Hello, i was thankful that during this moment of covid my ex with an addiction (cocaine/crack) was housed for the first time in months- working a program- and had a cellphone! Miraculous leaps and bounds from where he was only two months ago, homeless, no phone. The last few days since he has gotten welfare money i noticed erratic behaviour over our phone calls. I alway ask if hes been using... inknow its not the most tactful but its direct. Anyway, he said he wad very very anxious these last few days and im quite worried hes relapsed... Yesterday messages me at 4;00 am and his phone hasnt been on since (only works in wifi) I know i need to pull away because Inworry our entanglement is making his recovery harder- but i think whatever unsupportive damage incould have done has now pushed him over the edge. Needed to vent here because Indont have many to talk to since our Naranon meetings have been cancelled. What sucks is his life has been getting on track and I really hope he stays on track. I love him, and know im too invested in his recovery.
To be fair I am very supportive of his recovery but sometimes breaks boundaries i have with him and Im not at least right now alwyas the best at handling it. Of course i also find any way to blame anything ive said or done, for example was dealing with some wokr stuff that caused me anxiety and vented to him over the phone. Maybe i cant expect a support from someone in recovery. we are verry close and talk about everything... if he had a year clean i would want to be back with him. Heart hurts
If a user is going to relapse, you could be the most supportive, caring, loving person on earth and they will do it anyway & find a way to blame everyone else.
You should be able to vent anytime to the one you love without fear. Unfortunately he's not there yet.
Without asking if he's relapsed or if he is using, maybe try telling him that you notice some very erratic behavior that is throwing up red flags to you & whatever is going on, he needs to get it together quickly before he gets too deep with his addiction. And for your own codependency issues, you may need to move away until you can both get back to meetings.
Go with your gut & don't let yourself believe that this is in anyway your fault. Addict or not, he makes his own decisions - good, bad or ugly. Remember: You didn't cause this, you can't control this & you can't cure this. If love & support was all it took to help an addict, there would be no addicts in the world. Take care of yourself!!
You should be able to vent anytime to the one you love without fear. Unfortunately he's not there yet.
Without asking if he's relapsed or if he is using, maybe try telling him that you notice some very erratic behavior that is throwing up red flags to you & whatever is going on, he needs to get it together quickly before he gets too deep with his addiction. And for your own codependency issues, you may need to move away until you can both get back to meetings.
Go with your gut & don't let yourself believe that this is in anyway your fault. Addict or not, he makes his own decisions - good, bad or ugly. Remember: You didn't cause this, you can't control this & you can't cure this. If love & support was all it took to help an addict, there would be no addicts in the world. Take care of yourself!!
Sweetandquiet, mntmom said it very well. We can't control what another adult chooses to do. Slips/relapse are common in addiction and it's what he decides to do about it which matters most. Hopefully, he will want to get back to where he was, if he is able to. Addiction is very powerful and he can get back to sobriety if he is willing to do the work. Its very hard work but it can be done. In the meantime, put your time and energy into your life. I wish you and your ex all the best.
