What up, My name is Mario. Im a 25 year old heroin addict. Ive been an addict for 2 years starting with Opana then went to heroin and ive been banging heroin for 7 months. It's crazy how much you wanna quit and just can't seem to hold s*** together. I'm really tired of living even though im about a month clean. I feel like im going to use again soon it just to tough to deal with everyday life not happy at all. Everybody else seems so happy and im so alone. Pray for me.
Hi Mario,
I am also a heroin addict and have been for (WOW!) almost 10 years now!!! I didn't even realize it had been that long but in that time I have been a part time user, a fully blown user, clean from H but on meds, and completely clean for 2 years.
I promise you it will get easier please don't make the same mistake as me and start using again, your doing Absolutely Fantastic!! bein clean for a month as it is so hard but you will get through it and it will be the best thing you ever did as you most definitely do not want to end up looking back on 10 wasted years of your life like me, trust me.
Please DO NOT think you could ever get away with having a little treat now and then, that's what I so stupidly thought I could do, a year and a half ago, after being clean and off meds for 2 years and now I find myself using more and more, so have come searching for support myself. I'm noway as bad as I was before I got clean as I only do it say 3 times a week if that but I hate it!!! I feel so guilty and I'm so miserable and unhappy with myself for letting myself think I could hadle the odd 'treat' here and there. I hate the fact I let the Demon tae over me again after doing so well.
I desperately want to get back to being me and put myself back to 2 years ago as I was so happy, happier than I'd been in the whole 10 years using, it felt so good, I felt so strong a person for beating it and I finally got myself A Life.
So it will get alot easier for you just hang on in there I know it's the hardest thing you've probably ever had to do but you will start to feel happy if you stick at it, dont give in to it and most of all keep yourself busy.
I will pray for you x
And myself
I am also a heroin addict and have been for (WOW!) almost 10 years now!!! I didn't even realize it had been that long but in that time I have been a part time user, a fully blown user, clean from H but on meds, and completely clean for 2 years.
I promise you it will get easier please don't make the same mistake as me and start using again, your doing Absolutely Fantastic!! bein clean for a month as it is so hard but you will get through it and it will be the best thing you ever did as you most definitely do not want to end up looking back on 10 wasted years of your life like me, trust me.
Please DO NOT think you could ever get away with having a little treat now and then, that's what I so stupidly thought I could do, a year and a half ago, after being clean and off meds for 2 years and now I find myself using more and more, so have come searching for support myself. I'm noway as bad as I was before I got clean as I only do it say 3 times a week if that but I hate it!!! I feel so guilty and I'm so miserable and unhappy with myself for letting myself think I could hadle the odd 'treat' here and there. I hate the fact I let the Demon tae over me again after doing so well.
I desperately want to get back to being me and put myself back to 2 years ago as I was so happy, happier than I'd been in the whole 10 years using, it felt so good, I felt so strong a person for beating it and I finally got myself A Life.
So it will get alot easier for you just hang on in there I know it's the hardest thing you've probably ever had to do but you will start to feel happy if you stick at it, dont give in to it and most of all keep yourself busy.
I will pray for you x
And myself
Dear, dear Mario and Anon,
My son is a 24 year old heroin addict. Both of your posts have moved me to finally join this forum. Please know that there are people here who care deeply. Keep coming back, you will find help and encouragement.
Mario, one month clean is awesome, hon! And Anon, you did it before, you can do it again.
I'm just a mom who wanted you to know that when I pray for my boy, I will pray for both of you.
Love and peace to you....
My son is a 24 year old heroin addict. Both of your posts have moved me to finally join this forum. Please know that there are people here who care deeply. Keep coming back, you will find help and encouragement.
Mario, one month clean is awesome, hon! And Anon, you did it before, you can do it again.
I'm just a mom who wanted you to know that when I pray for my boy, I will pray for both of you.
Love and peace to you....
This s*** scary. I mean just the thought of the s*** makes me want it. Im doing ok i guess I do feel alot better. It feels good to know people care when nobody trust you and nothing is fun anymore. I ani't built for this s*** GOD. But im still pushing hard. MY story is kinda crazy. I came up around dealers and big money friends that introduced me to drugs. WEED was my s*** for years. Then pills came into the picture. Now im an addict and cant f***in shake it. Somehow i gotta make it. Thanks for the replies
Hi Rosemary
Reading your reply moved me and brought a tear to my eye. Its good to know there are caring people who will give you encouragement and support especially in hard times when not having too many people to talk to about it for fear of being judged. I will definitely keep coming back I too am new to joining.
Yes your right I did do it once so can do it again 'I need to do it again'. I'm doing OK and have done for the last few days I don't think I'm quite there yet though, mentally strong enough that is but I'm getting there. At the minute my lifes been turned upside down from getting clean going to college and completing the first ever thing in my life and then going straight on to getting a job I'd always wanted, life was great, was happy for the first time probaly in my life or at least as far as i can remember, I worked hard, even plucked up the courage to start taking driving lessons which is something I'd always been absolutely terrified of but I had 2 each week for 6 months passed my theory was soon to go in for my test I'd come so far worked so hard and bam had a load of trouble like you wouldn't even believe in work, that could sure as hell only ever happen to me with my luck and everything turns upside down and then alot worse followed so I'm all over the place at the minute and not knowing what to do.
Thanks for your kind prayers
God bless you and your son
xxx
Yeah you're right this s*** is scary. Glad to hear your doing OK.
N your even more right about it not being fun anymore cos it stopped bein that along time ago.
I started similar to you, weed to start off with then LSD then pills and so on except I grew up around my 2 elder sisters who was into drugs, its the hardest thing to ever shake but for them 2 years spent shaken, well, where I thought I'd shaken it at least, they were the happiest years of my life for a long long time and now I have let myself down, which I hate myself for even more after working so god damb hard, I am having such trouble shaking it again but when I do, I will never make that mistake again, it's just not worth it anymore.
God bless you too
xxx
Reading your reply moved me and brought a tear to my eye. Its good to know there are caring people who will give you encouragement and support especially in hard times when not having too many people to talk to about it for fear of being judged. I will definitely keep coming back I too am new to joining.
Yes your right I did do it once so can do it again 'I need to do it again'. I'm doing OK and have done for the last few days I don't think I'm quite there yet though, mentally strong enough that is but I'm getting there. At the minute my lifes been turned upside down from getting clean going to college and completing the first ever thing in my life and then going straight on to getting a job I'd always wanted, life was great, was happy for the first time probaly in my life or at least as far as i can remember, I worked hard, even plucked up the courage to start taking driving lessons which is something I'd always been absolutely terrified of but I had 2 each week for 6 months passed my theory was soon to go in for my test I'd come so far worked so hard and bam had a load of trouble like you wouldn't even believe in work, that could sure as hell only ever happen to me with my luck and everything turns upside down and then alot worse followed so I'm all over the place at the minute and not knowing what to do.
Thanks for your kind prayers
God bless you and your son
xxx
Yeah you're right this s*** is scary. Glad to hear your doing OK.
N your even more right about it not being fun anymore cos it stopped bein that along time ago.
I started similar to you, weed to start off with then LSD then pills and so on except I grew up around my 2 elder sisters who was into drugs, its the hardest thing to ever shake but for them 2 years spent shaken, well, where I thought I'd shaken it at least, they were the happiest years of my life for a long long time and now I have let myself down, which I hate myself for even more after working so god damb hard, I am having such trouble shaking it again but when I do, I will never make that mistake again, it's just not worth it anymore.
God bless you too
xxx
Dear Anon,
Wish I had some advice to give you. Unfortunately, I have none as I was the world's worst enabler.
I am still trying to get out of my son's way, doing pretty well. Although in the back of my crazy little mind, I still think I can save him. lol! But this is his journey, as it is yours.
I will pray that you and Mario, and all those seeking recovery find health, happiness, and freedom.
Love,
Rosemary
Wish I had some advice to give you. Unfortunately, I have none as I was the world's worst enabler.
I am still trying to get out of my son's way, doing pretty well. Although in the back of my crazy little mind, I still think I can save him. lol! But this is his journey, as it is yours.
I will pray that you and Mario, and all those seeking recovery find health, happiness, and freedom.
Love,
Rosemary
I know where both of you are coming from I have been on and of H for nearly 30 years now, mostly on loll, sometimes we settle for what we THINK we deserve,, if I have learned anything its that to look to this moment, because thats all life is a collection of moments and before we know this moment has turned into yesterday and we are one more day clean and one more day stronger
the thing about coming of is STAYING of I had to bin bag all my old mates (most) and jump into the void, and when we have stripped away all the triggers we are left with nothing but the VOID that is left, then is the time to rebuild slowly slowly baby steps, thousands of other people have done it, and they are no different from you or me, so there is nothing stopping us from doing it.
Consistency plaster your drum (house) with loads of quotes or inspirational sayings , GO OUT even if its just for a walk, better still get a bike make some butties and a flask of coffee and bail for the day . Whatever floats your boat, this is our lives my brothers and if theres something in it we dont like its up to us to change it, we must simply have the will.
Hang on in there every minute you are one step closer to your new life
Love peace and happiness
I would pray for you both but im just a cynical atheist so you will have to roll with L,P,H lol
Bob
the thing about coming of is STAYING of I had to bin bag all my old mates (most) and jump into the void, and when we have stripped away all the triggers we are left with nothing but the VOID that is left, then is the time to rebuild slowly slowly baby steps, thousands of other people have done it, and they are no different from you or me, so there is nothing stopping us from doing it.
Consistency plaster your drum (house) with loads of quotes or inspirational sayings , GO OUT even if its just for a walk, better still get a bike make some butties and a flask of coffee and bail for the day . Whatever floats your boat, this is our lives my brothers and if theres something in it we dont like its up to us to change it, we must simply have the will.
Hang on in there every minute you are one step closer to your new life
Love peace and happiness
I would pray for you both but im just a cynical atheist so you will have to roll with L,P,H lol
Bob
Mario & Anon~ THIS FIGHT... FOR YOUR LIFE BEGINS.. AND ENDS ...WITH YOU...
I know that alot of people focus on how much farther they have to go instead of looking how far they've come! It sucks to start over..but at least you did sooo dont waste it..TIME IS ONE THING YOU NEVER GET BACK.
When you reach out like this its a wonderful start..Even though you may feel ashamed and scared of being an addict. Someone in your lives ..loves or cares.. about you more than you know...and sometimes they have to love you enough to walk away..rather than enable you. And even if they are not physically present with you..you are in their hearts or minds..and sometimes you have to leave them behind..in order to move forward yourself! You guys know what helps you.. and hurts you.. on the inside..When you start to look back..FOCUS FORWARD..
My son too is an addict.. Much like Mario he started with the pills..
I could not EVER express to either you the HEART RIPPING..GUT WRENCHING feelings that ran through me the day I found my son on the floor just minutes from death. I was scared almost to death myself...I literally p'd my pants..called 911 couldnt remember my address at the age of 44..and had to run and get a neighbor because I couldn't do a thing for him; even though 2 months before this I got certified in CPR!... I could hear my AMPLIFIED heartbeat between my ears in my own head..I remember standing there looking at him and thinking "MY SON IS GOING TO DIE...AND I AM GOING TO GO RIGHT BEHIND HIM!! The ambulance takes him to the hospital..I drive my car..which I had no business doing..went the wrong way almost wrecked twice..we all get to the hospital & he flatlines there... this was after I watched him walk out of my house after the EMT's hit him with Narcan. It was touch and go for a bit..while all this is happening Im thinking..IF HE LIVES... "Where do we go from here" this is my son..I love him more than he will ever know..but I know , this is bigger than me..AND MOM CANT FIX THIS!
Once my son got through the medical attention..and I could go back to see him..He couldnt even look at me..After 21 years of loving, raising, struggling, setting good examples..and being there for him..he couldnt even look at me; Let alone trust in me anymore.. This hurt me even more....I am the only one here now... in this moment.. in this room..with him...Where are his friends..where is his FATHER..Its just him and I..like the day he was born. He started to cry..and apologize..I asked him why he thought he couldnt tell me..or y cant he even look at me now..In that moment I knew he was addicted. I knew I couldnt fix this..But..I know my son..he's a good young man..but Im no stranger to heroin either..he's made some bad choices and he will suffer the consequences. I know rehabs dont work..they just give you pills.. and turn you back out into the same world that got you there.
We needed real help..
His half brother..overdosed in July 2012 and was introduced to Narcotics Anonymous..so I called him..he seemed to be doing well and now this was October 2012 and he was sticking with the way the NA does things..and STAYING CLEAN..Most importantly NA was teaching him what to do in desperate times. And teaching him tools to use throughout the community and helping him "GROW UP" and be "RESPONSIBLE FOR HIMSELF"... Since his brother introduced heroin to my son..I figured why not see if he can help me with his lil brother..and he did.
I have a firm belief that tools do help...and I believe that www.na.org is a great start.. They have open meetings for addicts, friends, family, & community. And closed meetings for addicts only.
THIS FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE BEGINS AND ENDS WITH YOU. Your choices of keeping a healthy mind and body and soul..Be true to yourself..be true to your body..and be true spiritually. STAY CLEAN BY WORKING ..ONE DAY AT A TIME..NOTHING MORE..NOTHING LESS. AND REMEMBER..WHEN YOU THINK YOUR FOOLING SOMEONE SO YOU CAN USE..YOUR ONLY FOOLING YOURSELF.
My son remarkably has almost..four months clean thanks to him and the help from NA..no pills, no pot, no alcohol, no h, nothing. I know this could change at any moment..he has to be strong..in body and spirit and mind : )
Praying for all of us
I know that alot of people focus on how much farther they have to go instead of looking how far they've come! It sucks to start over..but at least you did sooo dont waste it..TIME IS ONE THING YOU NEVER GET BACK.
When you reach out like this its a wonderful start..Even though you may feel ashamed and scared of being an addict. Someone in your lives ..loves or cares.. about you more than you know...and sometimes they have to love you enough to walk away..rather than enable you. And even if they are not physically present with you..you are in their hearts or minds..and sometimes you have to leave them behind..in order to move forward yourself! You guys know what helps you.. and hurts you.. on the inside..When you start to look back..FOCUS FORWARD..
My son too is an addict.. Much like Mario he started with the pills..
I could not EVER express to either you the HEART RIPPING..GUT WRENCHING feelings that ran through me the day I found my son on the floor just minutes from death. I was scared almost to death myself...I literally p'd my pants..called 911 couldnt remember my address at the age of 44..and had to run and get a neighbor because I couldn't do a thing for him; even though 2 months before this I got certified in CPR!... I could hear my AMPLIFIED heartbeat between my ears in my own head..I remember standing there looking at him and thinking "MY SON IS GOING TO DIE...AND I AM GOING TO GO RIGHT BEHIND HIM!! The ambulance takes him to the hospital..I drive my car..which I had no business doing..went the wrong way almost wrecked twice..we all get to the hospital & he flatlines there... this was after I watched him walk out of my house after the EMT's hit him with Narcan. It was touch and go for a bit..while all this is happening Im thinking..IF HE LIVES... "Where do we go from here" this is my son..I love him more than he will ever know..but I know , this is bigger than me..AND MOM CANT FIX THIS!
Once my son got through the medical attention..and I could go back to see him..He couldnt even look at me..After 21 years of loving, raising, struggling, setting good examples..and being there for him..he couldnt even look at me; Let alone trust in me anymore.. This hurt me even more....I am the only one here now... in this moment.. in this room..with him...Where are his friends..where is his FATHER..Its just him and I..like the day he was born. He started to cry..and apologize..I asked him why he thought he couldnt tell me..or y cant he even look at me now..In that moment I knew he was addicted. I knew I couldnt fix this..But..I know my son..he's a good young man..but Im no stranger to heroin either..he's made some bad choices and he will suffer the consequences. I know rehabs dont work..they just give you pills.. and turn you back out into the same world that got you there.
We needed real help..
His half brother..overdosed in July 2012 and was introduced to Narcotics Anonymous..so I called him..he seemed to be doing well and now this was October 2012 and he was sticking with the way the NA does things..and STAYING CLEAN..Most importantly NA was teaching him what to do in desperate times. And teaching him tools to use throughout the community and helping him "GROW UP" and be "RESPONSIBLE FOR HIMSELF"... Since his brother introduced heroin to my son..I figured why not see if he can help me with his lil brother..and he did.
I have a firm belief that tools do help...and I believe that www.na.org is a great start.. They have open meetings for addicts, friends, family, & community. And closed meetings for addicts only.
THIS FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE BEGINS AND ENDS WITH YOU. Your choices of keeping a healthy mind and body and soul..Be true to yourself..be true to your body..and be true spiritually. STAY CLEAN BY WORKING ..ONE DAY AT A TIME..NOTHING MORE..NOTHING LESS. AND REMEMBER..WHEN YOU THINK YOUR FOOLING SOMEONE SO YOU CAN USE..YOUR ONLY FOOLING YOURSELF.
My son remarkably has almost..four months clean thanks to him and the help from NA..no pills, no pot, no alcohol, no h, nothing. I know this could change at any moment..he has to be strong..in body and spirit and mind : )
Praying for all of us
Hey, Hard days
Hope you're still clean. At a month, it's a b**** ain't it? I've been clean about 11 months now from banging H.
For me, life just seemed gray for quite a while... two months for sure. I'd make myself go out with friends sometimes but I just wanted to go home always. At dinner, I couldn't wait for the check so we could leave!
Certain television shows that I used to like were now unwatchable. Chocolate tasted like s***. Lots of stuff like that. Life was just a blah, barely bearable chore.
Things got better not daily, but weekly... Some weeks it wasn't even noticeably better than the last week. But one day at about three months, I stopped to think about it and I felt like I was 90% better!
At four months, I felt like back to normal! Very cool, that.
Of course, little things about my psyche were not back to normal. I suspect I'm still not exactly like I used to be. But maybe that's a good thing. I know I'm enjoying life & people and people seem to be enjoying me again.
Hang in there, dude. It's like they say: It gets better.
Mark
Hope you're still clean. At a month, it's a b**** ain't it? I've been clean about 11 months now from banging H.
For me, life just seemed gray for quite a while... two months for sure. I'd make myself go out with friends sometimes but I just wanted to go home always. At dinner, I couldn't wait for the check so we could leave!
Certain television shows that I used to like were now unwatchable. Chocolate tasted like s***. Lots of stuff like that. Life was just a blah, barely bearable chore.
Things got better not daily, but weekly... Some weeks it wasn't even noticeably better than the last week. But one day at about three months, I stopped to think about it and I felt like I was 90% better!
At four months, I felt like back to normal! Very cool, that.
Of course, little things about my psyche were not back to normal. I suspect I'm still not exactly like I used to be. But maybe that's a good thing. I know I'm enjoying life & people and people seem to be enjoying me again.
Hang in there, dude. It's like they say: It gets better.
Mark
Hey there Mark, good to hear from you and I appreciate your words of wisdom to the newcomers.
I have been MIA for grandchildren reasons and cant find my self with the lights on.LMFAO.
Emergency appendectomies,IEPs,and dentists,oh my. Today I am finally home and getting things back on track.
And BOB, how are you my friend?? Thanks to you as well for giving your words of wisdom to these folks that are slowly finding us here.
I got an email to Jack, he is doing well and I am sure he'll do a driveby at some point. I feel like I am letting people down by not being here more often especially when they are reaching out to someone. But I also realize I cant always help everyone as much as I would like to.
Be safe,
granny
I have been MIA for grandchildren reasons and cant find my self with the lights on.LMFAO.
Emergency appendectomies,IEPs,and dentists,oh my. Today I am finally home and getting things back on track.
And BOB, how are you my friend?? Thanks to you as well for giving your words of wisdom to these folks that are slowly finding us here.
I got an email to Jack, he is doing well and I am sure he'll do a driveby at some point. I feel like I am letting people down by not being here more often especially when they are reaching out to someone. But I also realize I cant always help everyone as much as I would like to.
Be safe,
granny
Thanks to everyone for your advice. I am still clean but the is a lot of pressure to use everyday but I make it through. With the help of a drink or two and a little bit of weed I get some sleep finally. I cant lie though I did use one time and it was horrible. I would advise anyone that is thinking about using to just be strong and fight it. Remember you re fighting for your life and its going to be tough but it will get better but not without you putting forth the effort. I know I have a long way to go but at least I have you guys to assist me in my struggles. Thanks
