I am writing this to keep myself accountable and to not drink.
The man I have been in a relationship on and off again tried killing himself about 2 months ago. I wrote about it here so I don't need to go into further details. I detached from the codependent relationship for a few weeks and then, just like any other addiction, we started hanging out again. We started talking about getting back together. All the codependent behaviors were ignited again. I allowed it.
Right about this time I started restricting my food intake again. I've shared before about my past with bulimia. This time I haven't made myself throw up...couldn't do that with all the teeth issues...so I began restricting. I've lost 9 pounds in 3 weeks. I have stopped posting here, I have found myself resentful at AA and haven't gone to a meeting.
Yesterday DM got fired from another job and tried killing himself again. I walked into his apartment and again witnessed a horrific scene. This is the second attempt and the second time I saw the scene in two months. He didn't succeed and he is back in the psych unit. I pray for him, I wish him well.
But right now it is about me and recognizing the warning signs of relapse. I am in relapse mode and if I don't get help soon, I will drink again. Tonight I am going to a meeting. Tonight I am setting aside my issues with AA/Al-Anon/CODA, and going. Although it will be very painful, I need/must walk away for GOOD from this dysfunctional relationship.
I am asking for support and prayers and of course ESH.
Thank you for listening
{{{{{{{{{{ Zipper }}}}}}}}}} Hugs for you Zipper. I am glad that you are going to a meeting tonight. I was getting really worried about you. I won't tell you that you need to eat because you already know that. You do realize that hunger is one of the triggers to drinking right? Glad that you posted here and know that you are DEFINITELY in my thoughts and prayers.
XX Valarie
Edited to Say: With regards to the ED, I will just say this: I believe in you and you are a strong woman. We both know that pleading with you to eat and all the rest of the things we hear does NOT work. It only feeds the beast. :-)
XX Valarie
Edited to Say: With regards to the ED, I will just say this: I believe in you and you are a strong woman. We both know that pleading with you to eat and all the rest of the things we hear does NOT work. It only feeds the beast. :-)
Oh zipper I'm sorry. I wondered where you were and nearly posted to ask you to check in but I thought I saw one....I was wondering how you were...and I'm sorry you've had such a rough time.
Trust me, living with an addict is a whole different set of issues to being one because we're able to tell ourselves what we're doing is noble and selfless and giving and it DOES distract us from our own s*** by making us feel good about ourselves and ok (because the sickness of it is in the unconscious motivations and not obvious, especially if the other person REALLY does need help), so if, like me, you want to stop drinking focusing on someone else is a perfect way of alcoholism slipping back in under the radar......
My uncle comitted suicide. It really f***ed up my dad (who found him), screwed with my mum's head and (I believe) dramatically impacted the care they gave me and my brother. I believe it rippled down through the generations to my OWN son's upbringing through me. This isn't about me, it's about the almost unimaginable impact on friends and family of a suicide. Someone once wrote that if I kill you I kill one person. If I kill myself I kill the world.
Run like hell. But keep posting. You're a great person and a great friend, but you can't save him and it's not your job to try.
Take care of you. Keep taking good care of you. And treat yourself. Don't forget to do that even though it sounds silly. Life really isn't on hold, you know....?
Martin
Trust me, living with an addict is a whole different set of issues to being one because we're able to tell ourselves what we're doing is noble and selfless and giving and it DOES distract us from our own s*** by making us feel good about ourselves and ok (because the sickness of it is in the unconscious motivations and not obvious, especially if the other person REALLY does need help), so if, like me, you want to stop drinking focusing on someone else is a perfect way of alcoholism slipping back in under the radar......
My uncle comitted suicide. It really f***ed up my dad (who found him), screwed with my mum's head and (I believe) dramatically impacted the care they gave me and my brother. I believe it rippled down through the generations to my OWN son's upbringing through me. This isn't about me, it's about the almost unimaginable impact on friends and family of a suicide. Someone once wrote that if I kill you I kill one person. If I kill myself I kill the world.
Run like hell. But keep posting. You're a great person and a great friend, but you can't save him and it's not your job to try.
Take care of you. Keep taking good care of you. And treat yourself. Don't forget to do that even though it sounds silly. Life really isn't on hold, you know....?
Martin
Zippy, you can't fix him but you can fix you. Get your butt to a meeting. Sit and listen. I guarantee you will hear something you need to hear.
smooches
smooches
Zipper,
I'm sorry for your drama. I lost a very very VERY dear friend to suicide at about my 7th Step, about 8 months into The Program. I thought it was the most selfish thing a person could do. Hope is a very precious spiritual gift and without it, "suicide is a very permanent solution to a temporary problem."
You have to be selfish for the first year, and that means it's all about your sobriety. If your sobriety isn't first, it won't last. Call your sponsor. If you don't have one, now might be a good time. Double up on meetings--they're all the same in the sense that the Power Greater Than Ourselves shows up to every one--and open your ears. Addiction transfer is common--and you've begun to see the triggers--that in ITSELF is progress.
Just remember, "There's absolutely NO problem a drink won't make worse."
I'm sorry for your drama. I lost a very very VERY dear friend to suicide at about my 7th Step, about 8 months into The Program. I thought it was the most selfish thing a person could do. Hope is a very precious spiritual gift and without it, "suicide is a very permanent solution to a temporary problem."
You have to be selfish for the first year, and that means it's all about your sobriety. If your sobriety isn't first, it won't last. Call your sponsor. If you don't have one, now might be a good time. Double up on meetings--they're all the same in the sense that the Power Greater Than Ourselves shows up to every one--and open your ears. Addiction transfer is common--and you've begun to see the triggers--that in ITSELF is progress.
Just remember, "There's absolutely NO problem a drink won't make worse."
Hey Zip Gosh I am so sorry about all that has happened to you. I wondered how come you weren't on the board so much anymore. I am sorry you had to go through all this stuff again. I don't know what to say to you other than hang in there and I will pray for you and my thoughts will be you. Please don't drink it will only make a bad situation worse. I have been wanting to drink for last couple of days too but I am hanging in there and not letting it win. I am glad you are going to a meeting. I have just come back from my counsellor so it has helped and you will be helped too if you go to your meeting. We have a disease that likes to rear its head when we are vulernable but we have to be strong. I know you have it in you to fight this so stay strong. And remember your good days and get strength from that as well. You have my support and my understanding and I am sorry this happened to you again. Take care my friend and know there are people who care about you. God bless (((((( ))))))
Hi Zipper,
I'm sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. Don't forget to look back and see how far you have come, you have over three months sober now, be proud of yourself! You are a miracle, plain and simple! I hope you come to a point where your own sense of is enough to drown out the empty promises of codependancy, eating disorders and alcoholism.
sending best wishes your way,
one day at a time, Cookster
I'm sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. Don't forget to look back and see how far you have come, you have over three months sober now, be proud of yourself! You are a miracle, plain and simple! I hope you come to a point where your own sense of is enough to drown out the empty promises of codependancy, eating disorders and alcoholism.
sending best wishes your way,
one day at a time, Cookster
Thank you everyone for your kind words.
I have felt unworthy of posting much here of late...I realized that this mentality, the belief that I am not worthy to be happy, joyous, and free still exists. I am glad I finally admitted my vulnerable and precarious position. Thank you for loving me while I learn to love myself.
I have felt unworthy of posting much here of late...I realized that this mentality, the belief that I am not worthy to be happy, joyous, and free still exists. I am glad I finally admitted my vulnerable and precarious position. Thank you for loving me while I learn to love myself.
Yeah zipper, I know that one....it keeps coming back to bite me in so many ways....it's good you know it's a lie. Now treat yourself as if you know it's a lie, because you deserve to be loved, cherished, accepted for the wonderful person you are, faults and all (after all, I assume you're human :) lol).
Martin
Martin
Zip.....YGM
"When you most don't think you need it, that's why you need it." These are the times that the ole "WE" in RecoverWE (sorry, poetic license) makes sense (I could have said WE-covery, or WE-cover-WE but that sounded too much like Elmer Fudd)...
Sound it out.
Sound it out.
Gidday Zipper
Addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful and you are experiencing its attack from 2 quarters
Share at a meeting about what has happened and also look at the original reason you got resentful with the meetings or maybe someone in them or maybe a change in your own thinking about what other people are thinking:)
The mind is a dangerous place to go alone negatively and it also loves to store explosives that are negative for maximum effect and that is why it is necesssary to unload at meetings or just listen and diffuse
YOU are the most important person in your recovery do what you have to do to keep it that way.....talk to your higher power.....reconnect
light and love Zac
Addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful and you are experiencing its attack from 2 quarters
Share at a meeting about what has happened and also look at the original reason you got resentful with the meetings or maybe someone in them or maybe a change in your own thinking about what other people are thinking:)
The mind is a dangerous place to go alone negatively and it also loves to store explosives that are negative for maximum effect and that is why it is necesssary to unload at meetings or just listen and diffuse
YOU are the most important person in your recovery do what you have to do to keep it that way.....talk to your higher power.....reconnect
light and love Zac
Valarie..YGM.
Martin, thank you for suggesting for me to treat myself. What a novel idea.
SKG and Zac...thank you for the suggestions. I know exactly why I had and continue to have issues about AA but really not in a state of mind to express it here. Suffice it to say, the need for a meeting outweighs the issues, thank God.
Again, thank you for all the words of wisdom and support.
Lisa
Martin, thank you for suggesting for me to treat myself. What a novel idea.
SKG and Zac...thank you for the suggestions. I know exactly why I had and continue to have issues about AA but really not in a state of mind to express it here. Suffice it to say, the need for a meeting outweighs the issues, thank God.
Again, thank you for all the words of wisdom and support.
Lisa
Hang in there Zippy just wanted to let you know I care and you can do it girl. You have what it takes I know you do. We all have confidence in you so now it's your turn to have some in yourself.Don't let all the progress you have made go down the drain. The demon is trying to work it's way back in. Be stronger than the bottle and you will end up defeating this cunning ,powerful monster that is trying once again to get its grips on you. Sending love and hugs your way.
Dear Lisa,
I read this post earlier and also wasn't sure what to say. I'm still not quite sure. I was outside praying for guidance from my HP whom I call God. So I will try. You have been given some great advice already. Love and support. I will see if theres something I can add. Please remember that they are suggestions. I personally to have wondered and been concerned about why you hadn't been posting.
My alcoholic and sensitive soul and spirit can go all over the place. I even thought you might be disgusted with me. See how sick I am, lol.
I pray and hope for the day that you see in yourself what I see in you. I see this most beautiful, kind, generous, creative, very intelligent woman. I pray for the day that you wake up for the first time and look in the mirror and see what I see. I pray that day is soon. I see someone like me who has struggled most her life with issues of self worth. " WILL I EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYONE." Those are my words.
Please think about finding a good therapist, without f2f support from a professional I'd never would have received the help I so desperately needed. It took several tries and years to find the one I connected with. Plenty of no help in between. The last time and early parts of therapy I looked on line and studied work sheets, questions that would guide me into finding and knowing if I was receiving the proper treatment. Today it's the patients responsibility to do the foot work, not the GP.
You already have so much more awareness than I did. You are extremely bright! I'm one who needed to figure out the whys of my self destructive behavior. It has served me well. I'm now at the place they don't have as much power and am moving closer to my goals. I had to figure out my objectives first and then take baby steps to reach/obtain them. I'm a left brained person. This board and AA were no were close to being enough to help me. As you can see I'm very stubborn and need to be in control. I believe thats why it took me so long to get into action. The why, a product of my childhood, adult relationships.
I'm thankful you have and still are recognizing the signs to relapse. You see your past testing and research is benefiting you now. You also have awareness about your resentments and are not letting them stop you from getting into action where the solutions can be found and applied to your life. I'm sure you know how isolating and resentments are triggers for us alkies/druggies.
I have a hard time asking for help from people. I do the helping. I have used others inner strengths until mine became my own. I set to many rigid standards for myself most of my life. I finally realized I can't live up to all of them. This is where I am applying the first three steps of AA.
I too have been through different periods where I starved myself. I lost 10 lbs. in one week before. I'm the type who when depressed doesn't want to eat. I've learned new skills to stop this self harming and self defeating behavior. We can relearn how to think, react and make better choices for ourselves. Even 90 year olds can.
I'm now working step two. My sponsor told me step one is the foundation and step two is the cornerstone. She's going to have me read that chapter to the agnostics over and over. Plus research and answer questions from it. Good thing I'm finally willing. I'm going to also do what someone else said I've heard repeated at the meetings by some. I will pray on my knees in the AM & PM. I will be praying for you to get into f2f therapy and that wonderful sponsor will come into your life soon. ED is something you could benefit from professional help, in my opinion.
I told my sponsor about you maybe a month ago. She offered me to give you her phone number if you want it. Most of cell plans these days include free long distance. She doesn't talk to me about her other sponsee's, or other people for that matter. The old one I had a few years back did. She was gossiping about other's 4th & 5th steps. I think I pissed her off when I said you know I don't think you should be doing that. Let me know if you want her number. She also told me yesterday on our one on one meeting. That I would here her say don't put other peoples lives any further out than 1/2 inch from your nose. I think thats it. First time she said it.
If I lived in Utah I would love to go to meetings with you. You hold your pretty head high. Walk with confidence into those rooms. This is your AA. This is Your Business. It is Your Seat! Your God given right to be there. You are a miracle!! I know your not vain.
I to have those resentments. Hey I walked out of the 5:30 meeting last night. Provided courtesy of my HP and my gut. First time, in my third journey into AA.
I Love you and I like you Lisa. One day you will see how beautiful you are. I have Faith!!! I will be praying for you every day. Remember you are a ray of sunshine to yourself also.
I shared this with Lacey once. I heard it on the radio.
" People would worry less about what other people thought of them ...
If they knew how seldom other people thought of them"
So walk through those life recovery doors at AA with your beautiful, intelligent and compassionate smile and eyes turned inward and upward to God. Giving thanks that we have another sober day! God will help you with boundries just ask. Please think about professional help. I to have some things I don't want to get into here about family boundries. It can be done! I just can't do it all by myself. Keep posting! You have friends here who really care about you! Plus your missed when your gone!
With Love And Respect
Chris xxx
I read this post earlier and also wasn't sure what to say. I'm still not quite sure. I was outside praying for guidance from my HP whom I call God. So I will try. You have been given some great advice already. Love and support. I will see if theres something I can add. Please remember that they are suggestions. I personally to have wondered and been concerned about why you hadn't been posting.
My alcoholic and sensitive soul and spirit can go all over the place. I even thought you might be disgusted with me. See how sick I am, lol.
I pray and hope for the day that you see in yourself what I see in you. I see this most beautiful, kind, generous, creative, very intelligent woman. I pray for the day that you wake up for the first time and look in the mirror and see what I see. I pray that day is soon. I see someone like me who has struggled most her life with issues of self worth. " WILL I EVER BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANYONE." Those are my words.
Please think about finding a good therapist, without f2f support from a professional I'd never would have received the help I so desperately needed. It took several tries and years to find the one I connected with. Plenty of no help in between. The last time and early parts of therapy I looked on line and studied work sheets, questions that would guide me into finding and knowing if I was receiving the proper treatment. Today it's the patients responsibility to do the foot work, not the GP.
You already have so much more awareness than I did. You are extremely bright! I'm one who needed to figure out the whys of my self destructive behavior. It has served me well. I'm now at the place they don't have as much power and am moving closer to my goals. I had to figure out my objectives first and then take baby steps to reach/obtain them. I'm a left brained person. This board and AA were no were close to being enough to help me. As you can see I'm very stubborn and need to be in control. I believe thats why it took me so long to get into action. The why, a product of my childhood, adult relationships.
I'm thankful you have and still are recognizing the signs to relapse. You see your past testing and research is benefiting you now. You also have awareness about your resentments and are not letting them stop you from getting into action where the solutions can be found and applied to your life. I'm sure you know how isolating and resentments are triggers for us alkies/druggies.
I have a hard time asking for help from people. I do the helping. I have used others inner strengths until mine became my own. I set to many rigid standards for myself most of my life. I finally realized I can't live up to all of them. This is where I am applying the first three steps of AA.
I too have been through different periods where I starved myself. I lost 10 lbs. in one week before. I'm the type who when depressed doesn't want to eat. I've learned new skills to stop this self harming and self defeating behavior. We can relearn how to think, react and make better choices for ourselves. Even 90 year olds can.
I'm now working step two. My sponsor told me step one is the foundation and step two is the cornerstone. She's going to have me read that chapter to the agnostics over and over. Plus research and answer questions from it. Good thing I'm finally willing. I'm going to also do what someone else said I've heard repeated at the meetings by some. I will pray on my knees in the AM & PM. I will be praying for you to get into f2f therapy and that wonderful sponsor will come into your life soon. ED is something you could benefit from professional help, in my opinion.
I told my sponsor about you maybe a month ago. She offered me to give you her phone number if you want it. Most of cell plans these days include free long distance. She doesn't talk to me about her other sponsee's, or other people for that matter. The old one I had a few years back did. She was gossiping about other's 4th & 5th steps. I think I pissed her off when I said you know I don't think you should be doing that. Let me know if you want her number. She also told me yesterday on our one on one meeting. That I would here her say don't put other peoples lives any further out than 1/2 inch from your nose. I think thats it. First time she said it.
If I lived in Utah I would love to go to meetings with you. You hold your pretty head high. Walk with confidence into those rooms. This is your AA. This is Your Business. It is Your Seat! Your God given right to be there. You are a miracle!! I know your not vain.
I to have those resentments. Hey I walked out of the 5:30 meeting last night. Provided courtesy of my HP and my gut. First time, in my third journey into AA.
I Love you and I like you Lisa. One day you will see how beautiful you are. I have Faith!!! I will be praying for you every day. Remember you are a ray of sunshine to yourself also.
I shared this with Lacey once. I heard it on the radio.
" People would worry less about what other people thought of them ...
If they knew how seldom other people thought of them"
So walk through those life recovery doors at AA with your beautiful, intelligent and compassionate smile and eyes turned inward and upward to God. Giving thanks that we have another sober day! God will help you with boundries just ask. Please think about professional help. I to have some things I don't want to get into here about family boundries. It can be done! I just can't do it all by myself. Keep posting! You have friends here who really care about you! Plus your missed when your gone!
With Love And Respect
Chris xxx
Chris...that was beautiful. You have such a great gift in writing and empathy. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have so much I want to say and address but I can't eloquently put the feelings into words right now. I was just talking to a friend from rehab and he asked me a question and without thinking I said, "well it was when DM was still alive". OMG. I know in my heart the conclusion to this sad tale.
I am an isolator by nature and spend most of my free time alone. That is one of the gifts of AA, an ability to surround myself with a support group. That is one of the reasons I am heading to a meeting in about 45 minutes. I don't have to go through anything alone.
Two nights ago I was on my knees praying and my HP instilled in my heart a small sentiment which has taken on a whole new meaning after yesterday's suicide attempt...the message, "Lisa, let go. Be at Peace". It is time for me to let go of DM, let go of my resentments about AA, let go of the old messages that tell me I am not good enough....and peace will come. I trust my HP's words, now it is time for me to take the action.
Thank you, again, for your kind words. If you'd like to give me your sponsors number, send it to: lisan1373@yahoo.com. I can't guarantee I will call, lol, but it would be nice to have.
One last thing...as for your head telling you that you disgusted me and that is why I wasn't posting much...wow, if that isn't illustrative of how distorted things get in our complex minds. You have never disgusted me or unnerved me. If you recall, you were the one who first called me a ray of sunshine. That always has stuck with me because I feel some sort of kinship, as if you really do know me, even if we have never met in person. Thank you for your friendship. Thank you.
Hugs.
Oh yea, I do have a call into my old therapist. I don't have insurance but I am willing to do whatever it takes to get into seeing him again.
I am an isolator by nature and spend most of my free time alone. That is one of the gifts of AA, an ability to surround myself with a support group. That is one of the reasons I am heading to a meeting in about 45 minutes. I don't have to go through anything alone.
Two nights ago I was on my knees praying and my HP instilled in my heart a small sentiment which has taken on a whole new meaning after yesterday's suicide attempt...the message, "Lisa, let go. Be at Peace". It is time for me to let go of DM, let go of my resentments about AA, let go of the old messages that tell me I am not good enough....and peace will come. I trust my HP's words, now it is time for me to take the action.
Thank you, again, for your kind words. If you'd like to give me your sponsors number, send it to: lisan1373@yahoo.com. I can't guarantee I will call, lol, but it would be nice to have.
One last thing...as for your head telling you that you disgusted me and that is why I wasn't posting much...wow, if that isn't illustrative of how distorted things get in our complex minds. You have never disgusted me or unnerved me. If you recall, you were the one who first called me a ray of sunshine. That always has stuck with me because I feel some sort of kinship, as if you really do know me, even if we have never met in person. Thank you for your friendship. Thank you.
Hugs.
Oh yea, I do have a call into my old therapist. I don't have insurance but I am willing to do whatever it takes to get into seeing him again.
Dear Lisa,
I think you are trying to prepare yourself for the worst. Allowing yourself to be prepared in advance; I think is a normal coping response. Saving yourself in advance from more heartache and emotional trauma. Trying to absorb some of the shock and pain now. It's OK! Remember you aren't responsible for whatever happens to him.
You can care, but you are only responsible for your decisions and choices in life.
I'm thankful that you know how to be humble, get on your knees and pray. I'm grateful that I know a loving, kind, forgiving and merciful God.Yes, I believe you are hearing your HP. Lisa my precious daughter Let Go and Give It To Me. I can handle this much better than you. I will give you peace and encouragement. I will take care of DM! I will take care of Lisa too! Your HP'S plans are different for different people. You know God has to rearrange his schedule all the time depending on what we decide and choose to do.
Lisa know this is God's job not yours. You can pray for him then trust your HP. Set your faith free!
I will send you an e-mail asking you a few questions. Want to give my sponsor a little info. with your permission. Tell you a little about her to see if I should proceed. Just a bit I know she wouldn't mind.
You know I read a story about a man here in my hometown that started a program for men matching up sponsors and sponsees. That was over three years ago. I another memory returning. I think it's a great idea! Wonder if it's spread.
Another suggestion and concern. I think you mentioned before DM lives in your complex. If this is true and he does come back there to live. I am concerned about you remaining living there in the same complex. I just see stricter boundaries that may benefit your own personal health and recovery. Is moving out of the question?
I also am puzzled as to why you work full time with a research foundation and they don't offer medical Ins. I know this is none of my business. I just want you to receive the best care. That you so much deserve and need. Please don't think you have to answer me.
By the way I've been a loner all my life to. Alcohol did provide a different social aspect in my life. I to know it's not healthy to isolate. In the end alcohol really didn't help me with being more social. It actually encouraged my natural tendency to isolate. I hope that makes sense.
Love,
Chris xxx
I think you are trying to prepare yourself for the worst. Allowing yourself to be prepared in advance; I think is a normal coping response. Saving yourself in advance from more heartache and emotional trauma. Trying to absorb some of the shock and pain now. It's OK! Remember you aren't responsible for whatever happens to him.
You can care, but you are only responsible for your decisions and choices in life.
I'm thankful that you know how to be humble, get on your knees and pray. I'm grateful that I know a loving, kind, forgiving and merciful God.Yes, I believe you are hearing your HP. Lisa my precious daughter Let Go and Give It To Me. I can handle this much better than you. I will give you peace and encouragement. I will take care of DM! I will take care of Lisa too! Your HP'S plans are different for different people. You know God has to rearrange his schedule all the time depending on what we decide and choose to do.
Lisa know this is God's job not yours. You can pray for him then trust your HP. Set your faith free!
I will send you an e-mail asking you a few questions. Want to give my sponsor a little info. with your permission. Tell you a little about her to see if I should proceed. Just a bit I know she wouldn't mind.
You know I read a story about a man here in my hometown that started a program for men matching up sponsors and sponsees. That was over three years ago. I another memory returning. I think it's a great idea! Wonder if it's spread.
Another suggestion and concern. I think you mentioned before DM lives in your complex. If this is true and he does come back there to live. I am concerned about you remaining living there in the same complex. I just see stricter boundaries that may benefit your own personal health and recovery. Is moving out of the question?
I also am puzzled as to why you work full time with a research foundation and they don't offer medical Ins. I know this is none of my business. I just want you to receive the best care. That you so much deserve and need. Please don't think you have to answer me.
By the way I've been a loner all my life to. Alcohol did provide a different social aspect in my life. I to know it's not healthy to isolate. In the end alcohol really didn't help me with being more social. It actually encouraged my natural tendency to isolate. I hope that makes sense.
Love,
Chris xxx
Chris,
You are absolutely right. I am preparing myself for the worst and again trying to take control of the situation.
As for the insurance question...I work for one doctor with her own private practice and she doesn't offer insurance. I have planned since I found out that I will have a car in a few weeks to start looking for a job with benefits. Yes, I deserve it.
As for moving...I am considering that. I am not in a financial circumstance to do so so for now I will need to set firm boundaries. The first one: asking for my key back and giving his back.
I went to the meeting...it turned out to be an Al-anon meeting, which was a new experience. It was good to be in a meeting, period. However, as soon as I introduced myself as Lisa, I am an alcoholic the meeting chair said that I couldn't identify myself as that. They also said that the meeting is for people recovering from alcoholic relationships. DM is not an alcoholic. I felt really uncomfortable. The one piece of wisdom that resonated was step one, I am powerless over other people. Anyway, tomorrow I am going to go to a women's AA meeting.
You may ask me any questions about myself. I am pretty open about my experiences, as they have made me who I am today.
By the way, where do you live?
Thanks again for your insightful, kind words.
Hugs.
You are absolutely right. I am preparing myself for the worst and again trying to take control of the situation.
As for the insurance question...I work for one doctor with her own private practice and she doesn't offer insurance. I have planned since I found out that I will have a car in a few weeks to start looking for a job with benefits. Yes, I deserve it.
As for moving...I am considering that. I am not in a financial circumstance to do so so for now I will need to set firm boundaries. The first one: asking for my key back and giving his back.
I went to the meeting...it turned out to be an Al-anon meeting, which was a new experience. It was good to be in a meeting, period. However, as soon as I introduced myself as Lisa, I am an alcoholic the meeting chair said that I couldn't identify myself as that. They also said that the meeting is for people recovering from alcoholic relationships. DM is not an alcoholic. I felt really uncomfortable. The one piece of wisdom that resonated was step one, I am powerless over other people. Anyway, tomorrow I am going to go to a women's AA meeting.
You may ask me any questions about myself. I am pretty open about my experiences, as they have made me who I am today.
By the way, where do you live?
Thanks again for your insightful, kind words.
Hugs.
Hi Lisa,
I live in beautiful Oregon. I'm 6th generation Oregonian. Making my girls 7th generation Oregonian's.
Oh well that it was an Alanon meeting. It took you out of yourself and you were with other people. I would have felt uncomfortable to. Although my grandfather was an alcoholic. I another topic.
I know you've asked and received much help in the past from your parents. But, are you willing to ask again for help? I don't think they would want you to stay there at the complex.
I'd been wondering when, or if you had that Explorer yet. I think thats what it was you were buying at a great purchase.
Yes, keep reading your BB and read the Dr's opinion again. Also read Bill's story. These are suggestions. My sponsor asked me to do for step one. She also asked me to highlight what I had in common with him. Write cliff notes on the sides of pgs. in different color pen. Notes were to be things that I experienced, or related to. She also had me write how my life became unmanageable in these areas. My relationships, health, finances, job and legal. She also asked me to write 12 things on a gratitude list. I love step one as it's for many things in life.
I'm on step two now. I just realized when I read your last post you are helping me with it. She said step two is the cornerstone. I'm starting to understand why it's so important now. Thank You, Zipper! As she wants me to stay on this step and read the chapter to agnostics everyday. Which I haven't and I told her. She said progress not perfection to me. I'm the bewildered one in the BB. I'm not an agnostic, or atheist. Oh there were certain questions she asked me to find in the chapter and site the pages. Like the great reality. Good thing I have practice in the research dept.
Anyway you have a good night and I will be praying everyday for you. I hope tomorrows woman's meeting is full of value and provides you much needed peace. Remember you are being watched over, at all times, loved and cared for! You are a miracle! You Are Worth It!
Love,
Chris xxx
I live in beautiful Oregon. I'm 6th generation Oregonian. Making my girls 7th generation Oregonian's.
Oh well that it was an Alanon meeting. It took you out of yourself and you were with other people. I would have felt uncomfortable to. Although my grandfather was an alcoholic. I another topic.
I know you've asked and received much help in the past from your parents. But, are you willing to ask again for help? I don't think they would want you to stay there at the complex.
I'd been wondering when, or if you had that Explorer yet. I think thats what it was you were buying at a great purchase.
Yes, keep reading your BB and read the Dr's opinion again. Also read Bill's story. These are suggestions. My sponsor asked me to do for step one. She also asked me to highlight what I had in common with him. Write cliff notes on the sides of pgs. in different color pen. Notes were to be things that I experienced, or related to. She also had me write how my life became unmanageable in these areas. My relationships, health, finances, job and legal. She also asked me to write 12 things on a gratitude list. I love step one as it's for many things in life.
I'm on step two now. I just realized when I read your last post you are helping me with it. She said step two is the cornerstone. I'm starting to understand why it's so important now. Thank You, Zipper! As she wants me to stay on this step and read the chapter to agnostics everyday. Which I haven't and I told her. She said progress not perfection to me. I'm the bewildered one in the BB. I'm not an agnostic, or atheist. Oh there were certain questions she asked me to find in the chapter and site the pages. Like the great reality. Good thing I have practice in the research dept.
Anyway you have a good night and I will be praying everyday for you. I hope tomorrows woman's meeting is full of value and provides you much needed peace. Remember you are being watched over, at all times, loved and cared for! You are a miracle! You Are Worth It!
Love,
Chris xxx
Zipper,
Will you share the outcome of your AA meeting? So long as you're not drinking, you've made progress. Let us know about the similarities?
skg
Will you share the outcome of your AA meeting? So long as you're not drinking, you've made progress. Let us know about the similarities?
skg
