Ive never been very religious.
My grandmother is very Catholic Italian. When I was little, she would take me to church all the time. She gave me a rosary to keep safe with me, always. I didnt really understand it, but I loved my grandmother, so her prayers were a comfort to me.
When my family moved far away from her, the prayers stopped. And to be honest, I didnt really notice. God was absent from my life and it didnt bother me. I figured that when I was dead, Id be dead, and that was it, and I didnt need to worry about what happens next.
Im 23 years old. My little sister started using heroin when she was 16. Shes 18 now, is supposedly clean from heroin, but is now on to her next drug of choice, Xanax. And she takes way, way too much of it. My sister is not functioning. Shes never had a job. She hasnt finished high school. Shes never been in a loving relationship. She sells her body for drug money. She thinks shes stupid. She hates herself. She really, really hates herself.
My sister is not stupid. She is beautiful, kind, and smart. You know, when she wants to be. Her addiction can make her a real a******. But really, in all honesty, shes a beautiful person. She shows me knew things and inspires me all the time. It kills me that she doesnt see that.
I live in fear every day that I will get a phone call saying she is dead. I have recurring nightmares that shes blue on a bathroom floor somewhere.
Mostly, I worry that she is going to die alone. Shes just a kid. She hasnt even lived her life yet.
I started writing a story. Its about a young girl who overdoses on drugs, and kills herself. But she doesnt go to heaven. She lives in another place, not heaven or hell, but a magical place that is in between. In this new world, she learns to be a warrior of sorts. She fights off the demons that plague her family in the real world. She fights off the evil that sits on their shoulders and the monsters that whisper in their heads. They dont know she is there, but she is by their side every day, protecting them. And this is how a Guardian Angel is made.
Maybe its corny, but I like this story, because Id like to think that we will all get a second chance at being the person we want to be. My sister is a drug addict, but she isnt a bad person. She loves me, and I love her. Id like to think that if something happened to one of us, that we would still protect each other in the afterlife.
Im still not very religious, but I think Im becoming a spiritual person. I think I need something higher, something bigger in my life.
Im not really sure what this is. I think I just needed to write this down. Maybe this is my way of bracing myself of whats to come.
Thanks for reading.
Tell your story to your sister.
