Okay just asking in everyone's experience because my man keeps getting told that addicts only get clean when they move out and do it in isolation. But we have friends who have done this and it has gone very wrong for them, both took their own lives.
Speaking for my daughter (with her blessing) she grasped recovery with family support and bi-weekly contact, but away from home for a long time. After that it was at home with support, but minimal involvement. I think the age of the addict matters...she was young and had her whole life ahead of her. Fresh starts are harder on us older folks...job, family, etc...
Hi Jaz,
i would have to say personally, i would rather detox away from home, but do the recovery after the detox was finished as an outpatient and at home ...but i agree with M&M in part that age plays a part in that...as a very young addict it would have been much better to do everything away from home...now...that would only be torture...it would also depend on ones home life and if the home life was supportive and good for the addict...returning to an abusive situation or a situation where the family were totally co dependent wouldn't be good for anyone and lastly, it depends on the addict...if the addict were really and truly done and wanted to recover....i personally would want to be in contact with my family through out the detox and then continue my recovery at home...but once again...many factors involved on both sides of that....
how is it going for you ?....your man doing any better ?...
con
i would have to say personally, i would rather detox away from home, but do the recovery after the detox was finished as an outpatient and at home ...but i agree with M&M in part that age plays a part in that...as a very young addict it would have been much better to do everything away from home...now...that would only be torture...it would also depend on ones home life and if the home life was supportive and good for the addict...returning to an abusive situation or a situation where the family were totally co dependent wouldn't be good for anyone and lastly, it depends on the addict...if the addict were really and truly done and wanted to recover....i personally would want to be in contact with my family through out the detox and then continue my recovery at home...but once again...many factors involved on both sides of that....
how is it going for you ?....your man doing any better ?...
con
I never thought about age playing into it.
My man has been living away from us for most of this year and so not sure if that's better or not.
We miss him and he misses us.
He's done a detox and a program which seems to be helping.
But he needs more to occupy his time and that's where being here helps - me having a big whip and always finding him something to do.
But his drug worker says he shouldn't come home.
My man has been living away from us for most of this year and so not sure if that's better or not.
We miss him and he misses us.
He's done a detox and a program which seems to be helping.
But he needs more to occupy his time and that's where being here helps - me having a big whip and always finding him something to do.
But his drug worker says he shouldn't come home.
HI Jazwan,
I am just speaking on behalf of my son but he was in 3 different rehabs and he relapsed in all of them. Since he has been home its like he is more peacefull and he loves having his family and friends around for support. We dont take nonsense but we show we love him. We have this rules in place that he thought out and its working he lapsed rigth in the beginning and he told his friend if that happens he need to basically punch him and he did he had aswollen nose to show for it but he has been clean ever since. Its probably different as he is only 22.
We have incentives as whil if he is clean for a certain period he gets privelages like a cellphone going out little things like that.
Hope that helps.
Priscilal
I am just speaking on behalf of my son but he was in 3 different rehabs and he relapsed in all of them. Since he has been home its like he is more peacefull and he loves having his family and friends around for support. We dont take nonsense but we show we love him. We have this rules in place that he thought out and its working he lapsed rigth in the beginning and he told his friend if that happens he need to basically punch him and he did he had aswollen nose to show for it but he has been clean ever since. Its probably different as he is only 22.
We have incentives as whil if he is clean for a certain period he gets privelages like a cellphone going out little things like that.
Hope that helps.
Priscilal
Myself as well as my son did better at home with family to be accountable too.
When I stopped making the rules and did what was suggested (told rather strongly I guess) I got clean. Same with my son.
I let go. Let someone else drive the bus for awhile.
When I stopped making the rules and did what was suggested (told rather strongly I guess) I got clean. Same with my son.
I let go. Let someone else drive the bus for awhile.
ya know Jaz, you and my spouse must have the same damn big whip...lol...and in all honesty...i would be lost without the endless lists and the whip to motivate me...(imaginary whip there)..it anchors me when my head was racing... gave me something to do with my restlessness...grounded me in the ordinary and the mundane.....which is a huge comfort when your whole world is feeling unreal...i can totally understand some of us needing or doing better at home...but as I said, and i stand by it...it really depends on the home and the addict themselves...your man sounds like he would do indeed much better if he could be allowed to go home to you all...
Jaz why does the drug worker think he should stay away, do you know?
You want him back in the house with you, does he want to come back?
I know here when that man of mine jumped from the sub, being summer, keeping busy as a family seemed to be a good distraction for him and he planned just so this would happen. Even now sitting around is something he is very honest about not being good for him...
You want him back in the house with you, does he want to come back?
I know here when that man of mine jumped from the sub, being summer, keeping busy as a family seemed to be a good distraction for him and he planned just so this would happen. Even now sitting around is something he is very honest about not being good for him...
Tina,
Drug workers follow whatever fashion is going - currently it's not to live at home. Not that mine would let that stop him if he wanted to come home.
It's what is best for us and he's always been here for years and years and now he's using a fraction of what he was. The trouble is when he came off the methadone it all went a bit crazy for 3 months and he was in a worse state than before the detox and during that time he stole from me.
Once getting money out of the cashpoint, once money around the house, once from my bag.
Never did anything like that before - I hoofed him out big style threatened him with a painful death. In some ways it was his bottom because he'd always prided himself on his integrity, no matter how desperate he was. I guess he didn't realise what a support the meth was. And it was a big wake up call so he started working his recovery more.
But does he come home now he's stable.
I have to reach a point where I say ok what happened happened and I trust you.
or I lock everything away and if I feel like that then there is no point.
And in the background we have his DW saying it wouldn't be good for him.
Drug workers follow whatever fashion is going - currently it's not to live at home. Not that mine would let that stop him if he wanted to come home.
It's what is best for us and he's always been here for years and years and now he's using a fraction of what he was. The trouble is when he came off the methadone it all went a bit crazy for 3 months and he was in a worse state than before the detox and during that time he stole from me.
Once getting money out of the cashpoint, once money around the house, once from my bag.
Never did anything like that before - I hoofed him out big style threatened him with a painful death. In some ways it was his bottom because he'd always prided himself on his integrity, no matter how desperate he was. I guess he didn't realise what a support the meth was. And it was a big wake up call so he started working his recovery more.
But does he come home now he's stable.
I have to reach a point where I say ok what happened happened and I trust you.
or I lock everything away and if I feel like that then there is no point.
And in the background we have his DW saying it wouldn't be good for him.
You know in the end no matter the advice he has to do what he feels is good for him, and you have to do the same...
And I totally agree it is a mute point if you have to lock the house up because you don't trust. Cynical wrote years ago locking up in just another form of enabling anyway, and it is, in some sick way.
Enjoy him, have fun, and let it be for a bit see what feels good and right in your heart and let him find the same. You also seem sad without him around, but not in that icky I can't focus I am addicted to him way, more in a I lost my soul mate, my best friend way.
I don't know how the hubby would have fared if he was told he couldn't be here because there was a normalcy, a predictability, and life just going on...I could see being told not to go home because it is a constant source of stress and accusations and badgering and all that did you use, and are you lying, that is not good for either side, but if that isn't around and you want to be there, then why not enjoy what lights you up and gives you a purpose to push on to the next day.
Hang in there...
Love ya!
And I totally agree it is a mute point if you have to lock the house up because you don't trust. Cynical wrote years ago locking up in just another form of enabling anyway, and it is, in some sick way.
Enjoy him, have fun, and let it be for a bit see what feels good and right in your heart and let him find the same. You also seem sad without him around, but not in that icky I can't focus I am addicted to him way, more in a I lost my soul mate, my best friend way.
I don't know how the hubby would have fared if he was told he couldn't be here because there was a normalcy, a predictability, and life just going on...I could see being told not to go home because it is a constant source of stress and accusations and badgering and all that did you use, and are you lying, that is not good for either side, but if that isn't around and you want to be there, then why not enjoy what lights you up and gives you a purpose to push on to the next day.
Hang in there...
Love ya!
loving you hun
and yes no grief but oh the mistrust
and like cynical I feel this we write of boundaries and using tools when there is mad ness to protect ourselves and yet not to trust and lock things up is a terrible thing
it takes away all control and gives us the power and from there how do we move forward
we spoke today about us both going to counselling not sure myself
and missing him yes lots
sad he's not here because although he's the addict
he's also the most grown up here
he has the wisdom that comes with great pain
and iI flounder without it.
xx
and yes no grief but oh the mistrust
and like cynical I feel this we write of boundaries and using tools when there is mad ness to protect ourselves and yet not to trust and lock things up is a terrible thing
it takes away all control and gives us the power and from there how do we move forward
we spoke today about us both going to counselling not sure myself
and missing him yes lots
sad he's not here because although he's the addict
he's also the most grown up here
he has the wisdom that comes with great pain
and iI flounder without it.
xx
i think locking things away until you know they are safe is sound logic, i dont think there is anything sick or controlling about it, they are an addict, they stole from you, you are safeguarding certain belongings..if it means your peace of mind, so be it..if you want him home and he wants to be home, then do it, whatever the outcome..your choices
| QUOTE |
| You also seem sad without him around, but not in that icky I can't focus I am addicted to him way, more in a I lost my soul mate, my best friend way |
Yeah, you do Jaz...perfectly expressed, Tina.
I hope that you all get what you need, Jaz...the three of you...the whole little family.
Peace ~ M&M
