This is for EVERYONE who loves an addict : Im on both sides of this lovely coin....love addicts and am one. Im really emotional today as Ive lost both parents now and Ive been thinking a lot about my mother and MYSELF as a mother today. PARENTS....PLEASE believe me when I say ITS NOT YOUR FAULT. Do I need to say that one again? ITS NOT YOUR FAULT! We will, as addicts blame you ....for a long time. If we are lucky enough to get sober before we die we will eventually realize this and hopefully tell you. If YOUR addict hasn't told you yet, Im doing it for you.
Addicts: Please do your damnedest to stop now. Im 50 yrs old and doing much better than the past but still f***in dabbling. I don't leave my kids for days anymore.I don't spend the grocery money or rent money on drugs. I don't steal from them or sell their Christmas presents. Im very honest with them about what Im doing. Ive told them its NOT that I don't love them and that Im sorry more times than I can count. Im terrified that when Im gone from this earth all they will remember is the bad things I did. My mother was a very mean drunk who really f***ed up the whole family but she was also very loving. Compassionate. Funny as hell. She has been gone for 15 yrs now and Im JUST now starting to forgive...allow my anger to subside...realize she loved me to death , just like I do my children and she was doing the best she could. Most of all Im able to understand the ABSOLUTE HORROR OF THE CONSTANT DAILY BATTLE WITH YOURSELF AND THE ENDLESS GUILT AND SHAME that she was dealing with. I WISH so badly that I could tell her this. Tell her I forgive her and take some of that pain away instead of making it worse by telling her how he f***ed us all up.She watched me going down the same path but said nothing...we didn't talk in our family. I wish so badly I could tell her I UNDERSTAND AND ITS NOT YOUR FAULT.
Hi, Thank you for saying that Jen. I always hate Mother's Day. I think because it makes me feel like I've failed in helping my daughter get away from drugs. I think us mothers we always look for what we could have done differently or ask ourselves where did we go wrong as we tend to blame ourselves. I'm a great believer that your mom knows what you think. She may not be alive but her spirit or soul is still around you and she knows what you wanted to tell her and what you wanted to say to her. She sees what's happening and she may be trying to help you. Just like I think my mother is around my daughter trying to help her get better. I'm sure if she could speak to you she would tell you she's sorry. Thinking this way gives me hope and also gives me a sense of calm. Look where you are now Jen, your getting better. Maybe she helped plant that seed for you to get you better, giving you that added strength or that little push that's got you to where you are today a strong, caring, understanding daughter who loves her parents. If your parents are looking down on you they must be proud. God bless, Mary
Thanks Mary, I hope your right...this whole addiction thing is gotta be the most heartbreaking thing...from all angles.
