my sis and i are both recovering addicts - she from meth and me from alcohol. we were not addicted to the same thing, or even during the same time period for the most part, yet by some chance we both had our longest period of recovery at the same time, both celebrating 3 years of sobriety in July of 2004. neither of us attends meetings of any kind, although we both did in the beginning stages of recovery.
she moved back home a few months ago after living out of state for many years. (she initially moved to get away from friends and family who use.) she is highly qualified, and has been actively looking, for work, but the job market in our small community is horrible and she has yet to find employment. :(
a little over a month ago, i relapsed for one night, guzzling a 20-oz. hard lemonade in about 2 minutes, and promptly crying myself to sleep. i did not talk to anyone about it, as i feel my recovery is between god and me. i especially would not tell her, as i felt the potential for damage to her recovery process was too great.
last night i called from her and immediately knew something was very wrong. eventually she told me she had gotten high the day before. now, there are fundamental differences between our reactions to such things. i'm not sure how much of it is due simply to the differences between alcohol and meth, but she catapults into a deep suicidal depression upon crashing. it's ugly and scary as hell.
although i am a recovering alcoholic, i still cannot seem to find the appropriate words or actions at a time like this. i took her kids home with me and fed them dinner, bought some groceries for her, and washed her dishes. we talked for awhile. one thing i remember stressing to her is: NO, you are NOT starting at square one - you have over 3 years of sobriety under your belt - it's more like you took 10 steps forward and 1 step back.
i guess i just wanted to share this with someone who understands, and see what people have to say in response. thanks for this opportunity.
~alisha
It happens, we are only human, we make mistakes. Learn from them . it is cool how you two relate. I'm curious, after finding out about her getting high. Did you admit to her , your minor slip?? . If not I think you should. Honesty and open sharing of each others pain , between the two of you , and to be honest , that is what helps all of us here support each other.I think both of you are feeling such inner turmoil over having made a minor mistake ( and it really is minor, it isnt like you went on a week long drinking binge, or she was off and running for weeks . The fact you both are so upset about it , you are both showing real commitment to staying clean . Figure out why those slips happened, try avoiding it in the future . hope this helped some...AL
Alisha, Hate to make you feel worse , I totally agree with Al. Spill the beans. Your sister feels pretty disappointed for letting you down. Don't let her keep feeling so guilty. It isn't productive. The guilt could be a real set back. If she knows you slipped once but caught your balance it might help her stay in recovery. Do the right thing. For yourself and your sister. sincerely,,,Linda
Dealing with depression in a loved one is very difficult indeed.
Depression is rage directed inward. The depressed person is angry about their situation, but all paths to express this anger are blocked, there is no outlet for it. They feel helpless about their situation, they turn on themselves. They actually hate themselves for having such anger. Love and understanding don't work in depression, it just makes the depressed person hate themselves that much more.
Meth addicts on crashing have a brain that is shutting down , and this brain cannot cope with the stresses of life. That inability to cope creates the anger and frustration, then they feel shame and hopelessness about this anger.
When my friend is depressed, I tell her she is useless as a fig, this gets her angry at me, at least she is showing her anger not bottling it up.
Depression is rage directed inward. The depressed person is angry about their situation, but all paths to express this anger are blocked, there is no outlet for it. They feel helpless about their situation, they turn on themselves. They actually hate themselves for having such anger. Love and understanding don't work in depression, it just makes the depressed person hate themselves that much more.
Meth addicts on crashing have a brain that is shutting down , and this brain cannot cope with the stresses of life. That inability to cope creates the anger and frustration, then they feel shame and hopelessness about this anger.
When my friend is depressed, I tell her she is useless as a fig, this gets her angry at me, at least she is showing her anger not bottling it up.
