Ever since my dad got out of detox he was fine. now 22 ddays later i finf out he is using oxys, i got very upset. he isnt young anymore. any oxys led him to H in the first place b/c it got too expensive i guess???? now r father /daughter relationship is missing. we dont laugh, joke hang out like we used to. when he was oon drugs we did all that, until i found out he was using. we justdont talk on the phpne anymore. and Peronally i htinkhe feelsa guilty b/c heknows he disapointed me!!!!
any advice onhow to handle this. i know he is going to die, everyone knows!!!
nikki
nikki
Hello i have just read your thread and i sympathise with you.
When i was useing i was there physically for my 3 children but not emotionally.
This now still hurts me but more so my children that have now all grown up to young adults.
I have been clean for 15 months and i am usually on the coke board but post to some on this board.
I think with this thread it might be a good idea if you tried the families/partners board, have you been there yet ??
They would make you feel most welcome and i feel you may find some people there that have been in a similar situation to you.
Good luck nikki
Emily
Hello i have just read your thread and i sympathise with you.
When i was useing i was there physically for my 3 children but not emotionally.
This now still hurts me but more so my children that have now all grown up to young adults.
I have been clean for 15 months and i am usually on the coke board but post to some on this board.
I think with this thread it might be a good idea if you tried the families/partners board, have you been there yet ??
They would make you feel most welcome and i feel you may find some people there that have been in a similar situation to you.
Good luck nikki
Emily
Nikki, don't take it personally. They usually despise themselves for their weakness and their disease. You can not help him either. He has to come to the decision to help himself through a program of recovery. You can do nothing to make him stop using or start. You should check out Al-Anon. You need to develop an understanding of this disease, but more, you need to get some help for yourself. This disease effects loved ones and family members in ways that are hard to understand.
Nikki-
I dont know how old you or your Dad are,but Im probaby old e-nuff to be your Dad. Please dont take his inability to stop this beast personally. I have a 20 year old son who hates the fact that I have to drink mdone everyday. He has come to terms with it and mentions it from time to time.
For the most part he knows that ,any real attempt to get off this sh** has to come from me ,for me.
I tried the in patient thing years ago." It is for my son " I said he deserves better! Now I know ,any real attempt has to come from me,for me.
Of course,my son could be motivation but ultimetly it has to come from within- You really do have to get selfish for awhile.
He was way to young to remember the heroin times. When I dropped him off for an hour or so with a girlfriend, or a relitive while I flew in & out of NY as fast as I could. I am embarrassed to say that I even brought him with me a few times.
I eventually got on a mdone program , so I would be able to hold a job,keep food on the table, and try to be a normal dad.
Now its years later & Im still on the program. Maybe he is a little embarressed if confronted about it (by his cousins) but he deals with it & sticks up for the only dad he has. One that despite all my fucups I have always been there for him and always will be.
Without my parents help,I dont know if he would feel the same way. They did an outstanding job sticking up for me when he was young. Now as a young adult,he respects the fact that Im still here doing the best I can. He lives with me and my G/F and is working every day opting not to continue school even though I made sure that college was an option for him.
So you see -there is a lot of love- at times hard to show, but a lot of love & respect between us . Please think of the small sacrifices he did make(hopefully he has) trying to get a normal life for you
Talk with him,let him know your behind him. Let him know that the past is past,and you and him are ready to go foward.As a family.
Like I said I dont know your situation- but all the best to you 2. Hopefully all will work out in time. LIfe is way too short.
Peace,love ,and respect to both of you
jack
I dont know how old you or your Dad are,but Im probaby old e-nuff to be your Dad. Please dont take his inability to stop this beast personally. I have a 20 year old son who hates the fact that I have to drink mdone everyday. He has come to terms with it and mentions it from time to time.
For the most part he knows that ,any real attempt to get off this sh** has to come from me ,for me.
I tried the in patient thing years ago." It is for my son " I said he deserves better! Now I know ,any real attempt has to come from me,for me.
Of course,my son could be motivation but ultimetly it has to come from within- You really do have to get selfish for awhile.
He was way to young to remember the heroin times. When I dropped him off for an hour or so with a girlfriend, or a relitive while I flew in & out of NY as fast as I could. I am embarrassed to say that I even brought him with me a few times.
I eventually got on a mdone program , so I would be able to hold a job,keep food on the table, and try to be a normal dad.
Now its years later & Im still on the program. Maybe he is a little embarressed if confronted about it (by his cousins) but he deals with it & sticks up for the only dad he has. One that despite all my fucups I have always been there for him and always will be.
Without my parents help,I dont know if he would feel the same way. They did an outstanding job sticking up for me when he was young. Now as a young adult,he respects the fact that Im still here doing the best I can. He lives with me and my G/F and is working every day opting not to continue school even though I made sure that college was an option for him.
So you see -there is a lot of love- at times hard to show, but a lot of love & respect between us . Please think of the small sacrifices he did make(hopefully he has) trying to get a normal life for you
Talk with him,let him know your behind him. Let him know that the past is past,and you and him are ready to go foward.As a family.
Like I said I dont know your situation- but all the best to you 2. Hopefully all will work out in time. LIfe is way too short.
Peace,love ,and respect to both of you
jack
jack,
im 26 with a 7 year old boy and a husnabd, so i have my ownlife to worry about!!!!1 my dad just turned 52 he was clean for 16 years , then just started again.......I THINK THIS IS THE LAST LASTTIME AND ITS OVER, SAD AS IT SOUNDS. I THOUGHT THE HEART ATTACK WOULD WAKE HIM UP BUT OBVIUOSLY NOT!!! THANKS FOR YOUR ADVICE , I DID POST UNDERFAMILIES IN RECOVERY
nikki c
thANK YOU ALL FOR REPLYING (WOOPS IN CAPS)
im 26 with a 7 year old boy and a husnabd, so i have my ownlife to worry about!!!!1 my dad just turned 52 he was clean for 16 years , then just started again.......I THINK THIS IS THE LAST LASTTIME AND ITS OVER, SAD AS IT SOUNDS. I THOUGHT THE HEART ATTACK WOULD WAKE HIM UP BUT OBVIUOSLY NOT!!! THANKS FOR YOUR ADVICE , I DID POST UNDERFAMILIES IN RECOVERY
nikki c
thANK YOU ALL FOR REPLYING (WOOPS IN CAPS)
Nikki,
My Dad is not an addict and we have a very strained relationship. I know how you feel regarding your relationship with your dad. I very much want to be closer to my Dad and for reasons I won't get into, I can't. But I do have a husband and a little girl who need me. So I focus on them. Nikki, You have a little boy. And although you say he is fine, children know when something is bothering there mommys. Your dad is a grown man who can make his own decisions. You're son is a little boy who needs his mommy. Plus, you've posted that you have your own struggles with pills. I really think you need to let your dad work things out for himself. Take time to work on your problems so that you can be the best mommy you can be. Please don't be offended by this. I just think, based on your posts, that you spend way to much time worrying about your father and not enough taking care of yourself. Best of luck.
Shelly
My Dad is not an addict and we have a very strained relationship. I know how you feel regarding your relationship with your dad. I very much want to be closer to my Dad and for reasons I won't get into, I can't. But I do have a husband and a little girl who need me. So I focus on them. Nikki, You have a little boy. And although you say he is fine, children know when something is bothering there mommys. Your dad is a grown man who can make his own decisions. You're son is a little boy who needs his mommy. Plus, you've posted that you have your own struggles with pills. I really think you need to let your dad work things out for himself. Take time to work on your problems so that you can be the best mommy you can be. Please don't be offended by this. I just think, based on your posts, that you spend way to much time worrying about your father and not enough taking care of yourself. Best of luck.
Shelly
..Nicki c..
..I,ve been reading your posts over the last wek or so..and it seems to me that everything you have tried to get your father to stop has,nt worked..maybe its time to take a step back and let your father see that if he carries on his usage..he may end up losing you thru it..as others have said..you have your own life and family..and this is obviously getting in the way of you having a life you deserve for yourself and family..when he messes uo when he uses,,he knows your gonna be there to pick up the pieces..so maybe its time to step back and let him tidy up his own mess..maybe then he might see hes not only f****** his life up..but hes losing you in the process..sumtimes in life we have to be cruel to be kind to make others understand what they are doin to their families..Robbie..
..I,ve been reading your posts over the last wek or so..and it seems to me that everything you have tried to get your father to stop has,nt worked..maybe its time to take a step back and let your father see that if he carries on his usage..he may end up losing you thru it..as others have said..you have your own life and family..and this is obviously getting in the way of you having a life you deserve for yourself and family..when he messes uo when he uses,,he knows your gonna be there to pick up the pieces..so maybe its time to step back and let him tidy up his own mess..maybe then he might see hes not only f****** his life up..but hes losing you in the process..sumtimes in life we have to be cruel to be kind to make others understand what they are doin to their families..Robbie..
robbie, i hate being cruel,thatisnt me. but even my mom said just to step back and let him make his own descions. he is a grown man. but when he asks for my help i cant but say ok dad.....
nic
nic
..Nicki c..
..I totally understand wot your saying..we don,t wanna look on while sumone we love struggles with thier addiction..but it will become just another circle of using then stopping then using and so on..you seem like you,ve got lots of love for yourdad..and you don,t wanna see him fight this alone..but if you have treid everything else and it has,nt worked..maybe its time to use a fresh approach to it..i know wot its like to succumb to addiction..but he will never be free of it unless he wants it for himself..no matter wot you do..he will not stop unless he wants to..you probably know all that..but stepping back is not being cruel as such..its just letting the person know that they will end up with no one if they continue using drugs..i know yu love your dad..but he will always find the excuse to use..so maybe try now to give him the excuse to stop..Robbie..
..I totally understand wot your saying..we don,t wanna look on while sumone we love struggles with thier addiction..but it will become just another circle of using then stopping then using and so on..you seem like you,ve got lots of love for yourdad..and you don,t wanna see him fight this alone..but if you have treid everything else and it has,nt worked..maybe its time to use a fresh approach to it..i know wot its like to succumb to addiction..but he will never be free of it unless he wants it for himself..no matter wot you do..he will not stop unless he wants to..you probably know all that..but stepping back is not being cruel as such..its just letting the person know that they will end up with no one if they continue using drugs..i know yu love your dad..but he will always find the excuse to use..so maybe try now to give him the excuse to stop..Robbie..
thanks robbie for he advice..... :)
hit the jackpot again there,mate..nice one ...davey
His choices are causing naturally bad consequences. You are only deciding not to enable him to continue to use you to make those decisions workable. They should not work. He should have negative consequences. That is the only way he will ever decide to change. Otherwise, you are helping him in his suicidal actions. You should not want to continue with that if you love your Dad.
God bless!
Lois
God bless!
Lois
