I have been struggling...for over a month...on making some pretty major decisions...I have been trying to do something different...make a decision before I Have to...before a crisis...I have done it a couple times...but this decision is more long range thinking...
I struggled with faith and letting go, questioning myself, my motives...and re-questioning some more...
Last night I had a breakdown...and what has been in my heart...finally surfaced and I took action...
I decided to take a leave of absence from grad school this semester...
R E L I E F
I decided to sell my house and move in June
R E L I E F
I decided I need to simplify what I can...and deal with what I need to deal with without extra stress or pressure
R E L I E F
When I listened to my heart...to my inner voice...and felt the Sigh of
R E L I E F
I knew...
I realized I allow others' expectations of me...to make or guide some of my decisions...I realized I feel like I would disappoint people if I don't do what they want me to do...I realized I have slipped into just going with it instead of going with me...
Last night I asked God...begged God...for an answer...well I had the answer but I didn't think it was the right answer b/c it would mean "disappointing" some people...but who am I really disappointing...me...And to my surprise...
When I went to school to talk with my advisor...she stood up and cheered! When I went to talk with my parents...they basically did the same...So what I realized is what I think other people think or expect...is really the Expectations I put on myself...Ohhhh its my perfectionism at its finest...and its fear...fear of what others think of me and the decisions I make...fear because I don't trust myself...fear because I have made "bad" decisions before and have been judged b/c of that...fear that God doesn't really have a plan for me...
I awoke this morning...still anxious but feeling better...talked with a couple of friends (Thank you Stacey! Love ya!)...and prayed...and fear turned to faith...I am making the best decisions I can at this time...I am not making it rashly or without thought...I am not reacting...I am acting...and God does have a plan...He always has...and always will...
Not all my friends are 100% supportive...of me moving...I decided to take my parents up on their offer to rent their 2nd home (which I live in during the summer)...it is an hour south of me...and would save me a lot of money...It will make my life more manageable in many ways...But b/c my bf lives near there a few people think that is my main reason for moving...I have decided to Stop defending my decision...I don't deny it does make it more appealing to move there but he is not The reason...and as another friend said...Gina if it is...that is your business...Ahhh yes...
So I can not control what others think...do...feel...
I can only "control" my thoughts, actions, feelings, decisions...and ask God for the guidance needed...and His will for me...
TFLMS...
Love Gina
I am glad you are making changes in your life in order to get better. You know the saying...you keeping doing the same things and you will get the same results. Therefore, with change you will see results in your life...some positive...maybe some will be negative. Make sure you embrace the positive and move to correct the negative.
Gina...
Awesome....I prayed that everything would be okay and he would help you with the decisions.....I am so glad to see you giving up the control & giving it back to God....Yes, you are making some big changes and for me, change can be uncomfortable because of the unknown but have faith and God will take care of you....I am certain of this....I do believe that by making poor choices in my past, and suffering consquences only led me to be able to be a better person today and I had to go through everything I have to get to where I am....
You used your tools, shared with friends, talked with your parents, prayed to God to guide you and the answers were revealed....Now it's okay to let it go, don't doubt your decision, and get excited for the new chapter starting to unfold in your life....
You rock girl and I am so glad you are a friend of mine and share with me your recovery journey.....
I love you & I am excited for you....
xoxo
Stacey
Awesome....I prayed that everything would be okay and he would help you with the decisions.....I am so glad to see you giving up the control & giving it back to God....Yes, you are making some big changes and for me, change can be uncomfortable because of the unknown but have faith and God will take care of you....I am certain of this....I do believe that by making poor choices in my past, and suffering consquences only led me to be able to be a better person today and I had to go through everything I have to get to where I am....
You used your tools, shared with friends, talked with your parents, prayed to God to guide you and the answers were revealed....Now it's okay to let it go, don't doubt your decision, and get excited for the new chapter starting to unfold in your life....
You rock girl and I am so glad you are a friend of mine and share with me your recovery journey.....
I love you & I am excited for you....
xoxo
Stacey
Hi Gina,
What a post!! That sounds like quite major progress really. Good for you on every aspect!!
I know what you mean about doing things for others rather than for yourself, worried what they will think and worried you won't be perfect. It is nuts really and we know it.
I hope you find the strength to make the changes in your life with joy and ease.
Good for you, you are very brave.
Love Lacey.
What a post!! That sounds like quite major progress really. Good for you on every aspect!!
I know what you mean about doing things for others rather than for yourself, worried what they will think and worried you won't be perfect. It is nuts really and we know it.
I hope you find the strength to make the changes in your life with joy and ease.
Good for you, you are very brave.
Love Lacey.
Hey Gina good on ya
It works if we work at it.
What other people think of me is none of my buisness
OR
What I think / worry other people think of me is none of my buisness
And thankyou for posting your experience, strength and hope.
Light and love Zac
It works if we work at it.
What other people think of me is none of my buisness
OR
What I think / worry other people think of me is none of my buisness
And thankyou for posting your experience, strength and hope.
Light and love Zac
Don't mean to hijack Gina's thread <forgive me girl> but I wanted to shout out to Zac....Gidday!!! I've missed you around here and on the grateful thread...I hope everything is okay in your life.....xoxoxo, Stacey
Zac...EXACTLY...but I keep falling back into that...and it is through these lessons that I work through it...And thank you Lacey...it is progress...slowly but surely...
And it is nuts! I drive myself crazy when I get too involved with "what others think" or people-pleasing...and then I crash and realize what I am doing...
It is also about faith and letting go...believing and trusting God or my HP does have a plan for me...
Thank you all...Love Gina
And it is nuts! I drive myself crazy when I get too involved with "what others think" or people-pleasing...and then I crash and realize what I am doing...
It is also about faith and letting go...believing and trusting God or my HP does have a plan for me...
Thank you all...Love Gina
Hi Gina,
I'm right there with ya! Getting into acceptance is so hard for me at times. Just wanted to say hi to you too, I'm bit out of sorts as of late....but actually starting to feel some "relief" tonight.
I'm right there with ya! Getting into acceptance is so hard for me at times. Just wanted to say hi to you too, I'm bit out of sorts as of late....but actually starting to feel some "relief" tonight.
Hi VW...I only have a minute...I am at Penn State for my daughter's field hockey Tournament...have hockey sick...will travel! Have missed you...
Know I am thinking of you...
Stacey...you can hijack my thread anytime!
Love Gina
Know I am thinking of you...
Stacey...you can hijack my thread anytime!
Love Gina
