Do you really hear what your parents, sisters, brothers, friends say when your high? Should I just shut up. What does a parent say to the child they dearly love and hate seeing them suffer. Soooooooooooo frustrating. Love just doesn't seem enough.
Oh Hope I am so sorry you have to suffer the worse pain there is.
To answer your question I'd say sort of, but we don't care.
I know that sounds harsh, but that's not your child. That's a drug. A walking, breathing drug. If we're high we don't want anyone to ruin it. Not our mom or dad or husband or sibling or even our kids. We live for that. Our every waking hour is about the drug. I'm high and I worked hard to get there, and I do it because I don't want to deal with you or anyone else. I'm worrying about will I have enough money to get my next bag. I'm scheming what I'm going to steal or sell to get that bag. I'm worrying the dealers won't be out. So you can say what you want. You can cry and scream and yell. No I don't hear you.
Underneath all that mess I am so sorry, and i do not want to hurt you. I want to hurt ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know you love me more than the sun. I don't want you to have a heart attack or an ulcer. I love you with all my heart, but that drug got me. That drug is my life. This isn't your fault, and I hear you saying something, and it's just passing my ears. I do however see all that pain I am causeing. I didn't mean to do that to you.
There's hope though. That's your name so you know that. I can get clean but I HAVE TO DO THAT!!! I HAVE TO WANT THAT. Please still love me and always be there for me when I need you, but this isn't meant to be your pain. I messed up. I am wrong. Only that heroin can't see that. I'm sorry.
To answer your question I'd say sort of, but we don't care.
I know that sounds harsh, but that's not your child. That's a drug. A walking, breathing drug. If we're high we don't want anyone to ruin it. Not our mom or dad or husband or sibling or even our kids. We live for that. Our every waking hour is about the drug. I'm high and I worked hard to get there, and I do it because I don't want to deal with you or anyone else. I'm worrying about will I have enough money to get my next bag. I'm scheming what I'm going to steal or sell to get that bag. I'm worrying the dealers won't be out. So you can say what you want. You can cry and scream and yell. No I don't hear you.
Underneath all that mess I am so sorry, and i do not want to hurt you. I want to hurt ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know you love me more than the sun. I don't want you to have a heart attack or an ulcer. I love you with all my heart, but that drug got me. That drug is my life. This isn't your fault, and I hear you saying something, and it's just passing my ears. I do however see all that pain I am causeing. I didn't mean to do that to you.
There's hope though. That's your name so you know that. I can get clean but I HAVE TO DO THAT!!! I HAVE TO WANT THAT. Please still love me and always be there for me when I need you, but this isn't meant to be your pain. I messed up. I am wrong. Only that heroin can't see that. I'm sorry.
Dear Hope,
I'm so sorry for your pain and heartache. I know it well! My son told me when he went into recovery that love had absolutely nothing to do with it. He was being controlled by the drug. He hated what he was putting us through but couldn't get free of it. He got into financial disaster over it. He got into a lot of legal trouble over it. He lost his license for over a year for it.
I will keep you and your son in my prayers.
Dear Bryn,
EXCELLENT post! Thanks for sharing from the very depths of your soul so that we might better understand our loved ones who are being controlled by these hellish drugs! That was WONDERFUL!
Love,
Susan
I'm so sorry for your pain and heartache. I know it well! My son told me when he went into recovery that love had absolutely nothing to do with it. He was being controlled by the drug. He hated what he was putting us through but couldn't get free of it. He got into financial disaster over it. He got into a lot of legal trouble over it. He lost his license for over a year for it.
I will keep you and your son in my prayers.
Dear Bryn,
EXCELLENT post! Thanks for sharing from the very depths of your soul so that we might better understand our loved ones who are being controlled by these hellish drugs! That was WONDERFUL!
Love,
Susan
Dear Hope Shines, you seem to be grasping the reality of it. Love isn't enough. I know that love supposedly conquers all, but the person who said that obviously hadn't met heroin. As Bryn said, the addict doesn't do it to hurt you. But they know it does and they do it anyway. I guess love plays it's part, in that it's example can make the addict want to be a better person, but recovery has to be focused on the addict, not the loved ones. For example, if you have children, it's not enough to get clean "for the kids", but the desire to be a better parent, to change your life around so that you can be the kind of parent that you really want to be could be a very strong motivator. It's a subtle difference. Your loved one won't get clean just because you want them to, but they might do it so they can be the person THEY want to be.
In order to try and motivate someone to get clean (and it's a long shot!) you'd be better off focusing your efforts on trying to get them to see all they could achieve with their precious life, rather than telling them how much it hurts YOU to see them in the grip of addiction. Guilt only makes things worse. Guilt makes you feel nasty, not hopeful, and heroin can nullify those guilt feelings, so you're shooting yourself in the foot if you think that by displaying your pain and suffering to the addict, you can make them want to stop. It has the opposite effect. The addict feels guilty anyway. Making them feel worse will only backfire on you. They'll just do more heroin to make those feelings go away.
Anyway, hope things get better for you. Try and access some support from groups for families of addicts. The hardest thing is letting go, but that's what you have to do. you need to focus on YOU, and your addict needs to focus on themselves.
best wishes
Diff x
In order to try and motivate someone to get clean (and it's a long shot!) you'd be better off focusing your efforts on trying to get them to see all they could achieve with their precious life, rather than telling them how much it hurts YOU to see them in the grip of addiction. Guilt only makes things worse. Guilt makes you feel nasty, not hopeful, and heroin can nullify those guilt feelings, so you're shooting yourself in the foot if you think that by displaying your pain and suffering to the addict, you can make them want to stop. It has the opposite effect. The addict feels guilty anyway. Making them feel worse will only backfire on you. They'll just do more heroin to make those feelings go away.
Anyway, hope things get better for you. Try and access some support from groups for families of addicts. The hardest thing is letting go, but that's what you have to do. you need to focus on YOU, and your addict needs to focus on themselves.
best wishes
Diff x
I can tell you personally, I heard it all- - butlistening and hearing are 2- different things.
I agee with Diff (as usual) that the guilt we carry from knowing that we are dissapointing our families and friends is brutal. It often backfires when we try to right the guilty feelings we carry, while in an active addiction.
I have to go to work- so Ill keep it short.
Keep talking- be supportive but not enableling (it can be a fine line)
We do hear- and told often e-nuff hopefully we,ll listen and recognize it as help & understanding being offered- not just talk
learned to listen,
jack
I agee with Diff (as usual) that the guilt we carry from knowing that we are dissapointing our families and friends is brutal. It often backfires when we try to right the guilty feelings we carry, while in an active addiction.
I have to go to work- so Ill keep it short.
Keep talking- be supportive but not enableling (it can be a fine line)
We do hear- and told often e-nuff hopefully we,ll listen and recognize it as help & understanding being offered- not just talk
learned to listen,
jack
Hope,
With all the wise advice you have recieved above there's not much more to say! We listen, we hear, we know, we understand and it is clear(even when high) that what we are doing is hurting everyone near and dear to us but our own pain clogs our hearing, caring, and ability to see past that pain. Do we care.......yes but that is VERY hard to see when we are on a constant course of dissapointment, failure, self abuse from self medicating(getting high),and the big one.......running from ourselves. Underneath all the hurt we care but it comes with a selfish cost allowing us to look blindly past your tears, plea's,prayers, and words of wisdom viewing only that drug that we THINK we need. Just like addicts need to seek some form of recovery....so do you loved ones. Talk, read, listen, ask question, educate yourself, get a support network for yourself because YOU matter most throughout this journey! No....love is not enough....neither are all those plea's and prayers you supply.....choice's are the weapon of choice to do battle but that is up to the one addicted and things will stay the same until that choice is made by the addict alone. The best to you!
With all the wise advice you have recieved above there's not much more to say! We listen, we hear, we know, we understand and it is clear(even when high) that what we are doing is hurting everyone near and dear to us but our own pain clogs our hearing, caring, and ability to see past that pain. Do we care.......yes but that is VERY hard to see when we are on a constant course of dissapointment, failure, self abuse from self medicating(getting high),and the big one.......running from ourselves. Underneath all the hurt we care but it comes with a selfish cost allowing us to look blindly past your tears, plea's,prayers, and words of wisdom viewing only that drug that we THINK we need. Just like addicts need to seek some form of recovery....so do you loved ones. Talk, read, listen, ask question, educate yourself, get a support network for yourself because YOU matter most throughout this journey! No....love is not enough....neither are all those plea's and prayers you supply.....choice's are the weapon of choice to do battle but that is up to the one addicted and things will stay the same until that choice is made by the addict alone. The best to you!
Hope ya got some great advice/insight..into what an addict can be like...from some of the best exaddicts..can we call ourselves ex anything after addiction i dunno?Read those posts coz they are from the best&try to gain as much info you can.Take care.......Davey
Dear Everyone, please forgive me. I just had a father knock at my door and gave me some upsetting news about my son and his. I just cannot think clear right now. I just want to thank you for all writing. And when I can think clearly I will write back. Please pray for us. I can't bear this anymore. Hope
Hope,
I know this is an at times cripling pain that you are going through with your loved ones addiction and my thought and prayers are with you. You have a good army of people here on this site who will be here waiting, praying, and pulling for you and when you are able to return you can continue, as best you can, to educate yourself and get the understanding you need. Know first and formost that this is not your fault and you are in no way to be blamed for the choice your son made. The best to you both!
I know this is an at times cripling pain that you are going through with your loved ones addiction and my thought and prayers are with you. You have a good army of people here on this site who will be here waiting, praying, and pulling for you and when you are able to return you can continue, as best you can, to educate yourself and get the understanding you need. Know first and formost that this is not your fault and you are in no way to be blamed for the choice your son made. The best to you both!
Prayers coming your way tonight. I just read this or it would have been sooner.
God bless!
Susan
God bless!
Susan
Hope,
You could not have hooked up with or heard the truth from a better group of people. Listen to what they have to say. I have. I love an addict as well. These postings have helped me tremendously. Everything has it's own way of working things out.
Your name says it all...just have Hope.
You could not have hooked up with or heard the truth from a better group of people. Listen to what they have to say. I have. I love an addict as well. These postings have helped me tremendously. Everything has it's own way of working things out.
Your name says it all...just have Hope.
I know my daughter does not hear me. She will agree with everything I say but does just the opposite. At the moment she is in I will not answer the phone to you mode, we have been here time after time. She has let down everyone in my family, aunts, uncles, cousins etc. we are all very close, she has just not been there when they have arrived to have their hair done. They always used her for their hair as she was family and now she does not turn up for them and they have all had to go somewhere else to have their hair done,she does not even contact them to apologise. Tonight her sister, partner and nephew came to my house for a meal to have her do their hair as they are going on holiday, she did not turn up and would not answer the phone. I feel terrible she has let family down like this, but I know it is not my fault and I have no control over it. Her counsellor rang me today to see if she wanted to go in and be drug tested and have a chat with him. Told him she had relapsed and that I had given her his number on numerous occassions but so far she had not contacted him. I am not making an appointment for her, I have given her the tools it is now up to her. I gave him her new mobile number and he said he will ring her, warned him she may not answer the phone. I am really fed up with all this, and fell so angry. I have done all I can it is up to her now.
Dear Everyone, Sorry it took so long for me to get back. Thank you all for your insight. I've read what you wrote several times and took to heart what you said. I will definately make some attitude changes that I think will help my son. He has court tomorrow. I'm not sure what the outcome will be. Even my husband, who has mostly been angry, has made a huge change of heart. I hope all of you are well and happy today. Take care. I will be in touch. Love, Hope
Hope court goes well, Hope.
Glad we could give some different angles to ya!
Tell us how it goes when ya can.
Glad we could give some different angles to ya!
Tell us how it goes when ya can.
Dear Bryn, Diff, Jack ... I posted on the family category under Hope Shines topic. Love, Hope
