New to this forum :) I've been dealing with my 43 yr. old husband's meth use and he currently tells me he is not using anymore, however I see signs that contradict that. I know if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, chances are... it's a duck, and I'm not in any kind of denial I just don't know much about meth or it's side effects. Well I know A LOT about meth but I have no 'user' knowledge of the drug and feel if he deceived me for over 2 years, why could he not be doing the same now? He claims he never was a heavy user and he doesn't look like your typical speed freak. He holds a job (usually) and attends church, is active in other things and I just figured because he didn't snort that much of it or all that often that's why he was able to maintain but I'm starting to wonder.
After a physical altercation 3 months ago he admitted he had been using and that was what caused his rage with me, he told me he was finished with it, cold turkey.
I wondered if that was safe or even possible and he assured me he had beaten crystal meth in the 90s by himself and he could easily do it again. Things did improve for a short time but soon I was back on that emotional rollercoaster of things being great one day and the next morning a knock down drag out because I was such a selfish b*tch. There hasn't been any more physical abuse but the verbal never stopped. He controls the "rage" better but he's had a few instances of getting right in my face screaming or slamming on the brakes in the car in anger. Then there's the sleep, in the 2 years I know he was using he didn't have many sleepless nights but did have some. He didn't sleep much at all this weekend and got angry when I questioned him about it. Also, (kind of embarrassing here) this weekend we started making love and he could not get an erection, and yes, this happened a lot in the past and he normally blamed it on me for past issues.
So I guess maybe I am in denial but I need input from those of you who have dealt with this before, how can I ever be sure he stopped? I never asked for a drug test before but this weekend I told him I felt like I needed him to do that to prove to me that he isn't using anymore. Am I doing the right thing? I appreciate any and ALL feedback. Thank you :)
The forum is pretty quite these days, but I'll throw out a few thoughts.
It sure sounds like he's still using, and I bet you know that. You called him out, he said he'd quit, and things were better for a few days but they are now back to where they were, the verbal abuse, getting in your face (did you know just that is assault?) and dangerous driving. How much more like a duck does it need to look? A home drug test kit might be able to tell you if he's used recently, but with his rage issue, I'm not sure I'd want to press that.
I'd be asking myself if his treatment of me, whether using or not, was OK. If not, for me the question wouldn't be whether and when he's using, but how to live my life in a way that didn't include abuse and assault. Good luck, post more if you want.
It sure sounds like he's still using, and I bet you know that. You called him out, he said he'd quit, and things were better for a few days but they are now back to where they were, the verbal abuse, getting in your face (did you know just that is assault?) and dangerous driving. How much more like a duck does it need to look? A home drug test kit might be able to tell you if he's used recently, but with his rage issue, I'm not sure I'd want to press that.
I'd be asking myself if his treatment of me, whether using or not, was OK. If not, for me the question wouldn't be whether and when he's using, but how to live my life in a way that didn't include abuse and assault. Good luck, post more if you want.
hi there I think you should follow your gut. Whether his rage and anger is coming from meth really doesn't matter, no one wants to live with that type of walking on eggshells. of coarse they will blame you or any outside factor other than drugs.. follow your instincts
Honestly does it matter if he is using either way you look at it he is abusive and drugs will be his excuse if you let them. He will tell you that he stopped and that was the reason he was so angry then stop for awhile and then the vicious cycle begins again. Take a few minutes and think only about yourself and decide if your living the life you want to live. I know this sounds easy but start taking little steps to become who you want to be. Good luck and if you want to keep in touch I will look out for you
