Brynn----I haven't been posting here much lately, but I do pop by and lurk from time to time. Plus I am not registered for this forum-its kind hard to post...
PLUS--and this is the big one. You don't want to hear what I have to say to you.
But I'm saying it anyhow because my heart breaks for your family.
Brynn--you need to get over yourself. You are very stubborn, unforgiving and your pride is a good-thing for you, but can you not see how it is making the situation worse?
Ok-your girl is a brat. bla-bla-yep. And everybody knows it. So-what are you going to do about it?
She didn't invite you to her graduation, you got left out and so your mom didn't go either-right?
Brynn--I think you should send your daughter a graduation card or present.
You say that it just about killed your mom to see that your kid got a present from her other grandmom? HuH?
If anybody can help your mom (and your daughter who needs you if she knows it or not), it is only you who can do the right thing.
So-I'm delurking and butting in here to ask you to please consider making a real peace with your kid for your mom's sake.
We all make mistakes. I know you don't even want to forgive yourself for mistakes that you've made-and your holding your child to that same standard.
If it were anybody else besides your child--you would probably be right.
You're angry because you didn't raise her to act the way she has acted.
She should know better. But you still have a chance to teach her a thing or two, unfortunately its something that you're not real good-at.
Love and forgiveness.
Brynn-I'm sorry if this makes you mad, hearing my 2cents, but when I see you post about how sick your mom is--and I can see how much you love your mom,
and how you think that your daughter's brattiness is affecting your mom's health----well, I think you should think about how your attitude with your daughter and the tension that your mom faces dealing with that could also be stressing her.
Maybe you could rent one of those scooters for old people for when your mom goes to visit your daughter at work--or even better--make that peace so that your daughter can come visit her grandma at home.
If there is anything in this world that you could do for your mom right now, and I know that you are trying to help her with her medical problems etc....but forgiving your daughter is the one thing that you could do for your mom that nobody else could do, and it surely would take some stress off of her.
Right now, your attitude is preventing your daughter from doing the right thing and coming to visit her sick granny. So--you're even giving her an excuse to go on acting selfishly.
Maybe you're really afraid that she will break your mom's heart again if she's given that chance? But your mom's heart is broken for you too and what your daughter put you through.
Oh-well, I hope you're not to peeved when you see this, but I had to say it.
And I do hope that things get better for you brynn--my kid is a brat also but I just keep trying to show him respect, kindness and love but it really is hard when they act like they don't care.
Hey Sub User.....thanks for delurking for little old me.....I couldn't be mad at you for caring........and sharing..........anything that will help myself and my family through this I am open to.
Definately I hear you on the stress and how I react or don't act is hurting my mom.........and my stuff preventing my daughter from seeing my mom......I'd say the same exact thing.......exactly.
What am I going to do about it........well I told her I was sorry........everything was my fault............I was sorry and I did believe everything was my fault....around Christmas she wanted to come see my mom.......I told them both I'd go out if that'd be better.......basically over the last six months if eating dog poop would help I'd have eaten it..........for everyone else.......I continued with the send a letter, send an e-mail, send a gift, give her this back and that.....and I continued to "be there".
All that didn't work........so ya keep trying..........try and try..........and I cast all the blame onto myself..........it's all on me.........I'll take it........and if my brothers, their kids, my mom, our friends want to see my child and they have tried..............I'll go twenty miles away............I'll jump off a pier........anything so that everyone else can have their life..........my child, my mom, and everyone else............yeah it hurts me.........yeah I am crushed.........that my own child has treated me this way........but I'm nobody and I can take that.....it's her happiness and theirs I care about.
When it came down to it...........people are so angry........to see me treated like mud on my daughters shoe they got angry..........at that.......the people that were with me for 17 years and her as well.........because we were always together.............I rather them not be angry so she has someone...someone to hug her and hold her and listen weather she knows she needs that or not.
I agree with ya Sub User and I appreciate your caring........only short of laying in front of a car............or jumping in a fire............this girl don't care.....and she knows and has been told...........through my brothers, my grandmom, my mom......if she'd like to come over I'm not here..........she ignores it.
I'm not that great a human being.........but I can tell ya this girl she's more than cocky...........not with just us, but with friends, and with authority.........basically with anyone gets in her way........it's her choice..........and showing by example I have not said jack to that kid because as I had stated........seriously I'd like to knock her into next year............and I won't do that.......someone raises YOU and someone cared for you and always, always put you FIRST........they lived for you............there was someone who was objective and took your side always.........they were hurt or sick or even if they were honky doorey I can tell ya I'd find a way to see them..........and I'd ask them "Can I bring you something home from work?"..........."Can I help you, mom-mom"........that has nothing to do with me...........nothing at all............dropping off the food or whatever she could put on the step like she did the invitation....naw, I wouldn't appreciate that from no stranger let alone my own grandchild.
I'm in therapy and trying to get over myself..........I'm working on it Sub User and I so hear what you are saying..........I'd leave.....I'd never come the heck back if that'd help the relationship between my mother and daughter, but in that case well my mom would be royally screwed........that's my daughters personality..........your grandmother is in an ambulance and you ask where your iPod was..........she'd leave her sick........just for the heck of it....she was always like that even as a kid........her compassion is for herself...and that ain't always a bad thing.............I wish I could be like that.
Let us know how ya are Sub User............and thank you again.......your words were always important to me and helped.
Definately I hear you on the stress and how I react or don't act is hurting my mom.........and my stuff preventing my daughter from seeing my mom......I'd say the same exact thing.......exactly.
What am I going to do about it........well I told her I was sorry........everything was my fault............I was sorry and I did believe everything was my fault....around Christmas she wanted to come see my mom.......I told them both I'd go out if that'd be better.......basically over the last six months if eating dog poop would help I'd have eaten it..........for everyone else.......I continued with the send a letter, send an e-mail, send a gift, give her this back and that.....and I continued to "be there".
All that didn't work........so ya keep trying..........try and try..........and I cast all the blame onto myself..........it's all on me.........I'll take it........and if my brothers, their kids, my mom, our friends want to see my child and they have tried..............I'll go twenty miles away............I'll jump off a pier........anything so that everyone else can have their life..........my child, my mom, and everyone else............yeah it hurts me.........yeah I am crushed.........that my own child has treated me this way........but I'm nobody and I can take that.....it's her happiness and theirs I care about.
When it came down to it...........people are so angry........to see me treated like mud on my daughters shoe they got angry..........at that.......the people that were with me for 17 years and her as well.........because we were always together.............I rather them not be angry so she has someone...someone to hug her and hold her and listen weather she knows she needs that or not.
I agree with ya Sub User and I appreciate your caring........only short of laying in front of a car............or jumping in a fire............this girl don't care.....and she knows and has been told...........through my brothers, my grandmom, my mom......if she'd like to come over I'm not here..........she ignores it.
I'm not that great a human being.........but I can tell ya this girl she's more than cocky...........not with just us, but with friends, and with authority.........basically with anyone gets in her way........it's her choice..........and showing by example I have not said jack to that kid because as I had stated........seriously I'd like to knock her into next year............and I won't do that.......someone raises YOU and someone cared for you and always, always put you FIRST........they lived for you............there was someone who was objective and took your side always.........they were hurt or sick or even if they were honky doorey I can tell ya I'd find a way to see them..........and I'd ask them "Can I bring you something home from work?"..........."Can I help you, mom-mom"........that has nothing to do with me...........nothing at all............dropping off the food or whatever she could put on the step like she did the invitation....naw, I wouldn't appreciate that from no stranger let alone my own grandchild.
I'm in therapy and trying to get over myself..........I'm working on it Sub User and I so hear what you are saying..........I'd leave.....I'd never come the heck back if that'd help the relationship between my mother and daughter, but in that case well my mom would be royally screwed........that's my daughters personality..........your grandmother is in an ambulance and you ask where your iPod was..........she'd leave her sick........just for the heck of it....she was always like that even as a kid........her compassion is for herself...and that ain't always a bad thing.............I wish I could be like that.
Let us know how ya are Sub User............and thank you again.......your words were always important to me and helped.
My mom on one of them wheeling things.......never happen........I can do the food shopping.........small order or big order.........no problem....my mother wants to go..........she wants to keep on moving........and if she chooses the times my daughter works........well my ex-husband told my mother to leave her alone at work..........don't speak to her..........at all.........nor should my brothers or myself........because that's harassment.......yep.........so that's that.
I don't even go in that place.........at all........that's on my mom.
I don't even go in that place.........at all........that's on my mom.
hi brynn---ok, I get the picture a little better. Like I said I have a teenage brat on my hands right now too. I'm just trying to think if you have tried everything-yes I can see how it hurts you that your mom is being hurt by it.
And you know what? At a certain point-it doesn't matter how you react I guess.
I think I'm trying to guilt my kid into behaving decently--you're treating yours like she deserves....but, I guess it doesn't really matter what we do when they are in certain stages. (yes it is a stage--they do get over it).
I know because I have an older one as well, and there is no way that I'll hold her teenage years against her for the rest of her life like my mother is still doing to me!
I'm good-but I still cannot get off the sub, maybe its all in my head???
A big congratulations on your anniversary btw.
And you know what? At a certain point-it doesn't matter how you react I guess.
I think I'm trying to guilt my kid into behaving decently--you're treating yours like she deserves....but, I guess it doesn't really matter what we do when they are in certain stages. (yes it is a stage--they do get over it).
I know because I have an older one as well, and there is no way that I'll hold her teenage years against her for the rest of her life like my mother is still doing to me!
I'm good-but I still cannot get off the sub, maybe its all in my head???
A big congratulations on your anniversary btw.
