Hey! How many of you (with addict partners) had to split with them before you got clean? Can you really do it together? Has anyone here? Starting to really believe we are dragging each other down, holding each other back etc. We so want to do this together but it's been 4 and a half years of trying to get clean together and we just can't crack it. I'd love to hear any success stories from you guys. Or even honest not so successful stories too. Do you think you become addicted to a person as well as the whole lifestyle?
Happy days!
Linz xx
i was with my husband (now x) for years and with my marriage came us using. we always used together. then i decieded i was tired of it and wanted "us" to get clean. well "us" didn't last long clean. he relasped and i didn't then i did and so on. it took my leaving my husband of 6 yrs (we were together 10 yrs total) to finally get it. we were so toxic for eachother its sad. its been 3 1/2 yrs and i'm still clean. i'm happy and my kids are too. granted i miss him sometimes, but sometimes you need to walk away from the one you love. my sobriety and my kids are so much more important. i lost my self to my addiction, but it took loosing my best friend/ my love/ my husband to get clean and stay clean. its not an easy choice but its sometings you need to decided if you really want to be clean. i didn't want to be 60 and still married but still shooting dope. i'm young and there are so many more possiblities out there that won't put my sobriety at risk.
hang in there i know its no easy.
peace
raerae
hang in there i know its no easy.
peace
raerae
My husband was my using buddy and my enabler. All I had to do was whine about withdrawal symptoms and he would get me my pills. I finally moved from Indiana to Florida to get clean. I still used for 3 months but did manage to get clean. We would talk but I wouldn't let him come visit until I was about 4 years sober. I did go up there at 3 years and spent time with him. He moved down here when I was 5 yrs clean. He was still using up there while I was building a life down here but he has been clean for the 3 yrs we're back together and we just bought a house together. I don't know what would have happened had I stayed with him up there but I doubt if I would have stayed clean simply because it was so easy to convince him to cop for me. It was well worth the separation to have the life we have now. Yeah, 5 years was a long time but I had a lot of growing to do before I felt ready for a serious relationship. I was a mess inside.
Raerae,
Oh Lord Raerae....i am feeling really down and i needed some kind of 'sign' or added positive direction...and here you are....a voice of yore or a blast from the past sounding so well and so strong....
A success story indeed ol' chum,
luv MARY (wonder how Diff is doing too)
Oh Lord Raerae....i am feeling really down and i needed some kind of 'sign' or added positive direction...and here you are....a voice of yore or a blast from the past sounding so well and so strong....
A success story indeed ol' chum,
luv MARY (wonder how Diff is doing too)
I could not get off H while in a relationship with another addict. I did not quit using till i left him. We did try to get off together, it was always short lived. I think now that i am with a man who is clean never had a drug problem it makes it easier to not use H. The down side of being in a relationship with someone who has never used is it's hard for him to relate to my recovery. I know for sure i would be using today if we had stayed together.
"TWO DEAD BATTERIES DON'T START A CAR"
That woke me up thinking "we" could get clean.
Yeah Linz you can be addicted to a person and a lifestyle...........sure you can especially if they are addicted to dope like you are.............bottom line is I think anyway you have to care more for yourself than anyone else........you're a crutch for eachother................underlying is he uses/you use.........vice versa like you know............and basically that's how your relationship has been for so long.
Would you even like eachother not using?
My buddy/beau was originally a crack addict...........recovring for over seven years............he turned me onto dope..............then he followed suit not too long after.............becomes a heroin addict..............we'd get clean and then somebody had a bad day or somebody got jumpy..........and for me it'd be an excuse to use................"Oh you wanna use then I'm using"..........or "You're being a b*tch today. You need dope".................well YES I DO........on and on and on!..........nope I'd never have gotten clean.
Always thinking of you Linz...........dig deep babes..............save Linz!
That woke me up thinking "we" could get clean.
Yeah Linz you can be addicted to a person and a lifestyle...........sure you can especially if they are addicted to dope like you are.............bottom line is I think anyway you have to care more for yourself than anyone else........you're a crutch for eachother................underlying is he uses/you use.........vice versa like you know............and basically that's how your relationship has been for so long.
Would you even like eachother not using?
My buddy/beau was originally a crack addict...........recovring for over seven years............he turned me onto dope..............then he followed suit not too long after.............becomes a heroin addict..............we'd get clean and then somebody had a bad day or somebody got jumpy..........and for me it'd be an excuse to use................"Oh you wanna use then I'm using"..........or "You're being a b*tch today. You need dope".................well YES I DO........on and on and on!..........nope I'd never have gotten clean.
Always thinking of you Linz...........dig deep babes..............save Linz!
mary,
how are you? things are good for me right now. i have 3 yrs 8 months clean. my divorce was finalized and my youngest is turning 2 on friday the 18th. i would have never though my life would be like this. its amazing how different things end up. anyways, how are you my old friend?
how are you? things are good for me right now. i have 3 yrs 8 months clean. my divorce was finalized and my youngest is turning 2 on friday the 18th. i would have never though my life would be like this. its amazing how different things end up. anyways, how are you my old friend?
Thanks for all your replies. I think I already know the answer to tghis anyway deep down. The thing is, we didn't use when we met, not till about a year into our relationship. We'd both not long come out of addictions to coke and stayed clean for a whole year. We had a fantastic relationship before the H. It's only been the last couple of years we've argued etc. And we both know it's the gear that makes us argue but I also think there's been so much said and done over the past 5 years, that it'll never be the same again. We've both said some really horrible things to each other while high or rattling, desperate, skint etc.
I'm scared though too as I've given up everything and everyone in my life except him and our 24/7 relentless persuit of gear or money to get it. I'm scared I'll be all alone, with no one and nothing to do if we split. I also do still love him. But as you all know, the physical side of things goes out the window when you are using and that in itself is a huge thing to try to get back.I'm just at this crossroads now and have to seroiusly think about what to do next. Been 5 years on gear now and heading into 6! Had enough of having 2 days of fun a week then 5 days of hell!
Linz x
I'm scared though too as I've given up everything and everyone in my life except him and our 24/7 relentless persuit of gear or money to get it. I'm scared I'll be all alone, with no one and nothing to do if we split. I also do still love him. But as you all know, the physical side of things goes out the window when you are using and that in itself is a huge thing to try to get back.I'm just at this crossroads now and have to seroiusly think about what to do next. Been 5 years on gear now and heading into 6! Had enough of having 2 days of fun a week then 5 days of hell!
Linz x
hi wana know did you have split with your boyfriend before u could get clean? My daughter is 24 and living with ex user and I dont tkink ex user now would br the thing to call it think they are both using and i dont know what to do! Need to get her away?
Linz, you wouldn't be on your own, you wouldn';t. Slowly but surley lots of things, people, old friends, new friends will come into your life. I know you are scared, i know, i was too. The fear of the unknown... but i promise you all good things will come your way. That is not me being positive giving you bu******* to cheer you up, that is me being honest!!
my partner used when we met, i have used a few times before march this year from when i got out of jail. We are both clean. I'm so glad we both never gave up on each other. Love her to death..........don't know what else to say. You take care Linz, Kev
my partner used when we met, i have used a few times before march this year from when i got out of jail. We are both clean. I'm so glad we both never gave up on each other. Love her to death..........don't know what else to say. You take care Linz, Kev
Hardest thing i ever tried was to get off the gear when living with another addict.....you breed off each others darker side.....the lil guy or girl sitting on yer shoulder saying:oh!!f*** it:........that when a relationship dies and is not about loving each other just loving the drug and having a partner in crime.I had to spilt from Sians Ma coz i wanted to be clean that bit more and of course she said f*** it ,so i got Sian ....which is the best thing to happen.Shes got help now....i.e methadone maintenance.....but still likes to smoke a rock or two.......so i dont trust her 100percent.She comes to my house weekly once a week to see Sian ....which seems o.k but can be a bit awkward if ya get me coz theirs a bit of bitterness on my part about having to be mum and dad to Sian .....whilst she sat back and got stoned,dont get me wrong im no saint but i always put the kid first.So basically a relationship just gets ruined by drugs is obvious having two folks on a road to disaster is gonna get there quciker not a good mix so from my point of view Linz i think you need to at least give a relationship a break for YOU to get clean and the same with him.Take care.............Davey
