We found out 10 days ago that our 20 year old daughter not only relapsed and was using heroin again but also that she graduated from snorting to injecting. OMG I have never been more afraid in my life!! I couldn't think. I couldn't breath. All I could do was pray that God would not allow her to OD.
She agreed to go to rehab again. (Ok. . .we gave her an ultimatum: rehab or the streets. We were not providing food and shelter to someone who was using)
She spent 7 days as an inpatient in January. Clearly, that didn't work. I searched and found long term residential facilities in NH, PA, CA, FL and NV. To her credit, she did her own search and found a fabulous facility in FL. She had them check the insurance. She made her airline reservations and was ready to go within 36 hours. So, she WANTS to get clean.
I think she even wants to stay clean. She has agreed to live in sober living after her 30 days in rehab. Of course, this is just day #3 of detox. But at least this time she is planning a sober life!
I'm rambling. . .
For the first time in months, both my husband and I slept well last night. We know where she is, that she is safe and that she is not using. You have no idea of how much strength reading your posts provided, especially in the past 10 days. I knew I was not alone, that my feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and (sometimes) hostility were normal and I learned a lot about addiction. This isn't good bye. We have a long road ahead. I just wanted to pause, while I'm feeling hopeful and happier, to say "Thanks"!!!
REHAB DOES NOT WORK (as you think it should) !! IT DOES NOT CURE !!
It is like Kindergarten in education...
It gets the addict grounded enough (if they have worked in rehab) to go into NA/AA.
If she isn't ready to commit to NA/AA she's on thin ice - on a slippery slope.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
It is like Kindergarten in education...
It gets the addict grounded enough (if they have worked in rehab) to go into NA/AA.
If she isn't ready to commit to NA/AA she's on thin ice - on a slippery slope.
I wish you the best.
Bob R
Hi Aka! I'm happy for you and I hope everything goes well. It's a new beginning for her. Hopefully she will stay away from her old friends and go to AA or NA to get the bonding and strength they give each other there to stay clean. My daughter is an addict 17 yrs now. It's awful. So I know how you felt. I wish you well and good luck to your daughter too. Your in my thoughts and prayers...Mary
Thank you all! And you will remain in my thoughts and prayers!
She's 800 miles from home. I pray that this is a fresh start for her. That she uses her time in rehab, IOP and sober living (she's not expected home until the fall, at best) to face her demons, heal her hurts, deal with her triggers and find other coping measures.
This may sound selfish. But I'm glad she is gone. I can now focus on me and what her addiction has done to my mind, body and soul, as well as my husband, marriage and pocketbook. For months, I could only REACT to her drug-fueled behavior: dropping out of a 4yr college & losing a scholarship, moving back home, selling all of our stuff, going to detox in January, relapsing in February, dropping out of community college, graduating from snorting to shooting up, etc. I put my feelings on hold because I knew if I FELT the gravity of the situation, I would have collapsed under its sheer weight. God definitely overestimated me on this one. Don't get me wrong. . . I acknowledged the anger, disappointment, frustration, shame, fear, helplessness, hopelessness, etc. But then I locked it away so I could deal with HER problem.
Now, I can start to heal, too. I can start to forgive. And regroup. The battle is not over, yet. Who knows how long she will be clean after 30 days inpatient? Who knows if she can remain clean in sober living/IOP? But I know that I've got at least 27 more days that I don't have to worry about finding her dead with a needle stuck in her arm.
She's 800 miles from home. I pray that this is a fresh start for her. That she uses her time in rehab, IOP and sober living (she's not expected home until the fall, at best) to face her demons, heal her hurts, deal with her triggers and find other coping measures.
This may sound selfish. But I'm glad she is gone. I can now focus on me and what her addiction has done to my mind, body and soul, as well as my husband, marriage and pocketbook. For months, I could only REACT to her drug-fueled behavior: dropping out of a 4yr college & losing a scholarship, moving back home, selling all of our stuff, going to detox in January, relapsing in February, dropping out of community college, graduating from snorting to shooting up, etc. I put my feelings on hold because I knew if I FELT the gravity of the situation, I would have collapsed under its sheer weight. God definitely overestimated me on this one. Don't get me wrong. . . I acknowledged the anger, disappointment, frustration, shame, fear, helplessness, hopelessness, etc. But then I locked it away so I could deal with HER problem.
Now, I can start to heal, too. I can start to forgive. And regroup. The battle is not over, yet. Who knows how long she will be clean after 30 days inpatient? Who knows if she can remain clean in sober living/IOP? But I know that I've got at least 27 more days that I don't have to worry about finding her dead with a needle stuck in her arm.
Pearl, Im not sure where you live but I am pretty sure that with a little investigation a person could find enough meetings in your area to attend to get & stay straight.
She has to look for them, she has to go to them, she has to commit to them.....
TO SAVE HER OWN LIFE.
Have you heard of the alcoholic/addict's "geographical cure" ??
That's when the heats on around home and they think that getting out of town will fix things.
What they find is: If you put a jack-a** in a box and ship it to Miami ... when you open the box there is still a jack-a** in it"
I will agree that it gets her out of your hair but she will find that life is no easier in FL -
and she will have no support (familiar caring faces) to reach out to. It will in the end likely be harder for her after the honeymoon stage has worn off.
I hope your story ends well. All the necessities for success are available to her.
Bob R
She has to look for them, she has to go to them, she has to commit to them.....
TO SAVE HER OWN LIFE.
Have you heard of the alcoholic/addict's "geographical cure" ??
That's when the heats on around home and they think that getting out of town will fix things.
What they find is: If you put a jack-a** in a box and ship it to Miami ... when you open the box there is still a jack-a** in it"
I will agree that it gets her out of your hair but she will find that life is no easier in FL -
and she will have no support (familiar caring faces) to reach out to. It will in the end likely be harder for her after the honeymoon stage has worn off.
I hope your story ends well. All the necessities for success are available to her.
Bob R
Papa -
Yes, there are goo gobs of meetings in my area. When she was home,she would go to her IOP 3 days a week and on the off-days go to NA meetings. And then come home and use. Before she went to IOP and meetings she was snorting heroin. After she started going, she started shooting up. Did she learn how there? Or is this just a coincidence?
In any event, SHE chose Florida. I wanted a rehab facility within a 3-5 hour car drive, not a 3 hour plane ride. But Mama-guilt allowed me to let her drive this bus. (I drove the bus that picked her high school. And she didn't do well and in fact started experimenting with alcohol and pills. So, I again drove the bus that picked a religious boarding school. She got clean, got herself together and graduated! I drove the bus that picked her college. And she dropped out because of drugs after 5 semesters). I figured if she picked the facility, she was more likely to do well and stay clean. Am I in La-La land here?
I'm new to this whole area. I felt like Ricochet Rabbit emotionally. One minute I'm wracking my brain to try to figure out what I did wrong. (Did I work too many hours? Was I not emotionally there for her? Should i have spanked her more/less? Etc) The next I'm trying to figure out how to help her to fix it. And, the next I'm angry, frustrated and scared all at the same time. All the while, examining EVERYTHING that I do for her: am I helping or enabling? My hubby and i thought we were doing the best thing for her by sending her to rehab out, at the facility of her choice and in the state of her choice. So, we relaxed. And now to hear that rehabs don't work??!! I'm hyperventilating again.
How can she get and stay clean if rehab doesn't work?
Yes, there are goo gobs of meetings in my area. When she was home,she would go to her IOP 3 days a week and on the off-days go to NA meetings. And then come home and use. Before she went to IOP and meetings she was snorting heroin. After she started going, she started shooting up. Did she learn how there? Or is this just a coincidence?
In any event, SHE chose Florida. I wanted a rehab facility within a 3-5 hour car drive, not a 3 hour plane ride. But Mama-guilt allowed me to let her drive this bus. (I drove the bus that picked her high school. And she didn't do well and in fact started experimenting with alcohol and pills. So, I again drove the bus that picked a religious boarding school. She got clean, got herself together and graduated! I drove the bus that picked her college. And she dropped out because of drugs after 5 semesters). I figured if she picked the facility, she was more likely to do well and stay clean. Am I in La-La land here?
I'm new to this whole area. I felt like Ricochet Rabbit emotionally. One minute I'm wracking my brain to try to figure out what I did wrong. (Did I work too many hours? Was I not emotionally there for her? Should i have spanked her more/less? Etc) The next I'm trying to figure out how to help her to fix it. And, the next I'm angry, frustrated and scared all at the same time. All the while, examining EVERYTHING that I do for her: am I helping or enabling? My hubby and i thought we were doing the best thing for her by sending her to rehab out, at the facility of her choice and in the state of her choice. So, we relaxed. And now to hear that rehabs don't work??!! I'm hyperventilating again.
How can she get and stay clean if rehab doesn't work?
A Florida Vacation .. how wonderful for her !!
The short answer to why she still uses and abuses is "SHE HASN'T HIT BOTTOM"
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/daily...y=2016&m=1&d=16
And the other short answer is "NOT ALL MAKE IT" (read first paragraph)
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf
The above is issued by AA but it is the same for all addictions.
I wish you and your daughter the best.
She is me. I just jumped off the garbage truck before it got to the dump.
(with the help of AA/NA)
Bob
The short answer to why she still uses and abuses is "SHE HASN'T HIT BOTTOM"
http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/daily...y=2016&m=1&d=16
And the other short answer is "NOT ALL MAKE IT" (read first paragraph)
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf
The above is issued by AA but it is the same for all addictions.
I wish you and your daughter the best.
She is me. I just jumped off the garbage truck before it got to the dump.
(with the help of AA/NA)
Bob
Hi again, No one can say rehab doesnt work. It all depends on the person if they are willing to absorb what's taught to them and work with the tools their given. Don't worry I'm sure she will be fine when she comes home. All you can do is wait and see and hope for the best. Keep your chin up and good luck., Mary.
Rehab doesn't keep the alcoholic/addict clean sober,
it just gets them clean/sober (maybe).
The home page of this website says:
"Peer group support systems like 12 step programs are critical for most."
"Recovery is a lifelong process"
Time will tell in this... it always does.
All the best.
Bob R
it just gets them clean/sober (maybe).
The home page of this website says:
"Peer group support systems like 12 step programs are critical for most."
"Recovery is a lifelong process"
Time will tell in this... it always does.
All the best.
Bob R
