Finally Free


My daughter is helping me sign up as I am not internet saavy. I wish I had been during the last four years as things may have turned out differently for me.
I became addicted to vicodin about four years ago. I had gone on zoloft for depression and found that the vicodin enhanced my feeling of well-being. I have now suffered the consequences that i have feared might happen if caught. I have been a hospital pharmacy tech at the same hospital for the last 15 years. I was
stealing vicodin from the pharmacy supply and recently from the automatic drug dipensing units on the patient floors. I never took any med that deprived a patient
of pain relief, just took pills out of the machines. Unbelievably I was not even suspected until recently and every time I went to work would look forward to getting "my little white friends". I have up to now been one of the most honest
people you could meet and the last person anyone could have fathomed would do this! I prayed a lot for god to help me stop and every time I took pills left work and said"I'll never do it again" to myself but could not stop. The first day of my new life came this past saturday,august1st when my boss called me into his office and the director of human resources was there. They started asking me questions and at first I denied everything because I had rehearsed the scenario many times before in my mind so I would be ready if suspected. Then i went back to work and they called me in a second time. After more questions the director said"if you have anything else to say pleas say it now" and I confessed. I was immediately suspended without pay and asked to leave the premises. I went to my mom and dad's house and confessed to theam and thank God they are completely supportive. My dad offered to call my husband and I welcomed that because I was dreading that the most. My husband is having a very hard time believing his wife could be capable of such a thing and we will need a lot of
talking and healing but he wants me to stay with him. He was frustrated and confused over a lot of my behaviors over the last few years and tried many times to get me to go to counseling which I refused because I didn't want to share "my secret" with anyone. One of the main things I've learned from this is that when you are lonely or hurting to reach out to other people(friends/counselors) for support and not think you can handle things on your own. This whole book I'm writing is mainly for my own benefit right now but whoever reads this please know you are not alone and people do care about you and can help if you reach out! Today I found out that I was terminated from my job-so-my ultimate fears have been realized but I feel as if I have been set free from my inner prison. I am waiting to find out legally if they have to report this crime to the authorities but am prepared to face whatever consequences that may bring. I will always be an addict but I feel as if I'm blessed that the Lord decided the only way for me to wake up and stop was to be found out! I am blessed that my husband's job has wonderful medical benefits to get therapy and counseling, and pray for those who do not have access to such care. I hope to use this site as a support and thank all of you and whoever started the site!
Wow ! That probably took a lot to tell your story....I am glad you did and I also thank you for that.

Welcome !
I second that. Welcome - I'm kinda new here too. Some of these people on this board have wonderful advice.

Good luck,

Marie
Thanks so much for sharing that. Please come here for any support that you may need. I wish you only the best of luck with your problems. Did your employer have an EAP program that they could have referred you to? Often they will do this in lieu of taking legal action. Please contact human resources at that company. Even though they have terminated you they still have a responsibility to make sure that you recieve the help you need and most companies will often pay for it. I know that you have your husband's benefits and insurance that will help but contacting your employer may save you legal problems and possibly felony charges. Trust me, I know what I am talking about.

Good luck and God bless,
The head of my out patient program commented that typically women enter treatment later than men. When asked why he explained that one of the most direct routes to rehab is through work, however, it is the men that typically receive this benefit while the women are more often terminated. Additionally as far as driving infractions go, men who drive while impaired most often are arrested (and thereby "pushed into treatment") while women are more often driven home and given a strong warning. Your scenario supports this model. I just wonder if any men who worked where you had ended up in your situation with different results. I am not sure if the situation you are in differs somewhat in view of the legal issues. In any event, consider this a gift, you are being given the opportunity to reclaim your life.
Sara
we are all pulling for you. i hate to say it but the best thing was probably losing your job. the temptation won't be their anymore. God is good. he knows whats best for us. it seems like you have great support. you have a lot to look forward to. i know it will be hard but you will do it. i always learned the bigger the trial the biggee the testimony. you will have a great story to share to help people. good luck, and may God bless you
Brian
Thanks for telling your story with such honesty. My addiction to the pills also caused me to steal and lie. It brought me to the verge of professional suicide as well. It seems unbelievable now, but still all too real. Addiction is incredibly powerful. Hang in. M.
hi none4me
i never got a chance to talk to you. just wanted to let you know i think you are doing awesome. you seem like you are determined to make it. i remember when i quit drinking a few years ago. i just got so tried of hangovers. i can still remember them. i hope i never forget the aggraviation of withdrawals from pain medication. its been over 3 weeks and i still have withdrawals systems. nothing like the begining, but i still have them at times. its great to read your comments. you seem you want to share your story to help people. keep it up
brian
Hey Brian, you're doing great yourself. I'm off for vacation with my family for a week, at a place where there's no Internet access, but hope to see you and others on the Board when I get back. Peace, M.