Okay here we go.
I am a chronic pain patient with very few options for relief as I also am a stroke patient who had a hemorrhagic stroke and it's possible to have another one.
So my bodyworker has been trying to get me just to try maryjane for ever. So last week she brought it up again and I said yeah I'll try it. In CO you are able to legally have MJ. I was given one joint. I decided I'd try it at night before I went to sleep. I even alerted my PCP I was going to try it. So I took it Fri., Sat, Sun and today. Well when I took it I noticed I just went to sleep until today. Today I noticed I was feeling pretty weird. I took one hit and it made me cough and then I got to just feeling stoned. It was like slow motion. I have never been a pot smoker. I saw my massage therapist who also said she'd like to work on me after I used it to see if I was easier to work on and my muscles had relaxed on it.
So anyway I talked to my sponsor and she told me that I self medicated and that because I didnt' get it from my doctor it was not okay. That she can't tell me to change my sobriety date or not but I think she wants to tell me I have too.
But I don't feel like I went out???? I didn't drink. My thoughts before I tried it were that if it worked or helped and I could use it without getting stoned I'd go to the doctor and get a script for it.
Now I kind of feel like even if I did that it wouldn't be right either. Medically or not no pot, even though other drugs are okay?
I think I need some advice.
Please let me know what you know about this. Good and bad. I dont' mind changing my date but I just dont' feel like i went out. It's always one day at a time but ........ just wondering what you all think
thanks,
amy
Hi PM,
Wow your head is doing a number on you right now huh? Well my opinion will probably prove to get people's panties in a twist but I don't think you have to change your sobriety date. I do know however in the program it's supposed to be abstinence from all drugs.
I have been sober from booze 3 years on Sept. 6th. A couple of years ago I had surgery and I was prescribed pain meds. Well I took them but I had my hubby hold them just in case. I never had a problem with pills but I know my addictive personality so I didn't take chances. I didn't consider that a relapse or slip. Just because it's prescribed doesn't make it any different. People can abuse anything. Hell over the counter cough syrup is the latest rage and that is legal.
You didn't smoke the weed to get high. You did it to help with your pain. Isn't that what doctor's prescribe pills for and yes sometimes marijuana? It's a slippery slope I know.
I wouldn't beat yourself up about it at all. It seems to be stressing you out. Ask yourself why that is. Do YOU think you need to change your date or are you worried your sponsor or others think you need to?
I am not a weed smoker but I can tell you that if I toked a hit of a joint right now I would in no way shape or form think that I had to change my sobriety date of 9/6/05. I would say however,that I wouldn't smoke weed BECAUSE I am an addict and that would just probably become a new addiction. Keep in mind that I am not in AA/NA so my approach is not what most consider the right way.
BTW...I got off of speed in April of 2000 and I keep that date as well even though I continued drinking.
This is just my humble opinion. Take it for what it's worth. A hill of beans really but it's my experience with this disease. I am clean and sober and that's all that matters to me.
Take care and have a great night.
Valarie
Wow your head is doing a number on you right now huh? Well my opinion will probably prove to get people's panties in a twist but I don't think you have to change your sobriety date. I do know however in the program it's supposed to be abstinence from all drugs.
I have been sober from booze 3 years on Sept. 6th. A couple of years ago I had surgery and I was prescribed pain meds. Well I took them but I had my hubby hold them just in case. I never had a problem with pills but I know my addictive personality so I didn't take chances. I didn't consider that a relapse or slip. Just because it's prescribed doesn't make it any different. People can abuse anything. Hell over the counter cough syrup is the latest rage and that is legal.
You didn't smoke the weed to get high. You did it to help with your pain. Isn't that what doctor's prescribe pills for and yes sometimes marijuana? It's a slippery slope I know.
I wouldn't beat yourself up about it at all. It seems to be stressing you out. Ask yourself why that is. Do YOU think you need to change your date or are you worried your sponsor or others think you need to?
I am not a weed smoker but I can tell you that if I toked a hit of a joint right now I would in no way shape or form think that I had to change my sobriety date of 9/6/05. I would say however,that I wouldn't smoke weed BECAUSE I am an addict and that would just probably become a new addiction. Keep in mind that I am not in AA/NA so my approach is not what most consider the right way.
BTW...I got off of speed in April of 2000 and I keep that date as well even though I continued drinking.
This is just my humble opinion. Take it for what it's worth. A hill of beans really but it's my experience with this disease. I am clean and sober and that's all that matters to me.
Take care and have a great night.
Valarie
Valerie,
Yeah I'm all in my head about it. Actually, I was just fine as I was thinking it through. It was something I really did want to try before I went through the fuss of a rx. but I would go through that if I decided to really try it.
From a sobriety point of view I do not feel I broke it. I did not drink alcohol. I was not intentionally checking out. I simply wanted to see if I could get my back to not hurt so much I panic. I felt no question about my sobriety when I did it.
Until I talked to my sponsor about it. So the whole thing is that expectation that I think she thinks I should change my sobriety date. That sort of bent me up. Cuz it never crossed my mind.
So I'll sleep on it a few nights and then think about where I am.
I do appreciate your opinion. It helps. See I know when my behavior is alcoholic and I know drinking would be a huge problem. But since about 1997 I was given meds. for all kinds of problems and I don't consider those to affect my sobriety.
If I made any error it was probably just not going to the doc and getting the script. Just wasn't sure how that all works and stuff.
It gets into some areas people have really strong opinions about but I guess I don't think about it for myself because I so don't see it as a relapse. I just see it as self medicating to see if it helps the pain. And I have to admit I got more done today because I didn't hurt as bad than a normal day when I have to lay down 500 times for mini breaks. So that made me pretty happy actually.
Anyway, maybe I won't change my date. I'm just going to have to wait and see what I do in a few days. I feel alot of pressure in AA about all meds. People are very fanatical about it and there are differences. Like mental patients who need meds for depression, schizophrenia, pain patients like me and others. They draw a hard and fast line in the sand but the wind blows and it's gone. It's not so easy to define. I'm probably going to get blasted here! lol. I guess it's hard to explain to someone who hasn't been in so much pain they are desperate for a break if only for a little while and constantly looking for some help. Alternative, traditional, acupuncture, massage, chiropractic, osteopathy, i've done them all. Still I have this pain which makes me panic sometimes and just my life.
Anyway, thanks for responding,
amy
Yeah I'm all in my head about it. Actually, I was just fine as I was thinking it through. It was something I really did want to try before I went through the fuss of a rx. but I would go through that if I decided to really try it.
From a sobriety point of view I do not feel I broke it. I did not drink alcohol. I was not intentionally checking out. I simply wanted to see if I could get my back to not hurt so much I panic. I felt no question about my sobriety when I did it.
Until I talked to my sponsor about it. So the whole thing is that expectation that I think she thinks I should change my sobriety date. That sort of bent me up. Cuz it never crossed my mind.
So I'll sleep on it a few nights and then think about where I am.
I do appreciate your opinion. It helps. See I know when my behavior is alcoholic and I know drinking would be a huge problem. But since about 1997 I was given meds. for all kinds of problems and I don't consider those to affect my sobriety.
If I made any error it was probably just not going to the doc and getting the script. Just wasn't sure how that all works and stuff.
It gets into some areas people have really strong opinions about but I guess I don't think about it for myself because I so don't see it as a relapse. I just see it as self medicating to see if it helps the pain. And I have to admit I got more done today because I didn't hurt as bad than a normal day when I have to lay down 500 times for mini breaks. So that made me pretty happy actually.
Anyway, maybe I won't change my date. I'm just going to have to wait and see what I do in a few days. I feel alot of pressure in AA about all meds. People are very fanatical about it and there are differences. Like mental patients who need meds for depression, schizophrenia, pain patients like me and others. They draw a hard and fast line in the sand but the wind blows and it's gone. It's not so easy to define. I'm probably going to get blasted here! lol. I guess it's hard to explain to someone who hasn't been in so much pain they are desperate for a break if only for a little while and constantly looking for some help. Alternative, traditional, acupuncture, massage, chiropractic, osteopathy, i've done them all. Still I have this pain which makes me panic sometimes and just my life.
Anyway, thanks for responding,
amy
It's nobody's business but yours.
Some people appear to welcome and gain strength from the sense that having "firm ground" behind them gives them. It seems to be that the further they are from the experiences that they want to leave behind them the stronger they feel. And if that works for them that's great.
Others feel that however long someone has been sober, it's always today that counts and it's always only one day at a time, in which case it seems they feel that dates are worse than irrelevant because they might become complacent. This attitude is what they have decided or found works best for them.
What I'm slowly learning is that I'm answerable to no-one but myself for my behaviour. My job is to find out who I am and be true to me.
So in my humble opinion, what matters is what makes you feel good about yourself, because I think genuinely feeling good about who we are as human beings helps us avoid self-destructive behaviour. If you are being honest with yourself, if you are being true to yourself, if you believe that you have a Higher Power and LISTEN to the calm, beautiful, loving voice inside you, then the answer to the question you are asking yourSelf, the answer that you hear and feel and the decision that you make about this will be right FOR YOU and will FEEL right to you, and against that what I think or anyone else thinks isn't important.
And in my opinion that's all that counts.
Just my opinion.
Some people appear to welcome and gain strength from the sense that having "firm ground" behind them gives them. It seems to be that the further they are from the experiences that they want to leave behind them the stronger they feel. And if that works for them that's great.
Others feel that however long someone has been sober, it's always today that counts and it's always only one day at a time, in which case it seems they feel that dates are worse than irrelevant because they might become complacent. This attitude is what they have decided or found works best for them.
What I'm slowly learning is that I'm answerable to no-one but myself for my behaviour. My job is to find out who I am and be true to me.
So in my humble opinion, what matters is what makes you feel good about yourself, because I think genuinely feeling good about who we are as human beings helps us avoid self-destructive behaviour. If you are being honest with yourself, if you are being true to yourself, if you believe that you have a Higher Power and LISTEN to the calm, beautiful, loving voice inside you, then the answer to the question you are asking yourSelf, the answer that you hear and feel and the decision that you make about this will be right FOR YOU and will FEEL right to you, and against that what I think or anyone else thinks isn't important.
And in my opinion that's all that counts.
Just my opinion.
Hi Amy.
To thine own self be true, hon. If you are comfortable deep inside keeping your sobriety date then keep it. It's between you and your Higher Power. But be aware that others may voice their opinions. Are you ready for that? My sponsor always tells me to check my motives. Were you looking to relieve pain or were you looking for a buzz? Only you can answer that. We all know where self medication gets us though. Be careful. There's more ways than alcohol to screw up our lives.
To thine own self be true, hon. If you are comfortable deep inside keeping your sobriety date then keep it. It's between you and your Higher Power. But be aware that others may voice their opinions. Are you ready for that? My sponsor always tells me to check my motives. Were you looking to relieve pain or were you looking for a buzz? Only you can answer that. We all know where self medication gets us though. Be careful. There's more ways than alcohol to screw up our lives.
Amy,
Pray on it and the answers will come....I agree with what was said by everyone but then again, that's just this one person's opinion and your sobriety is yours...check your motives and pray, you'll get the answer....
I do know that my husband smoked weed for a long time for his chronic ankle pain as he refused to take any narcotics (didn't like the way they made him feel and his wife is an addict so he had fears of using them or bringing them in the house)....Anyways, it did help the pain but it's like any other medication, you build up a tolerance and have to do more and more and it stays in your system anywhere from 30 to 60 days and a lot of people pee test for jobs so he quit.
My only fear is your disease telling you, lets say when you are under some stress, that you're in more pain than you are to get that hit of a joint....Remember, this disease is cunning, baffling and powerful. I personally don't like pot, even though I did smoke almost every night to help get to sleep during my wd's from pain pills and during that time, I did keep relapsing back to my DOC because the weed made me lethargic the next day and I was also told, it was keeping those feel good receptors open & craving.....So this last time, I quit the pain pills & the weed.....
Maybe you ought to talk to your doctor again. Maybe next time if this is an option for your pain, run it by your sponsor first.
At the end of the day, all we have is today...Pray on it Amy and I like what you said, wait a couple of days and see how you feel.....
xoxo
Stacey
Pray on it and the answers will come....I agree with what was said by everyone but then again, that's just this one person's opinion and your sobriety is yours...check your motives and pray, you'll get the answer....
I do know that my husband smoked weed for a long time for his chronic ankle pain as he refused to take any narcotics (didn't like the way they made him feel and his wife is an addict so he had fears of using them or bringing them in the house)....Anyways, it did help the pain but it's like any other medication, you build up a tolerance and have to do more and more and it stays in your system anywhere from 30 to 60 days and a lot of people pee test for jobs so he quit.
My only fear is your disease telling you, lets say when you are under some stress, that you're in more pain than you are to get that hit of a joint....Remember, this disease is cunning, baffling and powerful. I personally don't like pot, even though I did smoke almost every night to help get to sleep during my wd's from pain pills and during that time, I did keep relapsing back to my DOC because the weed made me lethargic the next day and I was also told, it was keeping those feel good receptors open & craving.....So this last time, I quit the pain pills & the weed.....
Maybe you ought to talk to your doctor again. Maybe next time if this is an option for your pain, run it by your sponsor first.
At the end of the day, all we have is today...Pray on it Amy and I like what you said, wait a couple of days and see how you feel.....
xoxo
Stacey
Change your date? If you took the medicine as THC provides relief for many then heck no you do not change Jack sheet.
But if you were experimenting with a drug to get high? then you IMO lose your date.
JMHO --
Only you know your motives
Honesty is what the program and recovery is all about for me. As a user I was conniving manipulative S.O.B today just a sober S.O.B
Jeff
But if you were experimenting with a drug to get high? then you IMO lose your date.
JMHO --
Only you know your motives
Honesty is what the program and recovery is all about for me. As a user I was conniving manipulative S.O.B today just a sober S.O.B
Jeff
Thanks Everyone for your replies,
I sort of sat with my sponsor's words and I've sat with my own thoughts.
In this instance I am really clear of my motives and I do not need to change my sobriety date.
I do however, need to be very in tune and aware if I choose to do it again and I would do it through the proper channels.
It keeps coming down to well if the hard core AA's say I need to change my sobriety date so be it. It's all one day at a time anyway but I know for certain I did not relapse. So if I did change it I would be doing it to appease those people's judgments, not my own thoughts. Which is just tad crazy. But I am quite the people pleaser. I never used pot as a kid as I just stuck with alcohol and then harder stuff. So that feeling I had on it was a bit of a shocker.
Today the nice part is one of the areas that is always jammed up has changed some. It's achy but it feels like there is more space in there than just the muscle strangling me. So there was an upside. The other thing is I don't feel a bit guilty about it. I even ran it past my counselor to see if I'm blowing smoke up my own a** and need to be called out. She said she can absolutely see why I would use it and if it helps she didn't see the problem except the obvious that I always need to check my intention of taking it and like you guys said ask myself am I taking it because I hurt or for other reasons?
So anyway for today I'm not taking anymore but I would in the future if I thought it would help. I guess people who have not dealt with pain that makes you crazy and is relentless at times might not have ever been in desperation of some relief. Those of us that are come to the conclusion that life is not of great quality when in agonizing pain. If there is anything to give relief we reach for it. In this case I got high on it but it was never even in my thoughts until I was in the shower feeling a bit weird. At first I really hated it and wished I could get off the train but I realized I couldn't just panic about it I had to slow down.
After all is said and done we determine our sobriety and we know when we go deep within. Maybe only we know. I let the judgments make me feel like I should punish myself or feel I did wrong but when I put that hat on it really doesn't fit me. I take my sobriety very seriously and I do not want to jeopardize it which is why I'm writing you instead of sitting in the waiting room waiting for a script. I'll just be with it until and if there is ever a time to take more action.
You guys helped me alot with your comments and support.
Thanks to each of you,
amy
I sort of sat with my sponsor's words and I've sat with my own thoughts.
In this instance I am really clear of my motives and I do not need to change my sobriety date.
I do however, need to be very in tune and aware if I choose to do it again and I would do it through the proper channels.
It keeps coming down to well if the hard core AA's say I need to change my sobriety date so be it. It's all one day at a time anyway but I know for certain I did not relapse. So if I did change it I would be doing it to appease those people's judgments, not my own thoughts. Which is just tad crazy. But I am quite the people pleaser. I never used pot as a kid as I just stuck with alcohol and then harder stuff. So that feeling I had on it was a bit of a shocker.
Today the nice part is one of the areas that is always jammed up has changed some. It's achy but it feels like there is more space in there than just the muscle strangling me. So there was an upside. The other thing is I don't feel a bit guilty about it. I even ran it past my counselor to see if I'm blowing smoke up my own a** and need to be called out. She said she can absolutely see why I would use it and if it helps she didn't see the problem except the obvious that I always need to check my intention of taking it and like you guys said ask myself am I taking it because I hurt or for other reasons?
So anyway for today I'm not taking anymore but I would in the future if I thought it would help. I guess people who have not dealt with pain that makes you crazy and is relentless at times might not have ever been in desperation of some relief. Those of us that are come to the conclusion that life is not of great quality when in agonizing pain. If there is anything to give relief we reach for it. In this case I got high on it but it was never even in my thoughts until I was in the shower feeling a bit weird. At first I really hated it and wished I could get off the train but I realized I couldn't just panic about it I had to slow down.
After all is said and done we determine our sobriety and we know when we go deep within. Maybe only we know. I let the judgments make me feel like I should punish myself or feel I did wrong but when I put that hat on it really doesn't fit me. I take my sobriety very seriously and I do not want to jeopardize it which is why I'm writing you instead of sitting in the waiting room waiting for a script. I'll just be with it until and if there is ever a time to take more action.
You guys helped me alot with your comments and support.
Thanks to each of you,
amy
Well do I feel dumb.
My sponsor and I talked again today. Cuz I've been all in my head thinking she isn't sure if I should change my sobriety date. She said how did I get that because she said one thing she knows is I do not need to change my sobriety date! When we talked her phone was cutting in and out and so I heard it all wrong. Duh! I said s*** I wasted a whole day thinking I needed to be considering it more and really looking at it. I even did a therapy session on it.
Anyway now I feel much better cuz her words are matching up to how I think she'd look at it. Her only beef was that I didn't go through my doctor. I listened to my massage therapist.
She was a bit irritated with me for not hearing her correctly but we worked it all out.
amy
My sponsor and I talked again today. Cuz I've been all in my head thinking she isn't sure if I should change my sobriety date. She said how did I get that because she said one thing she knows is I do not need to change my sobriety date! When we talked her phone was cutting in and out and so I heard it all wrong. Duh! I said s*** I wasted a whole day thinking I needed to be considering it more and really looking at it. I even did a therapy session on it.
Anyway now I feel much better cuz her words are matching up to how I think she'd look at it. Her only beef was that I didn't go through my doctor. I listened to my massage therapist.
She was a bit irritated with me for not hearing her correctly but we worked it all out.
amy
Gidday Pregnantmom
Thanks for your honesty and it is that honesty of self that will get you through this part of your recovery.
Addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful and you know all this, so the calls you make are only going to come to light with thought and hindsight, as you are already doing.
Chronic pain is just that and i know how it feels from past and present experiences(back pain) and the best thing i ever done was a pain management course and also for me meditation and energy healing.
My pain levels increase when i am stressed and also if i do to much physical heavy lifting and sport, massage and a good chiropractor help
I am too scared too look at pills or joints because my mind still goes cool i can alter my state and be justified, i know i would abuse this justification, i used to only take a pain pill about every couple of months if i wasnt sleeping due to the pain but now i try to forgo that as a part of me looks forward to it.
Light and love zac
I just saw your post which was posted while i typed my speedy type, isnt the mind a scary place to go alone with the information all jumbled, it is just another lesson for me to heed about speaking up about things as they happen in my mind, thanks Pregnantmom:)
Thanks for your honesty and it is that honesty of self that will get you through this part of your recovery.
Addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful and you know all this, so the calls you make are only going to come to light with thought and hindsight, as you are already doing.
Chronic pain is just that and i know how it feels from past and present experiences(back pain) and the best thing i ever done was a pain management course and also for me meditation and energy healing.
My pain levels increase when i am stressed and also if i do to much physical heavy lifting and sport, massage and a good chiropractor help
I am too scared too look at pills or joints because my mind still goes cool i can alter my state and be justified, i know i would abuse this justification, i used to only take a pain pill about every couple of months if i wasnt sleeping due to the pain but now i try to forgo that as a part of me looks forward to it.
Light and love zac
I just saw your post which was posted while i typed my speedy type, isnt the mind a scary place to go alone with the information all jumbled, it is just another lesson for me to heed about speaking up about things as they happen in my mind, thanks Pregnantmom:)
LOL, Amy.....
Instead of looking at it as a waste of a day maybe look at it as a day of delving deep inside and checking the motives, getting in tune with all of it and having gained experience now you are better equipped the next time something of this nature arrives........Oh, and a therapy session is never a bad thing....
Smooches....I am glad you and your sponsor are on the same page and you are at peace again...I hope your pain subsides a bit for awhile...
xoxo
Stacey
| QUOTE |
| I wasted a whole day thinking I needed to be considering it more and really looking at it. I even did a therapy session on it. |
Instead of looking at it as a waste of a day maybe look at it as a day of delving deep inside and checking the motives, getting in tune with all of it and having gained experience now you are better equipped the next time something of this nature arrives........Oh, and a therapy session is never a bad thing....
Smooches....I am glad you and your sponsor are on the same page and you are at peace again...I hope your pain subsides a bit for awhile...
xoxo
Stacey
It is up to you.
I have two dates: sober date, clean and sober date
My understanding is that AA has no opinion on MJ...
AA is for alcohol, so your "sober" date relates to alcohol, at least that is how i see it. Like i said, it is up to you and noone else.
I have two dates: sober date, clean and sober date
My understanding is that AA has no opinion on MJ...
AA is for alcohol, so your "sober" date relates to alcohol, at least that is how i see it. Like i said, it is up to you and noone else.
