I finally walked through the fear and went to my first face-to-face meeting in awhile. I picked up my 30 day chip, only 9 days late. :) And the miracle was: I enjoyed the meeting, heard lots of good recovery, and guess what??? I want to go back. ;)
I had a productive day by keeping busy. I wouldn't allow myself to get into that lonely state that always brings on depression so I met a friend with 14 years sobriety for lunch, went to a coffee shop and read, ran some errands, and just got back home 11 hours later. I am exhausted but feel serene. It feels good to be proactive, aware of my triggers, and taking the next right step.
I got a phone list, picked up a new meeting schedule and plan to go to a meeting tomorrow or Tuesday. Thursday is my belly-button birthday and I've been anxious and been a bit depressed b/c I have no plans but now I've decided I will go to a meeting instead. I will say, no matter my fears and past resentments with meetings, I always find that when I finally do go I feel at home. I know I am exactly where I belong. I've earned my seat.
I will go to bed tonight with a calm head and hopeful, open heart.
Good for you, Zipper. I love going to meetings. All my friends are there.
Good for you! I used to be intimidated by them when I first started going, but then I realized that all my friends were there! Take what's similar, leave the rest, and keep coming back. You'll be surprized how much they learn...
Hey zipper, sounds like you're giving yourself the best birthday present ever... a new life full of new friends, new hope, new loves, new colours, tastes, sounds, experiences, joys, freedoms, pleasures, thrills, simple magical wonderful moments....each and every day.
There is music in my life all the time now and this is soaring through my room and my mind and my heart....
"and she will be loved, and she will be loved.....and she will be loved...."
There is magic in this World and you and we are learning to swim in it.
Enjoy your Happy Birthday!
There is music in my life all the time now and this is soaring through my room and my mind and my heart....
"and she will be loved, and she will be loved.....and she will be loved...."
There is magic in this World and you and we are learning to swim in it.
Enjoy your Happy Birthday!
Hi Zipper,
I to let fear hold me back for a time about returning to some old meetings I once attended. In my big ego I thought I mattered so much to them, lol. It's not just the pride and ego thing with me either. I struggle with am I good enough issues. I'm working in therapy on this. Still haven't gone back to a couple of them. A woman's one in particular.
I spoke with a gal on the AA hot line some months back about it and she told me she didn't even go to woman's meetings for three years, she sounded fairly young. I found alot of gossiping going on and clicks. I did recently go to a Woman's meeting and it was OK. I seem to like the open mixed groups. Just a preference of mine. We all have them and theres nothing wrong with that.
I've heard of the concept about earning your seat. For me I don't like the sound of that. It's every persons right to be there that has a desire to stop drinking or useing. When I went with the mentality that I had to earn something to have my seat there, then the seed of fear came.
I admit I had my feelings hurt and an old timer of 28 yrs said she too has expeirenced what I had. She told me you don't have to earn your seat. You don't have to do anything but suit up and show up. That seat already has my name on it. It belongs to me already if I want to stop drinking. This has helped me overcome my fear. Today that seed of fear isn't being fed water, sunlight and ferterlizer. Well at least not as much as it once was. I just wanted to share this with you. Have a good sober evening Zipper!
I to let fear hold me back for a time about returning to some old meetings I once attended. In my big ego I thought I mattered so much to them, lol. It's not just the pride and ego thing with me either. I struggle with am I good enough issues. I'm working in therapy on this. Still haven't gone back to a couple of them. A woman's one in particular.
I spoke with a gal on the AA hot line some months back about it and she told me she didn't even go to woman's meetings for three years, she sounded fairly young. I found alot of gossiping going on and clicks. I did recently go to a Woman's meeting and it was OK. I seem to like the open mixed groups. Just a preference of mine. We all have them and theres nothing wrong with that.
I've heard of the concept about earning your seat. For me I don't like the sound of that. It's every persons right to be there that has a desire to stop drinking or useing. When I went with the mentality that I had to earn something to have my seat there, then the seed of fear came.
I admit I had my feelings hurt and an old timer of 28 yrs said she too has expeirenced what I had. She told me you don't have to earn your seat. You don't have to do anything but suit up and show up. That seat already has my name on it. It belongs to me already if I want to stop drinking. This has helped me overcome my fear. Today that seed of fear isn't being fed water, sunlight and ferterlizer. Well at least not as much as it once was. I just wanted to share this with you. Have a good sober evening Zipper!
Lookinup: great wisdom and insight. Thank you for sharing. I guess I mean to say when saying Ive earned my seat is that I belong there. And your right, it is about a desire to stop drinking. That desire grows daily.
Martin, thank you for your kind and beautiful words. So very much appreciated.
Hugs to all.
Martin, thank you for your kind and beautiful words. So very much appreciated.
Hugs to all.
Lookinup.
From a post I started on July 5th last year...
I had to choke back the fear of belonging, too, when I first started going. I tried a couple different groups because I just didn't 'fit.' I found out later that I wasn't LETTING myself fit--that I was so busy taking everyone elses' inventories that I wasn't concentrating on my own. I learned that if I just came back tomorrow, maybe MY HP would have a message for ME. I learned that MY sobriety had to be the single most important thing in my life--much the way alcohol was--if I were going to recover. I learned that, if I just came back tomorrow and listened, that the voices would start to makes sense to me and start telling pieces of my story. I learned that I was only responsible for MY sobriety and not everyone elses in the room. I learned that it was a WE program when WE shared, but I had to be selfish in my recovery. I learned that "No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others."
I also learned that I WAS a good enough alcoholic to be there.
| QUOTE |
| "Isnt recovery great, i love it because i belonged......all my drinking life i never belonged and now i do yeeeehah" There's more truth to that than I first admitted to when I came in, too. I'm left-handed. And edu-muh-cated. And a whole lot of other things that I always cited (to myself) as reasons that I was different than anyone else--that there was no place I felt as if I "belonged." Physically OR mentally. I was "speshul," namely because I'd been looking for reasons NOT to fit in. I was ALWAYS encouraged to see differences rather than similarities.... So it took thousands of dollars, thousands of gallons, hundreds of disappointments and plenty of heartaches before finally realizing that the one place I didn't want to go to was the one place I needed to be: AA. And, surprise, surprise, they accepted me just as I was, and exactly like them, and with open hearts and minds. Ta-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! |
I had to choke back the fear of belonging, too, when I first started going. I tried a couple different groups because I just didn't 'fit.' I found out later that I wasn't LETTING myself fit--that I was so busy taking everyone elses' inventories that I wasn't concentrating on my own. I learned that if I just came back tomorrow, maybe MY HP would have a message for ME. I learned that MY sobriety had to be the single most important thing in my life--much the way alcohol was--if I were going to recover. I learned that, if I just came back tomorrow and listened, that the voices would start to makes sense to me and start telling pieces of my story. I learned that I was only responsible for MY sobriety and not everyone elses in the room. I learned that it was a WE program when WE shared, but I had to be selfish in my recovery. I learned that "No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others."
I also learned that I WAS a good enough alcoholic to be there.
Thank You, SKG
I will think about what youv'e said and pray about them to. I know there are message's here for myself and others. I guess I doubt my part in the sharing of benefiting others. I need to remember that it's a we program, yet it's all about my sobriety. This is where I can get confused.
Thank You, for taking the time to share your ESH with all of us. I look forward to your posts. You are the one who's helped me understand what the steps mean. I'm still confused on the application of them. It's progress not perfection. Principles above personalities.
Have a great day!
I will think about what youv'e said and pray about them to. I know there are message's here for myself and others. I guess I doubt my part in the sharing of benefiting others. I need to remember that it's a we program, yet it's all about my sobriety. This is where I can get confused.
Thank You, for taking the time to share your ESH with all of us. I look forward to your posts. You are the one who's helped me understand what the steps mean. I'm still confused on the application of them. It's progress not perfection. Principles above personalities.
Have a great day!
the best of all the AA sayings is "take what you need and leave the rest"
I always find it interesting when people use something bad or negative that happened in AA as a reason not to go to meetings or to drink. Its such a good example of alcoholism trying to sneak back into your life.
Do you stop going to work, school or social groups cause someone said something or did something that upset you?
Did you stop drinking cause one thing happened to upset you or someone said something to upset you - or you had one bad experience with drinking?
Yet I have seen so many threads on all the boards about people rejecting AA cause of one bad experience or someone said something etc etc etc. Its like AA is expected to be this pinnacle of perfection, that no other group or organisation in the world could possibly be expected to attain.
This is not a jab at anyone - its something I've been thinking about for a while now - in context of my own refusal to go to meetings for about 10 months - not because of any bad experience with AA but my stubbornness about it has caused me to think about this a lot and I noticed this common thread in so many of the negative posts about AA.
Personally I think it is all fear based. I ran away from AA cause I was scared of those people with a lot of sobriety - I was scared cause I didn't think I could do it and I couldn't face my own fears. And my alcoholic mind was going a million miles an hour to convince me to stay away from the one place I could get help. Cunning baffling and powerful indeed.
I always find it interesting when people use something bad or negative that happened in AA as a reason not to go to meetings or to drink. Its such a good example of alcoholism trying to sneak back into your life.
Do you stop going to work, school or social groups cause someone said something or did something that upset you?
Did you stop drinking cause one thing happened to upset you or someone said something to upset you - or you had one bad experience with drinking?
Yet I have seen so many threads on all the boards about people rejecting AA cause of one bad experience or someone said something etc etc etc. Its like AA is expected to be this pinnacle of perfection, that no other group or organisation in the world could possibly be expected to attain.
This is not a jab at anyone - its something I've been thinking about for a while now - in context of my own refusal to go to meetings for about 10 months - not because of any bad experience with AA but my stubbornness about it has caused me to think about this a lot and I noticed this common thread in so many of the negative posts about AA.
Personally I think it is all fear based. I ran away from AA cause I was scared of those people with a lot of sobriety - I was scared cause I didn't think I could do it and I couldn't face my own fears. And my alcoholic mind was going a million miles an hour to convince me to stay away from the one place I could get help. Cunning baffling and powerful indeed.
| QUOTE |
| the best of all the AA sayings is "take what you need and leave the rest" |
You're right! When others share and I'm not careful, I'll take something from them that helps.
There are tons of messages to be had in Alcoholics Anonymous if I'm listening and MY HP has my attention. The 12th Tradition of AA says, "Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities."
Luckily, we're all human and it's about progress, not perfection. I'm an Alcoholic. I can't afford to be taking other peoples' inventories when I'm as sick as I am. Maybe other people can judge others and make themselves better, but I can not. I tried every damned thing known to man AND woman to not be addicted to alcohol. My bottom was closing in FAST and, just for me, there WERE no other alternatives. I did the chems, the phshrinks, the abstinence, the binging, the sickness, the pain. Nothing. No THING could relieve me obsession and compulsion. For me--and I can only speak for ME (which I have through this entire process since coming to ARG), the ONLY solution has been The Program of Alcoholics Anonymous. The meetings and The Steps (which IS the program of AA) has put me on a path of spiritual (not religious) growth, love, TOLERANCE, and sobriety. And SERENITY. My GAWD! Serenity! I have NEVER, in all my trips around the sun, known serenity.
I've been told there are many ways to get and stay sober. I know of only one that worked for me--and has enabled me to find a ME in what WAS a broken man. I will gladly attest to the effectiveness of The Program of AA. As will my friends, colleagues, children, spouse, and extended family.
So yes, I am one of those on this forum who speak of nothing else (this IS a recovery board dedicated to alcoholism and solutions) because I've watched them come and go, all the while doubting. Or trying half-heartedly and given up. The ones who I know personally on this board who have any lasting sobriety at all attend AA meetings and work the program. Others may feel free to find their own solutions--and if any want some help in understanding AA and The Steps, feel free to e-mail me.
It works if we work it.
I went to another meeting tonight. At first I walked in and thought, "this will be interesting...I am not like these people". The meeting was at a catholic community center for the homeless. After listening I became vey humbled. How cool that people are STAYING sober even in the midst of chaos (homlessness). I instantly became humbled and then reminded myself that being homeless is still a "yet" for me if I continue to drink.
I heard lots of great things. Amazing how it works if you let it. :)
I heard lots of great things. Amazing how it works if you let it. :)
One thing I've learned at AA is that I can't take what I need and leave the rest because I never know when I am going to need something so I take it all and put it on a shelf for later. So far I've needed just about everything I've learned.
I have to hear it over and over because mine only lasts for 24 hours.
I'm so happy that you got to a meeting! That totally made my day! I love meetings where there are all kinds of different people....I have to remember that it's just another drunk sitting in the room with me, trying to stay sober one day at a time; and alcoholism doesn't discrimate. It blows me away how the people who are homeless stay sober....I just love their stories of hope.
Here's your 30 day cyber chip, wooooooooooohooooooooooo!
Here's your 30 day cyber chip, wooooooooooohooooooooooo!
