My husband is a drug and alcohol addict. He smokes pot and drinks alcohol. He says that he doesn't have a problem. He has begun to do this everyday and all day. I told him today that he needed to figure out what his priorities in life are. I have started to feel like leaving ,but I don't know if that is the right thing to do. He has had 2 DUI's and has been to rehab. He was sober for 5 years. Those 5 years were great. We actually had a "normal" life. The things that he is doing are starting to scare me. He has begun to drive either drunk or higher than a kite. I asked him what gives him the right to drive under the influence of anything on roads our family and friends drive on also. He tells me that he takes the back roads so he doesn' t get caught. Excuses. If he gets caught again he gets jail time and will lose his job. That would be his 3rd DUI. His job does pee tests for drugs. He has asked me to pee in a cup for him so that he can take it to work. I refuse to. There have been many times when I have wanted to call the cops and say he is driving under the influence or that he has pot on him. But, then I think of how it would affect me and my kids. Then I think about other consequences. Like if he killed someone. I am a stay at home Mom with a 2 year old and a another baby on the way. He is the money maker for the family. I have talked to family and friends in the past. It doesn't get me anywhere. "Friends" are falling off the face of the earth as he gets worse. My 3 nephews aren't allowed to come over unless I am here. They won't let him have them alone any longer because of things that have happened and what he is doing to himself. I don't leave my own daughter in his care alone anymore because of fear of what might happen. I don't know where else to turn. I don't like to go to AA because I hate hearing sob stories. No offense intended for those it has helped. I just want to cut to the chase and get down to the facts of what is going to help and what is going to enable. I just feel like I am alone right now and that nobody really cares about what is going on. It is like they have all given up on him. I feel like I can't just give up on him when everybody else has. They all say that he will out grow it and he says that he will quit when the kids are old enough to figure out what is going on or what he is really doing. I can't wait that long to find out. Help!
Jodi, yes you need a battle plan of some sort. I don't feel like I'm the one that should be offering you advice, but since no one else has here goes. The alcohol part of this board doesn't look too active, it is not that people are ignoring you. Do a search for alanon message boards. alanon forum.
I don't really know anything about alanon, but that is a support group for people exactly like you. That would be a great place to start. If you are "ashamed" to go, maybe find a meeting a few towns over "to start", someplace where you feel you can unload comfortably. These people will help you focus on what you need to do for yourself. It is FREE. I wouldn't tell him anything about it, find a time when you can go without him knowing. Support groups really work, there is a magic of gathering with people going through the same thing.
I wouldn't call the cops, unless you feel he is putting someone's life in eminent danger. BUT don't give him urine, don't do anything to enable his activity.
How about calling an addiction professional. Look up in the phone book, for $100 or so you will get an hour of a professionals time, someone who deals with this stuf everyday and may help guide you to a "plan".
Try not to blame it on yourself. It isn't your fault, it is something inside him. It is right that you want to try to hold the marriage together, you have small children and you owe it to yourself to give it your best shot, but that may not be good enough, and someday you may need the strength to walk.
I don't really know anything about alanon, but that is a support group for people exactly like you. That would be a great place to start. If you are "ashamed" to go, maybe find a meeting a few towns over "to start", someplace where you feel you can unload comfortably. These people will help you focus on what you need to do for yourself. It is FREE. I wouldn't tell him anything about it, find a time when you can go without him knowing. Support groups really work, there is a magic of gathering with people going through the same thing.
I wouldn't call the cops, unless you feel he is putting someone's life in eminent danger. BUT don't give him urine, don't do anything to enable his activity.
How about calling an addiction professional. Look up in the phone book, for $100 or so you will get an hour of a professionals time, someone who deals with this stuf everyday and may help guide you to a "plan".
Try not to blame it on yourself. It isn't your fault, it is something inside him. It is right that you want to try to hold the marriage together, you have small children and you owe it to yourself to give it your best shot, but that may not be good enough, and someday you may need the strength to walk.
post on the "Families / Partners of Addicts" section here and you should get some help
Thank you for taking the time to reply to me. I did what you said and posted on the families and friends of addicts.
My Dad is a Drug and Alcohol counselor locally. He was in the medical field prior to this occupation and saw a lot of it and decided that he wanted to help people in a different way. He is not a recovering addict of any sort. Just a good person with good intentions. He is actually finding some Alanon meetings for me to go to. My parents said that they would watch my daughter for me so that I could go. That is a tremendous help.
I wrote my husband a letter tonight and told him what I thought. I told him that he needed to figure out what his priorities are and what he needs to do about it. I am prepared to leave if I have to and I told him that. I am just tired, pregnant and incapable of bulls*** right now.
My Dad is a Drug and Alcohol counselor locally. He was in the medical field prior to this occupation and saw a lot of it and decided that he wanted to help people in a different way. He is not a recovering addict of any sort. Just a good person with good intentions. He is actually finding some Alanon meetings for me to go to. My parents said that they would watch my daughter for me so that I could go. That is a tremendous help.
I wrote my husband a letter tonight and told him what I thought. I told him that he needed to figure out what his priorities are and what he needs to do about it. I am prepared to leave if I have to and I told him that. I am just tired, pregnant and incapable of bulls*** right now.
a letter from the heart is a great idea. life is full of situations and this is not one of the good ones. i realize the responsibility you must feel to your unborn child and your baby. it is not good to be raised in an environment where all this is going on. kids are likely to emulate their parents.
