Hello everyone,
This is my first post and am hoping to find some guidance on recovery tools and message boards such as these. I'm a long time daily smoker 43 years old. I've stuggled and thrown a ton of money at recovery and using. I've done the RR program in person and went to several 12 step meetings. I was most successful with rational recovery and had it last for months. I just finished reading the Tao of Sobriety, Zen of Recovery and Willpowers not Enough all great books but I'm still smoking everyday.
I know I need to get rid of my stash to quit. Of course with the holidays it's so easy to rationalize a perfect time. I keep looking in the mirror and know now is the perfect time.
I realize how powerless I am to this addiction but just couldn't relate to the blackout stories that are told at 12 step meetings. I related so much to hardchargers comment that it's a careless disease. I don't seem to hit bottom like most alcoholics and addicts I've met at 12 step meetings. Doesn't mean that this life of 'fog" is anymore enjoyable just not as dramatic.
My question is can I do this with only the support of borads like this? I'll go to meetings if I have to but really would like guidance from long time potheads that have found happiness on the other side. Do I need a sponsor? I used to be too proud to say I'm powerless and RR forbids you to think this way. I'm now of the belief if someone that's been through this has a path that works, I'll take it. I have great friends and family but feel lonely when I think of quiting but I also feel lonely when I smoke....Thanks in advance
You say that you were clean for several months. What made you pick up smoking again?
You seem to be very conflicted about smoking/quitting the most essential thing to long term sucess is your commitment to quiting. Maybe you should make a list of reasons you want to quit, and reasons you want to smoke. What is your habit all about anyway?
Many long term users, but not all, are trying to kill some kind of pain from earlier in life, anything from rape, incest, being molested as a child to something as "everyday" as losing a love interest. You need to understand the reasons for your addiction before you can overcome it. Others picked it up as a "family habit" because their parents/older sibilings did it and they thought that was the way it was supposed to be.
Your path to recovery will be as unique an individual as you are. So I would suggest adding some details to your post. Even though you have made a good effort to do this the critcal part is what is it about your emotional being that is keeping you tokin?
You seem to be very conflicted about smoking/quitting the most essential thing to long term sucess is your commitment to quiting. Maybe you should make a list of reasons you want to quit, and reasons you want to smoke. What is your habit all about anyway?
Many long term users, but not all, are trying to kill some kind of pain from earlier in life, anything from rape, incest, being molested as a child to something as "everyday" as losing a love interest. You need to understand the reasons for your addiction before you can overcome it. Others picked it up as a "family habit" because their parents/older sibilings did it and they thought that was the way it was supposed to be.
Your path to recovery will be as unique an individual as you are. So I would suggest adding some details to your post. Even though you have made a good effort to do this the critcal part is what is it about your emotional being that is keeping you tokin?
Thanks for the insight. You're right on about being conflicted. I started using again when a friend of mine was dying with AIDS. We loved to get stoned together and I thought I was somehow helping him die with good memeories. I think that is part of the conflict. Many of my favorite memories are with friends getting stoned,playing cards and being silly.
I know part of my continued use is to try and re-live the past. I know it's stupid since most of the past involves friends that have died. Maybe this is what's stopping me; although, I can't help tell myself it's because I'm weak.
On that note though, I will not stay weak and am determined to slay this dragon. I have so much to be proud and grateful for and don't want to smoke it away. It's hard finding a place where I feel others can relate. I have found lots of post on this site that give me hope. I'm a gay man with a wicked weed habit. I haven't lost everything and hoping I don't have to. I've made a list of pros and cons of smoking. There are lots of reasons to quit but it's so easy to feel it's not a problem when I'm not stoned. I usually feel guilty immediately after smoking and know it's a problem.
I also went to the ERT website and made index cards to use for cravings. I'm almost out and have decided not to buy more. I wish I could flush what I have but I've done that so many times that doing it again makes me feel stupid. Thanks for your suggestions.
I know part of my continued use is to try and re-live the past. I know it's stupid since most of the past involves friends that have died. Maybe this is what's stopping me; although, I can't help tell myself it's because I'm weak.
On that note though, I will not stay weak and am determined to slay this dragon. I have so much to be proud and grateful for and don't want to smoke it away. It's hard finding a place where I feel others can relate. I have found lots of post on this site that give me hope. I'm a gay man with a wicked weed habit. I haven't lost everything and hoping I don't have to. I've made a list of pros and cons of smoking. There are lots of reasons to quit but it's so easy to feel it's not a problem when I'm not stoned. I usually feel guilty immediately after smoking and know it's a problem.
I also went to the ERT website and made index cards to use for cravings. I'm almost out and have decided not to buy more. I wish I could flush what I have but I've done that so many times that doing it again makes me feel stupid. Thanks for your suggestions.
Since you have decided your next "quit date" will be when you run out ot weed. You might consider trying to make it last as long as possible. This will cause two things to happen:
1) It will allow you to "taper" and come in for a soft landing which will be advantageous as you have said quitting "cold turkey" (flushing the stuff down the toilet) dosen't work well for you.
2) It will give you an increasing ratio of "straight time" to "stoned time" and allow you to reflect on how much more you enjoy the "straight time."
Finally do you ever wonder what your now dead friends would think of what you have made of your life since their passing, would they feel that getting stoned honors their memory?
1) It will allow you to "taper" and come in for a soft landing which will be advantageous as you have said quitting "cold turkey" (flushing the stuff down the toilet) dosen't work well for you.
2) It will give you an increasing ratio of "straight time" to "stoned time" and allow you to reflect on how much more you enjoy the "straight time."
Finally do you ever wonder what your now dead friends would think of what you have made of your life since their passing, would they feel that getting stoned honors their memory?
hi jim- welcome! please check out hippinerds old post "whatever works is good edited" it tells about 'sacred time' it may be good for you. takes discipline but worked for me after many failed attempts and on xmas i'll be 2 months cleaner than i've been in many years. let us know what you think.
hang in there and remember "whatever works is good" to quote mr. hippienerd. our wise hippienerd.
good luck and keep posting.
-jo
hang in there and remember "whatever works is good" to quote mr. hippienerd. our wise hippienerd.
good luck and keep posting.
-jo
I read the book rational recovery and I don't recall eveything, but I thought it was complete bull. Yes if you are a chronic pothead you are powerless. Absolutely.
Get rid of the pot, but don't throw it away, get a sturdy instant coffee jar, and bury it a few miles from your house. Accept that the odds are, you are going to smoke again and are going to need it. Saying that do everything in your power so that you DONT.
Yes, look in the mirror, look in your eyes, if you are smoking. Most of us have a soul and a conscience, it is telling us there is something better for us out their if we stay clean.
No we don't hit bottom like most alcoholics. If you are not an alcoholic, unfortunately you don't really belong at AA meetings in the long run. Sponsor - see my post on "picking my moment" regarding 12 step groups. Being a "real" alcoholic is much more terrible, physically and mentally, than being a ~chronic pothead. And having your hand chopped off is not as bad as having your arm chopped off.
How about outpatient $professional$ counseling. If your circumstances permit that might be helpful if you find the right counselor. It helps very much to be able to talk to someone about this face to face and to have someone you report to.
As far as when to quit. That would be like the "picking my moment" thread. It is hard to lay down the pipe instantly. But be ready for it. Put your stash away from your house, if you are too weak and not ready for that, then just promise yourself that you are not going to cop anymore. this is it!
Get rid of the pot, but don't throw it away, get a sturdy instant coffee jar, and bury it a few miles from your house. Accept that the odds are, you are going to smoke again and are going to need it. Saying that do everything in your power so that you DONT.
Yes, look in the mirror, look in your eyes, if you are smoking. Most of us have a soul and a conscience, it is telling us there is something better for us out their if we stay clean.
No we don't hit bottom like most alcoholics. If you are not an alcoholic, unfortunately you don't really belong at AA meetings in the long run. Sponsor - see my post on "picking my moment" regarding 12 step groups. Being a "real" alcoholic is much more terrible, physically and mentally, than being a ~chronic pothead. And having your hand chopped off is not as bad as having your arm chopped off.
How about outpatient $professional$ counseling. If your circumstances permit that might be helpful if you find the right counselor. It helps very much to be able to talk to someone about this face to face and to have someone you report to.
As far as when to quit. That would be like the "picking my moment" thread. It is hard to lay down the pipe instantly. But be ready for it. Put your stash away from your house, if you are too weak and not ready for that, then just promise yourself that you are not going to cop anymore. this is it!
No sage advice here, but I can empathize. My quit date is Jan. 22nd. I have already found some great writings on this site and feel comfortable posting even though I have never posted on any site before.
For me, I am doing everything I can to set myself up for success. That includes finding this board (or that may be a God thing) and starting some new habits to replace the old coping mechanism of getting high. I know we can get clean, and I hope it is THIS Time for both of us, Good Luck!
For me, I am doing everything I can to set myself up for success. That includes finding this board (or that may be a God thing) and starting some new habits to replace the old coping mechanism of getting high. I know we can get clean, and I hope it is THIS Time for both of us, Good Luck!
I am curious. You are 43 years old, are you married and/or have children? and if so, how is your realtionship with them?
I ask because my H is addcited to pot. He does the samething as you, talks about all of his fond memories of getting high with this person or that and all of the fun they had. It's sad, because when he talks to people about his "fond memories" they do not include me or the children and that really hurts.
At first my H smoked recreationally when he was a teen. I thought he would outgrow it like everyone else because most do. Then we got our own business and he started to smoke once a day at the end of the day. He said it was to deal with working such long hours becuase he is a workaholic. Then he had a car accident. I dont know if he started smoking more because of the pain or what, he doesnt say. He began smoking more and more and became addicted. It has been 6 six years since the accident and has addiction started and it has ruined our marriage. All he thinks about is getting high, and that's all he talks about. He says he feels nothing for no one, and it shows! All he cares about is getting high and the business. Nothing else and no one else matters. How do you get to that point and why? I know for each, the answer will be different. But how does a drug become more important than the people you love, that you will lie and cheat, and do whatever it takes to get it? And when do you get to the point that you see tht you need to quit? My H is not there yet and I wonder if he ever will be.
I ask because my H is addcited to pot. He does the samething as you, talks about all of his fond memories of getting high with this person or that and all of the fun they had. It's sad, because when he talks to people about his "fond memories" they do not include me or the children and that really hurts.
At first my H smoked recreationally when he was a teen. I thought he would outgrow it like everyone else because most do. Then we got our own business and he started to smoke once a day at the end of the day. He said it was to deal with working such long hours becuase he is a workaholic. Then he had a car accident. I dont know if he started smoking more because of the pain or what, he doesnt say. He began smoking more and more and became addicted. It has been 6 six years since the accident and has addiction started and it has ruined our marriage. All he thinks about is getting high, and that's all he talks about. He says he feels nothing for no one, and it shows! All he cares about is getting high and the business. Nothing else and no one else matters. How do you get to that point and why? I know for each, the answer will be different. But how does a drug become more important than the people you love, that you will lie and cheat, and do whatever it takes to get it? And when do you get to the point that you see tht you need to quit? My H is not there yet and I wonder if he ever will be.
