Rant alert.
Decades old addict/alcoholic family member blames family and others for their issues especially the family for chasing potential spouses away. Yet these same potential spouses had multiple divorces, bankruptcies, addiction issues of their own, flunky children etc. Nothing's ever their fault. They constantly like to reference their "expert" and/or 'successful' friends. Yet they lied to some of these 'experts' who then gave them advice including get a friend or family to just give them the money to pay their way out of their troubles. This included a bankruptcy and trip to a luxury inpatient rehab although that thought/subliminal suggestion to others was brief. A half century later they still resent their parents only being able to send to a community college yet they almost didn't graduate high school.
These most recent ramblings and attitude came about after a significant other left them. They have now have literally fallen back into their teenage/young adult party days and attitude(never really far away). They start drinking they ramble and rant. Bring up the wrong subject it's a rant and ramble like they are a child lecturing their parents with something they learned in school that day. Their habits have tanked their health yet they play it up as the result of years of unemployment/gig type jobs while they were the one that purposely held out for the perfect job and spent like a millionaire.
Decades old alcoholic is aging but has never grown up talking like a teenager talking/pretending to be an old. Somethings never change.
Adultnoprogress sorry you have to listen to these senseless ramblings. It's always someone else fault and he/she doesn't see their part in the equation. It must get really old after a while....
Sallyanna absolutely they seem to avoid their responsibility for their actions. They harp about family yet as a half century old adult they can do anything they want including declining invitations to family functions-others have for work, travel etc. Or finally realize it's time to pay for their own life financially and make adult decisions including it's time to drop the 20 something party life. What puzzles me I can't believe many of their friends don't pick up on their age, continuous drinking, constant job & finance issues etc ie why aren't they hosting events, parties, dinners etc. Or maybe they have and is why they constantly run with a new younger crowd 1/2 their age.
ANP, I know in my own life I have had to quit figuring some people out (like my mother?!?!?) because as hard as I tried and researched the only explanation I could come up with was they are 'just really messed up' and I should avoid them at all costs because they contaminate my life.
I'm glad you found this group so you have a place to vent and share. I will share the recent interaction that your posting made me think of. a few weeks ago my son was 'up to no good' his dad blasted him on the phone, because he didn't sound right. told him not to drive. for the evening there were text messages. "i'm going to leave and never see you guys again" "you treat me like a child".... I responded - you can stop acting like a child when ever you want to.
One of the current issues with their break up is that family won't drive them around to or from bars like their last partner/big time enabler. They're trying to guilt people into driving them to a bar to meet up with their drinking friends saying they'll get nabbed for a dui-again or they'll have to walk miles to avoid one. Avoiding a dui is their responsibility, not others. More importantly after decades of unemployment and financial issues related to their drinking and/or drugging they still "must" meet these people for drinks. Helloooo, maybe the lack of a ride is telling you something. Or how about growing up and not treating family like a soccer mom who drives their kids around to various events.
So difficult because our addicted kids or relatives don't reason or think as we do! My son won't speak to us because he blames us for his life and why he is stuck in the same path at 47. Can't count the number of times or years we have spent let alone the money on him trying to "fix" him or make him "change".
Yes-- we enabled him for way too many years and now he won't speak to us because we messed him up???? Go figure!
Well, life is short and we are old so I am done trying to connect. Some day he may figure it out whether we are here or not. Some things will never change no matter what you do or don't do.
I am tired and worn out.
Yes-- we enabled him for way too many years and now he won't speak to us because we messed him up???? Go figure!
Well, life is short and we are old so I am done trying to connect. Some day he may figure it out whether we are here or not. Some things will never change no matter what you do or don't do.
I am tired and worn out.
ANP your family member lives in la la land and acts very entitled. It must be very frustrating listening to them. There is no respect sadly. They don't respect the efforts we've made to help them.
