are you still with us ?
thanks for inquiring bob.
but i have been real depressed and haven't felt like talking socializing, nothing in my own bubble.
i talk to my husband again and he was full of good stuff to say, he loved me, missed me and didn't want a divorce. he said so many convincing sweet things just the way i wanted to hear them. he spent a few days spending time with the kids affectionate with us. so convincing that when we had a moment alone we made love but before i told i was hesitant because of all the hurtful things he has said and done and i needed him to be sure of what he said. he was so sure,so there went that and my vulnerability because he knows to me that has so much meaning to me and i guess more so now.
i believed him but at the same time afraid of him changing his mind. well one of my kids brought up the fact that i went to dinner and a movie with a male co-worker and also a group of friends and things went down hill again. he was text messageing me everyday i love you
but i have been real depressed and haven't felt like talking socializing, nothing in my own bubble.
i talk to my husband again and he was full of good stuff to say, he loved me, missed me and didn't want a divorce. he said so many convincing sweet things just the way i wanted to hear them. he spent a few days spending time with the kids affectionate with us. so convincing that when we had a moment alone we made love but before i told i was hesitant because of all the hurtful things he has said and done and i needed him to be sure of what he said. he was so sure,so there went that and my vulnerability because he knows to me that has so much meaning to me and i guess more so now.
i believed him but at the same time afraid of him changing his mind. well one of my kids brought up the fact that i went to dinner and a movie with a male co-worker and also a group of friends and things went down hill again. he was text messageing me everyday i love you
continued)
now he is saying that he feels that i was wrong that no matter what he said to me i am his wife and he thougt that it would have taken me a long time to get over him and already i am starting to date and a co-worker and he doesn't trust me i have said everything possible to soothe those thought but i am always the enemy in his eyes it's as if he can't wait to use me as a punching bag and there i go hurt all over again. well this past thursday he asked me to take him to work but i had to pick him up from group therepy first. when i picked him up he in such a bad mood because he had a report to do and they felt he was a little angry and frustrated and he did'nt relate to god. so i tried to make him happy big mistake on my part because i just pissed him off more, he jumped out of the car made a seen in public told me to get the f*** why do i put up with his s*** but then i eventually convinced to get back in the car but only so he can say again he can't handle the stress the relationship gives him and he want out again. and i havent' heard from him since, he talks to my daughter on the cell phone but not me. my mind is going bonkers.
now he is saying that he feels that i was wrong that no matter what he said to me i am his wife and he thougt that it would have taken me a long time to get over him and already i am starting to date and a co-worker and he doesn't trust me i have said everything possible to soothe those thought but i am always the enemy in his eyes it's as if he can't wait to use me as a punching bag and there i go hurt all over again. well this past thursday he asked me to take him to work but i had to pick him up from group therepy first. when i picked him up he in such a bad mood because he had a report to do and they felt he was a little angry and frustrated and he did'nt relate to god. so i tried to make him happy big mistake on my part because i just pissed him off more, he jumped out of the car made a seen in public told me to get the f*** why do i put up with his s*** but then i eventually convinced to get back in the car but only so he can say again he can't handle the stress the relationship gives him and he want out again. and i havent' heard from him since, he talks to my daughter on the cell phone but not me. my mind is going bonkers.
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Debora:
It sounds like your husband still has a lot of his own issues to deal with. These are not your issues. You have to remind yourself of that.
And you cannot make another person happy. That is something that each individual can only do for themselves. It is not your responsibility to make your husband happy.
His behaviour in the car seems extremely childish and immature and IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
He is doing exactly what you said. He is using you as his punching bag. Give him the space to sort himself out. It is obvious that it is what he needs right now. Otherwise, you will probably continue to be hurt and subjected to his moods and bad behaviours.
Take this time to work on yourself. It seems that you put a lot of pressure on yourself for his problems. And you seem to be questioning yourself a lot and trying to figure out what you have done wrong.
Remember - his problems are exactly that - HIS problems.
Your problems are your problems. And the only problems you can work on and fix is your own.
I hope you are feeling better.
Take care,
Mickey
It sounds like your husband still has a lot of his own issues to deal with. These are not your issues. You have to remind yourself of that.
And you cannot make another person happy. That is something that each individual can only do for themselves. It is not your responsibility to make your husband happy.
His behaviour in the car seems extremely childish and immature and IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT.
He is doing exactly what you said. He is using you as his punching bag. Give him the space to sort himself out. It is obvious that it is what he needs right now. Otherwise, you will probably continue to be hurt and subjected to his moods and bad behaviours.
Take this time to work on yourself. It seems that you put a lot of pressure on yourself for his problems. And you seem to be questioning yourself a lot and trying to figure out what you have done wrong.
Remember - his problems are exactly that - HIS problems.
Your problems are your problems. And the only problems you can work on and fix is your own.
I hope you are feeling better.
Take care,
Mickey
thanks mickey
i do and i know i do, i have been doing things to better myself and just when i soften up to him something happens. i love him and miss him and i still can't beleive sometimes this is happening. we always had such a good understanding of one another and now i don't even know who i am talking to and the things i use to do bother him, he has his moment of sweetness and now rage i have never seen in him before.he softens to my kids but me i just piss him off in a heart beat and he'll go days without calling me and act as if i did something wrong. i am a little nervous today because he said he wants to talk and i don't feel as if it is going to be good. he not around the most positive people in the world and i know that its is good for him to be around other addicts but ever since he has sought help our relationship has been paying the price and i feel constantly being punish for loving him or believing him and marrying him.
i do and i know i do, i have been doing things to better myself and just when i soften up to him something happens. i love him and miss him and i still can't beleive sometimes this is happening. we always had such a good understanding of one another and now i don't even know who i am talking to and the things i use to do bother him, he has his moment of sweetness and now rage i have never seen in him before.he softens to my kids but me i just piss him off in a heart beat and he'll go days without calling me and act as if i did something wrong. i am a little nervous today because he said he wants to talk and i don't feel as if it is going to be good. he not around the most positive people in the world and i know that its is good for him to be around other addicts but ever since he has sought help our relationship has been paying the price and i feel constantly being punish for loving him or believing him and marrying him.
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