My Husband hit Rock Bottom 11/11/2004. He is now at Felloship Hall in Greensboro NC. It's a Great place, almost like a resort. It was named one of top rehabilitation centers in the united states. For those that have good insurance that want the help, you should try this place. I went to visit for the first time Sunday and he had a positive attitude about everything. There is a very long Story behind all this, but bottom line.....he came to me when HE was ready. He came to me with the shirt on his back after losing everything. He had been living in a rented vehicle for days and sleeping with the homeless people. He had enough and decided that he needed help. I took him shopping for new clothes, gave him money and cigs and took him to fellowhip Hall. That was the very least that I could do after being married to him for 12 years. I filed for divorce some time ago and it will be final the week of Nov 29th. Although he is attemting to clean up, there is no hope for our relationship. I had enough. We have a beautiful daughter that we will always share. I have moved on with my life and will never look back to the horror that I lived through for the last 5 years. I'm just happy the he seen the light... he has a long journey ahead.
www.Fellowshiphall.com
Tamleeh, I do not know what horror you experienced in your years with him, but I do know that I experienced some nasty stuff while with my "friend" for the last year and 4 months. Stealing jewelry and lying about it. I didn't know what snorting cocaine "looked like" until I came to this forum. Best of luck to you with the rest of your life, and I hope that he will stay well. I hope my "friend" will get it together. I guess his family is protecting him, or themselves from him. I don't really know.
Horror... well, lets start by saying that we had a loving relationship that turned into a love, hate thing. The trust was no longer there. Lies.... well those became his normal way of living. Stealing.... there was no limits as to what extreme he would go to. At first it was all targeted at me for 4 years, until I made him leave. Then it turned to his family and friends. People that didn't want to believe that he had a problem until it happend to them. Anything and everything would go just for his fix. Even to the point that he would call people and tell them that he was out of gas on the side of the road, we would bring money and he would use it for the rock. Emotional Rollacoaster! I was his enabler..... I allowed him to continue to use by helping him in anyway that I could. Helped him out of financial trouble, covered for him in my way. Mainly tried to shelter my daughter from the pain of all of it. I was like a sponge, I just sucked it all up and was ashamed to tell anyone until I just couldn't do it any longer. I'm dating again, and I don't even know how to react to the kindness that is being thrown my way. Time will heal everything. That is not a journey that I would ever take again.
How did u have the strength to leave?? my boyfriend left me again. After he left me million of times cause of trust he thinks i cheat. and goes thru rages n then leaves goes on a coc binge n then comes back. This time i think he left for good. IM A MESS!! i just wanan die.. i feel li cant live with out him. I really know this time he gone for good. The thought of him leaving kills me. N the thought that he might not go for help with this drug n alchol n biopolar problems makes me crazy. I jsut want to make sure he ok. I tried calling he just refuses to answer. PROB ON A DRUG BINGE........ i hate it. i cant find the strength to leave after all the bad things he put me thru........... YOU SEEM SOOO STRONG!! my mom tells me the only way ill except him back in your life is if he goes for help like a in-patient thing. BUT HE OUT OF MY LIFE>.. i guess its good but i dont see it. im in denial. i just dont want him to leave. i cant take the feeling of wondering how he is. you seem strong........ wish i was
Let me tell you what I've just done. Get on the compter and link up with the Nar-Anon web site. What you will read there is a real eye opener. I'm thinking of going to some Nar-Anon meetings as well. There might be something for you locally. All A's want is their drug, and they will go to any means possible to get it. They never tell the truth, they are ruthless and they till get their "stuff" despite our protests, pleading, etc. My "problem" is in SC with his mom right now, and he's called me in tears telling me how much he misses me, etc. I don't believe for a second. All he wants is "another chance" and "did I find my bracelet?" Can you believe it. Please be strong for yourself and tell the others to be strong as well. Don't ever let him back in your life, because you are BETTER than he is AND YOU ALWAYS WILL BE!!! All the drug counselors I've spoken with said RUN! NOW!
what is that website your mentioned?
WWW.FELLOWSHIPHALL.COM
This is the name of the rehab....located in Greensboros North Carolina. We are From SC.
It's a great place for recovery. It's beautiful there......not like the typical rehab. More like resort style.
Strong, it will take all the strenght you've got. It took me 4 years and losing everything There's never a good time to leave. You will KNOW... trust me. When you've had enough.. that's it. I asked myself those same questions, I was addicted to my addict in everyway. Once you have made up your mind, it will get easier in most ways. there will still be bumps in the road, but everything will eventually even out. It may seem that you can't go on without them, but trust me, you can. I still worry and still do things for my ex, but I will never live that lifestyle again. It's very unhealthy I thought that I would never get to this point.... but now looking back, I kick myself everyday for staying for as long as I did. You cannot help them. That was my problem. I thought that I could fix anything.... not that. They have to want to get better for themselves. The best thing for anyone in this situation is to run like hell in the other direction. You can do it, and you must do it to gain your sanity back. It will only get worse. I can't stress it enough..... you will live in hell as long as you stay. Keep your family and friends close by to support you. Stay busy and stay away from the addict we only enable the use. We are no good for them once it hits a certian point! It's not your fault and never blame yourself for any of this.
This is the name of the rehab....located in Greensboros North Carolina. We are From SC.
It's a great place for recovery. It's beautiful there......not like the typical rehab. More like resort style.
Strong, it will take all the strenght you've got. It took me 4 years and losing everything There's never a good time to leave. You will KNOW... trust me. When you've had enough.. that's it. I asked myself those same questions, I was addicted to my addict in everyway. Once you have made up your mind, it will get easier in most ways. there will still be bumps in the road, but everything will eventually even out. It may seem that you can't go on without them, but trust me, you can. I still worry and still do things for my ex, but I will never live that lifestyle again. It's very unhealthy I thought that I would never get to this point.... but now looking back, I kick myself everyday for staying for as long as I did. You cannot help them. That was my problem. I thought that I could fix anything.... not that. They have to want to get better for themselves. The best thing for anyone in this situation is to run like hell in the other direction. You can do it, and you must do it to gain your sanity back. It will only get worse. I can't stress it enough..... you will live in hell as long as you stay. Keep your family and friends close by to support you. Stay busy and stay away from the addict we only enable the use. We are no good for them once it hits a certian point! It's not your fault and never blame yourself for any of this.
im in denial of leaving my loved one. Whats the first sign???? Im so weak n not strong. WISH I WAS!! im just waiting for him to return. and i feel i can help..... instead of saying I dont want u back. and let him hit rockbottom...........
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Honey, the first step is to realize that you cannot do anything for him. Ask yourself..... are you really happy with him even when he's there? Probably not. Your always waiting on the next binge... walking on eggshells, looking for signs of use, checking up on him, not trusting him......you will never be happy with him! You will always wonder!!!!
Hi Tamleeh,
Just got a card from SC from my "friend" saying that he'd be here for me when I'm down. Going nuts here. What a maniulator. Stole from me twice, and did cocaine in my kitchen, plus I saw him "come down" more than once. I wish he'd leave me alone. He hasn't called me from SC in a few days, don't want to talk with him, don't want anything to to with him. My birthday is Sunday, and he will be back in Maryland and I'm sure I'll hear from him. He said that his mom is upset with me because of whatever he said to her (he stole a bracelet. He had telephoned me earlier in the week and wondered if it was because I was still thinking of my deceased husband of 3 years, or the Holidays) Of course his mother is upset with me because I "broke up" with him. Of course for what HE did and he won't admit that he stole from me. It's all my fault. I'm glad you've met someone who I hope will be good to you. You deserve it afer all you've been through. Hope you have a wonderful "thankful" Thanksgiving. I'm going to go out with my mom, my sister and brotherinlaw for lunch. Thinking of you.
Just got a card from SC from my "friend" saying that he'd be here for me when I'm down. Going nuts here. What a maniulator. Stole from me twice, and did cocaine in my kitchen, plus I saw him "come down" more than once. I wish he'd leave me alone. He hasn't called me from SC in a few days, don't want to talk with him, don't want anything to to with him. My birthday is Sunday, and he will be back in Maryland and I'm sure I'll hear from him. He said that his mom is upset with me because of whatever he said to her (he stole a bracelet. He had telephoned me earlier in the week and wondered if it was because I was still thinking of my deceased husband of 3 years, or the Holidays) Of course his mother is upset with me because I "broke up" with him. Of course for what HE did and he won't admit that he stole from me. It's all my fault. I'm glad you've met someone who I hope will be good to you. You deserve it afer all you've been through. Hope you have a wonderful "thankful" Thanksgiving. I'm going to go out with my mom, my sister and brotherinlaw for lunch. Thinking of you.
Dear Hardhead. Thank you for thinking of me. I hope you had a Great Thanksgiving and a wonderful Birthday. I hope that you can stay strong through your transition. It's not easy. Do not ever blame yourself. The addicts always tell the family that it's not them. Let them be mad at you. You know what the truth is. If at all possible try your best to cut all contact with this addict. It will only continue to get worse. I've been to hell and back many times, and I will not ever live that life again. I know it seems that your world is crumbling, but you can make it through this. They have to want to get better. As for my husband, he is still in rehab and seems to be getting his act together. My divorce will be final this week, and I've been struggling with that somewhat, but I know there will be no going back. It breaks my heart that it had to come to this, but it is what it is and I'm really trying to be happy and thankful for what I have left. I too am rebuilding my life. He took me down a road of desrtuction financially and mentally. I'm going to counsel along with my daughter. She too is having a hard time adjusting to this new life. The man that I met is wonderful, and treats me with the up most respect. I don't know where this will lead me, and I just hope that one day I will be completely satisfied with my life. It will take time. As for you, hold your head high and do the right thing for YOU!
This guy sounds like a real manipulator and one that thinks he is got all bases covered. I have just browsed through your thread hun, but I want to come back and give some feedback. I hate guys that play females the way this individual has done to you, I could never in my life use a female in such deamining way, he is a real hypocrite!
Be safe and Happy Belated birthday:) I hope you had a pleasant time. Here in Canada Thanksgiving was pretty quiet.
All4Luv1707
Be safe and Happy Belated birthday:) I hope you had a pleasant time. Here in Canada Thanksgiving was pretty quiet.
All4Luv1707
Good morning, Tamleeh and All4luv1707,
I had a message from my "friend" in SC yesterday, seems he hit a deer on the way back home to MD on Saturday, and won't be back until sometime this week. I wonder if that's true or not. Yes, I've cut ties with him completely. You know, I do feel a little better today. One wonderful thing has come out of this whole situation. I have a dear friend that I've been friends with for years. She's been widowed twice, stalked by a neighbor, and I've seen her through her grieving and hysteria for a very long time. We used to work together. Her brother knows my "friend" and told her, "I hope your friend Carol has no more to do with her boyfriend. I don't want to read about her in the paper." THAT absolutely did me in. She has seen me through my loss of father and then my husband all within one week. Believe me, I was devestated. She and I used to pal around, go places, etc. Then, once I met my "friend" she just about threw me out of her life completely because her brother more or less told her about my "friend." She has now come back into my life.
My "friend" said he would submit to a drug test AT HIS CONVENIENCE. HA! I do remember him saying to me the morning I confronted him about the missing bracelet, "Why would I steal and risk THIS" with a sweeping motion with his arm toward my house. Well, that statement right there is indicative of his distain for me. He only wants what I have. He has absolutely NOTHING. He has been married once, and that lasted 6 months, and that was 12 years ago. Not much in his life since then. His family (uncle, cousin) all say that he does not steal. He may not steal from them, or maybe they're sticking up for him. Who knows. I hope one day he'll get his act together. This is utterly so crazy because I've never known anyone like him. Anyway, thank you both for writing. I feel good here.
I had a message from my "friend" in SC yesterday, seems he hit a deer on the way back home to MD on Saturday, and won't be back until sometime this week. I wonder if that's true or not. Yes, I've cut ties with him completely. You know, I do feel a little better today. One wonderful thing has come out of this whole situation. I have a dear friend that I've been friends with for years. She's been widowed twice, stalked by a neighbor, and I've seen her through her grieving and hysteria for a very long time. We used to work together. Her brother knows my "friend" and told her, "I hope your friend Carol has no more to do with her boyfriend. I don't want to read about her in the paper." THAT absolutely did me in. She has seen me through my loss of father and then my husband all within one week. Believe me, I was devestated. She and I used to pal around, go places, etc. Then, once I met my "friend" she just about threw me out of her life completely because her brother more or less told her about my "friend." She has now come back into my life.
My "friend" said he would submit to a drug test AT HIS CONVENIENCE. HA! I do remember him saying to me the morning I confronted him about the missing bracelet, "Why would I steal and risk THIS" with a sweeping motion with his arm toward my house. Well, that statement right there is indicative of his distain for me. He only wants what I have. He has absolutely NOTHING. He has been married once, and that lasted 6 months, and that was 12 years ago. Not much in his life since then. His family (uncle, cousin) all say that he does not steal. He may not steal from them, or maybe they're sticking up for him. Who knows. I hope one day he'll get his act together. This is utterly so crazy because I've never known anyone like him. Anyway, thank you both for writing. I feel good here.
Hardhead,
As I was reading your posts, it came to me and hit me (don't think I am slow, I just overlooked it) that you don't use drugs.
Finding somebody who uses chemical enhancers and engaging into a friendship/relationship can be a disturbing experience. I use the powder, I am not proud of it and I admit to it on an online board, where I am kept anonimous.
Around 1 year ago, I had met a wonderful female, much older than me. Met her at my gym, I was attracted to her inmediatelly and I approached her the first night I saw her working out at my gym.
To make a long story short, things developed slowly and it was around the summer time that I recayed (after being sober for 5 years). I inmediately broke up the on-the-raise friendship. I did this because I had lost myself again, and out of respect for me, I did not want a secondary person being damaged in the process. I briefly talked to her about the problem, since she is a psychology major, but our opinions met head on, I ended all contact with her, changed my training time at the gym-in order not to meet her. A motion (of course) with the sole purpose of keeping a great person at the margin of things...she still contacts me around once a month in hopes of any possibilities.
I am telling you a little of me, since I can relate in a way to your story, in the sence that I WOULD have pulled away from a loved one, and deal with my problem alone. Now, I am not in any way shape or form comparing myself to this individual, not at any level. But I think he should have been straight forward with you since the beginning but, he was not, which leads me to belive (see my first post here) that he wanted to use you, abuse you and move on.
I don't for a second believe that females are naive, but I think sometimes emotions get involved and it is easier for a male to manipulate to his advantage, it makes me angry to know that there are men like that out there.
I know I have a problem and I am dealing with it, and believe me when I say this, I am not about to get people tha I love/care for involved in my own mess.
Family is what will be ther for me, I have friends that I consider family as well.
Hun, be strong in your decisions, if this man has lead a messy life, (divorce after 6 months, no consistency in his personal life...), then do not for a minute think that he will change his drug use of (over?) 12 years now. Cutting links with him is probably a good decision, since you felt you had to do so.
Be safe and take good care:)
All4Luv1707
P.S. Tam, I did not mean to steal your thread, but I guess I got carried away with hardhead a little:( My apologies.
As I was reading your posts, it came to me and hit me (don't think I am slow, I just overlooked it) that you don't use drugs.
Finding somebody who uses chemical enhancers and engaging into a friendship/relationship can be a disturbing experience. I use the powder, I am not proud of it and I admit to it on an online board, where I am kept anonimous.
Around 1 year ago, I had met a wonderful female, much older than me. Met her at my gym, I was attracted to her inmediatelly and I approached her the first night I saw her working out at my gym.
To make a long story short, things developed slowly and it was around the summer time that I recayed (after being sober for 5 years). I inmediately broke up the on-the-raise friendship. I did this because I had lost myself again, and out of respect for me, I did not want a secondary person being damaged in the process. I briefly talked to her about the problem, since she is a psychology major, but our opinions met head on, I ended all contact with her, changed my training time at the gym-in order not to meet her. A motion (of course) with the sole purpose of keeping a great person at the margin of things...she still contacts me around once a month in hopes of any possibilities.
I am telling you a little of me, since I can relate in a way to your story, in the sence that I WOULD have pulled away from a loved one, and deal with my problem alone. Now, I am not in any way shape or form comparing myself to this individual, not at any level. But I think he should have been straight forward with you since the beginning but, he was not, which leads me to belive (see my first post here) that he wanted to use you, abuse you and move on.
I don't for a second believe that females are naive, but I think sometimes emotions get involved and it is easier for a male to manipulate to his advantage, it makes me angry to know that there are men like that out there.
I know I have a problem and I am dealing with it, and believe me when I say this, I am not about to get people tha I love/care for involved in my own mess.
Family is what will be ther for me, I have friends that I consider family as well.
Hun, be strong in your decisions, if this man has lead a messy life, (divorce after 6 months, no consistency in his personal life...), then do not for a minute think that he will change his drug use of (over?) 12 years now. Cutting links with him is probably a good decision, since you felt you had to do so.
Be safe and take good care:)
All4Luv1707
P.S. Tam, I did not mean to steal your thread, but I guess I got carried away with hardhead a little:( My apologies.
All4Luv1707
You are absolutely correct. I don't use anything. I received 2 cards from him (see, he's a card giving kinda guy, in his words) I received a birthday card plus a "sweet card" from him. I just wish he'd leave me alone. He hasn't contacted me by telephone, which I am thankful. He has a melodious voice, which I really, really find attractive, but the stealing, etc., false pretenses, etc., I can do without.
I hope you can put your life back together. You sound like you are genuine in your efforts, here, and in your life. Please, please, please do this for YOU! You're so young, at 29 did you say, that you need to put some perspective in your BRAIN and get yourself put back into a real life. Not the powder.......that's no life.
You are absolutely correct. I don't use anything. I received 2 cards from him (see, he's a card giving kinda guy, in his words) I received a birthday card plus a "sweet card" from him. I just wish he'd leave me alone. He hasn't contacted me by telephone, which I am thankful. He has a melodious voice, which I really, really find attractive, but the stealing, etc., false pretenses, etc., I can do without.
I hope you can put your life back together. You sound like you are genuine in your efforts, here, and in your life. Please, please, please do this for YOU! You're so young, at 29 did you say, that you need to put some perspective in your BRAIN and get yourself put back into a real life. Not the powder.......that's no life.
Hardhead,
Yes I am ;) In a nutshell 40 year old stuck in a 29, but at times a 20 year old in a 29.
I have not used since 4 days now, it is not such a big deal. I smoked cigarretes for one year long ago (around 5 years ago) and I quit over night, with no hesitation. I CAN go without using for a week or 2 weeks (since I started using again 3-4 months ago), or whateever, because I get preoccupied and I tend to prioritize the important things in life. BUT it is when I get sad about what is around me, that I lock myself up, or go out for a day or two--or 3 with "friends" (I quote friends , I guess they are trapped souls too, good people nonetheless).
Today is a final meeting with the bank and then to the lawyers, I purchased my first home 3 months ago, and closure is today, I am so happy--have been packing for the last month, hard core packing the last 3 days.
So I will be be off line for a day or two.
The purchase of this new home has brought new dreams, new ambitions. I have gone out crazy on the shopping department too:D I think I am like a fem hehehehe when I shop I feel better inside, but it can get darn expensive.
Hun, I really hope to find that you have managed to stay away from that "friend" of yours. The more I read your words, the more I see that you and him do not match. How did you meet him? How long did you know him before you brought him to your home? There was an obvious confort level reached. How long were you and him together (as more than friends)?
It is real hard to compare, both none users and users are good people. I believe that even the ones that are washed into the world of drugs, steal from others, lie....even those people are good people, but are now carried and governed by a world that overpowers the innner will.
Take care of yourself, OH NO we should have started another thread, seems we took this one by surprise:(
All4Luv1707
Yes I am ;) In a nutshell 40 year old stuck in a 29, but at times a 20 year old in a 29.
I have not used since 4 days now, it is not such a big deal. I smoked cigarretes for one year long ago (around 5 years ago) and I quit over night, with no hesitation. I CAN go without using for a week or 2 weeks (since I started using again 3-4 months ago), or whateever, because I get preoccupied and I tend to prioritize the important things in life. BUT it is when I get sad about what is around me, that I lock myself up, or go out for a day or two--or 3 with "friends" (I quote friends , I guess they are trapped souls too, good people nonetheless).
Today is a final meeting with the bank and then to the lawyers, I purchased my first home 3 months ago, and closure is today, I am so happy--have been packing for the last month, hard core packing the last 3 days.
So I will be be off line for a day or two.
The purchase of this new home has brought new dreams, new ambitions. I have gone out crazy on the shopping department too:D I think I am like a fem hehehehe when I shop I feel better inside, but it can get darn expensive.
Hun, I really hope to find that you have managed to stay away from that "friend" of yours. The more I read your words, the more I see that you and him do not match. How did you meet him? How long did you know him before you brought him to your home? There was an obvious confort level reached. How long were you and him together (as more than friends)?
It is real hard to compare, both none users and users are good people. I believe that even the ones that are washed into the world of drugs, steal from others, lie....even those people are good people, but are now carried and governed by a world that overpowers the innner will.
Take care of yourself, OH NO we should have started another thread, seems we took this one by surprise:(
All4Luv1707
No bother with taking this thread.... I'm here to talk just as everyone else is. No matter what the subject... user, loved ones, friends.. it's all wrapped around the same subject. We are all in this together. One effects the other just the same. I too am still trying to understand the whole concept of using and why it becomes so overpowering when it comes to family and loved ones.
Tamleeh, How are you? I know your divorce is coming due this week. I know this is difficult for you. I've never been through a divorce, but my husband died a week after my father in 2001. I was 49 then,and we had a wonderful life. Please stay we had been married 25 years, no drugs, until I met my "friend". I never knew what drugs were all about.........UNTIL I got educated. I don't know what to tell you, but you sound so strong, and you are now in another relationship. I know you don't know where this will take you but I know it will take you farther than you imagine. I'm now reunited with my friend Sheila who has been friends with me for ages. She lost 2 husbands by death, has been stalked, and has been through the mill. We have been friends since we worked together. I went to see her today. Her dogs were even glad to see me. I thought they would break the glass door at her front door. Isn't that wonderful, inspite of my " friend" that her brother knows, and she knew from her bother that my "friend" was "garbage",she gave me a chance to figure out what I knew to be true . I feel so much better. Hope you do, too. I don't ever want to get mixed up in this type of situation again, ever in my life. I never knew what it looked like. Please, have a "wonderful life." Did you ever see that movie? I just loved it. Lots of movement, and lots of messages. Be blessed. :-)
t
t
I'm well, thanks for thinking of me. This week has been a little difficult, but I will make it through. I've made it this far, there's no turning back. My husband and I were together for 20 years. Married for 12. This has been by far the hardest thing that I've ever done in my life. We did have lots of good times. I will always hold him dear to my heart. I hope that one day we can be good friends for our daughters sake. She has had a really hard time. She now is dealing with the fact her parents are divorcing, her dad is sick, and her mom is now dating again. We will continue to go for counsel. The holidays have been a little rough on the both of us. I continue to struggle daily with my self worth, ( something that I lost in my husbands addiction ). Each day brings something new to my life. I'm experiencing a new life as well as dealing with the changes that this has brought upon me.
You too sound as though you have not had an easy road to travel. Hang in there, and you will find happiness. I'm so sorry about your husband. I'm sure that was very hard on you. You too are experiencing a new life an I hope that you will be happy with whatever it is that may come your way. ALways hold your head high and be proud of your decisions.
You too sound as though you have not had an easy road to travel. Hang in there, and you will find happiness. I'm so sorry about your husband. I'm sure that was very hard on you. You too are experiencing a new life an I hope that you will be happy with whatever it is that may come your way. ALways hold your head high and be proud of your decisions.
Good morning, Tamleeh,
Thanks for your words of encouragement. I hope that each day will get easier for you and your daughter. My "friend" hasn't contacted me for several days, and for that I'm thankful. It's nice to be peaceful again, but my friends and family tell me that this isn't over just yet. I don't want any more turmoil in my life, especially from him. Anyway, again, thanks for your words of wisdom as I review this entire post. You've made me see what's real.
Thanks for your words of encouragement. I hope that each day will get easier for you and your daughter. My "friend" hasn't contacted me for several days, and for that I'm thankful. It's nice to be peaceful again, but my friends and family tell me that this isn't over just yet. I don't want any more turmoil in my life, especially from him. Anyway, again, thanks for your words of wisdom as I review this entire post. You've made me see what's real.
