New here! Its hard for me to talk about this to just about anybody I know, so I feel like this is the place where I can get it all off my chest with others who understand.
im 36 and my fiance is 37. We went to elementary school as well as junior high together. We end up dateing 20 years later. Things moved pretty fast for us. Let me first say, ive never used drugs, maybe smoked pot about three times in my whole life but that's it. So I can say that a couple years ago, I had no clue what subutex or ciboxin strips even were. I am in healthcare, so I am familiar with the pain pills that are out Here these days. Anyways in the beginning, things were so wonderful. I was head over heels in love.. I did notice in the beginning, that he would ask his friends if they had any "strips" when I asked him what they were, he said " oh they're for energy! Dumb me didn't question him. Even after the strips which only lasted a cpl months, things were still great. He had a very high sex drive. If we didn't have sex at least 3 times a week, something was wrong.. I knew at one time my fiance had a pain pill problem due to a motorcycle accident. He started on roxies, and snorted them. But at that time he told me that his pain pill problem was long gone. As time moved on, him and I moved in together. Well actually he moved in with me and my two teenage boys. I noticed money missing from my account, $30 each time, in which here where I live the 30mg roxies are $30. So he admitted he had been snorting Roxies. To make a long story short, he then began cocaine (did it a few times) then he went to shooting up heroin. The heroin use was stopped once I kicked him out due to the stress of it all and he entered a 7 day detox program. Things were ok for a while, then he began the pain pills every now and then, and started on subutex. With the subutex, he would take a quarter of a tablet daily. (Not sure of the milligram) I guess my main reason for posting tonight is because i noticed marks on his hands. Needle marks.I asked and he admitted but said it wasn't an everyday thing. Ive been so upset i havent been able to look at him much. The question now is, ,, Is he shooting up subutex or heroin????? I just dont know what to do anymore. Im so scared that if I tell him to get out, he will harm himself in some way. The most important thing is we just had a beautiful baby daughter back in November.... Hes a great dad... im the only one working which is stressful enough. Behind on bills and trying to raise a 5 month old... It's gotten to the point where we barely speak. I sleep on the couch.Again I just dont know anymore
I am in a similar situation. Its not heroin yet.. I think. My fiance moved in with me and I am 6 months pregnant now. He is a wonderful guy, when he isnt lying and in withdrawal. the worst part is he is so sweet and kind while high. I know he can be this way when he is not high.. if he is sober long enough to get past the angry depressed part. My guy thinks using is ok as long as a doctor prescribes it, even if he tells them a lie about being in pain to get it. He has joined NA, but keeps relapsing. I'm 98% sure he stole money from me because there is just no other explanation. I don't know what to do. I want him to get better and for us to be together with our daughter, but I don't want him to continue to take from me without contributing. He barely brings any money home to use for bills and gets really angry when I ask him to help around the house. He thinks doing the dishes and cleaning the bathroom in the same day is "busting his a**". I don't know where my limit is with being used.. but I feel like it is quickly approaching. Maybe its the pregnancy hormones...
Here are a few things I have learned:
You need to be healthy, whether your addicted loved one is or not.
There is nothing you can do to help the addict get better.
There are things you can stop doing to end enabling.
I encourage you to find a Family Support program. I am surprised the Detox process didn't at least refer you to some kind of program. Most Treatment Centers have a Family Program. Al Anon and NAR Anon are both good and free options.
It is very, very common for a loved one to become an unhealthy co-dependent. It is natural because we love these people and we want to be supportive. Learning how to overcome codependency takes some training and ongoing work.
I hope this helps. Feel free to post back if you'd like me to ellaborate.
Fly.
You need to be healthy, whether your addicted loved one is or not.
There is nothing you can do to help the addict get better.
There are things you can stop doing to end enabling.
I encourage you to find a Family Support program. I am surprised the Detox process didn't at least refer you to some kind of program. Most Treatment Centers have a Family Program. Al Anon and NAR Anon are both good and free options.
It is very, very common for a loved one to become an unhealthy co-dependent. It is natural because we love these people and we want to be supportive. Learning how to overcome codependency takes some training and ongoing work.
I hope this helps. Feel free to post back if you'd like me to ellaborate.
Fly.
