Tomorrow I go downtown to get an assessment at AADAC done at 12:30, then there is a group that I can attend for two hours at least 5 times over the next few weeks. Major anxiety over taking the train downtown. I think I will ask my son to come with me. He's 19 and just moved back in with us. Depending on how all this goes, the hospital will determine if I need mental health care with their program or not. The hospital has a group formed to provide information and skills regarding assertiveness, resilience, sleeping, loss, shame, creative expression and depression. So basically, they're saying treat the addiction (if it exists at all) then consider the outpatient program if necessary. Either way, I got honest about the pot use and I reached out for help. I have so many things happening at once. My house is a wreck on top of it all. Would love to say f*** it and toke. But I won't. Too close to one month sobriety. unless you count taking 150 mg/Wellbutrin as drug use. Today, I am very tired, I've been working too hard on this. Thank you to hippienerd for some wise words earlier regarding slowing down (something like that). Damn short term memory loss.
My son will take the train with me tomorrow. He said he wants me to meet one of the homeless men that is in that area. They are on a first name basis. I'm thinking I'll bring him a few sandwiches. I really hate it that people have to live on the streets.
WW even the never been high don't remember everything. I am amazed at your progress over the last 3 weeks. Are you really the same person? (haha).
The journey is the thing, we all have the same destination.
The journey is the thing, we all have the same destination.
Yes, I am the same person. LOL. Fast learner. I take everything in my life seriously. I'm also a Leo, stubborn and steadfast. :-) I've also done a ton of work on myself since the early nineties. These last two years of smoking pot was a relapse. I have the tools, just have to dig them out and dust them off.
WW, you are doing great, good luck with the drug assessment....i had one at the outpatient clinic i went to, they recommended inpatient so i went in for a little over a month....i didn't like the way the rehab was run (stupid idiotic rules and punishments) so i checked out after doing my first step...within a day and a half i was back in the outpatient where i worked my way through steps 1-3, got a sponsor and started Aftercare and Relapse prevention....it's worked for me...i have intentions of going to an H&I meeting at the hospital i was in this following wednesday, to share my experience, strength and hope...i have 91 days clean from pot and coke...
Good luck sweetie, and don't be nervous, it's really not a huge deal...
Good luck sweetie, and don't be nervous, it's really not a huge deal...
Janet, I'm a little freaked because pot is an illegal drug and I have children who can be taken from me. You must've had those worries, right? No one talks about that on these boards, that I've seen. Wow, inpatient never occured to me. I tell myself "I'm not that bad off, look how easy it was to quit." Addict speak, right? I just told my husband what's going on with me tomorrow. He was high when I told him. Maybe I should have waited....he looks a little pale. OOOOOPS! Anyway, I'd like to think that if a person is willing to get help then one should not be penalized. I have faith in our healthcare system. Thanks for all your support over this last little while and 3 months is impressive !! I heard from my mom that my cousin went to rehab for a coke addiction, she met her husband there and they have a baby now. I haven't seen or talked to her in 3 years....maybe I should, except all my cousins have seen me as the "sober one of the bunch" for 39 years. We're only as sick as our secrets, right?
I must keep repeating number 14 from the code of truth. I have been very fearful for a long time. I have to continue to stay in the moment.
Good luck with your intention with H & I at the hospital. You are a natural leader.
I must keep repeating number 14 from the code of truth. I have been very fearful for a long time. I have to continue to stay in the moment.
Good luck with your intention with H & I at the hospital. You are a natural leader.
I am thinking of you today WW. How brave you are! No one does like to talk about kids on here because it could come back to haunt you. Some people have been attacked in the past for admitting that they were moms. Now it seems that more & more moms are speaking out & just honestly reaching for help. Dad's are drug addicted just as much as moms but it seems no one gives then a hard time. Thanks for being such an inspiration WW! You ROCK!
From what I understand this information is covered by the HIPPA act, they can't release any of it except by court order. I was doing coke and did not suffer any repercussions. So don't worry about it, unless you have a spouse looking for a reason to take your kids away, even then, you are proving that you are ready to make a change, I doubt a judge would take your kids away if you are going to a rehab and cleaning your act up...at the very worst you would be subjected to drug tests...
After re-reading your post, your hubby is on drugs too right?...They will not take your kids away and give them to him...like i said, this information is covered by Hippa...we were told in outpatient rehab that we couldn't talk about our fellow patients, it is subject to up to a $50,000 fine....
After re-reading your post, your hubby is on drugs too right?...They will not take your kids away and give them to him...like i said, this information is covered by Hippa...we were told in outpatient rehab that we couldn't talk about our fellow patients, it is subject to up to a $50,000 fine....
Thanks for putting my mind at ease, providing valuable info AND cheering me on, I'm a tad bit nervous this morning. Had a little trouble sleeping, I dreamt that I was filling out forms for this assessment. One of the multiple choice questions was "'What bands did you listen to in your youth." Isn't that funny? This morning it's funny.:-)
I'll just keep saying number 5 to myself this morning.
I'll just keep saying number 5 to myself this morning.
ww, how did it go today, waiting for you to fill us in, as well as get free tips from all your therapy. haha. maybe you can help all of us out some around here. even more than you already have. i admire you for taking such a huge step. i love my kids, but i think i started using more after they came along. haha. not making excuses but jeez, these little boogers drive you nuts sometimes. but what would life be without them.
Very spirit-filled day. Lots to share...about the assessment, but way too tired right now. I also went to see Sylvia Browne tonight. Took the train all by myself this time. LOL She's the real deal, no doubt in my mind. She led a meditation..lots of healing work. She talked about depression and addictions.....I'll be back in the morning.
hi ww- anxiously waiting to hear the rest... how are you?
-jo
-jo
Jo-jo, I felt high yesterday. In another world. It was beautiful I cannot begin to tell you the peace I have found. The day before when the assessment cousellor asked about my spirituality I was lost for a moment. My stomache was a mess. I have been so focussed on my emotional and mental level of existence that my physicality and spirituality was a distant memory.Then I told her about Reiki. She suggested I use it again, of course. I was skeptical, it had been so long since I practiced. Pot had changed my personality so much. I forgive myself. I have been so far away. I felt sad for a moment, and then realized I am not my feelings. I felt pain in my neck which I know from my studies that is about guilt and flexibility issues. I had more and more clarity as the day went on. It truly was divine that the day coincided with my visit to SBrowne, that was not planned. Being straight has made me aware again on all the levels important to me. I do not see a future of drug use ever again.
I will go to meetings next week and share with this board.
How are you?
I will go to meetings next week and share with this board.
How are you?
what excatly does this experience of spirituality entain? and how or why do you think it has had such a big impact on you? I have never been a very spiritual person but at this point i'm willing to try anything to get the feeling of myself back into my body. However I don't ever remember knowing myself before my pot use so I don't really have anything to fall back on :(
Hello Plow King,
The experience was about being ok with everything, past or present. "Acceptance" is really the most relaxed state, most receptive. it just "is". There is no rigidity, no control, no manipulation. I also found that meditating with about 2400 people is a very cool experience. :-)
It had an impact on me because I was ready to heal. Enough is enough. I no longer want to cloud my brain with a substance that has been a lie. Pot decieved me. It altered my thinking, convincing me it was helping me, when in fact it was taking me away from a peaceful existance and causing incredible stress and negativity.
Regarding reiki itself, it is a Japanese word that means "universal life force". This life force is present in all things. The practice dates back in written records to 2500 years ago. It can be the laying on of hands and the directing of life force through energy transfer.(or can be done through absentee healing). It is gentle, non-invasive, yet very powerful. My first experience with it was in 2000, I had physical ailments due to many surgeries, and had immediate results with elimination of physical pain. I went on to study as a student. Please know that it is not me that does the healing, it is the energy.
Reiki heals on all levels-mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. It goes to the source of the imbalance and heals the cause of it. Reiki has been known to heal tumours, cancers, cysts, align the spine, detoxify the body, heal organs, heal wounds and burns, reduce side effects of chemical drugs, reduce stress, alleviate headaches, assist with emotional release, heal depression and emotional imbalances, heal karmic and mental patterns, release negativity and negative entity attachments, heal the aura and chakras (non-physical energy centers), heal past life issues, and assist in spirtitual healing to name a few. :-)
There are no negative side effects. Reiki energy flows into the practioner, through the body and out their hands. As Reiki is flowing through the practitioner they receive Reiki healing at the same time as they are giving reiki to another. As a practitioner I am not using my own energy but instead channeling "universal life force" again, it is not my own energy so I am not depleted after a session. The life force energy comes down the crown chakra and up the feet. This life force will clean out the chakra system as one agrees to become a channel of energy. Therefore reiki is an excellent path for self-development and healing.
One only has to be relaxed, want to heal and receive life force on any level. The best way to learn about it is to experience it for yourself. :-)
http://www.reiki.org/FAQ/WhatIsReiki.html
The experience was about being ok with everything, past or present. "Acceptance" is really the most relaxed state, most receptive. it just "is". There is no rigidity, no control, no manipulation. I also found that meditating with about 2400 people is a very cool experience. :-)
It had an impact on me because I was ready to heal. Enough is enough. I no longer want to cloud my brain with a substance that has been a lie. Pot decieved me. It altered my thinking, convincing me it was helping me, when in fact it was taking me away from a peaceful existance and causing incredible stress and negativity.
Regarding reiki itself, it is a Japanese word that means "universal life force". This life force is present in all things. The practice dates back in written records to 2500 years ago. It can be the laying on of hands and the directing of life force through energy transfer.(or can be done through absentee healing). It is gentle, non-invasive, yet very powerful. My first experience with it was in 2000, I had physical ailments due to many surgeries, and had immediate results with elimination of physical pain. I went on to study as a student. Please know that it is not me that does the healing, it is the energy.
Reiki heals on all levels-mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. It goes to the source of the imbalance and heals the cause of it. Reiki has been known to heal tumours, cancers, cysts, align the spine, detoxify the body, heal organs, heal wounds and burns, reduce side effects of chemical drugs, reduce stress, alleviate headaches, assist with emotional release, heal depression and emotional imbalances, heal karmic and mental patterns, release negativity and negative entity attachments, heal the aura and chakras (non-physical energy centers), heal past life issues, and assist in spirtitual healing to name a few. :-)
There are no negative side effects. Reiki energy flows into the practioner, through the body and out their hands. As Reiki is flowing through the practitioner they receive Reiki healing at the same time as they are giving reiki to another. As a practitioner I am not using my own energy but instead channeling "universal life force" again, it is not my own energy so I am not depleted after a session. The life force energy comes down the crown chakra and up the feet. This life force will clean out the chakra system as one agrees to become a channel of energy. Therefore reiki is an excellent path for self-development and healing.
One only has to be relaxed, want to heal and receive life force on any level. The best way to learn about it is to experience it for yourself. :-)
http://www.reiki.org/FAQ/WhatIsReiki.html
