Hi everyone. I haven't posted in ages because I've been going through a lot recently and have made some big decisions.
I am giving up my Psychiatrist and my Psychologist because they are not helping me or my situation improve.
I haven't decided whether or not to stop seeing my alcohol counsellor yet because I am still drinking and am too depressed to stop. I feel there is no point to my life anymore. No matter how hard i try I am not happy and I can't socialise or mix with people without feeling like i want to get up and run away or smash something into their face to make them hate me and stop looking at me.
I have almost died twice due to my drinking and right now I don't care if there's a third fourth or fifth time...
I have told my friend I don't want to speak with her anymore because I am cutting myself off from everyone. I'm no good as a friend anyway... I'm just flipping pathetic and I hate myself.
So I might be back... I don't know. Depends on my circumstances.
Take care of all of yourselves.
Izzy X
Izzy..... remember that one of the behaviours of an addict is to start isolating and to start cutting people out of thier lives who will interfere with thier using/drinking. People can only help you if you are willing to be helped. Really think about why you are not wanting to see these people. Is it easier to give up and live in the pain, hopelessness, and destuction of addiction/alcoholism? They fight is hard however the payoff is so great, it is worth the fight. Self pity as you know is also a behaviour associated with active addiction, so you are doing exactly what every other addict does, however is that really the life you want to live. Get angry.....FIGHT...you deserve it and you are worth it.
Hey Izzy, been thinking of you a lot lately; know that I share and identify with the pain you are in...I tried countless, vain attempts to try to get sober for over 20 years and nothing (I tried everything too and this is just my experience), worked except AA for me. For me though, too, I can go right to that place in sobriety, however I have been taught coping skills by the people who have gone before me that I met on the program. I know I've posted this before, if I killed myself I would've been killing the wrong person...Izzy you've got a lot of spunk, you can do this thing ~ I believe in you! Don't stop before the miracle (by that I mean don't give up on yourself), none of us will ever give up on you!
Gidday Izzy
Whatever is happening for you dont isolate from yourself via alcohol or cutting, and at the moment it sounds like everyone is pissing you off, is Freddie? he needs you, recovery is about small steps and try not to look to far into the future.
I agree with VWgirl and have said before in posts you have so much to offer people, i see this in your posts so much, there is no bullsh#t, there is always the truth and your journey is hard at the moment, i know that hard, i have cut myself with glasses when drunk and intentionally broken bones in my body and done things that i know will result in injury and at times hopefully death and yes i was pissed off when i woke up on countless occasions because the addict in me wanted to die......The person in me called Peter(zac), well he didnt want to die and slowly one day at a time and even one minute at a time i have found confidance in myself to stay sober and live.
Izzy my love to you and may your guides and god hold you in there hands so you feel the warmth of belonging, that you deserve in life.
Light and love Zac
Whatever is happening for you dont isolate from yourself via alcohol or cutting, and at the moment it sounds like everyone is pissing you off, is Freddie? he needs you, recovery is about small steps and try not to look to far into the future.
I agree with VWgirl and have said before in posts you have so much to offer people, i see this in your posts so much, there is no bullsh#t, there is always the truth and your journey is hard at the moment, i know that hard, i have cut myself with glasses when drunk and intentionally broken bones in my body and done things that i know will result in injury and at times hopefully death and yes i was pissed off when i woke up on countless occasions because the addict in me wanted to die......The person in me called Peter(zac), well he didnt want to die and slowly one day at a time and even one minute at a time i have found confidance in myself to stay sober and live.
Izzy my love to you and may your guides and god hold you in there hands so you feel the warmth of belonging, that you deserve in life.
Light and love Zac
"Within our wonderful new world, we have found freedom from our fatal obsession."
Let go and let your Higher Power drive for a while.
Let go and let your Higher Power drive for a while.
Dear Izzy,
Please don't give up on yourself !!! Remember my reply to you a couple of months back? Life has many ups & downs. Death is permanent solution to temporary problems. I've read happy & encouraging posts that youv'e written. You help me with your posts. I'm still in out patient rehab & private counseling. When I've said I just don't care anymore they rebuke it by telling me I wouldn't talk about it if it were really true. I beleive you do care or you wouldn't be reaching out here on the board. Perhaps you should fire your Dr's & counselors & shop for new ones that will help you. You know some are quite good & some or just plain lousy. I've been thinking of you & was about to put a shout out for you on the board. I remember reading from one of your prevoius posts that you could go 10 days without drinking & you felt so much better & then you would feel worse. I've done the same thing many times & couldn't figure out why I felt worse at the ten day abstinent point. I learned about Post Acute Withdrawels at rehab & read info. from this site. Having the knowledge that this was normal,but uncomfortable has helped me ride them out. I've been sober for 51/2 wks now & still feel unhappy & lousy some days. However, the good days are so wonderful & you can have them too!! I pray that you will become willing, open, & honest with yourself. I will be praying for you to find the proper help you need. I pray that you will go to an AA meeting where there will be something you here to let you know your not alone in the way you think & feel. Please don't give up. Get mad if you have to. Search for other counselors, programs so you can receive the help you need. Izzy you are worth it !!! Please keep posting & know that you are loved & being prayed for. God Bless, Chris
Please don't give up on yourself !!! Remember my reply to you a couple of months back? Life has many ups & downs. Death is permanent solution to temporary problems. I've read happy & encouraging posts that youv'e written. You help me with your posts. I'm still in out patient rehab & private counseling. When I've said I just don't care anymore they rebuke it by telling me I wouldn't talk about it if it were really true. I beleive you do care or you wouldn't be reaching out here on the board. Perhaps you should fire your Dr's & counselors & shop for new ones that will help you. You know some are quite good & some or just plain lousy. I've been thinking of you & was about to put a shout out for you on the board. I remember reading from one of your prevoius posts that you could go 10 days without drinking & you felt so much better & then you would feel worse. I've done the same thing many times & couldn't figure out why I felt worse at the ten day abstinent point. I learned about Post Acute Withdrawels at rehab & read info. from this site. Having the knowledge that this was normal,but uncomfortable has helped me ride them out. I've been sober for 51/2 wks now & still feel unhappy & lousy some days. However, the good days are so wonderful & you can have them too!! I pray that you will become willing, open, & honest with yourself. I will be praying for you to find the proper help you need. I pray that you will go to an AA meeting where there will be something you here to let you know your not alone in the way you think & feel. Please don't give up. Get mad if you have to. Search for other counselors, programs so you can receive the help you need. Izzy you are worth it !!! Please keep posting & know that you are loved & being prayed for. God Bless, Chris
