Do I Tell My Fiance's Family Or Is It Not My Place

Families / Partners of Addicts
1
Hi all
I had written a few days ago about my addict fianc and got many inspirational and eye opening responses. I have decided as of now it is best to at least take a break as there is nothing more I can do. As one member made me realize, I can't stay and support this any longer. So my new question is, we live in a different state than his family. His does have medical issues ( type 1 diabetes ) and depression. When he is withdrawling or even too high or drunk he talks about suicide or just wanting to die, one of the main reasons I am scared to leave. But again nothing has changed over the past year with me being there for him. So is it my place to tell his family? I know they will take him out of school most likely and make him move home. Or is it not my place to tell them because no matter what anyone says or does I feel he isn't going to get better until he wants to... Of course I am scared of what this will cause but I would rather him be mad at me for leaving or telling them, than die.. I'm sure many of you have been in this place.. I would appreciate any input!!
2
If I were a family member of his, I'd want to know. Why should you be the one to carry the burden of his mental instability? If God forbid he does something to harm himself you'll blame yourself for not telling his family. Tell them everything. Whatever they decide to do, or whatever he allows them to do at least you can say you tried and it's out of your hands.
I'd rather he be angry at me for telling them then feeling guilty for not telling them if he ends up doing something stupid.

3
Thank you I needed to hear that. I think I'm also being selfish by not telling the,, because I know he will leave. But like you say if anything happened I would blame myself forever. Thank you so much for your input
4
I do not know how old this man is or how anything about his family. I do not think that his family will help him unless they are ready to and know how to do it. they may enable him. However, I think that you do have a duty to yourself to get this off of your chest. This is not your responsibility. He is not your husband and even if he were you would need support. Let them know exactly what is going on but be prepared to be told that you are lying. Be prepared to know that they may not handle it the way you want, respond the way you like, etc. I told my former and now deceased fiances mom and the only reason she believed me was because I had a saved message with him admitting to using pills on my voicemail. They enabled him for years, could not use tough love> I left him and he died of an overdose after being out of a rehab. You should not keep this secret for him. Just dont get sucked in or more stressed when you let it out. You can not control his family any more than you can control him. this is very difficult. Just stop keeping secrets and protect yourself.
5
As a Mother of an adult addict, I say yes!!! They have the right to know. For years we knew our son used pain pills but, he was married, had a child so, we thought this was something that the couple should handle.
After 15 years of being together then divorced we finally found out just how bad things were. All those years his ex-wife dealt with it and never said a word to us that he was an addict.

Since finding out this past May, we have held an intervention which he refused. So as per the agreement he was on his own, we were done enabling him.

Not sure that he has hit rock bottom but, he has agreed to go for treatment. We know this may not be the end of his addiction but, at least, we knew and could stop the enabling.