I have been struggling with both my beloved sons becoming drug addicts. I constantly struggle with what did I miss what did I not do for this to happen? I do understand in my head that it is not me but the pain and the grief can be so over powering. My life was wreaked 4 years ago when out of the blue my eldest fell down what I call the rabbit hole just like Alice in Wonderland. He was a bright gift young man of endless potiental and then the demon (drugs) slipped slowly into his and our lives. He started self harming then his mental health dropped and he feel or ran so fast into the abess. He became addicted to legal high's and became someone I did not recognise. At that point we threw him out. He came back to us 12 months later and I was confinced if I did not take him back he would die. He was in such a bad state. We went through detoxing him of legal highs at home and it was so ugly and horrible. One time I was frightened he would really hurt one of us. We got through that and he still does drugs is starting to collect criminal convictions and has not intention of giving up drugs. He is unemployed and has become a hermit to drugs with his now live in girlfriend. I believed I could help them, now I know I can not and it truly kills me every day. He is leaving at Christmas. We have had the police round and they are no help they blame us and tell us to "Be Parents". There is no place for us to turn or get help. His younger brother has followed him down the same path but an earlier age. Surviving it once is one thing knowing what we are facing again is another.
I live a double life and live constantly with the fear I will bury them. This is not the life I saw for myself. I feel so alone.
How do I give up and walk away from both my boys whom I love with all my heart and sole?
I feel a lot of those things about my son who went down the hole so to speak. I am not in a place to give advice, but I sympathize and understand. I also know it isn't our fault and they say as soon as we turn them over to their higher power, we get better. A lot of times they also get better when we get better. I am hoping that is so )O:
I will pray for you and your sons. Drugs are the taunt of demons. I am going to bed truning my adult son over to Jesus and trusting him to take care of my son. I kicked my 27 year old out of my house tonight. His pregnant wife and 3 year old son are still with me. I am finding strength in Gods promises. After many years and many rehabs, Gods word is truly the only source of hope. I pray you find that hope and encouagement tonight.
Please find a support meeting AND attend. Look up Family's Anonymous or any of the similar ones. You are not alone. I could have written what you wrote about my daughter. I have lived your pain and now, after years of hard work on my part, I am living MY life and letting them choose how she live hers (although I can hope hers is sober and fulfilling, I can't make it so, only she can). Yes, we must come to terms with the fact that we may lose them; that is reality. One day at a time.
