I hate to be the chronic whinger but I'm feeling kinda down. I think mostly cause I'd done some hard yards and things were looking up and now they are crashed down again.
Here I am with 2.5 days - when I had up almost a month. I feel pitiful about that, like sh*t I have to go through all this again, cravings, depression, health issues - now I have a new health issue since my last drink which isn't going away - anger and all that stuff.
Mostly, I hate that my problems are so small compared to others yet I can't even seem to deal with them properly. This makes me feel even more inadequate.
Sigh - now I'm going home to empty house and its cold, wet and no food cooked.
I did just have a long chat with an AA member and that helped me a lot just laugh/talk with someone but feeling down still. This new health problem is worrying me but don't want to go to doctor as she doesn't know of my drinking issue *sigh* will have to if it doesn't resolve in the next few days as pain is bad.
See I can't even be grateful. I even got a raise today at work and you think I'd be over the moon about it, but all I can focus on is my problems.
Also had a huge fight with my H last night about money. but we have agreed to sit down and do budget this weekend and work out a money solution so we don't argue about money like that any more. So I'm trying to apply the serenity prayer to the money situation, what can I change and what do I need to accept.
this is turning into a ramble, I should have posted it under journal maybe and not bored everyone to tears.
Oh well. I don't have the energy to focus on much except staying sober tonight.
Idgie.
Idge
Trust me when I say it will get better, hon. My sponsor says if we didn't feel bad sometimes we wouldn't appreciate feeling good. I don't believe her but what do I know? So you relapsed and are back to square one. So what? At least you made it back and so many don't. Here's a thought...make a gratitude list of at least 10 things. It'll make you feel better. Hang in there.
Trust me when I say it will get better, hon. My sponsor says if we didn't feel bad sometimes we wouldn't appreciate feeling good. I don't believe her but what do I know? So you relapsed and are back to square one. So what? At least you made it back and so many don't. Here's a thought...make a gratitude list of at least 10 things. It'll make you feel better. Hang in there.
Hi there idigie, We all have feelings like this sometimes, so try not to beat yourself. You are on your away again, no tomorrows, just today. Take care.
lots of love,
lovedove
lots of love,
lovedove
Idg,
Hi my Friend! Sorry you are feeling down. I hate that depression rollercoaster that unfortunately comes with our disease. Please don't ever minimalize your problems. Everything is relative. People always say to me oh you should be grateful for the things you do have and many other people have worse problems. Well I am sorry and I am selfish because that is not my life. This is my life and what is going on right now in it is a huge pain in the a** for me! Yes there are alot of people who have bigger problems but that doesn't somehow ever make ours feel any better!
I'm sorry you are in pain. I hope it's not the pancreas. That is really painful.
Keep up the good work and just keep plugging along one day at a time my friend. I am here for you anytime. I will e-mail you a little later. Gotta do a few things at the office and then get my Hubby ready for his trip.
TTFN my pal!
Hi my Friend! Sorry you are feeling down. I hate that depression rollercoaster that unfortunately comes with our disease. Please don't ever minimalize your problems. Everything is relative. People always say to me oh you should be grateful for the things you do have and many other people have worse problems. Well I am sorry and I am selfish because that is not my life. This is my life and what is going on right now in it is a huge pain in the a** for me! Yes there are alot of people who have bigger problems but that doesn't somehow ever make ours feel any better!
I'm sorry you are in pain. I hope it's not the pancreas. That is really painful.
Keep up the good work and just keep plugging along one day at a time my friend. I am here for you anytime. I will e-mail you a little later. Gotta do a few things at the office and then get my Hubby ready for his trip.
TTFN my pal!
That post was right on, Val... Idgie, I remember on some TV show someone asked a character "why are your problems more important than everyone else's?" And she said, "because they're mine." And in truth that's the way it is, Val is right, don't ever minimize your problems or feelings, because in your life, they are most important. Yes others have it worse but that doesn't mean you should feel perpetually sunny. That's impossible. I know how you feel, I get down too, when I slip and also some days I just feel blue, because I cant drink like other people, because I feel like no one understands, all kinds of reasons... it's definitely part of the disease. The last time I blew it I felt like the most useless piece of crap on earth and spent my whole hungover day wondering why anyone would give a s**t about me... but all there is to do is make it through days like that any way you can & pick yourself back up. Hope springs eternal as long as we keep fighting. Don't ever worry about "whining" or venting... we all do it, it's one of the reasons this board is here. We're here for you girl, you can unload on me anytime you like and I'll respond in kind... hope you start feeling better soon...
Bella,
Awesome post girl. You wrote it so eloquently. (sp?)
We are all here for you when you need it Idg! Love Ya
How is Colorado Bella?
Awesome post girl. You wrote it so eloquently. (sp?)
We are all here for you when you need it Idg! Love Ya
How is Colorado Bella?
Hey Val, thanks, I really identified with what Idgie said so it just came from the heart...
Colorado is still hot, but a little better than it was. My office however is FREEZING, my fingers & toes are frozen, can't get to the thermostat right now to warm it up! It's lunchtime & I'm getting ready to take a walk in the heat so they don't find me like they found Jack Nicholson at the end of the Shining, LOL...
How 'bout you? Is SoCal treating you well??
Colorado is still hot, but a little better than it was. My office however is FREEZING, my fingers & toes are frozen, can't get to the thermostat right now to warm it up! It's lunchtime & I'm getting ready to take a walk in the heat so they don't find me like they found Jack Nicholson at the end of the Shining, LOL...
How 'bout you? Is SoCal treating you well??
Bella...you are soo funny. Jack Nicholson.....LOLOLOL...Why the hell do you need the thermostat on? Isn't it the middle of summer in Colorado too?
Hey Idgie in posting you won because there as we read are multiple excuses to drink but you posted instead you beauty. You got what was in your head bouncin around growing and festering OUT and you didn't drink on it.
The doctor thing is kinda simple honesty is the best policy they are a professional and if you read your records they have probably already marked alcohol by your name, mention it to them as i'm sure they will help.
These posts are here for the good and bad days and because we are in recovery it does not exempt any s*** happening s*** HAPPENS just use more toilet paper. In your post you are gratefull because you are sober and you were sober the same 24hrs i was no more no less, addiction wants to beat you up mentally about the slips because it knows it has an in when you go in you head alone, you EVICTED the bstard by posting.
Keep on posting acknowledge the good and the bad be honest with yourself and the rest will happen.
Light and love Zac
The doctor thing is kinda simple honesty is the best policy they are a professional and if you read your records they have probably already marked alcohol by your name, mention it to them as i'm sure they will help.
These posts are here for the good and bad days and because we are in recovery it does not exempt any s*** happening s*** HAPPENS just use more toilet paper. In your post you are gratefull because you are sober and you were sober the same 24hrs i was no more no less, addiction wants to beat you up mentally about the slips because it knows it has an in when you go in you head alone, you EVICTED the bstard by posting.
Keep on posting acknowledge the good and the bad be honest with yourself and the rest will happen.
Light and love Zac
Words of wisdom as usual, Zac, that was very well said...
Val, some idiot left the AC on full blast so it's like maybe 60 degrees in here... even though there's a sign next to the thing that says "do not turn all the way up." Wish I knew who did it, I'd pop 'em one, LOL...
Val, some idiot left the AC on full blast so it's like maybe 60 degrees in here... even though there's a sign next to the thing that says "do not turn all the way up." Wish I knew who did it, I'd pop 'em one, LOL...
Good Post Zac....how are you doing this fine day or is it night where you are? Any progress on pictures of you in the tophat? LOL
Bella....you are killin' me! LMAO.....I wrote to Idgie another time about how great it would be if you could just actually knock the hell out of someone without them getting all bent out of shape and calling the police and what not. Sometimes people just need a good wallop! LOLOLMAO
Have a great day you guys!
Idgie.....hope you are at least reading posts and are having a good morning. You are 17 hours ahead of California right? I am dense>>> :(
Love you my friend and hang in there.
Bella....you are killin' me! LMAO.....I wrote to Idgie another time about how great it would be if you could just actually knock the hell out of someone without them getting all bent out of shape and calling the police and what not. Sometimes people just need a good wallop! LOLOLMAO
Have a great day you guys!
Idgie.....hope you are at least reading posts and are having a good morning. You are 17 hours ahead of California right? I am dense>>> :(
Love you my friend and hang in there.
Hey Val, a great afternoon to you too, also to Zac and everyone else... Idgie hang in there girl, thinking of you... stay in touch, K?
P.S. Val if we could clobber someone then give them a serum so they wouldnt remember anything but the headache... that would be perfect!! LOL, wishing a peaceful evening to all my friends...
P.S. Val if we could clobber someone then give them a serum so they wouldnt remember anything but the headache... that would be perfect!! LOL, wishing a peaceful evening to all my friends...
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU. You guys are the best. CB and Val yes I totally related to all you said and thanks for understanding.
Zac you are agreat support - use more toilet paper LMAO thanks for making me smile.
Well posting DID help. I got home, slogged through the cold and rain (I have to walk from the bus) and it was freezing, my H had gone out partying and left me the car. So I thought no way am I sitting in this cold house being miserable. SoI went inside turned the heater on and went out again and drove to the mall.
Decided to celebrate my raise by treating myself (normally I'd celebrate by getting wasted). I have a wedding to go to in 6 weeks so I wentand bought myself this gorgeous new outfit and I didn't even look at the price tags. Normally I'm a real cheapie when it comes to clothes. I just picked out the nicest outfit I could find and tried it on and I thought WOW I look good, and slim and this outfit is real cute. So I didn't even look at the price I just bought it.
And I had so much fun shopping for it and I called my Dad and he is going to make me earring and necklace set to go with (he makes jewellry). And then I bought a book and some take-away and a big bottle of coke. Went home, the house was warm, the cat was waiting I ate my dinner and then sat down with a cup of tea and read my book and felt SOOOOO much better than earlier.
So I am so grateful to this board, cause it gave me a place to vent and gave me the space to pull myself up out of that mood and go and do something fun for myself instead of sinking down into more depression of heading for the bottle shop.
Thanks everyone for what you wrote it was so good to come in this morning and read all your words. Even though its still rainy and cold I feel a lot better this morning.
love
Idgie
Zac you are agreat support - use more toilet paper LMAO thanks for making me smile.
Well posting DID help. I got home, slogged through the cold and rain (I have to walk from the bus) and it was freezing, my H had gone out partying and left me the car. So I thought no way am I sitting in this cold house being miserable. SoI went inside turned the heater on and went out again and drove to the mall.
Decided to celebrate my raise by treating myself (normally I'd celebrate by getting wasted). I have a wedding to go to in 6 weeks so I wentand bought myself this gorgeous new outfit and I didn't even look at the price tags. Normally I'm a real cheapie when it comes to clothes. I just picked out the nicest outfit I could find and tried it on and I thought WOW I look good, and slim and this outfit is real cute. So I didn't even look at the price I just bought it.
And I had so much fun shopping for it and I called my Dad and he is going to make me earring and necklace set to go with (he makes jewellry). And then I bought a book and some take-away and a big bottle of coke. Went home, the house was warm, the cat was waiting I ate my dinner and then sat down with a cup of tea and read my book and felt SOOOOO much better than earlier.
So I am so grateful to this board, cause it gave me a place to vent and gave me the space to pull myself up out of that mood and go and do something fun for myself instead of sinking down into more depression of heading for the bottle shop.
Thanks everyone for what you wrote it was so good to come in this morning and read all your words. Even though its still rainy and cold I feel a lot better this morning.
love
Idgie
Idg,
Glad you are feeling better and got a little retail therapy in. I used to have a bit of a shopping addiction to. Imagine that LOLOL...Glad your spirits are lifting my friend. TTFN and BTW.....YGM pal
Your Pal Vally
Glad you are feeling better and got a little retail therapy in. I used to have a bit of a shopping addiction to. Imagine that LOLOL...Glad your spirits are lifting my friend. TTFN and BTW.....YGM pal
Your Pal Vally
Hey Idgie a smile is worth every typed letter because it fits you just as good as the dress and a real smile is the greatest way to warm your heart.
You know relationships are like a dress they fit real good, look good get taken out now and then, washed, ironed and after awhile stored. for awhile photo's and memories are what reminds the wearer of the dress. Then out it comes years later and sometimes no longer fits and is left at an op shop. SO blindfold your h take him across town lead him into an op shop and tell him to wait 2 minutes and take the blindfold off, meanwhile you are gone..... last seen smiling:):)LMAO.
Hey Idgie i bet your lips are designed to smile:)
Light and love Zac
PS gidday Val and Ciaobella How's things eh
You know relationships are like a dress they fit real good, look good get taken out now and then, washed, ironed and after awhile stored. for awhile photo's and memories are what reminds the wearer of the dress. Then out it comes years later and sometimes no longer fits and is left at an op shop. SO blindfold your h take him across town lead him into an op shop and tell him to wait 2 minutes and take the blindfold off, meanwhile you are gone..... last seen smiling:):)LMAO.
Hey Idgie i bet your lips are designed to smile:)
Light and love Zac
PS gidday Val and Ciaobella How's things eh
LMAO Zac, what a great analogy! Gidday to you too, is it even daytime there now? Timezones mess with my head...
Idgie, glad you're feeling better, and good on ya for treating yourself! Maybe it's a woman thing but I do it occasionally too, did it just a few weeks ago actually - fell in love with a skirt I saw, hesitated a little when I saw the price tag, but then I tried it on and felt lovely in it! So home with me it came. Sometimes we have to treat ourselves! Anyway Idgie you the best, congrats on your raise and on finding a better way than booze to celebrate it! Lovin ya girl...
P.S. Heya to you too Val, hope your day is going well...
Idgie, glad you're feeling better, and good on ya for treating yourself! Maybe it's a woman thing but I do it occasionally too, did it just a few weeks ago actually - fell in love with a skirt I saw, hesitated a little when I saw the price tag, but then I tried it on and felt lovely in it! So home with me it came. Sometimes we have to treat ourselves! Anyway Idgie you the best, congrats on your raise and on finding a better way than booze to celebrate it! Lovin ya girl...
P.S. Heya to you too Val, hope your day is going well...
Hey there everyone, I LOVE shopping, as a matter of fact this summer I bought myself a whole bunch of new stuff, which I hadn't done in so long, makes you feels so much brighter!! when you look good you feel good, is my latest motto!! When I was drinking I really didn't care much on how I looked any old thing would do, most days I would just put my ball cap on and out I went, and funny now that I think of it, I rarely ever wear my caps!! So good on ya Idgie, have fun, and keep on loving yourself!!
CB, how are things with you hun? I thought of you a second ago, there was a Colorado car in my parking lot!!!! ;)
Bye for now,
lots of love
lovedove
CB, how are things with you hun? I thought of you a second ago, there was a Colorado car in my parking lot!!!! ;)
Bye for now,
lots of love
lovedove
Idgie,
How ya doin' today my pal. It should be Saturday afternoon for you as it is Friday evening here in California. I think I am close. Hope you are enjoying your Saturday. I was gonna say enjoying the warm sunshine but..ooooops.....brain freeze again! You are in the middle of winter....DOH!!!!!LOLOLOL LMAO! Post when you get a chance. Hope you are well.
Love Your Pal Vally
How ya doin' today my pal. It should be Saturday afternoon for you as it is Friday evening here in California. I think I am close. Hope you are enjoying your Saturday. I was gonna say enjoying the warm sunshine but..ooooops.....brain freeze again! You are in the middle of winter....DOH!!!!!LOLOLOL LMAO! Post when you get a chance. Hope you are well.
Love Your Pal Vally
Hi Idgie, For me when I get in the place where you got to a couple of days ago, what usually turns it around for me is talking to another alcoholic, especially reaching out to the one who is still suffering. Being of service at a meeting, taking a commitment. Also, going on panels to mental institutions and prisons really puts me into the throes of gratitde; but, oh shopping that works too ~ lol ~ I'm gonna go out and look for some camo knee length shorts today ~ any one know where to get them ~ it seems like they are all sold out this summer. Anyhoo, Happy Sober Weekend to everyone!
Idgie.....how you doing girlfriend? Are you okay? Miss you lots! Please post when you can as I am beginning to worry. BTW YGM!
Your Pal Vally
Your Pal Vally
