Hey Ckat, welcome back! I was wondering about you! It's funny how our boyfriends are similar.
I'm really sorry to hear about your boyfriend. I know how upsetting it is and how painful it is for us when they relapse like that.
Mine has sworn he's never going to do drugs again, alls it takes is for him to go to his moms and he relapses. Out of my sight for one second and he's on the drugs. The past few times he's relapsed I didn't allow it to bother me because I've decided his addiction won't take me down I'm through with stressing out and putting my life on hold because of him. I love him lots but I've come to realize that nothing I do will help him.
As for you and your decision to leave him, well, you're making the right one. Obviously he's not ready to quit. The thing is, don't worry about whether or not you leaving him will make him overdose or not, because I felt the same exact way when mine overdosed about a month ago. What if I leave him and he does more and dies? I didn't leave him, only because of his continued promise to go to rehab for a year (which by now lately he's been trying to get out of). But YOU are not responsible for him overdosing or anything related to what happens to him if you leave him. HE'S the one doing the drugs, its his decision to do the drugs. Just like when my boyfriend and I got into a fight one night and I drank 12 drinks in an hour and got so wasted I couldn't see straight, ( I normally don't really even drink) I drank those drinks because I was upset, sure... but I drank them because I made the decision to do that myself, not because of HIM, he didn't make me buy those drinks. I take the blame for that myself completely. Next day I wasn't blaming him for feeling sick, that decision was mine and mine only. See what I mean?
When my boyfriend overdosed, he said to me, if you'd have seen me that night it never would've happened. I said to him, if you didn't do crack it never would've happened! I REFUSE to take any blame for what he does. He was doing crack waaaay before I met him and he'll be doing it probably after I leave him. So you need to do what you need to do, and if leaving him is your decision, then don't worry about him. If he overdoses, it would happen with or without you anyways.
It's going to be a very hard decision to leave him, but it will be better for you in the long run.
Keep us posted, you'll be fine...
Julie
Hi Julie!!
Thank you so much. ok, so your bf overdosed... what exactly happened? was he alone? don't forget i've been MIA for a while and even though i've tried to read many posts, i've missed a few.
its been so hard and i still love him and i can't help but have the thought in my head of him getting his act together and me losing out on a great guy. then i also see myself going to his funeral. this is so terrible. its over and i'm a bit relieved but so hurt. he was so sad this morning. is this rock bottom? being in the hospital, losing your girl? or does it get worse? geesh. what kind of life is this???
how are you doing?? what are you doing?
Thank you so much. ok, so your bf overdosed... what exactly happened? was he alone? don't forget i've been MIA for a while and even though i've tried to read many posts, i've missed a few.
its been so hard and i still love him and i can't help but have the thought in my head of him getting his act together and me losing out on a great guy. then i also see myself going to his funeral. this is so terrible. its over and i'm a bit relieved but so hurt. he was so sad this morning. is this rock bottom? being in the hospital, losing your girl? or does it get worse? geesh. what kind of life is this???
how are you doing?? what are you doing?
Hi Ckat!
I would say that going to the hospital and losing his girlfriend is hitting rock bottom. But a lot of people who hit rock bottom might not change. I too kept actually picturing myself to go to my boyfriends funeral.
A month ago, someone found him in his jeep overdosed in a school parking lot late at night and called paramedics. He came to after awhile, and was alright but a few days later was back to doing crack again. You'd think he hit rock bottom but he didn't! Like Dr Phil said, sometimes rock bottom is death (as I've seen people do, my friends brother died from crack cocaine and another friends best friend was using crack and his heart exploded and he died). My hairdressers partner was using crack and they found him days later in his house dead. That is all that scares the living hell out of me!
So don't be too surprised if he uses again so soon after what happened to him because mine did and I was shocked!
Also, be aware that after this happened to him, his heart is damaged and if starts using again his chances of overdosing or dying from it again are good. Thats what the doctor told my boyfriend. He can't even work out for a month.
I hope your ex stays away from that stuff for now till he gets stronger anyways.
But you're doing the right thing okay?
I would say that going to the hospital and losing his girlfriend is hitting rock bottom. But a lot of people who hit rock bottom might not change. I too kept actually picturing myself to go to my boyfriends funeral.
A month ago, someone found him in his jeep overdosed in a school parking lot late at night and called paramedics. He came to after awhile, and was alright but a few days later was back to doing crack again. You'd think he hit rock bottom but he didn't! Like Dr Phil said, sometimes rock bottom is death (as I've seen people do, my friends brother died from crack cocaine and another friends best friend was using crack and his heart exploded and he died). My hairdressers partner was using crack and they found him days later in his house dead. That is all that scares the living hell out of me!
So don't be too surprised if he uses again so soon after what happened to him because mine did and I was shocked!
Also, be aware that after this happened to him, his heart is damaged and if starts using again his chances of overdosing or dying from it again are good. Thats what the doctor told my boyfriend. He can't even work out for a month.
I hope your ex stays away from that stuff for now till he gets stronger anyways.
But you're doing the right thing okay?
OMG Ckat, my boyfriend also started using crack cocaine because his dad died. Then he blames his mom because she was busy working to support the family and she was never around. His brother is also a crack addict. I can't believe how similar they are.
Julie - i told you we were dating the same guy!!
its crazy, isn't it? i wish my x the best of luck and hopes he cleans up his act but i'm not sure if anything will work. he gets so offended when i say "crack" instead of coke. you know, b/c crack is just so much worse. oh please. it hasn't hit him yet that i've moved on. he is still in denial. ihis mom has asked me what she can do to help him but i have no answers. what can i tell her? what can i do? i think i'm going to lose it. i am so sad for him.
how the hell did your boyfriend do it again after being found in a car almost dead? what is your plan? whateve it is, wether you stay or go, i totally understand. i used to call girls dumb and naive.. well, now i know why they keep going back for more. i did. what helps me most, is that i told my parents and siblings b/c they can help me be strong. i thought they were goiung to ripme for getting involved with him in the first place but that wasn't the case at all. they respect me more than ever for trying to help him as much as i did but they agree that he is not a little boy and that its time to walk away as a girlfriend and only offer my friendship.
its crazy, isn't it? i wish my x the best of luck and hopes he cleans up his act but i'm not sure if anything will work. he gets so offended when i say "crack" instead of coke. you know, b/c crack is just so much worse. oh please. it hasn't hit him yet that i've moved on. he is still in denial. ihis mom has asked me what she can do to help him but i have no answers. what can i tell her? what can i do? i think i'm going to lose it. i am so sad for him.
how the hell did your boyfriend do it again after being found in a car almost dead? what is your plan? whateve it is, wether you stay or go, i totally understand. i used to call girls dumb and naive.. well, now i know why they keep going back for more. i did. what helps me most, is that i told my parents and siblings b/c they can help me be strong. i thought they were goiung to ripme for getting involved with him in the first place but that wasn't the case at all. they respect me more than ever for trying to help him as much as i did but they agree that he is not a little boy and that its time to walk away as a girlfriend and only offer my friendship.
Julie and Ckat....
I've been following your threads and I'm glad you two have met. There is always a comfort being with someone who's been through it or going through it.
I'm glad you both found it here. Best of luck
LLG
I've been following your threads and I'm glad you two have met. There is always a comfort being with someone who's been through it or going through it.
I'm glad you both found it here. Best of luck
LLG
Thanks LLG, I'm glad I met Ckat and the other wonderful people on here as well like Lost Soul and Crack Mom. Everyone here is great.
Ckat, the only thing you can tell his mom is that he needs to get some serious help and he's tried but it hasn't worked. He obviously doesn't want to stop bad enough. Perhaps he went to rehab for you?
As for my boyfriend, he's overdosed this one time, and a few months ago he blacked out from doing crack as well. Not good signs. But thats not enough to stop him, he gets so depressed that he doesn't care sometimes. He feels like he has nothing, his family has fallen apart..his mom is there now, but he feels its a little too late. His brothers a major crackhead, he does crack EVERY single day, goes to work, comes home, does crack or drinks. He does not go out at all, except maybe to the 7-Eleven, doesn't buy clothes, has no furniture and lives with his mom. His wife left him and he's all alone. He's worse than my boyfriend but still.
We actually got into a fight today, I told him if he doesn't go to this rehab program that its over for good. I told him I won't give him another chance. He said just give me one more chance, and I said sure, that'll last 2 weeks.
How many times have I heard that? I told his mom he's not planning on going and he started saying he will, he just wants to see what the alternatives are.
She said he will never come back to her place if he doesn't go.
So we'll see what happens. He's pissing me off as we speak I wish I could just scream. Him and his ADD and his stupid comments, I just want to throw this keyboard at him. Well at least he's rolling a joint that'll calm him down. Talk about replacing one addiction for another. Loser.
Anyways I hope you're feeling a little better, have you heard from him yet?
Ckat, the only thing you can tell his mom is that he needs to get some serious help and he's tried but it hasn't worked. He obviously doesn't want to stop bad enough. Perhaps he went to rehab for you?
As for my boyfriend, he's overdosed this one time, and a few months ago he blacked out from doing crack as well. Not good signs. But thats not enough to stop him, he gets so depressed that he doesn't care sometimes. He feels like he has nothing, his family has fallen apart..his mom is there now, but he feels its a little too late. His brothers a major crackhead, he does crack EVERY single day, goes to work, comes home, does crack or drinks. He does not go out at all, except maybe to the 7-Eleven, doesn't buy clothes, has no furniture and lives with his mom. His wife left him and he's all alone. He's worse than my boyfriend but still.
We actually got into a fight today, I told him if he doesn't go to this rehab program that its over for good. I told him I won't give him another chance. He said just give me one more chance, and I said sure, that'll last 2 weeks.
How many times have I heard that? I told his mom he's not planning on going and he started saying he will, he just wants to see what the alternatives are.
She said he will never come back to her place if he doesn't go.
So we'll see what happens. He's pissing me off as we speak I wish I could just scream. Him and his ADD and his stupid comments, I just want to throw this keyboard at him. Well at least he's rolling a joint that'll calm him down. Talk about replacing one addiction for another. Loser.
Anyways I hope you're feeling a little better, have you heard from him yet?
Hi Ckat and Julie -
Good for you, Ckat! You are a really strong person to stick to your decision to not be with your boyfriend. I'm sure it has been very hard for you, but you know what the alternative is and that's no easy street either.
Julie - I couldn't help but snicker (in a sick sort of way) when I read your comment about your boyfriend rolling a joint and it almost being a relief for you. I feel the same way with my son sometimes. It seems to be the only thing that can calm him down. I talked to him again yesterday and he informed me that he is still smoking pot and never intends to quit. Like I even thought he would! Glad to hear you have confronted your boyfriend with the news that it is is over if he doesn't go to the rehab. Keep strong, girl!
CM
Good for you, Ckat! You are a really strong person to stick to your decision to not be with your boyfriend. I'm sure it has been very hard for you, but you know what the alternative is and that's no easy street either.
Julie - I couldn't help but snicker (in a sick sort of way) when I read your comment about your boyfriend rolling a joint and it almost being a relief for you. I feel the same way with my son sometimes. It seems to be the only thing that can calm him down. I talked to him again yesterday and he informed me that he is still smoking pot and never intends to quit. Like I even thought he would! Glad to hear you have confronted your boyfriend with the news that it is is over if he doesn't go to the rehab. Keep strong, girl!
CM
hello everyone,
thanks guys for your supposrt b/c i really needed this meassage board at times and you have all been so helpful. i cannot even begin to tell you how much lost souls post abt this being my only life helped me be strong.... along with the support of my family.
julie, it is hard but its also a relief.. let me tell you. my x had everything.. he was good looking, the funniest guy i've ever met, affectionate, told me how much he loved me all day long and at times made more money in a month than i make in a yr.. and imake pretty goog money. lol. BUT.... what am i going to do with all that if he's a drug addict and wasn't stopping. try and be strong enough to leave but think abt whats really holding you back. for me, one of the main things was feeling bad for him and thinking that he couldn't win this battle without me. well, he made it 28 yrs without me so he'll be fine. you have to think, he did this to himself. another thing that bothered me (selfish) was that i would leave him, he would then stop and some other girl would be there with him and live happily ever after. so stupid i was. i still love him and stop myself from crying every minute of the day but i'm sure with time, i'll get better. he was actually thinking of proposing soon.. no thank you!! i know how hard it is.. all my friends are getting married and here i am single again -- uhh. oh well, i have no regrets and still think i made the right decision. ok, give me some credit, i'm really trying here!! all i did was picture him as the father of my kids and realized that i din't want that life.
crack mom, i know its so hard for you b/c its your son. i see what my x's mom is going through and please. plesae do not blame yourself. you are amazing and God Bless you!1
lost Soul, where the heck are you -- we need you here. geesh.. how selfish can you get being MIA for so long. LOL. just kidding. its just that your wisdom helps us all!
C
thanks guys for your supposrt b/c i really needed this meassage board at times and you have all been so helpful. i cannot even begin to tell you how much lost souls post abt this being my only life helped me be strong.... along with the support of my family.
julie, it is hard but its also a relief.. let me tell you. my x had everything.. he was good looking, the funniest guy i've ever met, affectionate, told me how much he loved me all day long and at times made more money in a month than i make in a yr.. and imake pretty goog money. lol. BUT.... what am i going to do with all that if he's a drug addict and wasn't stopping. try and be strong enough to leave but think abt whats really holding you back. for me, one of the main things was feeling bad for him and thinking that he couldn't win this battle without me. well, he made it 28 yrs without me so he'll be fine. you have to think, he did this to himself. another thing that bothered me (selfish) was that i would leave him, he would then stop and some other girl would be there with him and live happily ever after. so stupid i was. i still love him and stop myself from crying every minute of the day but i'm sure with time, i'll get better. he was actually thinking of proposing soon.. no thank you!! i know how hard it is.. all my friends are getting married and here i am single again -- uhh. oh well, i have no regrets and still think i made the right decision. ok, give me some credit, i'm really trying here!! all i did was picture him as the father of my kids and realized that i din't want that life.
crack mom, i know its so hard for you b/c its your son. i see what my x's mom is going through and please. plesae do not blame yourself. you are amazing and God Bless you!1
lost Soul, where the heck are you -- we need you here. geesh.. how selfish can you get being MIA for so long. LOL. just kidding. its just that your wisdom helps us all!
C
Hi Ckat,
No you did the absolute right thing and you made me think about why I stay. One reason is because like you said, he's good looking, he looks like Eminem. I like how he dresses, and he shows me a lot of affection. And I do truly love him.
But one of the things holding me back is I feel like he'll really go overboard with the drugs without me. And just like you said, I'm worried he'll really quit and some other girl will have him. But then I realize he won't quit, he'll be the same way with her as with me.
He lost his first serious girlfriend because of drugs. Then he lost his second girlfriend because of drugs.
His mom even called me today and said..he's not coming over here without you!
Thats cause she knows if I'm there, he won't do crack.
So I decided if he doesn't get help, then I can't picture myself living like this. I can't go to work wondering if he's here doing it, or if he's late he's doing crack..scared of the relapse..what kind of life is that? He used to wonder why I was so hesitant about getting furniture with him and building a life together, well thats why. Then he'd promise he's through with crack forever and then he'd relapse. So today he's getting mad because I won't give him another chance, because I should believe in him. Like I'm gonna believe in him when this is the 50th chance I've given him! No way!
I am not going to sacrifice my future for an addict. And I know how much it sucks when you're single and everyones married, or getting married. When my last boyfriend and I broke up, a few of my friends got married and I felt left out.
But keep staying strong, you're doing good!
Julie
No you did the absolute right thing and you made me think about why I stay. One reason is because like you said, he's good looking, he looks like Eminem. I like how he dresses, and he shows me a lot of affection. And I do truly love him.
But one of the things holding me back is I feel like he'll really go overboard with the drugs without me. And just like you said, I'm worried he'll really quit and some other girl will have him. But then I realize he won't quit, he'll be the same way with her as with me.
He lost his first serious girlfriend because of drugs. Then he lost his second girlfriend because of drugs.
His mom even called me today and said..he's not coming over here without you!
Thats cause she knows if I'm there, he won't do crack.
So I decided if he doesn't get help, then I can't picture myself living like this. I can't go to work wondering if he's here doing it, or if he's late he's doing crack..scared of the relapse..what kind of life is that? He used to wonder why I was so hesitant about getting furniture with him and building a life together, well thats why. Then he'd promise he's through with crack forever and then he'd relapse. So today he's getting mad because I won't give him another chance, because I should believe in him. Like I'm gonna believe in him when this is the 50th chance I've given him! No way!
I am not going to sacrifice my future for an addict. And I know how much it sucks when you're single and everyones married, or getting married. When my last boyfriend and I broke up, a few of my friends got married and I felt left out.
But keep staying strong, you're doing good!
Julie
ok, so my x-bf called me at 4:30 am and was hysterical. i felt so bad for him. he definitely had a breakdown. he told me he lost everything and has nothing left. he is staying with his cousin and his cousins wife( she's my sisters sister -in-law) so he won't be left alone. Thank God!!
i'm done with him in a romantic way but being that we were best friends for 4 yrs before we started dating, i stll want to be there for him and do whatever i can to help. what can i do? what do i say to him? i don't want to give him false hope but i want him to be strong and get over this damn s***!! pls give me advice on what i should do.
i'm done with him in a romantic way but being that we were best friends for 4 yrs before we started dating, i stll want to be there for him and do whatever i can to help. what can i do? what do i say to him? i don't want to give him false hope but i want him to be strong and get over this damn s***!! pls give me advice on what i should do.
CKat,
Sorry its been a while, my computer keeps getting a runtime error message and crashes.
If you want to continue to be there for your ex, just let him know you want to be friends and help him but that its over in a romantic way because you just can't do this anymore, you deserve to be in a healthy relationship.
If this upsets him then I would stay away from being his friend for awhile so he has time to adjust. Even if you two stay friends, he'll probably see this as hope that you two can be together again so be careful.
Julie
Sorry its been a while, my computer keeps getting a runtime error message and crashes.
If you want to continue to be there for your ex, just let him know you want to be friends and help him but that its over in a romantic way because you just can't do this anymore, you deserve to be in a healthy relationship.
If this upsets him then I would stay away from being his friend for awhile so he has time to adjust. Even if you two stay friends, he'll probably see this as hope that you two can be together again so be careful.
Julie
Ckat and Julie and others,
i'm so glad I came on and found these boards, particularly this post. It has really open my eyes. women are stronger then we give ourselves credit for, but society and our men are always there to knock us down. if I here one more time
from my boyfriend that I am the reason he keeps relapsing, i am going to SCREAAAAMM or end up in a mental hospital. it's his problem and his solution. no one forced a needle in his arm, a straw up his nose or a pipe in his mouth. especially not ME. we are all intelligant, kind, caring and beautiful women. we deserve more. as much as we love our addict lovers, i beilieve they will destroy us. And i agree especially with the post that said "rock bottom is the grave."
it's just so hard to let go....
i'm so glad I came on and found these boards, particularly this post. It has really open my eyes. women are stronger then we give ourselves credit for, but society and our men are always there to knock us down. if I here one more time
from my boyfriend that I am the reason he keeps relapsing, i am going to SCREAAAAMM or end up in a mental hospital. it's his problem and his solution. no one forced a needle in his arm, a straw up his nose or a pipe in his mouth. especially not ME. we are all intelligant, kind, caring and beautiful women. we deserve more. as much as we love our addict lovers, i beilieve they will destroy us. And i agree especially with the post that said "rock bottom is the grave."
it's just so hard to let go....
If an addict blames someone else for their use they are just being manipulative to get the person off their back. It is a disease and we use because we have the disease and are not doing the things to keep our disease in remission.
Junem,
Thanks for that..
Maria,
I know what you mean mine always blames me, just yesterday he said well if you wouldnt' have kicked me out all those days last month I wouldn't have done crack. YA RIGHT!! I feel like screaming when he blames me too! I HAD to kick him out because it was either him using in my apartment or somewhere else in his jeep, which I prefer. I don't allow that in my apartment, I've called the police on him for using here before.
Just like Junem says, they only blame us to get us off their backs. And the only reason I'm even sticking it out with my boyfriend is because he's going to a year long rehab program right away. Otherwise, forget it, I can't do this anymore. It is hard to let go..
Thanks for that..
Maria,
I know what you mean mine always blames me, just yesterday he said well if you wouldnt' have kicked me out all those days last month I wouldn't have done crack. YA RIGHT!! I feel like screaming when he blames me too! I HAD to kick him out because it was either him using in my apartment or somewhere else in his jeep, which I prefer. I don't allow that in my apartment, I've called the police on him for using here before.
Just like Junem says, they only blame us to get us off their backs. And the only reason I'm even sticking it out with my boyfriend is because he's going to a year long rehab program right away. Otherwise, forget it, I can't do this anymore. It is hard to let go..