My daughter was clean but now I think she slipped up. Do I ask and do I really want to know.
Something is definitely up with her behaviour. She is either doing meth again or is having rapid cycle bipolar.
All she has talked about since getting out of rehab is wanting to get high so you know which one I leaning towards.
Do I just wait for the shoe to drop.
There is no need to ask, in my opinion. An addict cannot hide the relapse. They may keep it contained for a day, maybe two, but when they unravel it becomes very apparent. I think if you ask if she relapsed, then it shows you don't think she is capable of seeking sobriety on her own. Since reading your posts, it appears to me your daughter made it farther than she has in the past. That's a victory you should celebrate. If she relapsed, you have to encourage her to get back on the sobriety train. You can now use her sustained sobriety (longest time she'd ever been) as an example that she is capable of being sober. Concentrating on the positive may make this turn out to be a "slip up" and she may very well decide to get back in recovery.
wow - I just typed an hours worth of thoughts. when I posted, I was logged out and it was lost. mostly I was describing my son's recent behavior. summary - I cant tell whether his sx are because of something he's taking or because he is withdrawaling, or because he isn't taking anything.
the conversation I need to have w my son is to find a dr and therapist he will like going to for long term management and understanding and coping w whatever illness he has. possible bipolar.
He has stopped going to IOP - dr and therapist at recovery center. he went for 4 months.
I have decided that I will search out dr and therapist -- for who is taking new patients, who accepts his insurance, familiar w addiction and recovery...I emailed one at begin of week, no response. son does not have patience or interest to call and email a dozen before one responds.
the conversation I need to have w my son is to find a dr and therapist he will like going to for long term management and understanding and coping w whatever illness he has. possible bipolar.
He has stopped going to IOP - dr and therapist at recovery center. he went for 4 months.
I have decided that I will search out dr and therapist -- for who is taking new patients, who accepts his insurance, familiar w addiction and recovery...I emailed one at begin of week, no response. son does not have patience or interest to call and email a dozen before one responds.
Yes ,I need to try to point out the positive. I've tried but I dont sound convincing. I had to take a break from dealing with her this week. I need to try again tomorrow and hope she wants to try again.
In my case, I want him to manage himself the way I would manage me. but I have to realize that he isn't at that level of thinking. maybe we have to put the stepping stones out for them while they are trying to make progress, before they slip too far.
The 'not knowing' whats going on is hard. my son started a job this week. has had insomnia that he does not talk about. but stayed out very late a few nights. I don't think he slept for a few days. I think his slip began w alcohol in sept. then some Adderall rx by dr. im sure that ran out. I don't see him drinking lately, but don't know if or what hes buying on the street. he also started going to gym again. mostly positive actions, but I know something is brewing. idk if the insomnia is due to wd or due to something hes taking. he said he wont go back to Herion. but I know he did smoke it and inject (rarely) in the past. Last night he was shoveling snow, stayed home and slept (I hoope he was sleeping) got up this morning and has tingling and weakness in his arms. had to go to work to shovel and snow plow. I am trying to find a massage therapist. the thought creeps in -- is it a pinched nerve due to snow shoveling or something else. He would hate me if I asked him.
I think the alcohol triggers depression, then he takes Adderall, which triggers panic attacks and insomnia, and then he cant get out of the cycle on his own. this is the part he needs to manage.
ps - I have a major headache today and feel like closing my eyes for rest of the day.... I have not been sleeping well and also have to deal w screaming husband who is not sleeping well.
UGH! Husband was screaming last night on phone driving home from work cause son did not answer his phone... then when H got home found son shoveling dway. whew - so glad the kid was at home. nice surprise. (usually he is MIA during snow storms)
The 'not knowing' whats going on is hard. my son started a job this week. has had insomnia that he does not talk about. but stayed out very late a few nights. I don't think he slept for a few days. I think his slip began w alcohol in sept. then some Adderall rx by dr. im sure that ran out. I don't see him drinking lately, but don't know if or what hes buying on the street. he also started going to gym again. mostly positive actions, but I know something is brewing. idk if the insomnia is due to wd or due to something hes taking. he said he wont go back to Herion. but I know he did smoke it and inject (rarely) in the past. Last night he was shoveling snow, stayed home and slept (I hoope he was sleeping) got up this morning and has tingling and weakness in his arms. had to go to work to shovel and snow plow. I am trying to find a massage therapist. the thought creeps in -- is it a pinched nerve due to snow shoveling or something else. He would hate me if I asked him.
I think the alcohol triggers depression, then he takes Adderall, which triggers panic attacks and insomnia, and then he cant get out of the cycle on his own. this is the part he needs to manage.
ps - I have a major headache today and feel like closing my eyes for rest of the day.... I have not been sleeping well and also have to deal w screaming husband who is not sleeping well.
UGH! Husband was screaming last night on phone driving home from work cause son did not answer his phone... then when H got home found son shoveling dway. whew - so glad the kid was at home. nice surprise. (usually he is MIA during snow storms)
NY - You said Kid and I think that is one of the problems relating to recovery. They dont have the years of experience and the maturity to always do what we expect from them. They are still learning. It would be nice if being sober to them meant giving up all substances including marijuana and alcohol but sometimes it means using legal (or almost legal) drugs substituted for the really bad stuff they stopped using. In time maybe those things will fall by the wayside as they get older. I know adults that gave up their childish ways and some that are retired but still smoking marijuana. Some people can manage a job and regular life while dabbling but others cant. Hopefully your son will learn what works for him before your husband has a coronary. Husbands tend to see in black and white. No shades of gray for them and very little patience with sons.
bugginme - we can lead them to water, give them the tools..... it is up to them to use them. I found massage therapist affil w physical therapy center - something son wants to go to.... gave him # to call, nope. huumm arms tingling and weak, free massage.... nah, don't have time for that. lets shovel snow all day at work, and hope arms get better on their own.... my sarcasm... ok that's $80 I didn't have to put out. he has insurance but has not been to dentist in years. I know - last place they want to go to.... he (they) have no concept of preventable maintenance - for Anything - heath, car, etc. were still working on the baby steps. he made sandwiches for lunch this week! of course I bought the food.
Grocery store is really getting expensive.
Grocery store is really getting expensive.
She made it 4 months, not willingly. I found out that she got some Meth a week ago. Went through another week of delusions,depression,screaming.
I thought something was up but choose to ignore the obvious.
She'll be clean for another week. Probabtion is next week. I think I'll be better prepared for this months relapse, I have the probabtion officers cell phone.
I thought something was up but choose to ignore the obvious.
She'll be clean for another week. Probabtion is next week. I think I'll be better prepared for this months relapse, I have the probabtion officers cell phone.
It seems to me unless they want sobriety it isn't going to happen. I guess it takes a lot for them to really want it sometimes I wonder if my daughter even remembers what it was. The longest she's been sober was 60 days and that was right out of rehab that she had put herself in. I remember when I saw her after discharge how good she looked and how clear eyed she looked. She was genuinely happy and talked about her future plans. Within 48 hours she was using again and then put herself in a detox center a month later. All on her own dime. I don't make any calls for her anymore I stopped after the 2nd rehab. She makes them all on her own which is progress. It's after discharge she doesn't seem to get she has to work her sobriety just like she did in rehab. Hopefully, she's still learning. I stay totally out of it.
NYtoFlorida,
In my case, I want him to manage himself the way I would manage me. but I have to realize that he isn't at that level of thinking. maybe we have to put the stepping stones out for them while they are trying to make progress, before they slip too far.
Thank you for the reminder. Our kids/young adults/grown children, whatever you want to call them - in my situation, my son, is certainly not on the same level of thinking. A brilliant mind, yes, but common sense, maturity, responsibility ... not one single bit.
Everyday I wait for the shoe to drop. My son is doing ok right now, but I don't think my life will ever be as carefree as it once was.
In my case, I want him to manage himself the way I would manage me. but I have to realize that he isn't at that level of thinking. maybe we have to put the stepping stones out for them while they are trying to make progress, before they slip too far.
Thank you for the reminder. Our kids/young adults/grown children, whatever you want to call them - in my situation, my son, is certainly not on the same level of thinking. A brilliant mind, yes, but common sense, maturity, responsibility ... not one single bit.
Everyday I wait for the shoe to drop. My son is doing ok right now, but I don't think my life will ever be as carefree as it once was.
