Part of this is from the Daily ReflectionsBefore coming to A.A., I always had excuses for taking a drink: She said . . . , He said . . . , I got fired yesterday, I got a great job today. No area of my life could be good if I drank again. In sobriety my life gets better each day. I must always remember not to drink, to trust God, and to stay active in A.A. Am I putting anything before my sobriety, God, and A.A. today?
I've found that my sobriety HAS to stay in front of me in order for me to maintain any level of peace or serenity. I can find other shiny things, but inevitably I have to realize that without MY guidance I am powerless--and tend to want to put other stuff in front of it. When I do, I get wobbly. FAST.
I figured that if I spent as much time obsessing about my sobriety as I used to about drinking or getting effed up, I'd have the Big Book read, analysed, and outlined; I'd have the 12 Steps finished, the Promises memorized, and will have argued with MY HP about who's in control of my program... If I just find a meeting and ask for some peace and give over control--even if it's just for a little bit of my day--I find some serenity. I NEED that serenity that the Promises promise.
I'm as addicted to that as I have been to other stuff!
Now that kind of addiction I like. I remember reading an extract from a book written by an addiction councellor where he asked his client what was the most important thing in his life. He got a range of answers from my wife, my kids, my home, my car etc.......... Wrong said the councellor the most important thing in your life is your sobriety because without that you sure as hell wont have any of that other stuff.
Yeah I found that one hard to belly at first. How can my sobriety come before my partner, my mother. But now I know the answer.
Wise and inspiring words yet again from you SKG making it that little bit easier for the rest of us to stick to the programme.
All the best.
Yeah I found that one hard to belly at first. How can my sobriety come before my partner, my mother. But now I know the answer.
Wise and inspiring words yet again from you SKG making it that little bit easier for the rest of us to stick to the programme.
All the best.
RUTH!
Glad you're here! Tell us how you're making it--how many days? There was a newbie that came into group (I don't know what to call it--home meeting? AA? The Meeting?) yesterday and he'd been in once the week prior to pick up a silver coin--24 hours. He brought it back yesterday, outwardly nervous, shaking and clearly torn. Someone suggested that he just trade it in on a new one--that perhaps that one was defective? It brought me back, full circle, to where I was when I came in. I KNEW I couldn't manage my drinking--or anything else--and someone was kind enough to take the pressure off. It was like the world lifted off my shoulders and suddenly everything was o.k. I DIDN'T have to depend on myself anymore--I could just come to a meeting to get the serenity I was so desperate for.
Yep. It's the constant reminders of the new people coming in that help me stay sober for another day. It's selfish, but I feed off 'em. I didn't get that when I came in.
peaceness
Glad you're here! Tell us how you're making it--how many days? There was a newbie that came into group (I don't know what to call it--home meeting? AA? The Meeting?) yesterday and he'd been in once the week prior to pick up a silver coin--24 hours. He brought it back yesterday, outwardly nervous, shaking and clearly torn. Someone suggested that he just trade it in on a new one--that perhaps that one was defective? It brought me back, full circle, to where I was when I came in. I KNEW I couldn't manage my drinking--or anything else--and someone was kind enough to take the pressure off. It was like the world lifted off my shoulders and suddenly everything was o.k. I DIDN'T have to depend on myself anymore--I could just come to a meeting to get the serenity I was so desperate for.
Yep. It's the constant reminders of the new people coming in that help me stay sober for another day. It's selfish, but I feed off 'em. I didn't get that when I came in.
peaceness
Hi SKG,
I was ok - I got six weeks straight and felt clearer, healthier and happier than I had in ages. Then as you know I had a crap day and slipped. I got another week sober then my uncle died (he was like my dad as my own dad (alcoholic too) was never around) last week which if I'm honest led to a bender. More wine than most vineyards carry. My last drink was Friday. I buried him on the 21st and decided once and for all that I was going to bury alcohol along with him. Its been 5 days sober now and I still feel really muzzy in my head. I hope that wasn't the final drink to push my poor brain over the edge.
I went straight back to my AA meeting on Sunday. I didn't share because I felt ashamed of myself for what I had done. We also had a newbie - a guy in his mid thirties and he looked pretty shaken up. He was going into a treatment centre for a month the following day. That scared me.
I admit it. Alcohol has well and truly knocked the stuffing out of me. I admit defeat and powerlessness over it. My college 10 year reunion is this Friday and I'm not going as I know that will be a big booze festival. I had a lot of friends in college but do you know even as far back as when I was 22 the class was going to put in our year book - "Ruth - most feared when drunk". That is ten years ago. I didn't know I was alcoholic then though - not even a clue. I almost took that as a complement! I thought hard drinking was something to be proud of. What a gobs***e I was. I think they would all die of shock to see me sipping a Cola now.
Anyway SKG it is not all doom and gloom - I am sober today and I will not drink. I am taking my B vitamins which hopefully will clear the muzziness. I'm going to a meeting tomorrow night and I am so glad this forum exists. Like I said you guys are inspiring and prove to me that it can be done - we can get and stay sober one day at a time.
I'll keep posting - I'm not giving up on me.
Hope all is good with you today. Take care........
I was ok - I got six weeks straight and felt clearer, healthier and happier than I had in ages. Then as you know I had a crap day and slipped. I got another week sober then my uncle died (he was like my dad as my own dad (alcoholic too) was never around) last week which if I'm honest led to a bender. More wine than most vineyards carry. My last drink was Friday. I buried him on the 21st and decided once and for all that I was going to bury alcohol along with him. Its been 5 days sober now and I still feel really muzzy in my head. I hope that wasn't the final drink to push my poor brain over the edge.
I went straight back to my AA meeting on Sunday. I didn't share because I felt ashamed of myself for what I had done. We also had a newbie - a guy in his mid thirties and he looked pretty shaken up. He was going into a treatment centre for a month the following day. That scared me.
I admit it. Alcohol has well and truly knocked the stuffing out of me. I admit defeat and powerlessness over it. My college 10 year reunion is this Friday and I'm not going as I know that will be a big booze festival. I had a lot of friends in college but do you know even as far back as when I was 22 the class was going to put in our year book - "Ruth - most feared when drunk". That is ten years ago. I didn't know I was alcoholic then though - not even a clue. I almost took that as a complement! I thought hard drinking was something to be proud of. What a gobs***e I was. I think they would all die of shock to see me sipping a Cola now.
Anyway SKG it is not all doom and gloom - I am sober today and I will not drink. I am taking my B vitamins which hopefully will clear the muzziness. I'm going to a meeting tomorrow night and I am so glad this forum exists. Like I said you guys are inspiring and prove to me that it can be done - we can get and stay sober one day at a time.
I'll keep posting - I'm not giving up on me.
Hope all is good with you today. Take care........
"We seek progress, not perfection..." Don't beat yourself up-
It's a journey and, when we take small steps (go to meetings, read the Big Book, one minute, one hour, one day at a time), it's not so over whelming. When *I* began, all I could think about was the next meeting--and whether I was doing the right thing. I had to say my Serenity Prayer a TON of times, and I felt like I was awfully sullen and introspective. And I was, but I used the time to determine what was MY responsibility and what things I was doing for everyone else--wrong reasons, as it were. I'm STILL recovering and VERY cognizant of the ME in all of this, 'cause I lost me for a lot of years.
It make me melancholy for a while, too, thinking about losing the ME that I knew so well... At the same time, I hated that ME because it was destroying everything I thought I was--does that make sense? I'm on a journey, now, to determine who I really can be and where the good stuff is--not just internally, but where it is around me. This forum is one example of a place I come to find peace and to share my Experiences, Strengths (that I get from others here and in meetings), and Hope. Nothing's worse than going to a meeting and nobody will share 'cause it's that sharing that keeps MY program strong. I learn so much from others that, until I came to AA, I was convinced I was being punished for having some intellect. Yup. Martyrdom sucks.
I think the whole of it, for me, is that once I've tasted the serenity and peace that my life can be--and the goodness that's around me if I simply STOP TAKING OTHER PEOPLES' INVENTORIES--there's a whole bunch of s*** that just doesn't matter--and it used to eat my lunch and keep me drinking for years. It just isn't important anymore.
Don't give up 'cause it IS progress, not perfection and the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. Corny, perhaps, but it takes alot of the guilt away.
Sorry to hear about your uncle--maybe you're being 'told' something?
Stick with it--glad you keep coming back!
It's a journey and, when we take small steps (go to meetings, read the Big Book, one minute, one hour, one day at a time), it's not so over whelming. When *I* began, all I could think about was the next meeting--and whether I was doing the right thing. I had to say my Serenity Prayer a TON of times, and I felt like I was awfully sullen and introspective. And I was, but I used the time to determine what was MY responsibility and what things I was doing for everyone else--wrong reasons, as it were. I'm STILL recovering and VERY cognizant of the ME in all of this, 'cause I lost me for a lot of years.
It make me melancholy for a while, too, thinking about losing the ME that I knew so well... At the same time, I hated that ME because it was destroying everything I thought I was--does that make sense? I'm on a journey, now, to determine who I really can be and where the good stuff is--not just internally, but where it is around me. This forum is one example of a place I come to find peace and to share my Experiences, Strengths (that I get from others here and in meetings), and Hope. Nothing's worse than going to a meeting and nobody will share 'cause it's that sharing that keeps MY program strong. I learn so much from others that, until I came to AA, I was convinced I was being punished for having some intellect. Yup. Martyrdom sucks.
I think the whole of it, for me, is that once I've tasted the serenity and peace that my life can be--and the goodness that's around me if I simply STOP TAKING OTHER PEOPLES' INVENTORIES--there's a whole bunch of s*** that just doesn't matter--and it used to eat my lunch and keep me drinking for years. It just isn't important anymore.
Don't give up 'cause it IS progress, not perfection and the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking. Corny, perhaps, but it takes alot of the guilt away.
Sorry to hear about your uncle--maybe you're being 'told' something?
Stick with it--glad you keep coming back!
Gidday Ruth and Skg
Sorry to hear about your Uncle, Ruth
When i was drinking if i had of died i wanted to be cremated and my ashes sprinkled in the urinal of my local pub so my mates could have one last piss up on me.........sad but a true story.
One day at a time and a lot of serenity prayers, sharing, meetings, cofees, tantrums, tears, talking it out of my head but most of all gratitude, faith and a sense of belonging, all my old thinking is changing and dont look to far into the future just keep building up as many periods of 24hrs as you journey into a life that is so beautiful and rewarding, it is so easy not to drink but it is bloody hard not to think a drink....5 days is awesome and just keep adding the 24 hour lots and sometimes i had to break the day down into seconds and minutes just to get by, keep storing self gratitude and life is grand
light and love Zac
Sorry to hear about your Uncle, Ruth
When i was drinking if i had of died i wanted to be cremated and my ashes sprinkled in the urinal of my local pub so my mates could have one last piss up on me.........sad but a true story.
One day at a time and a lot of serenity prayers, sharing, meetings, cofees, tantrums, tears, talking it out of my head but most of all gratitude, faith and a sense of belonging, all my old thinking is changing and dont look to far into the future just keep building up as many periods of 24hrs as you journey into a life that is so beautiful and rewarding, it is so easy not to drink but it is bloody hard not to think a drink....5 days is awesome and just keep adding the 24 hour lots and sometimes i had to break the day down into seconds and minutes just to get by, keep storing self gratitude and life is grand
light and love Zac
Hi Ruth, its good to hear from you. I was wondering how you were doing. I'm sorry to hear about your uncle. Losses like that are hard to deal with. I'm glad to hear that you are still making progress, wishing you the best....
one day at a time Cookster
one day at a time Cookster
Hey there Ruth, just a quick note to say i'm too am sorry to hear about your uncle, loss is a terrible thing. Hang in there and dont beat yourself up, we've all been there and its a vicious circle and sometimes ends up something we drink on if we let it. I believe you are stronger, each time we get strength. Hey 6 days today for u? thats cool, be pleased with yourself! Hope you are having a good day let light and love in...Flojo x
