Do You Suffer from Terminal Uniqueness?
Margo Chisholm
I'm not like them.
I need to do it my own way.
I'm different.
I'd rather do it myself.
It won't work for me.
Are any of these familiar to you?
While it is true that living successful and fulfilling lives often means moving out of the main stream, it is equally true that distancing ourselves from our fellow humans -- physically, mentally or emotionally -- can have a negative affect on the quality of our lives.
Each of us is a special and unique individual. We are also each a member of the marvelous community of human beings, alike in many ways. Too often, we remove ourselves from this energizing unity of souls because we are afraid: afraid we will be hurt; afraid we won't measure up; afraid we'll fail; afraid we'll be viewed as weak.
That fear creates defensiveness, resentment, and separation, often masked by the labels of independence, freedom, and autonomy. We end up feeling alone and unsupported without knowing why. What we perceive as a strength becomes a barrier to true freedom.
I struggled with a need to be special for a long, long time. I had to be different; I had to be strong and independent. Because I felt so insecure about what my strengths truly were I had to be more than others in some way. What I came up with was being more able to handle crises. In order to do that, however, I had to have frequent crises in my life. Which I did!
In order to prove myself, to show you how I was different and special, to let you know how strong and independent I was, I filled my life with events, some real and some invented, that were hugely self-destructive. I was bound and determined to be unique. Terminally bound and determined.
Terminal uniqueness is a fatal condition for our souls. It destroys the possibility of having the life we REALLY want. It separates us from the energy, support and community available from the people around us. It is born of need rather than passion.
I am in no way encouraging you to simply become one of the masses; to give up the qualities that make you 'you'. I AM inviting you to allow those qualities to connect you to other human beings rather than distance you from them. To be your authentic Self in the world rather than protecting yourself from it.
Both our similarities and our differences give us strength. The trick to having success, freedom and joy in our lives is to embrace both, in ourselves as well as in others.
I hope this helps someone... can anyone relate? In the end, to me terminal uniqueness is just a bunch of bulls*** disguised in a lot of words and excuses because the person wants to continue the behaviors. I can remember distinct instances from years ago when I did this very same thing. I never knew it had a name and that it is a fairly common thing in terms of addictive realities.
your smart.
Good post and gives one a great deal to ponder. As for myself, I love my privacy and aloneness, but I am an only child and lived that way for years, so I'm used to it. I do have a strong family bond with my own children and husband and having 5 kids has made it possible to be alone together. Having said that, I know that social bonds are what is the norm and what are helpful to most people.
Hi Petsmom...(and everyone on this thread)!!!!
I think one of the things that this refers to, in a larger sense, is the connectedness of all things. Now that I have said that, let me try to explain! hahaha.
When I read this thread, in the beginning part, I was thinking about how we are all connected as human beings on the planet. That is so true, and I think once we begin to view ourselves as a part of a bigger whole, it helps put us in a place of acceptance of our fellow man...and it gives us an opportunity to "belong". Not so much in a social sense, like a club, or a group, or a party, etc...but belonging to the human race can keep us from feeling lonely. The DNA in my body is the same DNA in the body of a Somalian man, or a baby in Darfur. We are all the same.
Also, I think when we expand our thinking, we expand our possibilities...and our hearts. (I am really counting on this one)!
I like to take it just a step further too....(naturally...always gotta push!). I like to consider the fact that I am connected to all living things on the planet...not just the other humans...I am starting to think about all the living things in the universe...but that seems so far away. I will get there though! It is all a matter of perspective!
Everyone have a great day! Good post....I enjoyed it very much.
Sarah
I think one of the things that this refers to, in a larger sense, is the connectedness of all things. Now that I have said that, let me try to explain! hahaha.
When I read this thread, in the beginning part, I was thinking about how we are all connected as human beings on the planet. That is so true, and I think once we begin to view ourselves as a part of a bigger whole, it helps put us in a place of acceptance of our fellow man...and it gives us an opportunity to "belong". Not so much in a social sense, like a club, or a group, or a party, etc...but belonging to the human race can keep us from feeling lonely. The DNA in my body is the same DNA in the body of a Somalian man, or a baby in Darfur. We are all the same.
Also, I think when we expand our thinking, we expand our possibilities...and our hearts. (I am really counting on this one)!
I like to take it just a step further too....(naturally...always gotta push!). I like to consider the fact that I am connected to all living things on the planet...not just the other humans...I am starting to think about all the living things in the universe...but that seems so far away. I will get there though! It is all a matter of perspective!
Everyone have a great day! Good post....I enjoyed it very much.
Sarah
