Hello everyone, I posted last night in a different topic; had a nice response to this newcomer. I'm four days clean from injectable demerol injection. Today's been the best yet; actually slept last night and have only slight aches and skin crawling today. Will probably sleep pretty well tonight, too. Also am eating well for the first time in a year...am down to 108 lbs. My husband, a doc AND hospital chief-of-staff, got an intervention together last Fri and the jig was SO UP. Sent me to my parents so I could withdraw without the kids having to watch. He's calling me all the time, telling me how much he loves me and isn't angry with me. I can't believe how blessed I am after how selfish and stupid I've been for a year. Please are there other doc's wives I can talk to on this message board? Being a lifelong Christian, I've signed up with Celebrate Recovery based out of the Saddleback Church in CA. I go to my first meeting this Fri with my husband when I get back home. Just looking for some compadres...
I am no dr.'s wife but I can relate as I was writing my own prescriptions for years got caught went on methadone kept writng scripts and then did some time in prison I even started using again whenI got out of prison for a couple of years I am currently on Suboxone and I go to AA /NA meetings and see an addiction specialist and I am getting my life back finally I was abusing pain meds for the last 11 years including cocaine and benzos too we all have a common bond and that is our addiction to opiates I hope he did not prescribe you ultram what did he give you for your withdrawls if you dont mind me asking?
Hi ctink, thanks for your message...I'm on a Catapres patch for lowering my b/p and pulse, which has helped me relax tremendously. Also Robaxin for the aches, Lomotil for the loose stools, and low-dose Librium for chilling me out just enough to get some rest. They've been a lifesaver.
Hi Better Choices:
Welcome. I am happy you are here and celebrating recovery with us. It sounds like you are taking responsibility for your addiction and following through with outside support. That is imperative. Your willingness shines through. I believe there are two other Dr.'s wives on the board :-) It helps to put as much energy into your recovery as you did into your using. Celebrate life! This isn't a dress rehearsal, this is life.
Rachel
Welcome to the board Better Choices and welcome back to your life.
I'm not a dr's wife either..just a contractors wife, but I'm just like you and you are me. I've been clean now over a year partly because of this board, so I hope you stick around.
Like Rachel said, so glad that you're following through with outside help and your husband sounds like a keeper. Having that loving support is half the battle. Sounds like he understands addiction. You're lucky.
Glad you're here.
Cowgirl
I'm not a dr's wife either..just a contractors wife, but I'm just like you and you are me. I've been clean now over a year partly because of this board, so I hope you stick around.
Like Rachel said, so glad that you're following through with outside help and your husband sounds like a keeper. Having that loving support is half the battle. Sounds like he understands addiction. You're lucky.
Glad you're here.
Cowgirl
I just wanted to say Congrats. I was married to a DDS and I was surprised how many Doctor's and Doctor's wives were and are addicted. Keep up the great work.
Belinda
Belinda
Hi Rachel, thanks for your your "nice" perception of my willingness and personal responsibility!! It's not an easy task....and only five days old at this point. I've been devious, manipulative, and capable of actions and feeling that I never thought in a million years I could have been capable of these past forty years of living. Stealing my husband's keys, forging his signatures over and over again, shooting through unbelievable quantities of Demerol and then driving kids, participating in church...such a hypocrit. I know it's a long road that waits for me. I'm luckier than most with a husband and pastor who knows everything and loves me anyway.
Not only does your willingness shine through but your honesty as well.
This board is a great place to practice it.
Take care
Cowgirl
This board is a great place to practice it.
Take care
Cowgirl
Exactly, the honesty is key and you've got it. Believe me, we all did things we are not proud of. I am a Drug Rep, you can imagine the things I have done. We risk everything for our addiction, now we need to have that same vengeance for our Recovery. At least, that's what works for me. Honesty and willingness are so important. It's very refreshing and not that common. I am proud of you and am looking forward to walking this journey with you, my friend :-)
Rachel
Rachel, wow I know SO many reps after managing my husband's office for the past four years. I'm going to miss their friendship; we live in a small town and never dismissed the reps but rather enjoyed the breaks in the day they offered. Not to mention the goodies :)...I told my guy that I can no longer be in the office; even the smell is enticing to me. My desk is way too close to the good stuff. He seems to think I would be o.k, but I'm going to have to hold firm. I'm boxing up all the files and setting up shop in a corner of the house, stopping in only to deliver stamps and mail and gather messages. Today I'm feeling a little achey, still better than in the past five days. I called and made an appt for a massage and a pink/white pedi. Maybe I could trade one addiction for another?? I'm really missing my wonderful kids today...God they're so great, and they miss me too. What I've done to them is absolutely unforgivable...I need someone to hold my hand right now...by the way, my real name is Renee.
Hi Renee....massages are a wonderful idea and good for you for taking care of yourself.
cowgirl
cowgirl
My husband is a Dr. as well. I am glad that you are on your way to a better life. Congrats!
Tracy
Did you just stop cold turkey? It's amazing that you don't feel any worse than you do. I am glad for you .
Tracy
Did you just stop cold turkey? It's amazing that you don't feel any worse than you do. I am glad for you .
Hi Renee,
So far so good. It sounds like there's hope for you. Your doing it right so far. Everyday will be a smidgen better than the last. No you're not a hypocrite, you're just a human like the rest of us who's life was controlled by addiction and now you're taking the necessary steps to correct it. As a matter of fact, you're a better and wiser human now than you ever were. If you work a strong recovery program, this year could be one of the best things that happened to you. Think positive my dear, you're not the only one. 23 million Americans are like us, that's almost the entire population of Canada. You're not alone and the more people you talk to and the more meetings you'll go to, you'll start to understand this disease and start to understand yourself. I've had countless epiphanies since I quit. If I keep this up and work a strong recovery I can honestly say that it was a highly positive experience and made me a far better and wiser human being. The two young ladies that answered you first are great examples of how to work a strong recovery, Rachel and Cowgirl. Heed their advice. You've gotten past the hardest part in this process which is acknowledgement and honesty. I will not do this quote any good as I will mangle it, but it goes something like this....The disease that's always next to you is an elephant, if you acknowledge its presence you won't get crushed. Always be aware and make sure you have some face to face meetings. I wish you the absolute best and a smooth and painless recovery. God bless you and you're not alone.
So far so good. It sounds like there's hope for you. Your doing it right so far. Everyday will be a smidgen better than the last. No you're not a hypocrite, you're just a human like the rest of us who's life was controlled by addiction and now you're taking the necessary steps to correct it. As a matter of fact, you're a better and wiser human now than you ever were. If you work a strong recovery program, this year could be one of the best things that happened to you. Think positive my dear, you're not the only one. 23 million Americans are like us, that's almost the entire population of Canada. You're not alone and the more people you talk to and the more meetings you'll go to, you'll start to understand this disease and start to understand yourself. I've had countless epiphanies since I quit. If I keep this up and work a strong recovery I can honestly say that it was a highly positive experience and made me a far better and wiser human being. The two young ladies that answered you first are great examples of how to work a strong recovery, Rachel and Cowgirl. Heed their advice. You've gotten past the hardest part in this process which is acknowledgement and honesty. I will not do this quote any good as I will mangle it, but it goes something like this....The disease that's always next to you is an elephant, if you acknowledge its presence you won't get crushed. Always be aware and make sure you have some face to face meetings. I wish you the absolute best and a smooth and painless recovery. God bless you and you're not alone.
Better:
You are making some wise decisions by getting yourself out of situations that are challenging. I hope you are having a good day :-)
Rachel
better:
I also did massage, chiropractor and Accupuncture because I was so sore from coming off of those pills. Do whatever you need to do.
Rachel
Hi girlfriends, well I've read your wonderful messages this evening and I can't tell you "thanks" enough for the encouragement it's giving me. I'm so new to this whole thing...as a professional's wife my idea of a junkie was something way different than my little designer clad butt. God's graciously given me a second chance and at this moment I don't intend to "waste a hurt" to use a Celebrate Recovery phrase. I worry about when I get home, quietly in my bathroom at 2;00 in the morning, sitting in the car waiting for the kids to hop in, the church bathroom...all the places I used to shoot up. This afternoon I did in fact get a massage and a pedi. My feet look fabulous, and my muscles that until five days ago were getting pricked regularly and pumped full of Demerol were gently squeezed and massaged so they are now soft and feel like they are really healing. My bony little back really needs to put some weight on; so my folks are only too happy to oblige -- beef ribs and biscuits tonight. Mmm...looks like I'm headed home Friday. ((HUGS)) to you all -- Renee
Dear Renee, Welcome to the board. I hope you're feeling okay. My husband is a doctor also. My DOC was oxycodone. A couple of weeks ago I broke down and confessed the whole long story of my 150-170 mg. per day habit. Last Wed. was my last dose, and now I'm taking suboxone. Like you, I'm just beginning my journey. Your husband sounds like an understanding person who cares for you very much. My husband is being supportive, but he is angry. I would like to talk with you sometime. Watch for me on the board, and I'll do the same. The people here are caring and kind, and that has helped me thru this week. Sleep is calling me. Take care.
Renee:
I just got in from my meeting and saw your post. I am happy to see you here :-)
Massage definitely helps, I'm glad you are taking care of yourself.
Rachel
Dear ATLAS, I was glad to hear that your husband is being supportive, but was sad to hear that he is so angry. Like my husband, I'm sure he's used to having all the answers and is feels guilty and/or stupid for missing the signs that he so regularly sees in all his other patients. My counselor talked to him today and it's gradually dawning on him that he is in fact part of the problem, being codependent and wanting so much to keep me happy, so looking the other way was easier. It's hard for me to understand the process (It's still very early in the going) because in 15 years of marriage, "codependent" was never a word I would have associated with him. I mean, almost every week he emphatically tells this WASPY girl "no" on some request of mine; Hawaii vacation (another one please?), bigger car, etc...Our marriage otherwise has been fantastic, open, honest...all except this one area which has recently been getting larger and larger. The word "toxic" has been floated around, to which I'll use a giant-size can of marital Raid if I have to. I keep telling myself I will do ANYTHING it takes to get clean, stay clean, and repair my family. To make it worse (if it can be), my husband is chief-of-staff at the hospital and we have been advised to retain separate criminal defense attorneys in order to have statements on record before the DEA comes a calling. I shudder to know that I have caused all of this...
I love reading your posts...you have a way of writing...
So, do you think you're going to get in trouble because of the drugs? Were you stealing them from the hospital?
Pretty scary stuff but the good part is that you are doing something about your addiction and getting help. If it ever goes to court, you'll have that in your favor.
The "designer jean clad butt" remark...classic.
Hope you're feeling good tonight.
Cowgirl
So, do you think you're going to get in trouble because of the drugs? Were you stealing them from the hospital?
Pretty scary stuff but the good part is that you are doing something about your addiction and getting help. If it ever goes to court, you'll have that in your favor.
The "designer jean clad butt" remark...classic.
Hope you're feeling good tonight.
Cowgirl
