i don't even know where to begin. My son was doing fairly well it seemed. We went on vacation last week he came with a friend for just the weekend. When we returned home it was clear he had used again, his eyes are a tell all sign. We confronted him and he admitted using but only once in a while. He agree to attend a smart recovery meeting this week and said he will continue to go to them. I shake my head typing this. .. We have a family vacation to the Dominican Republic planned for the 2nd week in August. He will be staying with my daughter in a room and my husband and my self have a separate room. I refuse to cancel our vacation because of him. Do i cancel his part of the trip? and kick him out of the house change the locks etc. He is paying all his bills and going to work each day, he is a functioning addict for sure. My daughter doesn't want to go without him. She says we will worry the entire time if he doesn't go. Is it possible for him to taper off in 3 weeks to go on vacation. Is taping off really a thing or just another con game? We told him yesterday that we will be testing him every other day to ensure he is not using. He can not go to a foreign country and go thru withdraw. I am just sick over it. The stress is getting to me and I am ready to run hide and cry. It is causing tension between me and my husband. He thinks we need to throw him out, but i am not sure i can yet. I am guessing if he screws up this vacation i will be ready to do something. Oh and when we talk to him he says "i Love" being high. Its the only time i am happy, I am a miserable person. I keep telling myself the three "c" but damn it is really hard. I probably know down deep that I have to kick him out, but i / we s wanted this last family vacation before my daughter went off to college. Just another rant in the life of a mother of a addict...:( very sad
It is so hard to tell if they are using, when, and how much. hard to be called to judge someone else's actions. my son abused pain meds and then zanax, etc for at least a year before we became suspicious and then we still were not sure and could not find proof. We went on a week's vacation. There were no problems. My husband had complaints that son was 'not acting right' , but my husband is more critical than I am. I did not notice anything wrong. except at one point he was having sweats or light headed. but he shrugged it off as environmental, hot sun, etc.
eventually over the next year or two things gradually got worse until he lost car, job, housing, belongings. Then rehab in and out for 2015, rehab and halfway house and job for 2016, but still working on baby steps in getting his life back, with relapses (we suspect)
Something that you say that is interesting is similar - that he feels happy when he's high and miserable otherwise.... that is the same word my son would use over and over.... that he had anxiety, panic attacks, and was miserable. switched jobs every year, same field, but different location, just could not stick with same people? would say it isnt working, he's miserable, never had enough money, could not - would not budget.... etc.
Maybe being miserable is a common symptom of addiction. That the drugs make them miserable. because real life is not as happy as being high.
I think it must be tough for them to be clean long enough to learn how to be happy again. like they have been living years in self induced miserable ness.
As far as the vacation, do what you need to do for the week, and dont set yourself up to be in that situation again.
eventually over the next year or two things gradually got worse until he lost car, job, housing, belongings. Then rehab in and out for 2015, rehab and halfway house and job for 2016, but still working on baby steps in getting his life back, with relapses (we suspect)
Something that you say that is interesting is similar - that he feels happy when he's high and miserable otherwise.... that is the same word my son would use over and over.... that he had anxiety, panic attacks, and was miserable. switched jobs every year, same field, but different location, just could not stick with same people? would say it isnt working, he's miserable, never had enough money, could not - would not budget.... etc.
Maybe being miserable is a common symptom of addiction. That the drugs make them miserable. because real life is not as happy as being high.
I think it must be tough for them to be clean long enough to learn how to be happy again. like they have been living years in self induced miserable ness.
As far as the vacation, do what you need to do for the week, and dont set yourself up to be in that situation again.
J mom,
I read the answers in your post.
He shouldn't be allowed to stay with you because he broke the house rule but you are not ready to tell him to leave. He is paying his bills and somehow looking for help and also admitted he used. Seems he is trying and that leaves you divided.
It's ok!
Now, what is the purpose of testing him if you are not ready to tell him to go? I would think that getting your boundaries in place first would be more important. Is it that, if he uses, he's out? Than no testing required, he told you he did. For me, admiting to have used was a major step towards honesty and I'm not willing to live with someone in active addiction but relapse is part of recovery.
About your holiday I would say go for a walk with him when the time is right and explaine your concernes openly. Be ready to listen to his point of view and not react, you'll be able to tell if he is being realistic and honest or just trying to manipulate you in any way. That could give you more confidence when deciding what to do.
Forget him for a second, other than coming here, what are you doing to take care of yourself?
Lots of love,
Nina
I read the answers in your post.
He shouldn't be allowed to stay with you because he broke the house rule but you are not ready to tell him to leave. He is paying his bills and somehow looking for help and also admitted he used. Seems he is trying and that leaves you divided.
It's ok!
Now, what is the purpose of testing him if you are not ready to tell him to go? I would think that getting your boundaries in place first would be more important. Is it that, if he uses, he's out? Than no testing required, he told you he did. For me, admiting to have used was a major step towards honesty and I'm not willing to live with someone in active addiction but relapse is part of recovery.
About your holiday I would say go for a walk with him when the time is right and explaine your concernes openly. Be ready to listen to his point of view and not react, you'll be able to tell if he is being realistic and honest or just trying to manipulate you in any way. That could give you more confidence when deciding what to do.
Forget him for a second, other than coming here, what are you doing to take care of yourself?
Lots of love,
Nina
