Hey Folks,
I need some enlightenment here...Davey, I think you might have the answer to this one...anyways....been on those benzos Doc gave me...but last nite I just didnt take them...didnt take them today yet either...its not that their bad they just dont seem to be worth it...Im still craving like a MFker...hell...Im dreaming of it...even went so far as to start the drive toward the dealer...Ok...anyways...heres my questions...and dont take this all wrong Ok ? I am what I am...a dumb junkie that stayed pretty much with only junk, ya ya...meth, speed, coke, codien stuff but I didnt fool around much with too many assorted pills...so here goes: 1. what happens if you use on top of Benzos ?
2. do you need to be off the benzos in order to get on Methadone ? 3. Can they give you Methadone after your clean ? that last question sounded stupid even to me......just asking...k ? and 4. is there wds to benzos too ? I think I know the answer to that one already too but im not sure....how long do you have to be on them if there are wds ? and 5. why do I feel like im going thru a double withdrawal, shouldnt i be feeling any better by now ? my head seems to calm down but now my body seems to be acting up ? and ya...call me on it..please...cuz i know why i didnt take the benzo...and so dont you...and im just waiting until this day is over at work to see where im at...so call me on it and since your my board peeps I wont get upset...thanks
edit: OK...went and did my homework...only been on the benzos 10 days...so shouldnt be a problem just up and stopping...right ? Guess there are really bad wds associated with benzos...so maybe stopping is a good thing already....meth and benzos from what Im reading out there can be mixed...but some say no and some say death...so...dont know on that yet...also read you should be off the benzos to start meth...but not sure on that either...jeez...WTF...well at least im keeping myself busy here today researching and being confused :)
YUP..had to edit myself again: im just scared thats all...ended up having to take a quarter of that benzo after all...jeesh...talk about feeling like crud...anyways...guess tommorow the doc should be able to answer all those inane questions I've got...Im just kind of feeling shakey about the whole Methadone benzo sub whatever thing. Im even thinking maybe I should just go it without anything at all...aw hell...I dont know...just rambling on here today...worrying bout Eck and Arrie and Linz...get through everyone...I miss you all !!
Hi Con, I don't have any answers for your questions but I have a lot of respect and love for your heart. Take good care of yourself. You deserve every bit of peace and joy this life can offer and I hope you find it soon.
Martin
Martin
awwwwww shucks Martin...thanks...im just rambling on here today ,,,;)
Hi Con, firstly do you mean Zolpidem? If so, they are related to benzo's but not actually a true benzo. The withdrawals from zolpidem are very mild compared to withdrawals from a true benzo, like diazapam and nitriazapam. I took them for a long time, and in the end I just stopped them, primarily because they were not really effective, and didn't help me sleep much, just made me groggy the next day.
As for methadone, steer clear. You are clean, your withdrawals now are purely psychological. To go on meth or subs now would be a step back. You've come so far to blow it all now. You just have to find a way to deal with the cravings. I know this sounds trite, but I found the more enjoyment and excitement I was getting out of life, the less my cravings bothered me. I still dream of heroin now occassionally, but it is just something I live with, It doesn't having going to score like it used to. Coming off gear is the easy part, but your life is still broken, so fix it, whatever it needs, or you can't move on. Be prepared to do whatever it takes. The greater your commitment to it, the easy it is. I used to feel like there was a party going on and I wasn't invited, but that's bollocks. Life is far more exciting and much more fun since I consigned heroin to the bin, but I totally started over. I ditched everything to do with my old life, apart from my dog, and just moved on. The boyfriend, the house, everything got filed to bin, and I reinvented myself as a better person. If it reminded me of drugs, I got rid of it. People, possessions, everything. Just started over. Having made that kind of commitment, there was never any question of going back.
And it was the best thing, the greatest gift I could ever have given myself. I just couldn't handle being around the trappings of my old life. What's stopping you from doing the same?
take care
love
Diff xxx
As for methadone, steer clear. You are clean, your withdrawals now are purely psychological. To go on meth or subs now would be a step back. You've come so far to blow it all now. You just have to find a way to deal with the cravings. I know this sounds trite, but I found the more enjoyment and excitement I was getting out of life, the less my cravings bothered me. I still dream of heroin now occassionally, but it is just something I live with, It doesn't having going to score like it used to. Coming off gear is the easy part, but your life is still broken, so fix it, whatever it needs, or you can't move on. Be prepared to do whatever it takes. The greater your commitment to it, the easy it is. I used to feel like there was a party going on and I wasn't invited, but that's bollocks. Life is far more exciting and much more fun since I consigned heroin to the bin, but I totally started over. I ditched everything to do with my old life, apart from my dog, and just moved on. The boyfriend, the house, everything got filed to bin, and I reinvented myself as a better person. If it reminded me of drugs, I got rid of it. People, possessions, everything. Just started over. Having made that kind of commitment, there was never any question of going back.
And it was the best thing, the greatest gift I could ever have given myself. I just couldn't handle being around the trappings of my old life. What's stopping you from doing the same?
take care
love
Diff xxx
Hi Diff...well...I feel like I may have let a lot of people down today...first off, no, its not a Z benzo...its durazanil...couldnt take the Z ...made my head feel like it was exploding....so he gave me the Durazanil...and truthfully ?...it works...to an extent...ya, I know, I know...its still a drug...and I tried to just up and stop it tuesday and got full on sick ...soooo...ya...I dont seem to be able to control the situation very well as far as staying away from H...or any opiate for that matter...its a hard thing to actually admit and I feel pretty much a loser in some ways...but doc put me on methadone program this morning...will start first dose on tuesday after paperwork etc. is complete...Im doing the distance thing from fellow users and places...but honestly Diff I've been 3 times on the way to score this past few days...and thats just going to be messed up too... like Bryn says...benzos and H...OD...death wish possibly...so...im just not maybe ready inside to let it all go away, maybe just really scared to be without something at the moment...so let the games begin...put my butt on done and get it over with so I can concentratate on other crap in my life without always fighting with myself...Aw Diff...Im doing the best I can ...Im not as a** kicking as some of you all are...have patience with me...im a slow learner...late bloomer :) All the best...and thanks so much
Alrite Con....sorry i couldnt talk sooner ...work&daughter got in the way.Read on the other post you are gonna get yer meth.script soon i know yer clean but you seem to still be screaming for some gear so the methedone will lessen those cravings.Dont go on a really high dose im on 70ml.and it suits me fine aim for sumthin in that region.As for the benzos they are only a short term stop gap.....i reckon your Doc.will want you off them in a while .....they say you build up a tolerance after bout 6weeks........some clinics dont mind you taking ..prescribed benzos with the methd.but some are different.....yuoll find out soon enough but yer Doc.seems to have his s*** together.Methedone is a strong opiate handle with care and get some back up support if ya can coz it surely aint an all in plan on its own.......i didnt really answer any of yer Q?....but you get my drift.....i hope.Take care............Davey
dont want to fall out with davey but u dont need 70mls con,i would try 30mls,if not enough ask dr to put u up 10ml,and so on,con once the meth gets u stable u will not get the high u may be lookin for,luv,,,eck
Eck.....you fall out with me...never pal.....maybe yer right a lower dose might be better.I presume they would start Con out on a low dose and move from there.\
Eck hows yer rattle goin?staying strong i hope....what are ya taking for the withdrawls?df118s&vallies i read before....you can do this boss.Chat soon Eck.........Davey
Eck hows yer rattle goin?staying strong i hope....what are ya taking for the withdrawls?df118s&vallies i read before....you can do this boss.Chat soon Eck.........Davey
Ho Con, never apologise for yourself, not to me anyway. I'd never ever judge you, coz I've been exactly where you are now so many times in the past. If anything, I get frustrated with not being able to pass on what I have. You see, I had a road to Damascus experience. I'm not religious or anything, but I was struggling so much with my addiction. I knew what I wanted, but had no idea of how to get it. I just wanted a magic wand to just fix my life, put heroin out of my mind, make me better. I kept wishing for a miracle. One day, I was gonna meet the right person, and they'd help me, and make everything better, or I'd win the lottery, and buy my way out of this rut. Just kept dreaming, and going round in the same old circles. And just one day I woke up and asked myself if I was sick of this life. Yes, was the answer. Was anybody gonna rescue me? No, not very likely. Did I know heroin inside out? Yes. Was it ever gonna show me anything different to what it already had? No. Had I done it to death, been through every door it opened? Yes. Was it ever gonna change my life for the better? No. Did I want out? YES YES YES! So I just told myself, yeah I'd done it, I'd enjoyed it, I didn't regret it. But it was over. Heroin is always gonna be out there, if I want to score it would take me 10 mins. But I decided to choose not to, and to just get it over with. Hard times lay ahead, I won't lie to you, but I just told myself I owed it to myself to be something better than just a junkie. It was a sin to waste a life that way. Heroin had run it's course, and I was going to just keep putting one foot in front of the other, in the knowledge that each step I took was taking me somewhere different, somewhere new. A new adventure.
I wish I could give you that resolve, that feeling that it was all going to be OK in the end, just keep going through the motions, and eventually life will mean something to you again, life will be good. You will be happy, you just gotta keep going. I took subs during this period, so I didn't have to deal with the cravings at that time, I just had to fix me, put my life in order. Maybe your script will allow you the same opportunity. I hope so.
love
diff x
I wish I could give you that resolve, that feeling that it was all going to be OK in the end, just keep going through the motions, and eventually life will mean something to you again, life will be good. You will be happy, you just gotta keep going. I took subs during this period, so I didn't have to deal with the cravings at that time, I just had to fix me, put my life in order. Maybe your script will allow you the same opportunity. I hope so.
love
diff x
Diff...thanks...and dont think I dont understand what your saying ...its true...everything you said...and Im trying real hard not to go to that dreaming sense place...ive got to put my life in some semblance of order...I cant do that when my head and body are screaming for somethng I cant give it right now...ya, I kicked the H...but let me be honest...you dont think I kicked without anything at all do you ? and you dont think I flew over the pond clean as a whistle and then dealt with my whole family thing and then flew back and am trying to deal with work and my partner having no work and and and...life in general...and not as bad as some here have it and I know that...but I'll be real...I had 1500-2000mg of codien a day through it all, and when that wasnt kickin I had synthetic morphine tabs from a friend to level me out...and I did those 3, 4 times a day all the way up until i got myself into the doctors office...not to mention the small slip up that thursday before w good ole H....so no Diff...Im not as clean as all that...H clean...sure...thats the hardest as far as Im concerned...but its not like im sqeakin spankin clean getting on the meth...and I need somethng thats going to give me asort of peace in my head and body so I can concentrate on getting things better...Ive asked for a counseler, one that speaks english obviously, cuz I know I cant do this alone anymore...Im a slow learner, I know..and I know that I cant just sit and wish for things to get better...that I've got to take some action...any action in order to move out of the place im in right now...I know what your saying, I really do...and your sooooo right...and Im praying i can stay in the right place to get it all done...Im sorry if I have misled anyone into believing I was done with the kick and opiate free...that might be why im hurting so bad...i..thanks for your kindness and support Diff..im going to give it my best shot...but in baby steps I think...only steps I think I can take at the moment...:)
Eck / Davey: your both right...will regulate or start at lower dose and see whats needed...:) and I know Eck...its not gonna be a banging high....but maybe...just maybe it'll be enough to fool my damn opiate receptors into thinking there going to be ok....so I can get on with things
Eck / Davey: your both right...will regulate or start at lower dose and see whats needed...:) and I know Eck...its not gonna be a banging high....but maybe...just maybe it'll be enough to fool my damn opiate receptors into thinking there going to be ok....so I can get on with things
Diff howdy.....great post......and also Con great post back.....wishing you both well................Davey
Diff, you rule =)
Such a smart gal, such a good heart.
Con ~ You are so honest with yourself that you can't help but succeed...you'll get where you want to be. Take care of yourself as best you can and don't be too hard on yourself.
Peace~MomNMore
Such a smart gal, such a good heart.
Con ~ You are so honest with yourself that you can't help but succeed...you'll get where you want to be. Take care of yourself as best you can and don't be too hard on yourself.
Peace~MomNMore
