my man recently got a DUI last sunday,he got a no license and dui offence..car impounded for 30days,no driving for 3mos,which i found he also got a DUI last July...
i got a lil suspicious when i saw a drops of blood on the carpet of his living room and so as to the ticket from the police..i never had any drug experience in my entire life..i tried to connect the dots and came to this burden of discovering he is on coke..
i was asked what is he like lately...it wasnt just lately but months and months..
he doesn't sleep...
he doesnt eat on time like 12 or so hours
he always work..his job and his house reno
he has clogged nose for maybe 6months now and bleeding..
i am planning to talk to him nextweek..pls help me how
do i approach him...i want to help him but i was told i cant until he admit to himself somethings really wrong..i love him but i cant see him ruining himself with this..
please enlighten me guys,it will help me..been burden about it since last sunday,doin research..
thank you!
Dear Kirsten,
I'm sorry that you are going through a challenging hurtful time with your man. It's so hard to try to get an addict to stop. you are right about the part that it's up to them, not us.
You can explain how it effects you directly and decide whether you're going to want to endure a life with him when he spends all his money up his nose.
they say it's not a physical addiction, meaning he won't go through any withdrawals when he stops. but it is a mental thing. There are so many triggers for a cocaine addict. just by driving past the area's he might cop it from will trigger off in his brain that he wants it.
ask him what he's so unhappy about and why does he need a stimulant to get his day going?
they say now scientifically and medically that addiction is a mental illness.
they treat addiction as a mental illness. first he has to get a diagnosis.
it would be wise of him to see a therapist weekly and a psychiatrist for medications.
I am an addict to. but have abstained now since 2000. with help. I fought the system and fought the fact that I had a mental illness for years.
my counselor at the clinic I was going to would always try to convince me to get on meds. I finally did it and then asked myself why on earth did I wait so long????
my life is SO much better now.
his can be too. He knows he's a slave to it. even when a person who's doing coke wants to stop, and they sincerely do, something always triggers them to go back to it. they have good intentions to stop, but without the knowledge of being aware of what the triggers are they're going to keep tripping him up.
just approach him directly. but with understanding and don't be judgmental and don't raise your voice. try to just listen. I know it's hard.
there used to a great commercial on t.v. back in the late 80's. they'd show just a part of womans face. the lip and nose area. they'd show a house being snorted up it, then a car, and other material things that cost money and are considered of value in this modern world we live in. then they'd tell you, 'THIS is what you could've bought if you didn't waste the money on cocaine".. something to that effect. boy did that commercial strike a cord in me. I would cry to myself how I wanted to get off cocaine. and when I did stop, then my husband would bring it home and I couldn't say no to it. so my g/f told me I might have to leave him in order to stop it.
I did. I wound up years later divorcing him. I was married 19 yrs. he's also an alcoholic which I didn't know at the time I married him. I only knew him four months b4 marrying him. I was 19, he was 31. I just got out of high school. I wound up having four beautiful children out of the marriage. I threatened him, I cried to him, I pleaded with him, I joined in. nothing works until the person is ready to. that's it.. that simple.
so you either chose to stay with it or you leave.
at least you're not married with children which might prevent you from escaping.
It's a money pit not to mention he's destroying his body and health.
he can go to meetings too along with the therapy and meds.
I wish you the best outcome.
we can't control another human being no matter how hard we want to.
I'm sorry that you are going through a challenging hurtful time with your man. It's so hard to try to get an addict to stop. you are right about the part that it's up to them, not us.
You can explain how it effects you directly and decide whether you're going to want to endure a life with him when he spends all his money up his nose.
they say it's not a physical addiction, meaning he won't go through any withdrawals when he stops. but it is a mental thing. There are so many triggers for a cocaine addict. just by driving past the area's he might cop it from will trigger off in his brain that he wants it.
ask him what he's so unhappy about and why does he need a stimulant to get his day going?
they say now scientifically and medically that addiction is a mental illness.
they treat addiction as a mental illness. first he has to get a diagnosis.
it would be wise of him to see a therapist weekly and a psychiatrist for medications.
I am an addict to. but have abstained now since 2000. with help. I fought the system and fought the fact that I had a mental illness for years.
my counselor at the clinic I was going to would always try to convince me to get on meds. I finally did it and then asked myself why on earth did I wait so long????
my life is SO much better now.
his can be too. He knows he's a slave to it. even when a person who's doing coke wants to stop, and they sincerely do, something always triggers them to go back to it. they have good intentions to stop, but without the knowledge of being aware of what the triggers are they're going to keep tripping him up.
just approach him directly. but with understanding and don't be judgmental and don't raise your voice. try to just listen. I know it's hard.
there used to a great commercial on t.v. back in the late 80's. they'd show just a part of womans face. the lip and nose area. they'd show a house being snorted up it, then a car, and other material things that cost money and are considered of value in this modern world we live in. then they'd tell you, 'THIS is what you could've bought if you didn't waste the money on cocaine".. something to that effect. boy did that commercial strike a cord in me. I would cry to myself how I wanted to get off cocaine. and when I did stop, then my husband would bring it home and I couldn't say no to it. so my g/f told me I might have to leave him in order to stop it.
I did. I wound up years later divorcing him. I was married 19 yrs. he's also an alcoholic which I didn't know at the time I married him. I only knew him four months b4 marrying him. I was 19, he was 31. I just got out of high school. I wound up having four beautiful children out of the marriage. I threatened him, I cried to him, I pleaded with him, I joined in. nothing works until the person is ready to. that's it.. that simple.
so you either chose to stay with it or you leave.
at least you're not married with children which might prevent you from escaping.
It's a money pit not to mention he's destroying his body and health.
he can go to meetings too along with the therapy and meds.
I wish you the best outcome.
we can't control another human being no matter how hard we want to.
