Hello, I have been through almost every stage of this addiction (except physically) for a year now and I have to either accept the fact that I am destined to be a dependent on Vic or overcome my weakness and face this obstacle that God has placed upon my shoulder's. I need help and am afraid of going to the doctor or ER. I am so scared of the physical part of W/D. I started taking Vicodin in 1999 when my dad past away in my arms of a massive heart attack. My husband gave a vic to me to calm me down. Since then it just keeps escalating. It seems that everytime I try to quit something else traumatic happens and my "friend" Vic picks me up and carries me through. My mother died last year on Christmas day and I am trying to stop meeting with Vic. I want to stop but I am afraid that my mom's death will only leave me wanting Vic. I know it sounds crazy to refer to a pill as a friend but that is how it seems to me. Please someone reply I literally have no one to talk to about this. My husband seems to think that I am crazy because I steal his pain meds. I am not blaming my addiction on him but he is addicted as well. He is much stronger than I am. I am a mother of five girls that I live my life for. How can I set an example for them? What kind of mother could I possibly be? I have tried to pray every night but I know as soon as I wake up Vic will be whispering in my ear. I know now that I have read the postings here that it is possible to overcome but how? How have all of you done this? I applaud you all! I admire you as well. Will anyone out there please tell me what it is I will be feeling while going through W/D's. I have tapered myself down to one and a half vicodin a day. I take one half at around two or three in the afternoon and then one half around six and the other at nine or ten. But when I get my husband script filled then I wake up at nine and take a whole one. This has me sooooooo depressed that i can't even smile no more. My girls are always asking me what is wrong. How can i tell them I am addicted to pills and need them in order to wake up in the morning and sleep at night? I am at my wits end because my husband left for hunting camp and took Vic with him. Now I am stuck. Forced into W/D's. I know I have an addiction, I know I need help but I am too ashamed to ask family or friends for anything other than a Vic. God, how pathetic I must sound. Please respond and pray for me I need it:(
I just went throught the same thing. With two small kids at home, I managed to break the addiction for six days now. It is soooo hard, but it can be done.
Please keep posting, I will be back in about 30 minutes.
-britney
Please keep posting, I will be back in about 30 minutes.
-britney
Monkey- What you are taking is pretty low. However, everyone is different. I did a ct withdrawl from Xanax, which is way harder than Vicodin. My advice is if you are afraid of wd's, then taper down. Cut the pills in 1/2 (literally) and spread them out and taper down. I have a schdule myself that is a 20% reduction every five days. I am now down 50%. Know you going to feel it, like I have, but the end game here is to quit. When you are down to almost nothing, you won't feel anything physical. You might have some mental stuff though...
Hi, Monkey
I will keep you in my prayers for strength, courage, and direction. Please pray for my son to go into detox and rehab to overcome his addiction. His name is Harry. Thanks so much. I care! You can do this.
Our county provides inpatient and outpatient treatment on an ability to pay basis. You could look into that or talk to your doctor for help to relieve your symptoms. Be honest, or they can't help you!
Susan
I will keep you in my prayers for strength, courage, and direction. Please pray for my son to go into detox and rehab to overcome his addiction. His name is Harry. Thanks so much. I care! You can do this.
Our county provides inpatient and outpatient treatment on an ability to pay basis. You could look into that or talk to your doctor for help to relieve your symptoms. Be honest, or they can't help you!
Susan
Monkey, Hey! Read your post and I can soooo relate. Except where you are taking 1 1/2 to 2 pills a day, I was taking 6-8 times more. That probably sounds horrible to you, but I tell you that so you will know, if I can quit, anyone can! I am on day 13 on no Vics at all!
Just look at your beautiful daughters and decide to bring back the mom you were before this happened.
It is very sad about your parents, and no doubt you were at one of the lowest points of your life when that happened, so don't beat yourself up about it!!!!
Like Danny said, just taper down gradually. You could go to a doctor and get help with the withdrawal. I promise you, when you tell them how much you take, they are not going to think you are this horrible person! Although an addict is an addict, they have seen A LOT worse. Please try to trust that there is a way. You would be wise to stop now before it does get worse. Eventually 10-20 mgs. a day will not be enough. Believe me, I know. Take care and I will stay in touch with you.
Oh my gosh! Thank you, I am very scared. Now that You have all replied I have realized that Maybe I am addicted to a low dose. I still FEAR the physical side of W/D's though. I read on-line that they feel like the flu. I work twelve hour shifts and I am scared as far as the mood swings and muscle spasms go I might blow up and offend a co worker. I feel better already. I hope I can make it. I am praying for all of you and the person that has the son they want to go through detox as well. I hope I can make some new better friends here. To be honest I was a very depressed person before Vic. That would explain why I was so easily attached. one:) I lead a very stressful life. It's so full of drama I should write a book. Sometimes I wonder how I made it through my teens without developing a drug habit. Thanks to all!
Monkey,
We were all scared, too. But if you've had 5 kids, you can do this! It will not be so bad for you as some of us. Your body is not as dependent on as much hydro as some of us were. It will be OK!!!! Just tell everyone you're hormonal, if you have to tell them anything! LOL!!!
Take some Advil, B12 (don't know that it helps, but someone told me to, so I do), and I strongly suggest you have something for sleep. That hardest part for me was sleep loss.
Another thing..........when your husband gets home tell him not to bring the pills with him. You should not have to go through this knowing the pills are near by. You need them gone! I don't know how you can work that out if he is using daily, too, but it will be very hard on you if there is a bottle of Vics around. It's a mental thing, well, and a physical thing.
Please gather your reserved strength and do this! We will all be here for you everyday to talk and listen. Take care!
Monkey:
I was on low doses as well. I never took more than 3 vicoprophen every 4 hours. I wanted to, but I knew it would be bad on my liver. Imagine that. I was worried about my liver - not the addiction.lol
Anyway, even if I only had 4-6 per day, I was okay. It was like just by knowing I had them, I could make it 2 more hours without. That was when I started planning out when I took them. Then I took them as soon as I left for work, and they gave me energy to do my job - very well.
Now I wonder how I ever got anything done while I wasn't on them.
The addiction grew worse, where whenever I had pills, I WAS taking them every 4 hours. From the moment I woke up - until I layed down in bed. That really makes 30 only last a couple of days.
So now, I am on day 6!!!! No pills at all. (except tylenol, some flu medication, and some sleeping stuff) I am very proud of myself, but very scared of the temptation.
I did not taper. I simply ran out, and told myself I could not get more. I came to this site on day 2, and have been on it every day since. I even tried to go to an NA meeting. It wasn't at that location, but I did try.
So I guess we are really in the same boat. I don't think it matters how much you were taking, or how long, THIS IS AN ADDICTION, A DISEASE, NOTHING LESS.
We can make it through together.
Please keep posting.
-britney
I was on low doses as well. I never took more than 3 vicoprophen every 4 hours. I wanted to, but I knew it would be bad on my liver. Imagine that. I was worried about my liver - not the addiction.lol
Anyway, even if I only had 4-6 per day, I was okay. It was like just by knowing I had them, I could make it 2 more hours without. That was when I started planning out when I took them. Then I took them as soon as I left for work, and they gave me energy to do my job - very well.
Now I wonder how I ever got anything done while I wasn't on them.
The addiction grew worse, where whenever I had pills, I WAS taking them every 4 hours. From the moment I woke up - until I layed down in bed. That really makes 30 only last a couple of days.
So now, I am on day 6!!!! No pills at all. (except tylenol, some flu medication, and some sleeping stuff) I am very proud of myself, but very scared of the temptation.
I did not taper. I simply ran out, and told myself I could not get more. I came to this site on day 2, and have been on it every day since. I even tried to go to an NA meeting. It wasn't at that location, but I did try.
So I guess we are really in the same boat. I don't think it matters how much you were taking, or how long, THIS IS AN ADDICTION, A DISEASE, NOTHING LESS.
We can make it through together.
Please keep posting.
-britney
hello to all! well I think I might make it! I haven't had any of Vic since Sunday at 2:30! I read that if I could make it to day three and past I would start feeling better. I still want some. Just a half of one won't hurt, I hear Vic whisper but I say a little prayer asking for God to help fight the urge.I REALLY need the energy I got fom taking them and I know it was all psychological. My brain that is not my body. The real test will come when my husband comes home with Vic. I am going to work tonight I won't see him until morn. Thank you to all for the support and I will pray for you all as I know you will pray for me. Thanks, MonkeyBear225
I think the psychological part of withdrawals is the worst, so in that case, it doesn't matter if you are taking 12-15 a day (like I was) or 1 1/2 a day (like you are).... Your physical symptoms won't be that bad, but mentally you will have just as hard of a time as I did.
Some symptoms of withdrawal:
* Being edgy and anxious
* No energy (especially since you are like me and used the pills for energy)
* Not being able to sleep at night (that was the worst; I finally got back on Ambien)
* stomach problems like diarrhea and vomitting (I didn't have this... I cut down from 12-15 to 3 a day in less than a week and then quit cold turkey...with only mild diarrhea). Immodium works best for this... I've read that Immodium crosses over the blood brain barrier much like a narcotic, so it fools your brain into thinking it is getting a narcotic substance.... Whatever the reason, it's the best for diarrhea
* Restless leg syndrome - I had this really bad. Your legs start kicking at night or start jerking or just start aching and feel uncomfortable
* Aches and pains - (your body hasn't really felt pain in a while, so for the first 2 weeks, you will feel every little pain in your body)
* Electric shocks - (I wasn't prepared for that one... I would get this feeling like electricity was shooting through my body; little zaps)
* Runny nose (that's a strange one, but very common) & cough
* Headaches
* dizziness/blurred vision
While I was uncomfortable (days 4 and 5 were the worst) and didn't sleep for 2 weeks (not more than 1-3 hours a night in all that time), it wasn't HORRIBLE... I think because mentally I really, really, REALLY wanted to quit. I DID have pills around the house and that helped me mentally as well because every time I started feeling bad I would think "Okay, if it gets worse, if it gets TOO bad, I can always take a pill and make this go away." Or I would tell myself "Just hold out one more hour and then take something," then the next hour I would say "Okay, just one more hour." After a while, I was so proud of myself for getting through the worst that I didn't WANT to take anything.
Now, though, after almost 3 months of being clean, I had some dental work done and my doctor put me back on them. It's only been a few days, but I can already see that I'm falling back into the same pattern...
Some symptoms of withdrawal:
* Being edgy and anxious
* No energy (especially since you are like me and used the pills for energy)
* Not being able to sleep at night (that was the worst; I finally got back on Ambien)
* stomach problems like diarrhea and vomitting (I didn't have this... I cut down from 12-15 to 3 a day in less than a week and then quit cold turkey...with only mild diarrhea). Immodium works best for this... I've read that Immodium crosses over the blood brain barrier much like a narcotic, so it fools your brain into thinking it is getting a narcotic substance.... Whatever the reason, it's the best for diarrhea
* Restless leg syndrome - I had this really bad. Your legs start kicking at night or start jerking or just start aching and feel uncomfortable
* Aches and pains - (your body hasn't really felt pain in a while, so for the first 2 weeks, you will feel every little pain in your body)
* Electric shocks - (I wasn't prepared for that one... I would get this feeling like electricity was shooting through my body; little zaps)
* Runny nose (that's a strange one, but very common) & cough
* Headaches
* dizziness/blurred vision
While I was uncomfortable (days 4 and 5 were the worst) and didn't sleep for 2 weeks (not more than 1-3 hours a night in all that time), it wasn't HORRIBLE... I think because mentally I really, really, REALLY wanted to quit. I DID have pills around the house and that helped me mentally as well because every time I started feeling bad I would think "Okay, if it gets worse, if it gets TOO bad, I can always take a pill and make this go away." Or I would tell myself "Just hold out one more hour and then take something," then the next hour I would say "Okay, just one more hour." After a while, I was so proud of myself for getting through the worst that I didn't WANT to take anything.
Now, though, after almost 3 months of being clean, I had some dental work done and my doctor put me back on them. It's only been a few days, but I can already see that I'm falling back into the same pattern...
Here's a topic I see creeping up every so often...the dentist. I can imagine that when people are recovering, they try and do the right thing like go to the dentist again. I would think that unless you have an emergency, you should wait 6 months. Even after waiting, I would think that some non-narcotic medication should be used. I know dental work can be painful but why set yourself up for failure so early into recovery?
hello, well it has been another day and I am feeling MUCH better. I am so proud of myself:) My husband and I are arguing because I have been very lethargic and depressed. He doesn't understand that I was and I am "sick" He also doesn't realize that even though I was only taking one and a half a day I was an addict. I felt that my whole world revolved around that high. I look back at yesterday and the day before and I see how emotionally low I was. I really did not like that. I finally stood up to him where as before if he did something that made me angery I would just have a session with Vic my (psychologist) and everything would just roll off my back. I am starting to think clearer and I think my energy might be coming back. Danielle you are so right about the sleep. Man, I like my sleep and miss it terribly. Cheers to all who have walked my path and overcame the bumps on the road. You have helped me just by posting back to me. I am hoping that you all feel as lucky as I do. I know that I am only in day four of my journey but I now know that I will not die without Vic. Thank you;) Tam
Talk to your doctor about getting put on Ambien... Some people don't like this idea b/c it is a controlled subject, but since you were only taking 1 1/2 vicodin a day, I don't think you'll go overboard with this either.
Ambien made a HUGE difference in my recovery..... For 2 weeks, I really almost started using Norco again b/c of the fatigue... I just could NOT sleep at night. My husband would wake up at 3am and I'd be lying there, eyes wide open, just staring at the ceiling (or sweating so bad that I would soak the sheets).... But as soon as I got back on Ambien, I got through the withdrawals in no time at all.... When you are exhausted and not getting any rest, your immune system is suppressed and it takes you longer to recover from things. As soon as your body can start resting properly, then it is much better at healing itself....
Anyway, if you think you would have a problem being addicted to the Ambien (like I was..... but now I only take it about 3 times a week), then you might want to try something non-narcotic.... I just would rather be dependent on a sleeping pill at night and function normally during the day and not be a zombie so it was worth it to me.
Good luck!
Danni
Ambien made a HUGE difference in my recovery..... For 2 weeks, I really almost started using Norco again b/c of the fatigue... I just could NOT sleep at night. My husband would wake up at 3am and I'd be lying there, eyes wide open, just staring at the ceiling (or sweating so bad that I would soak the sheets).... But as soon as I got back on Ambien, I got through the withdrawals in no time at all.... When you are exhausted and not getting any rest, your immune system is suppressed and it takes you longer to recover from things. As soon as your body can start resting properly, then it is much better at healing itself....
Anyway, if you think you would have a problem being addicted to the Ambien (like I was..... but now I only take it about 3 times a week), then you might want to try something non-narcotic.... I just would rather be dependent on a sleeping pill at night and function normally during the day and not be a zombie so it was worth it to me.
Good luck!
Danni
Danielle, Thanks for the info! I made an appointment for Monday with my Dr. Until then I am thinking about trying Tylenol PM for helping me sleep. Please post back This is day 5 for me and I am feeling musch better today then yesterday. The irritability has slowly gone away. I am much more patient now also. My girls are more at ease with talking to me. Thanks again. Tam
Monkey- I'd recommend Benadryl over Tylenol PM. Give it a shot (well, not a WHOLE shot..hehe) ..it works..
Hey Danny I just got back from the store and guess what I got! Tylenol PM. I hope they work well. I am on day five. I quit Sunday. I feel like taking one I have Vics here at home and the temptation is so big. That is why I am on this site and not in my medicine cabinet! Help!!! I am trying to find different ways to keep my mind off of Vic. Sometimes I could just hit my husband. He will not take Vic with him when he leaves. I have even put them in his luggage and he took them out! But if I was to take one (or three) (HAHA) I would have hell to pay. Thanks for the reply. Tam
Hi Tam - Congrats on the 5 days!!! That is really great! Please see if you can get those pills out of sight and out of mind. We're not always strong of mind, and at the weak moments you might not be able to resist. I have just over 2 months clean, and this past week I swear if I had access to pills I probably would have caved in. I'm so glad I didn't, the point is if they're around it's a really scary thought. Take care; Jim
Thanks JR1954 for the reply. I know it's hard I just do not understand why my husband will not take them with him. In a way I believe that it is a dependent thing. For ten years I was dependent on him for everything. I went back to school and got edumacated (hehe) and now work in emergency medicine. I am becoming so dependent on myself he feels threatened over the dumbest things. I really do not care about his feelings right now. I have been VERY snappy with him and he thinks I am leaving him. I just need time to get through all this mental/emotional stuff. I have to stop and re-think things through before acting on them. I think I am becoming confused as to whether or not my re-actions are W/D based or depression. Does that make any sense? Wow two months clean I cannot wait until I can say that. I bet you are very proud of yourself. I am proud of you for it. Do you still have any kinds of effects from not taking? I know everyone is different but knowing what others go through keeps me informed as to what I might have to face.Keep up the great work. God bless to all-MonkeyBear225
Monkeybear,
You are DOING GREAT!!!! I have been following your posts. Your strength is amazing. I am so sorry that you have to deal with "meds" being in your home. I don't know many addicts who could do that. Me and my husband both take meds, therefore we know, we both have to come off of them, to be successful. We have tried alone, and it was not easy and we could not do it. But I realize that some people need them for pain, and can take them properly. Me and my husband have gone thru WD's a couple times, we keep trying to see where our pain level is and do not like the way the med's alter our personalities. I am so proud of you, Day 5, WOW!!!! Keep it up, and I am so glad, today was a better day for you. I think I have had resentment for my husband re: meds, whether it was, he took them, and I didn't feel he needed one "then", and I didn't like his personality change, BOY, was I pointing the finger, right back at myself lololo. I would not be surprised if your husband sees you in a different light in a few weeks, and may find strenght and admiration, and may choose to quit taking them himself, or bringing them into the home. It sounds like you are on your way!!!! Take care, Best Wishes
You are DOING GREAT!!!! I have been following your posts. Your strength is amazing. I am so sorry that you have to deal with "meds" being in your home. I don't know many addicts who could do that. Me and my husband both take meds, therefore we know, we both have to come off of them, to be successful. We have tried alone, and it was not easy and we could not do it. But I realize that some people need them for pain, and can take them properly. Me and my husband have gone thru WD's a couple times, we keep trying to see where our pain level is and do not like the way the med's alter our personalities. I am so proud of you, Day 5, WOW!!!! Keep it up, and I am so glad, today was a better day for you. I think I have had resentment for my husband re: meds, whether it was, he took them, and I didn't feel he needed one "then", and I didn't like his personality change, BOY, was I pointing the finger, right back at myself lololo. I would not be surprised if your husband sees you in a different light in a few weeks, and may find strenght and admiration, and may choose to quit taking them himself, or bringing them into the home. It sounds like you are on your way!!!! Take care, Best Wishes
Thanks for the reply Best wishes. I love to hear all the pesponses. I really thought up until now that I was alone. I am hoping that everyone on here can stay strong. I pray and give thanks to God every night that I found this site. I am still very much alone and this site is the only refuge I have. If I don't respond for a day or so do not be surprised. I work twelve hour shifts and at night too. So I sleep eight hours and work the rest. Plus I have kids and errands etc. Gosh I am making myself tired! Anyway, I work three on off four so it's not that bad. Please keep responding I love the support. Thanks again! MonkeyBear
