing extremely well so far so why do I still feel so DEAD INSIDE?
Ask the folks at your meetings why you are feeling what you are feeling.
They felt the same way in the beginning I'll guarantee that.
Recovery, for both the alcoholic/addict and the friends/family, is a lifelong process.
You will go through thoughts/feelings/emotions that will twist & turn you.
The oldtimers at the meetings will help you make sense of the process and give you strength.
The oldtimers will give you the strength to begin to face some real truths.
The realization and acceptance of those truths is painful and we tend to want to evade them.
Nar-Anon will help you as well http://www.nar-anon.org/ Find out where your local meetings are
All the best.
Bob R
They felt the same way in the beginning I'll guarantee that.
Recovery, for both the alcoholic/addict and the friends/family, is a lifelong process.
You will go through thoughts/feelings/emotions that will twist & turn you.
The oldtimers at the meetings will help you make sense of the process and give you strength.
The oldtimers will give you the strength to begin to face some real truths.
The realization and acceptance of those truths is painful and we tend to want to evade them.
Nar-Anon will help you as well http://www.nar-anon.org/ Find out where your local meetings are
All the best.
Bob R
It is a tough thing to be the parent of an addict. They start out life as your precious bundle of joy, you guide and protect them from any harm, you have hopes and dreams for them as they grow up, and then they derail their life with drugs....and you have no power to do anything about it.
You are blind-sided. You don't know how to feel...angry, terrified, grief-stricken. Many parents don't know what to do. All they know is that this evil force has taken over their precious child and no amount of pressure or influence is making them stop.
Many cannot imagine how their child got caught up in all of this. Denial can rear its ugly head. Parents cannot bring themselves to imagine a junkie sticking needles in their arms. Guilt enters as the parent wonders if they failed their child somehow. Shame roars in as you think of all the other parents with successful kids. Why me...why my child?
Depression settles in, as you see how powerless you are to help your child. The ball is completely in their court. The grief of lost time and opportunities for your child, while they are on drugs, is hard to experience.
Going to these meetings is sometimes hard to do. Sometimes they turn into horror stories of what other parents have experienced. You listen, and gauge your own child's prognosis based upon what others say. You fear relapse. You pray that your child will turn their life around.
It's not unusual for you to feel "dead inside". This is natural when confronted with this trauma.
But, you need to be vigilant that this doesn't stay with you long-term. Your mental health is important. If you find that you need help processing all the feelings, seek counseling for yourself. This is important because finding out your child is on heroin is a big deal. Dealing with the anxiety "one day at a time" is not something that comes naturally.
Keep posting, and know that you are not alone. Many parents here struggle with the same issues. My thoughts are with your son and his recovery.
You are blind-sided. You don't know how to feel...angry, terrified, grief-stricken. Many parents don't know what to do. All they know is that this evil force has taken over their precious child and no amount of pressure or influence is making them stop.
Many cannot imagine how their child got caught up in all of this. Denial can rear its ugly head. Parents cannot bring themselves to imagine a junkie sticking needles in their arms. Guilt enters as the parent wonders if they failed their child somehow. Shame roars in as you think of all the other parents with successful kids. Why me...why my child?
Depression settles in, as you see how powerless you are to help your child. The ball is completely in their court. The grief of lost time and opportunities for your child, while they are on drugs, is hard to experience.
Going to these meetings is sometimes hard to do. Sometimes they turn into horror stories of what other parents have experienced. You listen, and gauge your own child's prognosis based upon what others say. You fear relapse. You pray that your child will turn their life around.
It's not unusual for you to feel "dead inside". This is natural when confronted with this trauma.
But, you need to be vigilant that this doesn't stay with you long-term. Your mental health is important. If you find that you need help processing all the feelings, seek counseling for yourself. This is important because finding out your child is on heroin is a big deal. Dealing with the anxiety "one day at a time" is not something that comes naturally.
Keep posting, and know that you are not alone. Many parents here struggle with the same issues. My thoughts are with your son and his recovery.
I feel quite dead inside too. I can't imagine if it were my child. Life is crazy enough sometimes. I know I made some questionable choices in life. I'm 50 years old with a 4 month old daughter. My addict is baby's 26 year old mom. Was hard to let her go. I had a dream to become a family and good dad. Will never have the reality. Constantly beating myself up wondering what I did wrong. I worry so much it made me physically ill. I'm now stuck in my own dark tunnel and don't see the light at the end. Need to let go but don't know how. Going to nar anon and counseling. Sorry needed to vent a little. Never felt so hurt , broken and alone. Never has been my nature to give up but I'm defeated.
