Gidday Everyone
When i am fearful what do i do
# I drink coffee or eat
# I instanly go on the attack and get angry usually listening to myself going off and telling myself that i can stop being an as#hole whenever i am ready
# I go into overload and remove myself from the situation till i calm down
# I build a resentment that is false
# I hang onto a resentment that is real
# I bluff my way through and then dont learn from it
# I dnt ask for help physically or spiritually
# I step back and pause thinking about the solution
# I think about what really is behind the fear and how it came about
# I ask for help
Thankfully some of these reactions are happening less and less and usually my fear is to do with my lack of confidance or self esteem at achieving, I tend to tell myself mentally if i allow it, that i cannot learn new things.
Again thak god i am getting stronger but it only takes a dent in this confidance to have me thinking fu#kit i will give up and then i realise what aprat i am and start being more positive.
I grew up living the negative and it and addiction are lovers entwined in my makeup,and with time i have cleaned them out of a lot of the rooms that make up the house of my mind and now these rooms are filled with light and love.
Light and love Zac
So the topic is, um, FEAR?
:)
I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about...
I wrestle with the fear of acceptance so I always tried to be everything for everyone. In the midst of it all I lost track of ME, and, as a result, hated myself so much that I began to judge everyone based on my distorted sense of responsibility, honor, modesty and service.
I thank my HP on day 75 of my sobriety that, "But for the grace of God, there go I..."
Thanks for sharing, Z. Sounds like you're in the right place...
:)
I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about...
I wrestle with the fear of acceptance so I always tried to be everything for everyone. In the midst of it all I lost track of ME, and, as a result, hated myself so much that I began to judge everyone based on my distorted sense of responsibility, honor, modesty and service.
I thank my HP on day 75 of my sobriety that, "But for the grace of God, there go I..."
Thanks for sharing, Z. Sounds like you're in the right place...
Well put skg, I can relate to what you said there. I think we have all suffered from low self esteem haven't we. It seems like one of the basic underlying problems of alcohol abuse.
Zac - I so love that the rooms in your mind are filled with love and light - that is so beautiful.
And fear, boy does it feel good when you conquer it! Fear used to paralyse me literally. I would be sat in a room full of people unable to move. I used to dread needing the toilet because I would have to get up and cross the room, drawing attention to myself. That was drugs that did that though - extreme paranoia. Yuk. What a horrid way to live!! I think I was really in a mess!!! No wonder the pub and the big pretence was so attractive.
Zac - I so love that the rooms in your mind are filled with love and light - that is so beautiful.
And fear, boy does it feel good when you conquer it! Fear used to paralyse me literally. I would be sat in a room full of people unable to move. I used to dread needing the toilet because I would have to get up and cross the room, drawing attention to myself. That was drugs that did that though - extreme paranoia. Yuk. What a horrid way to live!! I think I was really in a mess!!! No wonder the pub and the big pretence was so attractive.
Well put Lacey, yes our fears, low self-esteem, lack of self confidence, whatever can be so crippling. As you said in another post, we can be so cruel to ourselves...... I'm sure that part of why I drank was to escape my fears, low self esteem and extreme self conciousness.
Its nice to be free... cookster
Its nice to be free... cookster
Are you getting the e-mails I've returned?
FEAR - False Entities Appearing Real
I used to suffer from crippling FEAR, but never for me, always for my daughter, until I realized that fear really IS that acronym and only appears when I don't already know or feel confident about a desired outcome. Since I can't predict the future (What? I'm not omniscient?! Well that stinks.) all that projecting just stresses me out. I go from point A to worse case scenario in less than ten seconds. Fear only produces more fear and never solves a problem or makes me feel better. Plus it can be easily used as a weapon against me. So I just take deep breaths now and let it go...still a work in progrss though. Zac, you always sound so calm - it's what I hope to achieve.
I tell myself this: It's only a thought and a thought can be changed.
Peace ~ MomNMore
I used to suffer from crippling FEAR, but never for me, always for my daughter, until I realized that fear really IS that acronym and only appears when I don't already know or feel confident about a desired outcome. Since I can't predict the future (What? I'm not omniscient?! Well that stinks.) all that projecting just stresses me out. I go from point A to worse case scenario in less than ten seconds. Fear only produces more fear and never solves a problem or makes me feel better. Plus it can be easily used as a weapon against me. So I just take deep breaths now and let it go...still a work in progrss though. Zac, you always sound so calm - it's what I hope to achieve.
I tell myself this: It's only a thought and a thought can be changed.
Peace ~ MomNMore
Gidday everyone
Its easy to sound calm when i am at the keyboard and to get a true record of how calm i am not at times Jen and the kids could tell a tale of a grumpy old troll who storms round the house snorting and farting because i havent had my way or fear is fogging my mind with its icicles, the only thing i can do when this is happening is either stop and apologise and learn from it and next time try and stop it sooner or overcome it before it happens.
Everything i talk about is with hindsight, learning and all your shared experince, strength and hope working in my life.
The good thing is fear no longer controls me and it stood for Fu#k Everything And Run when i was drinking now fear stands for the necessary learning i have to do to stay sober and counter the endless ability that addiction has of running with my fears
Light and love Zac
Its easy to sound calm when i am at the keyboard and to get a true record of how calm i am not at times Jen and the kids could tell a tale of a grumpy old troll who storms round the house snorting and farting because i havent had my way or fear is fogging my mind with its icicles, the only thing i can do when this is happening is either stop and apologise and learn from it and next time try and stop it sooner or overcome it before it happens.
Everything i talk about is with hindsight, learning and all your shared experince, strength and hope working in my life.
The good thing is fear no longer controls me and it stood for Fu#k Everything And Run when i was drinking now fear stands for the necessary learning i have to do to stay sober and counter the endless ability that addiction has of running with my fears
Light and love Zac
Good post Zac...
I too used to define fear as F#ck everything and run....that's what my addiction did for me, it taught me to run, run, run and when I finally got sick & tired, when I realized no matter where I ran, there I was, I stopped running and started to face the fear....For me, almost everything in my life that I have ran from is fear based...even today, when I become irritable, discontent and restless, when I dig deep to the why, it's usually fear-based...
Today when I recognize the fear, I can look at it squarely, prayer to my HP, God to help me walk through it to get to the other side and once I'm there, the freedom that I feel is so empowering....Today I strive to have fear stand for Face Everything and Recover....
One day at a time, and sometimes, one fear at a time...
xoxo
Stacey
I too used to define fear as F#ck everything and run....that's what my addiction did for me, it taught me to run, run, run and when I finally got sick & tired, when I realized no matter where I ran, there I was, I stopped running and started to face the fear....For me, almost everything in my life that I have ran from is fear based...even today, when I become irritable, discontent and restless, when I dig deep to the why, it's usually fear-based...
Today when I recognize the fear, I can look at it squarely, prayer to my HP, God to help me walk through it to get to the other side and once I'm there, the freedom that I feel is so empowering....Today I strive to have fear stand for Face Everything and Recover....
One day at a time, and sometimes, one fear at a time...
xoxo
Stacey
Gidday Stacey and thanks
As i read your post i realised how i turn my fear into excuses or just acting like i cannot learn new things and then i realised as you said i have to face it there and then or else i give it a base to build on if i succumb to it, god i love recovery as the song goes the answers my friend are blowing in the wind, the answers are blowing in the wind. All your posts are the wind that fulls my sails and allow me to move forward:)
Light and love Zac
As i read your post i realised how i turn my fear into excuses or just acting like i cannot learn new things and then i realised as you said i have to face it there and then or else i give it a base to build on if i succumb to it, god i love recovery as the song goes the answers my friend are blowing in the wind, the answers are blowing in the wind. All your posts are the wind that fulls my sails and allow me to move forward:)
Light and love Zac
