Hi Everyone.
I don't really have any good news to update about my "friend" and his addiction, but I do have another question for people who are/were in relationships with addicts...
Does the feeling of worry or fear for that person ever go away? I know that this is all very new to me and I have not given myself much time to detach and "get over him", but it seems as though all I do is think about whether or not he is ok.
The last time we spoke, a couple of days ago, I told him this...that I worry all the time if he is alive or not and what he's doing. His response? That I don't have to worry until the weekend because during the week he's fine. That was not the response I was hoping for...I don't really know what I was hoping for...but after that whole saga of a conversation I feel as though I have become stronger. My urge to call him to see if he's ok has subsided somewhat. I do still think about him constantly but I know that we're not any good together (at least not right now).
So anyway, back to my question...does the feeling of worry or "despair" (in quotes b/c I can't think of the right word) ever go away? I don't want to stop caring about him, but I do want to stop feeling so worried all the time.
Thank you in advance for any help/guidance.
It does not go away.....but life is out there waiting for YOU. YOU need to be focused on YOU. Love your "friend" and wish him well and hope his bottom comes soon. Then maybe you can have your friend back!!
How can you stop worrying about someone you love, when you know that they are putting thier life in danger all the time. I agree with Mark, pray for him and try to move on. I know that it is hard but, he needs to find his own path through addiction, and into recovery.
yes, the worrying goes away when u accept the fact that there is nothing u can do about it. He is going to do what he is going to do, it dont matter what u say or do. He has to hit his bottom, and decide if he wants to live life, be a walking zombie, or die. Nuthing u can do about it. You need to learn how to let go, detach with love if u can, but just detach. You know a relationship with an active addict doesn't work, you will always be second to the drug. There is a saying in AA "let go and let God". If he chooses to get help, u can always try to have a relationship then. You need to focus all your energy on u. You come first, u are number one in ur life. The worrying is just wasted energy, u cant change what is going to happen to him. He will just bring u down. Good luck on whatever you decide, I was there where u are now, glad its over, life without him is much better, I will never let him around my kids until he is clean for a year, but I dont ever see that happening, he used for 10 years, when I met him he had been sober for almost a year, relapsed, has been on a binge for 5 months. Lost everything, me, the kids, his family, his job, his car, his drivers license. Glad I never married him, he is in debt for thousands of dollars. In and out of jail, sleeping with disgusting women that he would never of even looked at before. He makes me sick and I'm glad he is out of my life.
Thank you Peanut. I'm not sure if you read my other post but he's actually in rehab as I write this. Hopefully it will be successful. I'm not really expecting anything to happen between us after this is over...but I do feel better knowing that he's getting help.
Good luck to you and thanks for writing to me.
Good luck to you and thanks for writing to me.
Hiya sunshine, I'm Claire from England . I agree with the previous post - my ex was an addict, I was with him for 7+ years; and I ended up with a habit myself. I really identify with the feelings of worry/despair you have talked about. To begin with my ex and I would always split whenever he relapsed (quite often!) I was left with a big hole-filled with anxiety and guilt. Eventually, I realised I had to save myself. I wanted none of the bad feelings any more. It was hard (I loved him) but I just got to the point where I thought "You know what? Your addiction, sad as it is for you, is not my problem." I still feel sad for him, always will, but I don't feel responsible. I also know that I tried my best, sacrificed more than many people would, to help. It did not make him see the light. I don't know to this day if he is alive, using, happy...
At least I came through. Mind you, lately, if you've read my other post today, I am still fighting my demons.
Take care, God Bless x
At least I came through. Mind you, lately, if you've read my other post today, I am still fighting my demons.
Take care, God Bless x
I can't stop worring because i gave my heart to him. But i agree with squirrel
I am going through this now. He keep telling me he need help yes he does
but as long as i keep talking to him i really do not know if he is pulling my
leg so i do not leave him because he doesn't have any true friends and his
close family not living. When he was'nt on drug he is a nice guy. He also
cried when i said this is it. I have too much going for myself but by me being
a christian person i alway think about what Jesus done for us.
I am going through this now. He keep telling me he need help yes he does
but as long as i keep talking to him i really do not know if he is pulling my
leg so i do not leave him because he doesn't have any true friends and his
close family not living. When he was'nt on drug he is a nice guy. He also
cried when i said this is it. I have too much going for myself but by me being
a christian person i alway think about what Jesus done for us.
Pray....and do what you believe in your heart is right. It sounds like you care so much. Be there for him, but don't let him get you caught up in his chaos. God Bless you
