Hi everyone,
Well here I go again. Day one. I had like 32 days clean then I couldn't resist the 200 diladids that came walking through the door.
I changed my name from 32 because I think my history more resembles a pharmacy than time clean. (32 years a drug addict)
Time to try again. I'm a little shaky today.
Just thought I'd check in.
sorry to joke but now you are the artist formerly known as 32
correction the addict formerly known as 32
again sorry to joke i dont mean to offend i hope you didnt take it that way
but dont kick yourself. everyone falls
how does that saying go...
to err is human to forgive divine... something like that
forgive yourself and forge ahead
now you know how easy it is to fall and you have to have respect for the addiction its sneaky and wants nothing but for you to fail...
i will be praying for you find a meeting keep talking
~Adam A
correction the addict formerly known as 32
again sorry to joke i dont mean to offend i hope you didnt take it that way
but dont kick yourself. everyone falls
how does that saying go...
to err is human to forgive divine... something like that
forgive yourself and forge ahead
now you know how easy it is to fall and you have to have respect for the addiction its sneaky and wants nothing but for you to fail...
i will be praying for you find a meeting keep talking
~Adam A
Hey Phar, we had a thread going for folks that really want to look seriously at their relapses with the hope of avoiding past mistakes. I know I am supposed to pat you on the back and tell you it will be OK, and it will if you get sober. However, those who do not examine thier conduct are doomed to repeat it. The thread was addressed primarily to Shaking, but it applies to all of us. Read it if you will. We would love to hear from you.
Adam,
Thanks man, that WAS funny,it made me laugh.
I am forging ahead
Its a long road..........
Thanks man, that WAS funny,it made me laugh.
I am forging ahead
Its a long road..........
thanks August
I will look for it now
I will look for it now
i am so glad you said that i sometimes am afraid to make jokes b/c sometimes in this arena you cant tell if a joke will be a good thing or a bad thing
it is hard to tell where people are at by reading sometimes
and i definately know sometimes a joke can be bad timing
anyway i am glad you can laugh
you should check out the post from Lady M
there are some great jokes
kind of brightens the day
~Adam A
it is hard to tell where people are at by reading sometimes
and i definately know sometimes a joke can be bad timing
anyway i am glad you can laugh
you should check out the post from Lady M
there are some great jokes
kind of brightens the day
~Adam A
Adam
I was on yesterday when Lady M started it going. There are some really funny jokes happening, I have to read the ones that I missed.
There was a little ruckus yesterday, so I think I am going to agree with August and PP, and not respond to negitive posts that come from "guests", but I have a good sense of humour.
I was on yesterday when Lady M started it going. There are some really funny jokes happening, I have to read the ones that I missed.
There was a little ruckus yesterday, so I think I am going to agree with August and PP, and not respond to negitive posts that come from "guests", but I have a good sense of humour.
yeah that is probably wise
it sucks though b/c just one comment can bring the whole tone down
its a shame
if we cant laugh about some things that we go through we will go nuts
~Adam A
it sucks though b/c just one comment can bring the whole tone down
its a shame
if we cant laugh about some things that we go through we will go nuts
~Adam A
Nancy,
Don't be hard on you sweetie, it happens. You just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start again. It does not make you a bad person, it shows you are human. I know that I wish I was a robot or something, that way I would not have ups and downs, but I start thinking (scary huh), and I realize that I was living like a robot while I was in my active addiction because I had no real feeling, and I just ran with the same thoughts day in, day out. I wanted to feel human again. That is why I choose to be in recovery. I am actually having feelings again. Some good, some bad. I have to learn how to live and act all over again, and that is my scariest part.
It is like having feelings when you are a small child, I act impulsivly, tend to lean towards the dramatic flare, and I get my feelings hurt very easy. I have to wonder why I have to learn this all over again. Why can't I just go back to being who I was before I started with pain and addiction? I think this is my answer. THINK...... If I was a such a happy, stable person before my addiction, then what in the world did I just spend four and a half years of my life hiding from? Why did I let myself numb my feelings? What was I really numbing? I have decided to try to find out who I REALLY am. Not who I thought I was.
More to the point, you will find yourself, and the path that is right for you. You are a strong and caring person, and you deserve to have the best that life has to offer to you. I guess I would say to learn what your triggers are, and figure out ways to beat them. I will be praying for you, and I really wish for you to find your strength, and to be able to kick those trigger's behinds! Hang on to the fact the you made it as far as you did Nancy, and YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN!
THIS TOO SHALL PASS..... GOD BLESS NANCY
Huggles
Lady M
Don't be hard on you sweetie, it happens. You just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start again. It does not make you a bad person, it shows you are human. I know that I wish I was a robot or something, that way I would not have ups and downs, but I start thinking (scary huh), and I realize that I was living like a robot while I was in my active addiction because I had no real feeling, and I just ran with the same thoughts day in, day out. I wanted to feel human again. That is why I choose to be in recovery. I am actually having feelings again. Some good, some bad. I have to learn how to live and act all over again, and that is my scariest part.
It is like having feelings when you are a small child, I act impulsivly, tend to lean towards the dramatic flare, and I get my feelings hurt very easy. I have to wonder why I have to learn this all over again. Why can't I just go back to being who I was before I started with pain and addiction? I think this is my answer. THINK...... If I was a such a happy, stable person before my addiction, then what in the world did I just spend four and a half years of my life hiding from? Why did I let myself numb my feelings? What was I really numbing? I have decided to try to find out who I REALLY am. Not who I thought I was.
More to the point, you will find yourself, and the path that is right for you. You are a strong and caring person, and you deserve to have the best that life has to offer to you. I guess I would say to learn what your triggers are, and figure out ways to beat them. I will be praying for you, and I really wish for you to find your strength, and to be able to kick those trigger's behinds! Hang on to the fact the you made it as far as you did Nancy, and YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN!
THIS TOO SHALL PASS..... GOD BLESS NANCY
Huggles
Lady M
Nancy,
Hang in there. My relapse woke me up and I admitted compleat powerlessness.
I can't and won't have narcotics of any kind in my home and if we keep ourselves from arms reach we can't pick up. You'll be ok, your desire to be clean is greater than your desire to use or you wouldn't have posted. Now I suggest you do what ever you have to in order for you to keep out of arms reach. Welcome back, and thankyou for your honesty.
Take care.................................God bless............................................Bob
Hang in there. My relapse woke me up and I admitted compleat powerlessness.
I can't and won't have narcotics of any kind in my home and if we keep ourselves from arms reach we can't pick up. You'll be ok, your desire to be clean is greater than your desire to use or you wouldn't have posted. Now I suggest you do what ever you have to in order for you to keep out of arms reach. Welcome back, and thankyou for your honesty.
Take care.................................God bless............................................Bob
Adam,
Welcome to Pain Pills, I've read your posts over in Heroin. I'm glad to see ya'.
Juat wanted to say hi.
Take care....................................God bless....................................Bob
Welcome to Pain Pills, I've read your posts over in Heroin. I'm glad to see ya'.
Juat wanted to say hi.
Take care....................................God bless....................................Bob
Dear Lady,
Thankyou for your kind words. Being clean is really kind of new for me because I have been living in an altered state for all but the first 13 years of my life. So you learn to function as if that was normal, I was pretty good at it too.
You r'e right, its time to find out who I really am, it is much harder doing it without, but I don't have anything to lose so I will give it another try.
Stay strong, I read you all the time, and I like what you offer to others.
You are insperational. (and you even took the time to find out my name)
I'll stay in touch
Your friend, Nancy
Thankyou for your kind words. Being clean is really kind of new for me because I have been living in an altered state for all but the first 13 years of my life. So you learn to function as if that was normal, I was pretty good at it too.
You r'e right, its time to find out who I really am, it is much harder doing it without, but I don't have anything to lose so I will give it another try.
Stay strong, I read you all the time, and I like what you offer to others.
You are insperational. (and you even took the time to find out my name)
I'll stay in touch
Your friend, Nancy
hey bob
thanks for saying hello
i have been reading your posts also its good to know you
i cant say it enough but i love this place
i have been super lonely and this has been my only friend (cheesy but true)
i do have friends but most dont understand really and my best friend died last thanksgiving and my girlfriend and i broke up and havent talked in 4 days
i usually kept to the heroin board but after we broke up i just needed to talk so iwas everywhere anyone was posting...
i want to thank all of you for being on here and being as real as you dare
i am just so amazed at how supportive this place is
~Adam A
thanks for saying hello
i have been reading your posts also its good to know you
i cant say it enough but i love this place
i have been super lonely and this has been my only friend (cheesy but true)
i do have friends but most dont understand really and my best friend died last thanksgiving and my girlfriend and i broke up and havent talked in 4 days
i usually kept to the heroin board but after we broke up i just needed to talk so iwas everywhere anyone was posting...
i want to thank all of you for being on here and being as real as you dare
i am just so amazed at how supportive this place is
~Adam A
lady and nancy
you guys are so right
to find out not only who you were before, durring and after and the difference between them has been so important for me
i am not who i was when i was using and i am not who iwas before i used
i am a new man and i am just trying to figure out who that really is. its not easy i have to deal with my life i am not used to that. its been 3 years since no heroin and 1.5 yrs since completely sober. and i am still learning like it was yesterday
thanks for being here
~Adam A
you guys are so right
to find out not only who you were before, durring and after and the difference between them has been so important for me
i am not who i was when i was using and i am not who iwas before i used
i am a new man and i am just trying to figure out who that really is. its not easy i have to deal with my life i am not used to that. its been 3 years since no heroin and 1.5 yrs since completely sober. and i am still learning like it was yesterday
thanks for being here
~Adam A
Hey Adam,
No problem, I had two friends pass away this past month. One I lost died of cancer, he struggled with sobriety, he was an alcoholic and addict. Couldn't stay away from the pills and heroin. He died clean though. And I lost another friend last week to Leukemia. He was a childhood friend. I was touched when his wife called and said how proud she is and he was of me finally getting clean and sober. It's really an awakening when we find out how many people we affect when were in active addiction. I had no idea they worried about me the way they did. They as I said have been friends since childhood, there not addicts or anything so it was real touching to find out they understood and thought about me and prayed for me all these years.
Anyway, hi, welcome, and I'll talk to ya' soon.
Take care.....................................God bless.....................................Bob
No problem, I had two friends pass away this past month. One I lost died of cancer, he struggled with sobriety, he was an alcoholic and addict. Couldn't stay away from the pills and heroin. He died clean though. And I lost another friend last week to Leukemia. He was a childhood friend. I was touched when his wife called and said how proud she is and he was of me finally getting clean and sober. It's really an awakening when we find out how many people we affect when were in active addiction. I had no idea they worried about me the way they did. They as I said have been friends since childhood, there not addicts or anything so it was real touching to find out they understood and thought about me and prayed for me all these years.
Anyway, hi, welcome, and I'll talk to ya' soon.
Take care.....................................God bless.....................................Bob
Adam,
Also I'm sorry to hear about your friend passing away, and also you and your girl splitting up.
Take care................................God bless...........................................Bob
Also I'm sorry to hear about your friend passing away, and also you and your girl splitting up.
Take care................................God bless...........................................Bob
Dear Bob,
Thanks for your post to me. I'll try not to be in a position of easy acsess again.People think they are doing me a favor by offering me thier drugs.I said no for 32 days before I finally said yes.I do desire to be clean, and I need to find a way that keeps me that way. Outside of myself, this is the only place I have admitted Im a drug addict, but I think I have to take it to the next level.Thanks again for everything you have written, even when its not addressed to me, I still take your good advice and try to apply it to myself.
You friend, Nancy
Thanks for your post to me. I'll try not to be in a position of easy acsess again.People think they are doing me a favor by offering me thier drugs.I said no for 32 days before I finally said yes.I do desire to be clean, and I need to find a way that keeps me that way. Outside of myself, this is the only place I have admitted Im a drug addict, but I think I have to take it to the next level.Thanks again for everything you have written, even when its not addressed to me, I still take your good advice and try to apply it to myself.
You friend, Nancy
bob
thank you for sharing that. i am so sorry to hear about your loss. i am sure you miss them so much. that is amazing and so cool that she woudl share that with you. makes you feel like you arent alone. that people do care. i know my friend was happy for me and proud of me that i made it. i miss her so much. you dont really know how much someone means to you untill they are gone. she was my best friend but i didnt think anything could hurt this much.
i decided to really make soemthing of my life when she died to make her proud of me. i started volunteering i spoke in a highschool about my life and i am going to continue to do that. i know she would be smiling down on me and i am sure your friend woudl be too.
thank you
~Adam A
thank you for sharing that. i am so sorry to hear about your loss. i am sure you miss them so much. that is amazing and so cool that she woudl share that with you. makes you feel like you arent alone. that people do care. i know my friend was happy for me and proud of me that i made it. i miss her so much. you dont really know how much someone means to you untill they are gone. she was my best friend but i didnt think anything could hurt this much.
i decided to really make soemthing of my life when she died to make her proud of me. i started volunteering i spoke in a highschool about my life and i am going to continue to do that. i know she would be smiling down on me and i am sure your friend woudl be too.
thank you
~Adam A
